By Ann Hutchison

Dear friends, I shared last week about the small group I've been attending. Well, today I want to share a very encouraging story from that group.

There's a man in that group who's a great sharer. He's jolly, enthusiastic, and loves God. He brings plenty of ideas about faith to our group chats. He's in his sixties, and he and his wife have adult children. 

One night the group was mingling as the evening was wrapping up. Some were in the kitchen, others were in the living room, and I was sat on a couch beside this particular man and his wife. She was next to me, he was on the other side of her talking to someone else, and so she and I got quietly talking.

She began to tell me her story. It went like this:

"I actually went to church on my own for years. He wasn't interested, he never came with me. I was on my own in my faith for a long time."

She smiled at me.

I peeked around her to take another look at her hubby, a bemused look on my face. Are we talking about the same man? Then I focused on her again.

"Was that hard for you?" I asked. 

"Was it ever!" she rolled her eyes.

We shared a cheeky smile.

"So what happened next?" 

"Oh, he just gradually got there. Bit by bit, slowly things changed. He's only just started coming to this group. He would never have gone to something like this before."

I peered around her discreetly at him again.

"Amazing." I said with a big smile.

"Yes, amazing." She grinned back.

Looking at that man today, all I can see is one who loves being with God first thing in the morning, attends church, reads Christian books, plays worship music in the home for his own enjoyment, and gets his wife to do devotionals with him in the morning.

Well there we go. The joy of this story is that I will get to see this visible example weekly from now on at my small group, and they are a living breathing example of a spiritually mismatched couple who had one season then another season. 

In this ministry we need these examples, as hope is an important element of our spiritually mismatched walk. God wants us to hope because he doesn't want us to label our spouse as an impossible case (he wants us to bless our spouse not curse them, James 3:10) and he wants us to believe in His magnitude. 

It's summed up well here:

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthians 13:7, NKJV)

So, while we must learn to be content in our circumstance (very important) and love our spouse exactly where they are (also very important), hey let's seize stories like this so that we can hope and believe that there is a bigger possibility beyond what our circumstance looks like today.

Hope you liked that story. Love you all,

Ann

Ann here, and I thought the title would make you smile. Yes indeed, I have a little story to tell today.

In Monday's post I left off where my small group had said: "Do invite your husband to the Christmas dinner, we would love to meet him."

Gulp!

Now, Bryce has said to me on a number of occasions that he finds the whole 'small group' concept difficult. He has a bad experience of growing up in an unhealthy and spiritually controlling church, and from that experience he was concerned that any small group I joined would be 'cultish and weird'. Those were hard words to hear, but hey, if this is how our spouse sees these things it's probably helpful to know. If we know, then we can try to understand and try to address it. Anyway, given all of that historical 'stuff' the thought of now inviting him to a small group Christmas dinner was not easy!

I wonder, though, whether at some point we all turn a corner where things become different? Where faith or church are not so contentious any more? Anyway, the long and short of it is that I plucked up the courage and asked him.

And ..... 

He said yes. No problem at all. Just like that. He said his 'yes' so easily, in fact, that I had to leave the room to process this massive new development, which felt like breaking news.

Now here's that same scene I described on Monday where I stand at a closed front door, behind which lies a small group, and I'm wondering how on earth this thing is going to go. Except this time my husband is standing by my side.

I hold a salad, he's carrying wine, and we're ready for a good time. He's perfectly cheerful but I've got a pounding heart. Why? It's the first time we've gone through the doors of church together since those difficult church days of his. Yes, it's only a small-group dinner, but it's the church.

We enter, join the chattering crowd on the back patio of the house, and before I can barely introduce him ... off he goes. Into a happy crowd and away from my side. And so the evening continued.

Later, as the sun set, he and I were sat in a circle of comfy outdoor armchairs chatting with some of the others about church and other things. He liked them, they liked him. At that moment I looked up to see a beautiful rainbow in the dusky sunset. I took it as a wink from God and thanked Him -- Seriously, seriously thanked Him -- for this moment.

Oh my dear SUM friends, it was a fascinating turning of a corner, and I know you understand the emotions around this sort of thing. It was indeed 'breaking news' for it broke some kind of barrier. It also broke away some of my own lingering angst about our spiritual mismatch, bringing us together and showing me all over again 'God's got this'.

Some of us have spouses who do visit church or its social events; others of us find that area more tricky. But however it looks now, things can always change --

"For nothing will be impossible for God" (Luke 1:37, ESV)

Does your spouse come to church or social events or not? Let's chat more in the comments.

Love you loads,

Ann

Ann here!

With Bryce not attending church with me, one of the questions I've often asked myself is whether it would be a good thing for me to join a small group ... Or not, given my circumstances.

Like many churches, mine has a home-group scene where people meet weekly at each other's homes. The idea is they build connections, care for each other, encourage each other, and have stimulating discussions.

It sounds great, but I can already hear a collective sigh here because it's usually not so simple for us.

First, these groups are either full of couples, or full of singles, and we struggle to fit. Second, our spouse might feel we're already leaving them on a Sunday, and now we want to leave them for an additional evening each week. That's in addition to all the other time we spend on our faith activities.

In fact, years ago when I asked Bryce if he'd mind me attending a small group it turned into one of the worst conversations we've had. He expressed very clearly that yes, he would mind very much!! I wrote about that story recently, it was not a good day. 

Difficult as it is, we do need to be with believers regularly, we do need to build Christian friendships, and we do need to fight for that. The reason we need to fight is that our spiritual survival hangs on it. That said, church community can take many forms and a 'small group' may or may not be the right format depending on where things are at in our marriage. A regular coffee with two other Christian friends might be just as good and easier to fit with your spouse.

When I joined my new church last year I was invited to a small group and, despite all the past conversations between Bryce and me about this issue, this time it seemed right.

By then Bryce was no longer appalled by the idea. I'd worked hard over a number of years to balance church and our marriage and he, in turn, had done some thinking. He didn't miss the opportunity to tease me when he heard it was a 'small group' but I said "I love you", gave him a kiss and off I went.

So now we get to me ringing the doorbell and arriving at said small group ...

The door opens, I step in, and I get hugged by everybody: Eight couples in their fifties and sixties and one other lady on her own. There is tea, coffee and food. Yum! I'm keen, but I do wonder if I'll cope being around couples. I'm not sure if I'd have coped with this until now, in fact.

Armed with our tea, and now sitting, we start to talk about Sunday's sermon topic using discussion questions. Now I'm loving it because all I want is to talk about faith, all the time, and I'm always in need of this!

That was the first taste, and I didn't fall over from 'Coupledom misery'. But over the weeks, hearing about their faith lives in detail, I did begin to see just how different a SUM walk is to a couples faith walk. It is different.

I would find myself driving home thinking two things. (1) "I'm more intense than they are because of the SUM." And, (2) "I don't fit." 

Still, I continued, and the 'not fitting' became a lie I needed to dispel. Why? I am part of the Body of Christ. I fit.

As the months went on, I actually found surprising treasures. For one, I loved getting to see guys' faith. And, second, I noticed how different the gifts and experiences within this group are. That part broadened my view, and I began to feel I was understanding the Body of Christ better... Simply by sitting with people who are different to me. 

My verdict? Being part of a small group has been beneficial and I will continue, but it's worked because the timing and fit was right. I guess, as with anything, we just have to pray about it and always follow God's lead about what's right for our circumstances.

There's part two to this story, next. Hold onto your hats:

Christmas rolled around, it was time for the group's Christmas dinner, and up came this offer "Please do invite your husband, we would love to meet him!" What happened next I will share next time... 

Do you go to a small group, or have you done? I'd love to hear.

Hi Everyone, my apologies as I am going to be out-of-pocket most of the summer. I’m traveling, teaching and moving my daughter and busy nearly every weekend from now until October. Whew… So, be patient with me if I’m behind in responding to email and FB, DM’s. I will get to them. I’m traveling with my daughter, Caitie today to Las Vegas. My Elise-e-boo (granddaughter) is in her first ballet recital. It’s going to be adorable and hilarious too. I’ll post pics on my FB page if you are interested, friend me. I also share many of the things the LORD is telling me in my prayer time right now. Recently, God told me to start sharing His words. Funny thing. It appears that what He is speaking to me is also for so many others. Scroll down through the posts and let your heart be filled.

ALSO…..

I want to thank Christy and Taylor for how they have launched the SUMite Sister’s Facebook Group. It grew quickly and it has been wonderful and heart-filling to read about your lives, prayer requests and how the LORD and the SUMite Nation has made you strong and hopeful.

I also wanted to let you know that the group consensus was that it should be made a secret group in order to discuss issues with confidentiality and with respect to spouses who may also be on Facebook. So the group was changed to secret.

You can still join but now must be invited in by Christy or Taylor. If you want to join, it’s not too late. Email Taylor and let her know you are a SUMite. She will friend you on FB and then add you to the group. Please email Taylor.

I love you my friends. Refuse to listen to the lies of the enemy who wants you to give up, give in, stop reading the Word and eventually stop praying. That is the devils entire game plan. DON'T GO ALONG WITH IT. Your words of simple prayers spoken as a daughter of the King, in faith, CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING!..  How do I know, because I'm living it.

Hallelujah. Have a great weekend. See you soon. PS. Who is interested in learning more about the Courts of Heaven?

GREAT BIG HUGS, LYNN

SUMite Leaders:

All of us are leaders by the way. But for all of you who the Holy Spirit has been nagging to start a small group in your area, this is for you. Fall is around the corner and churches are starting to put their fall Bible studies and small groups together. Perhaps you are to step out a lead one.

Leading a small group in this area that you know well, is one of the most rewarding experiences in your faith walk. 

So pray about starting a small group. Read the booklet in the sidebar. Pray... Pray again. Recruit a friend to lead with you. And use the many resources that are here to help.

Study Winning Him Without Words for marriages and follow that up with Not Alone, a parenting book that will truly help your children find Jesus even in a Spiritually Mismatched home.

Here is a new resource that is adapted from Winning Him by a small group in California. My friends, we can do this unique marriage thing and do it well. Then we can help others to thrive and live in the love and power of the Kingdom.

Hugs, Lynn & Dineen

PRAYER CARDS - New Resource.

My friends, I want to tell you a story.

Right after I recommitted my life to Christ, I found a wonderful church that welcomed me and my two young daughters. I was so grateful for this place to grow in my faith, to learn more about Jesus and to see my daughters also nurtured in these areas appropriate to their age. But I felt a definite lack of connection due to my mismatched state. So I went to my pastor for guidance. His words have stayed with me ever since.

“If you don’t see what you need here, then start it.”

And that’s exactly what I did. I started a women’s ministry and connected with other women who wanted to grow in their faith. And amazingly but not surprisingly, one of the women who joined our little group turned out to be spiritually mismatched like me.

Many times in 2013 I sensed Abba was raising this amazing community up for a reason and that the Great Harvest is part of this. Many of you shared that you sensed the same things.

As 2014 has started I'm beginning to see more pieces put into place, and I think many of you are too. I want to share something I read in the last chapter of James Goll's book, Lifestyle of a Prophet, which I just finished:

"The is and will be a great move of the Holy Spirit among women. Many women will be released into the fivefold ministry and they will be used in worldwide revival and reformation, which is upon us. Ultimately, the issue will not primarily be doctrinal. It will be one of necessity due to the volume of need for laborers for the harvest. The coming period could easily be termed "The Era of Women Preachers."

When I read this I knew we were and are part of this, my friends—a "knowing" that came from the Holy Spirit and made my body tremble in the light of its truth. So much of what I'd seen, heard and sensed seemed to fall into place like pieces of a puzzle.

But the puzzle is far from finished. We, the SUMites, stand in a wonderful place of opportunity. I believe Abba is calling us to be the voices in our churches, to help our pastors, elders, deacons and our church family to see the growing need for so many like us who stand spiritually alone. We must help our church families see that to be strong in Christ, we must rally around each other and partner with God to fill the gaps.

In leading a life group in my home church, I’ve learned that we come in all shapes and situations—married, divorced, widowed, single. The enemy wants to make us think we are alone and can't find a place in church. Abba says we are stronger together, and if we don't see a place for ourselves in our church, then make one!

All that He has poured into you is not just yours alone. He intends that you share it with others who are on the same journey as you are. Help those still trapped in the enemy's lies to find the truth.

• To replace the lie that their marriage isn't blessed with the truth that their faith sanctifies their prebelievers (1 Cor. 7:14) and that Abba truly does bless us and those we love right where we are.
• To reject the lie that it is up to us alone to teach our children about Christ and lead them to faith. One, we partner with the Creator of the Universe and He has already invested His Son in our children (when we accept Christ, that investment pays out not only to Jesus but to us as well!). And two, as part of a community, we are supported, encouraged and mentored to help us raise godly children.

Look at this wonderful testimony from Martha (we loved it so much we included it in our book, Not Alone:

"My girls always loved church. I believe that was because of their Sunday School teachers, youth leaders, mission trips, church socials, etc. They all made such a huge impact on my girls. In fact, Heather, my youngest daughter, wrote a paper in college about the most influential person in her life, and it was her youth pastor. Imagine that—it wasn’t me (smile). All that to say, please encourage young mothers to make the effort to take their children to church, even when their husbands don’t go. I wanted so many times to give up, especially when the kids were small. But the influence of the kind of people I mentioned above is forever planted in a child’s heart. I love the song with the words, “Thank you for giving to the Lord, I am a life that was changed.” Though my kids and yours didn’t have a dad who influenced them spiritually, you and I were not alone; God sent us some help. That’s why I would scream from the rooftops to young mothers, “Get over yourself and go!”

What have I found to be true in stepping out in faith to start such a group?

• Just as I am privileged to join with others and pray for them, I am prayed for too. I am understood and supported in ways unique to my situation, yet shared by those in my group. I "get" them and they "get" me.
• My group helps fill that prayer partnership that I don't have (yet) with my prebeliever. I can't pray with my husband about our financial situation or the challenges with our children. But I can with my group and know that even between meetings they are praying for my needs just as I am praying for theirs.
• As wives and mothers, we do not have to stand alone in contending for our prebelievers and our children. We have friends to stand with us, and we are stronger because we are standing for Jesus, together.

As I said, I believe we have the opportunity to make a shift in our churches that will not only bring more awareness there as we make our voices heard, but will also shift our environments from the lies of "doing it on our own" to the truths of God's love and strength rallied around us in community—communities right in our own churches that allow us to share and encourage and support just as we are encouraged and supported. This is Abba's heart for us and for the church.

If your church doesn't offer a small or life group for those who walk alone in faith, pray about starting one, especially if this is something you've wanted to see happen. Abba may be calling you to be the one, to be an Esther in your church to bring life and hope to those walking in similar places.

Take what you are learning and gaining here into your church. If you don't see a group for you, pray and ask Abba if He intends you to start one. If so, know that He will equip you and we want to help you too. Lynn and I set up resources and small groups pages to help you get started. Abba has also gifted us with a wonderful helper, Sue Conklin, who has offered her years of experience and administrative gifting to help too (go to the small groups page to contact her).

If not a small group, consider mentoring a new wife or young mom. This is the model we see in Titus 2 and is part of God's plan to strengthen His church. Or partner with one or two others and commit to pray and encourage each other specifically for your marriage and parenting.

My dear friends, this is not just about our desire to live effective and empowered lives for Jesus. It’s also about how we can help build a firmer foundation for the generations to come. I want that for my daughters and especially my grandchildren to come. I want to leave a legacy that will continue to grow in the generations to come.

And please know that Lynn and I started exactly in these places of need, searching for a place in our churches. We were and are just two ordinary women who sought Jesus for our needs and He turned it into to much more. Abba doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called.

Are you being called?

If you are feeling a nudge to start something in your church, or you’re not sure or maybe you’re afraid, leave a comment. I want to pray for you. This is my heart’s desire for you, my friends, and for this ministry to reach more of those in need.

Be shiney for Jesus!