An Open Letter To My Daughter - The Shades of Mr. Grey
February 08, 2015
You are becoming an amazing young woman right before my eyes. As you work through your second year of college, I see your heart grow for people and God. You’ve had your first boyfriend, discovered living on your own, set your own schedule and have achieved exceptional grades from your Professors. I am proud and humbled.
As I watch you mature, I recognize that you are stepping into this crazy world with the hope and anticipation that every college-aged woman holds. I look at you and can see some of myself, some of my past, I catch a glimpse of my young self, now however through the eyes of an aged and maturing woman. And this week, in particular, with the release of the movie, Fifty Shades of Grey, I’m moved with love and hope to write to you from that perspective, a wiser and more mature wife and woman.
The themes of this particular movie have stirred up a lot of my emotions and memories. What has been hidden in my soul has been brought to the surface and has fueled my prayers and hopes for your future marriage. This letter may be difficult to read as I will share things that sometimes moms don’t talk about with their daughters. What I have to say may be uncomfortable, you may be slightly embarrassed. However, I know you well. I know you are strong and mature and that you trust me to share what will help you and that I always pass insight to you with love and gentleness.
Caitie, as my only daughter I want many things for your life. And in particular I want you to have a happy and fulfilled marriage. So today I want to share with you some thoughts that I pray you will consider and take deeply into your heart.
Caitie, you know I have a past. I lived for years in the Prodigal Nation and was very far from God. It was during those dark years when I was only a handful of years older than you are now that I found myself in situations where I compromised myself, my body, my heart and soul through sex that I knew was wrong for me. Although I didn’t participate in anything even close to what the movie, Fifty Shades of Grey depict, I did just enough. And here is what I want you to hear; Today even after 23 years of marriage, I’m still affected by my experiences.
What I want you to know and what I wish I had known all those years ago is how pornography, along with compromises in your personal limits in the bedroom will affect you at the core of your being as well as have a negative impact on your own marriage. It may not seem like a big deal right now but it’s ten years from now when you have been married for several years that you will experience deep regret and insecurity because you let images and sexual practices such that are in this movie into your soul.
You know that I love your Dad very deeply and you know we have a strong marriage, yet even today the Lord is still revealing lies I believe that have power in my own intimacy in our marriage. I didn’t fully realize the insecurity that lingered in my heart just because I went a little past my comfort zone in my crazy and young years.
So, today I want to tell you a few truths that I pray you will cling to in the years directly ahead of you. 1) You can’t un-see that. Explicit sexual images remain in your mind forever. They create a skewed and unholy viewpoint of intimacy in marriage. This movie creates a new acceptance of abusive sexual practices in a relationship. Caitie, it’s not normal. It’s not good. It’s harmful. And it’s ten years down the road in your own marriage, when you are pressing deeper into your faith, that these images and practices will torment you.
2) Mr. Grey is a myth. Men like this aren’t interested in your heart and your long-term well-being. They won’t marry you and it’s likely they want more and more explicit and deviant sex.
3) Talk in depth with your future potential husband and come to a mutual place where you can feel absolutely safe with him to be honest, naked and free from condemnation with regard to the bedroom.
4) Don’t believe our corrupt society that this behavior in the bedroom is normal. Don’t believe the lie that all young couples are practicing these things behind Mr. Grey’s locked door. AND absolutely don’t think that if you do compromise that it won’t have a lasting impact on your self-esteem, self-respect, on your respect for your spouse and the overall health of your marriage.
You hold a precious gift in your hand right now. Your self-respect and honor. Don’t trade it for the lies of satan. Entering into the marriage bed without all those ugly images and suggestions of bizarre sex will give you an amazing gift. A life-time of fantastic sex and intimacy with one man. That gift is more precious than all the gold in the world.
I adore you. And I know your personal moral center would not, and has not, entertained any of this kind of cultural darkness and I pray that you always remain in that center. Thanks for reading my letter. In some ways this letter is not only for you but for a young woman of many years ago who wishes someone would have share the truth with her.
You have my heart. And know this, I have been praying for you future spouse since you were born. I can’t wait to meet him one day. Love, Mom
To read my other post about Fifty Shades of Grey, click here: Shades of Grey and a Hound from Hell
And here is one more article that I found true and timely: I Thought Watching Porn With My Partner Would Save Our Relationship