Are You Emotionally Mature? Your Spouse?
October 18, 2022
Lynn Donovan here today for a chat.
I have a question to get started. Have you ever looked at someone (meaning your spouse :grin:) and wanted to say, “Grow up already!”
I’ve been doing a bit of research about emotional maturity, and it’s been enlightening. As I consider marriage relationships, I want to point out what Psychology Today considers markers of emotional maturity:
- A mature person is able to keep long-term commitments.
- A mature person is unshaken by flattery or criticism.
- A mature person possesses a spirit of humility.
- A mature person’s decisions are based on character, not feelings.
- A mature person expresses gratitude consistently.
- A mature person knows how to prioritize others before themselves.
- A mature person seeks wisdom before acting. A mature person is teachable.
As I read through this list, I realized that an emotionally mature individual is living out Biblical principles. Each of these maturity markers are biblically based.
Now here is a way to gage your emotional maturity and that of others with whom you are in relationship.
Maturity fills the salt-shakers and it wipes down the shelves in the fridge when they’re sticky. It empties the kitty litter before stalagmites form. Maturity understands that there can be one junk drawer in a house, but not 27.
Maturity doesn’t text, type, game or take calls when in conversation with others.
Maturity backs up its files, goes to a doctor or a clinic when it’s in pain, and picks up the tab when it goes out to dinner with its parents.
Maturity understands that nobody wants the back story of why something didn’t get done because it knows that what matters is the effective completion of a task.
In contrast, immaturity has an extensive list of prefab excuses for why it couldn’t make its deadline. Immaturity uses every tummy ache, flu, headache, fallen arch, hangnail or breakup as an excuse to slip the knot of accountability. Immaturity, then, doesn’t understand why life is always “so unfair, like, always” when it offers criticism instead of condolences for failure.
Immaturity whines; immaturity rolls its eyes; immaturity takes everything personally; immaturity accepts no responsibility; immaturity sprays Febreze on clothes instead of washing them; immaturity shows up late and leaves early.
In short, immaturity is spoiled. And what is spoiled doesn’t ripen. It goes bad early, gets bitter and withers on the vine. (G. Barreca at Psychology Today)
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. – John 15:5
As believers when we choose to follow the precepts from the Word, we will walk as mature sons and daughters. THAT is the entire purpose of our life on earth. Mature sons and daughters of the Most High God.
I’m so glad to have grown up with you, my friends.
If you are dealing with an immature spouse, get help. Talk with a counselor and gain skills, gain boundaries with consequences, gain confidence in your maturity. And you can stand firm in your identity that you are emotionally mature because of your faith in Christ.
Love you my friends. I bless you today. In Jesus name. Hugs, Lynn