Hi Everyone, TWO AWESOME THINGS TO SHARE TODAY. 

First, the Lord showed up strong and right now Mike is on his way to recovery. Hallelujah. I'll keep you posted.

Second, I want to share an interview with Amy Morgan. Her fabulous ministry is The Marriage Initiative. And it's filled with so much helpful marriage information. The link is below. But I want to share some of the feedback from a listener about the interview. I hope you are encouraged in your unequally yoked marriage. 

(From a listener)

"I wanted to thank you again for the invite to the marriage initiative presentation. It was timely and there were things that were said that I so needed to hear. Lynn Donovan's experience is so similar to mine in some ways, and it was so inspiring to hear how God used her challenges with an unbelieving husband to change not only her own marriage but to positively impact others going through the same. It was so touching. I felt so seen and so much of what she talks about I have experienced. It hits at a hard time for me. This year has been such a struggle. Homeschooling hasn't been what I had hoped and has negatively impacted my mental health and not been the best for (her daughter) either. I've been down and unmotivated for some time now, and the transitions and moving have put me in a very "sad, stuck" place. It has affected every part of my life, including my walk with God. Hearing this today, and what to do about it, was very encouraging. I loved when Lynn said to step up bravely to be the spiritual leader of your family if your husband cannot or will not. I had not heard it put like that before and I needed to hear it. I also loved how she encouraged us by saying we become strong warriors in prayer and spiritual warfare as a spouse to an unbeliever. It made me realize how important it is to stay in prayer and scripture, to not give up, that I'm not alone. (Her husband) is a very "hardened" person and I often struggle with the way he perceives life and people and purpose, and this presentation just reminded me that I'm not doing this alone, that God is with me. 

I immediately purchased a copy of Winning Him without Words and I'm looking forward to reading it. 

Here is the link to the broadcast on YouTube.

Hi friends, Ann here.

This week I did something fun: I went on the radio here in New Zealand to talk about 'How to continue to be strong in your faith when your husband or wife is not a believer.'

New Zealand, where I live, only has 4 million people, but nevertheless there are a good few SUMites who live here. Of course, most of you live in the USA, UK, South Africa, and Australia, along with other parts of the world. Isn't it just amazing how we can congregate online, despite our diversity!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this 'Kiwi' chat at Radio Rhema, with Diane Campbell who's pictured here. You can have a listen by clicking on the link below: 

https://www.rhema.co.nz/shows/show/article/spirituallyunequalmarriage

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Ann

It’s an honor and privilege to share with the listeners on the Equipped show with Chris Books, Moody Radio, the amazing journey I took marching around Jericho and my unsaved spouse's faith journey. Chris is an amazing host and our conversation covered many aspects of living and praying for our unsaved spouses.

VISIT THE BROADCAST PAGE: Praying For Your Unsaved Spouse.
Chris Brooks & Lynn Donovan

The broadcast interview will be Tuesday, July 7 from 1 to 2 pm CENTRAL; 11-12 noon PACIFIC time. Visit the station and listen in: Moody Radio

Welcome to all who have come to this church without walls, to find love, encouragement and hope for your marriage.

If you are new, grab your copy of Marching Around Jericho, and start your march this week. Also, visit our new here page and find our community. Leave a prayer request in the comments and we will pray for you. You can connect in a number of ways through the blog comments, on Facebook, Instagram.

If you want more information and free resources to help you on your march visit, MarchingAroundJericho.com. Click on the Equipping center.

I’m deeply thankful to Chris Brooks and Moody Radio for allowing me to share the hope I have. And to share that we can learn to love, live and thrive in faith and our marriages while we pray for our spouse’s salvation

Love and hugs, Lynn Donovan

Start your march today, MarchingAroundJericho.com

You can find more of my Kingdom teaching at lynndonovan.com

Hello SUMite Family: 

It’s a sunny Sunday afternoon here at the Donovan Clan House as I write this post. I’ve just returned home from the movie theater where I watched the movie, Son of God. 

I’m in my office alone right now, a rare accomplishment these days as my son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter who is almost a year old, moved in recently. It’s quiet at this moment and I’m able to hear the voice of the Lord as He is speaking so much to me. 

He’s pointing out that He just answered some long spoken prayers of my heart. Some of these deep longings I have prayed over for as long as I’ve been married. And as I sit here and consider what happened today I’m moved to tears again. Let me explain. 

Since my marriage to my “pre-believer” husband 22 years ago this Friday, I have so desperately wanted him to be part of my faith life. I’ve wanted so much to sit together in church. To discuss the Bible and learn about Jesus together. I’ve wanted to look like all the other families at church. I wanted to fit in. But for 22 years I have often felt like the odd ball, the third wheel, and like I will never rest comfortably in the family of God. 

But today….. Oh TODAY….. What God can do with an ordinary day. You see, I attended the movie, Son of God, with “my family.” A real family that loves me and who also loves Jesus. It wasn’t my husband but God sent me a family anyway. There were five of us who walked into the theater together. An eclectic group of family members who all wanted to go to the movie with me. ….. with me….. Can you believe it? 

Two of the women were 25 years old. Who knew young women wanted to hang out with a grandma. There were two women that were in their 30’s and then me… Ahem. I’m a bit older. But I am overwhelmed that God has put a family around me that wants to share my faith. Who wants to go to see a movie about Jesus. Who loves Jesus and loves me, who loves one another. God whispers to me, “Lynn, I know you have surrendered many of your hopes and wishes but I have given them all back to you and more.” 

Gulp…. And Wow.. 

And how I know they are truly my family members is because we were supposed to attend the movie last weekend but I ended up taking my daughter to urgent care last Sunday instead. 

They waited….. 

They waited for me. They waited for a woman who is twice their age. A woman who is ordinary. A woman who wants to love Jesus and love people. 

I’m undone by the love of God. I’m undone by the love of this unlikely family God has given me. I’m undone by my family here in the House of SUM. 

My friends, as I sit at my computer contemplating it all, I hear the voice of God speaking to you, “My daughter, my son, you have also surrendered many of your dreams. Your hopes have been crushed and you perceive no way out of the pit you are in. I see the sacrifices, the pain you have endured and the lost and broken family that you crave. But, I promise you that your prayers are urgent in my ears. My Son paid the price for your redemption and the redemption of your family. And I declare that by His suffering, your redemption is full. All that you have surrendered, all that has been taken from you by the enemy….. WILL BE RESTORED.” 

My friends, today is living proof that God restores. I have a family who shares my faith! 

And as I write to you now I feel as though God has opened the heavens and shouts:

For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2) 

I watched the movie earlier today and nearly cried through most of it. I cried because to me, it’s not a story. It’s not just a movie. It’s real…. Jesus IS the Son of God. He is real. He lived. He was tortured, crucified, died and rose for ME… It was for the joy set before Him that He went to the cross to give us a family. A family that will be ours forever. It was for the joy set before Him that we are healed of our loneliness, our diseases, our bitterness, our broken hearts. It was for the joy set before him that he died for us and for our unsaved spouses. 

Oh Glory….. Let’s fall more in love with our Jesus. He LIVES! He is our restorer. He will pursue our unsaved family members relentlessly and He gives us a family, even an unlikely one. 

The blessings and answers to prayer often arrive in an unlikely and unexpected manner. Look around you. What is He doing in your life today? The Son of God has changed everything in my life. He is the Word. The Alpha and Omega. The Beginning and the End. He is my family and my redemption. 

He is my hope. 

He is love. 

I adore you my family of SUMites. I care for you. I love you. And if I knew I could save just one person from the fires of hell, I too, would go to the cross. May you today be anointed with an overflowing love and power of the Holy Spirit this very hour. Love, your unlikely family member, Lynn

PS. Listen in to our NEW interviews at FamilyLife. We talk about some very interesting topics. Click here.

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Good Friday Morning my friends, 

I want to tell you what happened when I asked Dineen to marry me. *grin*. I didn’t really ask her to marry me but I did do something extraordinary. But I must move the end of that story to next Friday. 

Today I want to give you a heads up. Dineen and I flew to Arkansas in January. We were privileged to be guests again on FamilyLife Radio with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine. These interviews were unlike all of our others. 

Now It’s hard for me to remember all the topics we discussed but I know we tackled pornography and marriage. The difficulty and hope for raising kids. I know I had a very unexpected response to this question: What would you say to an unbelieving spouse who is listening to this broadcast right now. 

Dineen and I have very different answers but when you put them together they were a perfect reply to this question. 

Please find a station near you and listen in beginning Monday, March 10. Then again on Tuesday and our final interview is on Wednesday. 

Here is a link to the FamilyLife site. 

Here is a link to LAST YEAR’S interviews (click here). 

And more than anything, please pray for those who are feeling alone in their mismatched marriage. There have been so many private emails this week that have torn my heart. There are so many who need a fresh word of hope from our Great King. And pray for all the newbies who will find this amazing family on the web next week. 

I love you my friends. Have an amazing week in His Presence. Hugs, Lynn

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{Lynn} On Wednesday I will get on a plane and head toward Virgina. On Thursday I will be interviewed about our book, Not Alone. Gang, I would be so thankful to have a word whispered to our Lord for me.  

Here is some information from Molly who is the Senior Guest Coordinator for the 700 Club. She has been so great to me. Thanks Molly:  

700 Club Interactive is a live web-cast we produce from 11:00 – 11:30 am ET (10:00 am CT, 9:00 am MT and 8:00 am PT) so your friends can log onto www.cbn.com to see you live.  Then it will be broadcast nationally on the ABC FAMILY cable network on Monday, December, 11 at 9:30 am ET/PT and at 8:30 am CT.  Mountain time depends on the local cable system.  If the cable system takes the ABC FAMILY East coast feed, it will be seen at 7:30 am MT.  If the  cable system takes the West coast feed, it will be seen at 10:30 am MT.   After this program is broadcast on Dec 11, it will be posted on www.700ClubInterctive.com.  ~Molly

Thank you from the bottom of my heart because I truly am a bit nervous. I hope to post photos and updates on our Facebook page of the ziplocks or the random acts of kindness or the opportunities to share the Kingdom Gospel while on my travel across America and back. Love you. Taking each of you with me in my heart. Hugs, Lynn

Hi Everyone, 

Today Dineen and I will be flying to Little Rock, Arkansas. We will be meeting Dennis Rainey, President of FamilyLife and host of the syndicated broadcast, FamilyLife Today as well as the co-host, Bob Lepine, Chief Content Officer. We’ve been invited to a taped interview that will be two hours long, and will be recorded at the offices in Little Rock, AR.   During that time we are privileged to discuss our latest book, “Winning Him Without Words.” 

On Tuesday we will spend the morning with the staff of FamilyLife Today in their chapel service where Max Lucado will bring the message. After that we will join the broadcast team, Max and his wife along with another guest for lunch. (I still can’t believe this)

After lunch we will head into the studio to share the hope we have for our marriage, for your marriage and for a world who needs hope through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 

We are beyond astonished over this opportunity and filled with a humble gratitude to our Lord.   

To think we have another tremendous opportunity to reach out to another believer who feels lonely, lost and stuck in a mismatched marriage and then point them to the hope of Jesus, simply leaves me undone. 

My friends, as you may remember, I was quite nervous recording our interview at Focus on the Family. So, may I meekly ask for your prayers today? Pray that Jesus fills our hearts, minds and tongues with His words and that all nervousness will flee during our interview tomorrow. Pray for our travel and all the details that must happen. Pray for this vital ministry, FamilyLife Today, as they are reaching people with the love of Christ. 

I know many of you first found us through a radio interview through broadcasts such as Focus on the Family and The Moody Broadcast Network. Many of you found us through a desperate internet search or you found us through our book, Winning Him Without Words. 

So today, as we travel together toward Little Rock, it would thrill our hearts if you would leave in the comments how you came to find our humble community here on the web. Dineen and I will be checking in regularly and we will pray for you by name. 

We love all of you so much with a genuine heart. I long for the day that I will meet you face-to-face. 

Okay, see you in the comments. 

AND, on Friday I will share with you my daily worship experience and how that worship brings me into God's astonishing and life-changing presence. If you struggle in this area, I KNOW this post will inspire you. AND, I’m all about the practical. We will share with each other practical ideas to help one another in this area. 

BIG hugs from the skies, Lynn and Dineen too! 

PS. For our travel updates, tales and escapades, follow me on Twitter or Facebook.

Hi My friends, Lynn here.

I don't know how many of you receive our monthly newsletter but in December I shared a significant event in my life. At the time I felt as though my unequally yoked journey came full circle. To read that story, click here.  To sign up for our monthly newsletter, which will be going out this week, visit our book website, here.

The story recaps a time in my early marriage where I felt alone, sad, hopeless and confused just like many of you have felt or feel. I sat at my kitchen table and tuned in the local Christian radio station to a broadcast that saved my life, my marriage. It was Focus on the Family and Nancy Kennedy was sharing her unequally yoked story.

I found hope. 

Well in two weeks from today, I come full circle in that it’s my turn to tell some young married woman who is sitting sad and alone at her kitchen table that she can thrive in her spiritually mismatched marriage. That she can fully place her hope in our life-changing God.  

Dineen and I are humbled and thrilled to be guests on the broad cast Monday and Tuesday, March 26 & 27, 2012. We will be sharing thoughts from our book and other stories. (We talked for over an hour with the broadcast team. Can you believe it? Us two girls can talk *grin*) 

And my friends it thrills me to tell you that the people at Focus on the Family greatly understand and have sincere compassion and concern for those of us who live mismatched. So much so that they have invited Dineen and me to be guest contributors to a LIVE EVENT through the Online Focus Community. 

This is where anyone in the community can post a question and we will be online to answer it. We are hoping to receive questions about tithing, church attendance, raising kids in an unequally yoked home, etc. 

So this is where we need you, our community. We want you to also help us by answering the questions and asking them as well. It’s in this kind of community that real help and healing happen. 

Please, please save a few minutes for us on Tuesday, March 27 from 5-9 p.m. Eastern, 4-8 p.m. Central, 3-7 p.m. Mountain, and 2-6 p.m. Pacific. Click on: Relationships and Marriage under the Community Directory. And ask us a question. Join one of the streams of conversation and share what you have learned. Give someone hope. 

You will need to sign up to participate. It takes only a few minutes. Please visit Focus on the Family, Online Community – RIGHT NOW- and sign up. We need to show Focus and the world that there is an enormous need for ministry to men and women like us. And we also want Focus to know that all their time, effort, and funding they invested in our community is meeting a need and is successful. 

Then on March 26 & 27 take 30 minutes to listen in to the broadcast, click here. Please pray for us. I was especially nervous and don’t remember at this point what I said. Just pray that the words we spoke bring hope and honor our Lord Jesus Christ. Pray that those out there who haven’t found our community, who are lonely and feeling defeated finally, hear Jesus telling them that they can do this thing. This unequally yoked marriage and do it well. Pray they will join us. 

Okay, head over and sign up now. Leave your name in the comments that you joined the community at Focus. We are thankful beyond words of all of you who walk this crazy, mixed up journey with us. And one day, we WILL all meet together for a victory shout and a giant group hug before the throne of glory. 

Thank you for loving Dineen and me in this way. Be blessed, Lynn

Join me today as we take a sensitive look at divorce and remarriage. Hugs, Lynn

Grace CaféMarriage Divorce and Remarriage 01/23 by CWA Radio | Blog Talk Radio.

Join Marsha Harwood & Julie Hunsucker at Grace Café ~ Sharing Life, Hope and a Cup of Coffee; a place for women to grow in grace together, every Monday @ 11:00 Eastern Time 8:00 am Pacific on CWA Radio.

Marsha and Julie are joined by Lynn Donovan for a frank discussion about marriage, divorce and remarriage. 

Isn't marriage supposed to make us happy? Is divorce the only option? Struggling with feelings of guilt and shame? 

Whether you are happy or unhappy in your marriage, divorced or considering divorce, this program is for you. Maybe you know someone who is going through a divorce or is divorced. Marsha, Julie and Lynn want to help you help your friend with compassionate and biblical ways to bring hope, healing and comfort in a difficult situation.

Lynn's websites:

http://www.spirituallyunequalmarriage.com

http://www.winninghimwithoutwords.com

And on Facebook:

 https://www.facebook.com/SpirituallyUnequalMarriage

Grace Café on FB -http://www.facebook.com/GraceCafe

We've talked here before about extramarital affairs starting on Facebook. One of our readers, John Padilla, ran into such a person try to initiate a relationship with him despite his status as married. John has so graciously agreed to share how he handled this experience and protected his marriage. Here's his account of what happened and what he did about it:

Recently, I received message via Facebook from a female claiming to be a God fearing woman. She then went on to attempt to seduce me into meeting with her to see if we had anything in common.

Earlier in the email she stated that she had read my Facebook profile. I felt that certainly had she done so, she would have noted that I am a married man. I decided that I would respond to this individual and did so while copying, not only my wife, but a handful of individuals who I feel hold me accountable in my walk with the Lord.

I stressed to her that I am crazy about my wife and that I am proud to wear my wife’s ring.

I then advised this female to change her association and replace her current circle of friends with those who can show her what it is truly like to live under the instruction of the Lord’s Word and to encourage and uplift her. I also suggested that she avoid being a foothold for Satan and to no longer attempt to be a temptation for others to stray. I recommended that she read Matthew 18:6 in the hopes that it will help her to see what doing so might result in for her and to also meditate upon Psalm 119:36.

In all honestly, I feel have a pretty good grasp on where this woman is currently at in her life. It is what I call a superficial Christian. I know. I lived that way for years. Claiming to know the Lord when in fact I knew nothing about Him nor having anything even closely resembling a relationship with Christ. My prayer for her will be that she gains an intimate relationship with Jesus prior to seeking a relationship with anyone else. Certainly not someone who is married to another.

My prayer will also be for those whom she may decide to tempt in the future. That they will have the strength to resist.

Satan will use who and what he can to capitalize on the weakness of the flesh. He is a liar and a thief.

Remember to always take captive of every thought. Also, pray for wisdom and discernment.

The way John included his wife and trusted people to hold him accountable is wise and honors his marriage. 

Thank you for sharing this with us, John! 

In a word, YES!

Today we are sharing a recent interview where Dineen and I (Lynn) talked with Lynne Ford of the Mid-Morning Show at WBCL in Ohio.

The interview covered many of the common struggles we face living uequally yoked. Turn on your speakers, get out the ironing or wash the dishes, listen in on your lunch break at work and be encouraged. 

Dineen is returning from vacation and I am heading out to Wisconsin. Have a blessed week. I will catch up with you on the road. Hugs, Lynn

MidMorning with Lynne Ford

ALSO, THERE ARE NEW PRINTABLE FREEBIES ON OUR BOOK WEBSITE. Please take advantage of these. Share them with your Bible study groups, your small groups and any woman who needs encouragement in her marriage.

Visit www.winninghimwithoutwords.com Click on the Freebies and Resources tab. Lynn 

It is a delight and a privilege to welcome Nancy Kennedy to Spiritually Unequal Marriage once again.

Originally, from California Nancy lives in central Florida with her husband, Barry. Her two daughters, Alison and Laura, are grown. Alison is married with one daughter, Caroline (age  8 ½). Laura is going to college part-time in Charlotte, N.C. and working full-time.

Nancy works as a features writer and religion columnist for the Citrus County Chronicle in Florida. She also writes books and speaks at Christian women’s retreats. She is a member of Seven Rivers Presbyterian Church in Lecanto, Florida.

_____

I have shared in previous posts here at SUM that Nancy’s book, When He Doesn’t Believe, greatly impacted my heart and marriage. Her work contributed enormously to the healing of my marriage in the early years. As a young woman I struggled to navigate my faith with my unsaved husband and was deeply unhappy and desperately searching for help. It was in the early years that I picked up Nancy’s book from the local Christian book store and found comfort. Her wisdom and practicality filled me with hope and encouraged me to move forward in my marriage and faith.

I thought it would be fun to take a look at a couple of the chapter’s in her book and ask Nancy to expand on a few of the subjects covered.

Lynn: Nancy, we are delighted to have you join us again here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and giving of yourself to serve the Kingdom of God. You honor Jesus with your life and heart.

I was thinking it might be fun for our readers to just get a quick update on your life and marriage. How are you and Barry doing? How are the girls?

Nancy:  Barry and I celebrated our 35th anniversary this past May. He retired about five years ago and four years ago this month he had open-heart surgery, quadruple bypass. His heart surgeon was a doctor who was also a member at my church and got to know Barry well. Six months after that Barry had another surgery with the same doctor and then another few heart procedures after that. So, he had a rough couple of years for a while. Oh, and the girls are fine.  

Lynn: Nancy, chapter ten, Lord, Hear my Prayer, particularly resonates with me. I can testify to the truth that our motives in prayer are crucial. Can you share with us your thoughts on how we can pray for our spouse?

Nancy:  I know more about how NOT to pray than how to. I believe that God uses the prayers of His people, but He doesn't NEED them in order to work in our lives. I think that our prayers are more for us than anything else. That said, God tells us to pray, to ask and believe.

I started out praying that God would convict my husband of his sin, but it was more of a "Get him, God!" Today, I would pray that people would understand how great their sin is in comparison to God's great mercy and grace. That's my prayer for a lot of people, me included, that we would see God's great mercy and our need for it because that's what draws us to Him. 

When we pray for our husbands, or anyone, I think God's purpose is to change us, soften our hearts, and also surprise and delight us when He answers. 

Lynn: You and Barry have been married for 35 years.  Share with us how you remain hopeful over these many years. 

Nancy:  Just before Barry's first heart surgery he prayed with his doctor! He said he knew it was time, that the day of his surgery might be his last. It was awesome! I was terrified in the waiting room, but I knew that I would see him in eternity. But that was 30 years in the waiting. I kept hopeful all those years because I believe that God is sovereign, that He knows what He's doing (and that He's just not done doing it), that He never says "Oops" and that as long as a person has breath, there's still reason to hope.  

Lynn: In Chapter five, Being Perfect vs. Being Real, you talk about the many women who feel like they must always be the perfect example of a Christian in their marriage. At the end of the chapter you offer this; Think on These Things: Think about how easily Christians fall into the “Maintaining a good witness” trap. Can you give us an example from your own marriage where living in authenticity proved more powerful than the pretense of being a perfect Christian?

Nancy:  I write a weekly faith column for a daily newspaper in Florida and in it I often express my doubts and confess my sins and shortfalls. I admit freely that at times I don't love God the way I think I should and that I struggle with going to church sometimes. I've had very proper churchy people call or write and scold me for not "maintaining my witness" but I've had more people stop me in the market to say they're not Christians, but that I've shown them that maybe they could be. Too often we show the world that we're uptight and uncomfortable in our own skin as Christians. It makes outsiders think that Jesus makes a person weird. What Jesus should do (and does!) is make a person secure—secure enough to let people see our struggles with sin and obedience. That authenticity is what attracts people to the Lord. 

Lynn:  One day in heaven, you and I will sit together and share the stories of how our Lord orchestrated the astonishing in His relentless pursuit of our husbands soul. What is one story that shines in your memory?

Nancy: My “pigs fly” memory. I had almost given up thinking my husband would ever want to make a move toward faith. I told a friend, “It’ll happen when pigs fly,” in other words, never. Then came Christmas Eve, I think it was 2004. It was the first year neither of my girls were home for Christmas and Barry worked out of town. I didn’t expect him home until Christmas Day, so I made arrangements to be a greeter at all three of our Christmas Eve services. As I stood in the church lobby area before the second service, out of the corner of my eye I saw a familiar face, but it didn’t register who it was. Barry came walking up, wearing a white shirt and tie (and his sunglasses!), no advance notice, no clues, total surprise. He had never been to my church before and he came that night. He had been planning it for weeks. That night I saw a pig fly. It was a year and a half later that I know for sure he came to faith.

Lynn: Nancy give us an update on your newest book/project.

Nancy: I’m not currently writing any new books and my speaking schedule is blank, so I’m not sure what God has for me. Maybe my season of writing is over or maybe it’s just taking a break. My newest books are “Girl On A Swing” and “Lipstick Grace,” which is a collection of 120 of my columns.

Lynn: How can we, the community of Spirituallyunequalmarriage.com, pray for you?

Nancy: That I will continue to rest in God’s faithfulness to me.  I need to tell you all that even though I know for sure Barry is saved, he still doesn’t love church. I go on Saturday nights and he and I take a drive on Sunday mornings and listen to sermons on CD (he does love to hear preaching). So, in many ways, my life is the same. Still, God is sovereign and He never says “Oops” – and He’s not done yet.

You are always a delight Nancy. Thank you for taking time to share your life with us. We love you.

When He Doesn't Believe: Help and Encouragement for Women Who Feel Alone in Their Faith By Nancy Kennedy

Next Question:

Part I 

Part II 

Part III 

Interview: 

From Cindi on April 5, 2010: Jesus was there with you so what a great interview. It touched me. I am constantly intrigued to know just how your husband supports you so much with this ministry but does not believe. When he heard the interview, how did it make him feel? Was he offended in any way? Does he hear what is spoken? I have a hard time wrapping my mind around that. We're to win then without words, however, the blog, the upcoming book, and even this interview is all about words. How is he not affected by it all? And Dineen's as well? I am obviously struggling with this aspect of being married unequally and sharing and expressing the very fact with my husband verbally. I know it is a frustration that needs to be addressed in my marriage and am struggling with really how to inform him of this. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I know he must know, but, we never discuss it. Do you? Well obviously you do but how? Anyway, I loved the interview Lynn, Thanks! 

First, I adore you Cindi. I want to thank you for your willingness to let me share your questions with everyone. You may be frustrated with my answer but I will share honestly the dynamic between my husband, me and the ministry. 

It’s weird! 

Okay, not the best answer but let me explain. 

First, I need to state that when I began this blog four years ago, I went to my husband and said something like this, “I want to write about our marriage, and how you and I were able to find peace and happiness in spite of our spiritual differences.” 

He looked at me with his amazing blue eyes and said directly to my face, “Honey, if you can help one other couple to not go through what we have been through, then go for it.” 

I kid you not. That was his response. Let me further state that over the years I have tried with great focus to always portray my husband in a light that is respectful even when discussing our difficulties and challenges. Additionally, when I write an article that I think might be too personal or something that may make him uncomfortable, I have him read it first. Out of 912 posts (as of today) I can only recall one post where he suggested I make a change because he was not at ease about it. 

What may further astonish you is that it’s my husband’s salary and his income that supports the many expenses of running the ministry. He never complains about me spending money on all my faith efforts. I mail books around the world, he pays. Hosting for the blog, he pays. I fly to speak at events, it’s his frequent flyer miles. And girls and guys, he is so good and willing to support me. I just see God working circles around my man as he supports the Kingdom efforts. Our God is like that you know. Cracks me up. 

But, the real question is, how does he process all of this stuff, the words I speak and write?

He stands at a distance. 

Hard to say but true. He usually doesn’t read my blog entries unless I ask him. I can tell you he hasn’t listened to the radio interview, nor has he heard me speak. It’s strange but the more I ponder this strangeness, the more I see God doing His thing in my husband. 

I am convinced God wants my husband’s salvation to be of His divine hand and NOT through any efforts made by me. My man’s salvation will bring glory to Jesus and not to Lynn. (Thank you Lord and may it be to your honor he is saved.) 

There are times when we discuss some of the miraculous stuff that happens in my life. Things that you can’t explain. He just can’t get it. I ask him, “What do you do with this miraculous event – (I have one to share with you on May 5th). "How do you process it?” 

He replies, “I don’t know.” 

This is where the scripture from 1 Corinthians 2:14 rings loudly as truth: The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. 

God has set my feet on a path I couldn’t have fathomed in a million years. I am humbled and more thankful than any of you will ever know. It is strange that my husband is my number one fan and my biggest supporter yet he remains at a distance. I can honestly say; I don’t understand. But, I don’t harbor hurt feelings. I rejoice because God has it all worked out and I just watch from my Front Row Seat. And what an amazing show it is…. every… single…. day… 

I am at peace with it. I do have questions such as why my husband’s long unemployment wasn’t the beginning of his faith journey. Perhaps it’s because God wanted me to write our book with authenticity. I don’t know and when I ask God about it, He chooses not to tell me. He tells me to trust, to love, to pray and to live for Him. 

That’s enough for me. That is MORE than enough for me. 

I am an ordinary gal who serves an Extraordinary God. 

Have a fantastic week. Hugs, Lynn 

PS. We have some Big surprises for you next week as we launch our new series, Friendship with God. Stay tuned.

This month the readers and contributors to Marriage Monday at Chrysalis have an open topic for our community. So I am going to put myself out there and be very real. I invite you into this conversation and look forward to more questions.

Let me set the stage. On Saturday I was interviewed by Jim Norman of Wise People. My interview was an opportunity to share the reality of living in an unequally yoked marriage and the hope I have. Many of you took 25 minutes and listened in. I received several emails that day from regular readers here at SUM. You can listen in here if you have time, no pressure, I know we are all very busy but you might come up with a few questions yourself. Please email me your questions.

100403 Wise People, Lynn Donovan

For those of you joining us for Marriage Monday, I will bring you up to speed. I am living and thriving in my spiritually mismatched marriage. With that said, one of the emails arrived, from a long time friend who is also unequally yoked. In a very nice way, yet with earnest need to know, she doesn't know how to reconcile what I say on the radio and the reality of living unequally yoked. 

I love this woman and I am so glad she is honest to ask how I can possibly say I am happy when my husband hasn't embraced Christ yet. I will venture to guess there are others who also puzzle this question. My answer isn't what you might think.

One of the first questions my sweet sister asked is this: In the radio station interview you said: You are happily married to your best friend - how is that?

How can a believer and an unbeliever be happy under the same roof let alone be best friends? Wow, excellent... I can tell you more than ten years ago, I would have told you it's impossible. Truly, but I can tell you today with complete sincerity that my husband is my best friend on earth. This man knows me better than anyone, next to Jesus. I trust him with my authentic self and do not fear judgments or condemnation from him. I love to laugh with him, tease him, and please him as a wife and a friend. 

It's not always this way. We must look at our marriage as part of the long journey with God. The seasons change, come and go. In our early season, I was lonely and felt judgement and struggled in my faith because of the onslaught of criticisms of Jesus. If it were not for Christ, we would not have moved past this season. 

Part of the journey to becoming best friends was maturity. I had to let go of two things. Entitlements and selfishness. If you knew me many years ago, I was full of myself and believed I was entitled to a man who would fulfill my every desire. There is not a man on the planet that can do that for a woman. We are created to need Christ to fill us up. I had to let go of some of my dreams. Flowers once a week were never gong to happen. Weekend trips to a coastal destination.... gone.... But, what I received in return is a man who I trust. A man who will never leave me. A man who absolutely loves me over all else.

I should insert here, I'm not an easy person to live with. I am driven and at times demanding. I can be critical because I have high expectation of myself and those who live with me. God bless that man for putting up with me.

But, my friend asks, even if you try to let go of things you can't change how you feel. It hurts and it's lonely. I agree. You can't fake it. But, I know how to get over it. So join me next Monday and I will tell you how God led me to get over myself and how he replaced my loneliness with fulfillment.

I am an ordinary woman, an ordinary wife, but I serve an Extraordinary God. AMEN! Happy Monday. Love and hugs, Lynn

100403 Wise People, Lynn Donovan

The Bible has quite a bit to say about Christians being “unequally yolked”. What does this mean and how big of an issue is it to the church today. What does this issue mean to Christians who are married to unbelievers? Well, large numbers of Christians find themselves in this situation and our guest this week is one of them. Lynn Donovan is a believer in California who is married to a man to does not believe in God. Be sure to tune in to hear this amazing program and learn how Lynn copes in her “unequally yolked” marriage. ~ Jim Norman, Host of the Radio broadcast, Wise People, on KDKR 93.3fm Dallas/Fort Worth.

Can I tell you how scary this interview was and how I loved sharing the hope I have at the same time? I have yet to hear it polished. And, I don't think I remember what I said. So, join me as the interview will air this Saturday, April 3, 2010 at 8:30am Central Time (6:30am Pacific Time)

You can hear the program by going to www.kdkr.org and clicking on the live link at the top of the home page.

Dineen's interview is on April 10th. 

It is my prayer that someone is encouraged through this broadcast and Jesus is honored. Have a fantastic day, Hugs, Lynn

I am thrilled once again to have Nancy Kennedy as a guest here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage. Nancy kindly provided an interview back in September, 2006. (Click here to read the past interview)

If you have been a reader here for very long you probably know that Nancy’s book, When He Doesn’t Believe, Help and Encouragement for Women Who feel Alone in Their Faith, was the first book I read in the early years of my unequally yoked marriage. This book was a balm to my spirit and gave me hope for the first time for my marriage. I owe Nancy a debt of gratitude. Thank you Nancy!!

I have also recommended this book to everyone who asks me for resources, it is included in our library, and I have mailed at least a dozen copies to readers here at SUM. If you have not read it yet, find a copy. Nancy’s style of writing and her personal stories will inspire you.

Nancy, thank you for joining us here today. Your love for Jesus and your husband is an inspiration to many. I am one of them. The audience and I thank you for making yourself available to share your insights with us.

Nancy, lets begin with a few basics.

How long have you and Barry been married now? [Nancy Kennedy] 33 years May 3.

Do you still consider yourselves unequally yoked? If not, what happened? [Nancy Kennedy] Yes and no. In 2006 Barry had open-heart surgery, which went beyond a mere quadruple bypass. God met him in the days prior to his surgery and now I know that he knows Jesus as Savior. In many ways he has changed and we pray together before dinner every night and he enjoys sermons, but he doesn't love church. He comes occasionally, so mostly I still go alone. I have that assurance of his eternity, but there still isn't all the fun stuff like going to church together as I had always hoped there would be.

Nancy, this gives so many of us hope and the ability to persevere through the years. So, tell us what you working on now? [Nancy Kennedy] I'm not working on any books at the moment and I'm not sure when or if I'll do another. I write a weekly faith column for the newspaper where I'm on staff and it goes in about a dozen other papers. I also post it as a blog on MySpace, which people can access from my Web site (www.nancykennedybooks.net) Plus, I have a monthly blog, "Walk With Me," at TodaysChristianWoman.com..

I have read your blog at TCW and have enjoyed your wit and wisdom immensely.

Nancy, I want to take this opportunity to gain your perspective about some of the tough issues we face as well as your words of wisdom to thrive in an unequally yoked marriage.

What scripture text has been instrumental in your marriage and why? [Nancy Kennedy] Ephesians 3:20 -- "God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work in us." I tend toward skepticism. I don't have great faith and because I spent nearly three decades praying for my husband's salvation, I was sure it would happen "when pigs fly." But that scripture kept haunting me, and every time I'd want to give up, I would remember "immeasurably more" and my hope would be renewed.

How do you handle tithing? [Nancy Kennedy] I tithe what my husband agrees upon. He's a generous guy, probably more generous than I am, but writing out a check to put in the offering plate is a touchy subject for a lot of men. I always advise women to abide by their husband's wishes in this department. God doesn't "need" our money and His grace covers our lack.

Throughout your marriage how did you manage to be the spiritual leader of your home/children? [Nancy Kennedy] I think because I have daughters it was easier than if I had sons. For many men, Jesus is for girls. My husband has always been a great encourager of me taking the girls to church. You're right, this is a tough question and I think every situation is unique. Even so, there's a basic principle that Christians are to teach their children at all times about the faith and pray at all times. A lot of times you can appeal to your husband's sense of morality: "The Christian faith inspires people to be their best, to be law-abiding citizens," etc. I think men are just afraid that their kids will be weird.

How has your relationship with Christ impacted your marriage through the years? [Nancy Kennedy] It's kept me from leaving, not that I've ever had a real reason to. But marriage is hard, even a good marriage. During those times of temptation, when I've wondered what if I had a Christian husband, I haven't gone any farther than wondering because I knew that God had called me to be Barry Kennedy's wife, to be a missionary in my home, to be Christ's hands and heart. During a particularly difficult time when my husband was depressed and he wanted me to leave him, saying I deserved better and that he wanted me to find a Christian husband (with his blessing), I wouldn't. As he came out of his depression, he remembered that -- that I wouldn't leave. He used to be angry -- "You won't leave because of all that Christian bull****!" But then he said, "You didn't leave because you're a Christian, and you really do love me." Unless you're being abused or abandoned, don't leave. God is able to do immeasurably more!

Today, how do you handle disagreements that arise over faith with your husband? [Nancy Kennedy] There really aren't any disagreements. But whenever I talk to people who have disagreements with Christianity I put the blame on God! I tell people, "Look, God is God. It's His universe and He makes the rules. If you were God, you could make the rules, but you're not." With a husband, you might say, "This is what I believe and I have my reasons. If you want to talk about it without fighting, I'm willing to. But I don't want to fight. I want to be your wife and live with you in peace." Then you let God change his mind. That's the bottom line to everything--God is the one who changes hearts and minds.

As you look back through the years of your marriage, what would you have done differently or sooner? [Nancy Kennedy] I would not be so "doormat-y." I used to think that being submissive meant swallowing my opinions and not voicing my strong opposition to things. For example, my husband used to stay out really late with his friends. I let it go for 10 years before I said anything! Finally I told him, "I don't like it when you're gone and stay out so late. I love you and want you home." I thought that was taking a huge risk! But it turned out that Barry figured I didn't care, that's why I never said anything. I also wouldn't have been so naggy and played "us against him" -- like we were somehow above or more advanced than he was because we're Christians and he's not. That's so easy to do and so destructive and not God-honoring. We may be saved sinners, but we're still sinners.

In your many years of living unequally yoked, what words of encouragement or advice would you share? [Nancy Kennedy] Relax! God is God and you are not. It's His salvation. He does the work of changing hearts and minds. No person comes to Him except the Spirit draws and we aren't the Spirit. Also, it's been my observation that men come to faith differently than women do and almost always as a direct result of another man's ministry or influence. Wives influence husbands tremendously, but rarely are used to lead a man to Christ. My best advice: When you realize that God is God and you are not, you will find rest. Also, when you think that God's not doing anything, He is--you just can't see it and He's not done doing it. He never says "Oops;" nothing ever takes Him by surprise. Nothing is out of His control, even if/when everything looks out of control. And He is able to do immeasurably more than your wildest dreams.

Nancy, God bless you. Your humble heart and willingness to share has helped many. We love you!!!

Lord, place your hand upon Nancy and bless her and Barry. Father, we give you thanks for her willingness to serve your kingdom. We know Lord that you look upon her and say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

Nancy, as readers of your book, we say “Thank you!”

When He Doesn't Believe: Help and Encouragement for Women Who Feel Alone in Their Faith By Nancy Kennedy

Girl on a Swing

Between Two Loves: 90 Devotions for Women Whose Husbands Don't Share Their Faith

Lipstick Grace

For More of Nancy's books go to her website http://www.nancykennedybooks.net/

I am thrilled to announce Dineen Miller will be a regular contributor here at Spiritually Unequl Marriage. Dineen was one of the first readers here when we started this adventure. She has contributed many thought provoking and inspiring articles over the past year. I am delighted and blessed God has inspired her to speak regularly here. Would you please welcome her!

Dineen Miller: Almost twelve years ago, I left the advertising industry and embarked on an adventure with Christ. Sure, I knew him as a child, but I’d wandered the road of life, got married to a wonderful man, started a family and had plans—my plans. God showed me He had something else in mind.

I was thirty when I embarked upon this spiritual walk. And my journey as an unequally yoked spouse. I served as a youth counselor, then a Stephen Minister at my church in Tennessee, along with starting a women’s ministry that still thrives today.

During a brief stint in Europe, I discovered I wasn’t alone in my spiritual mismatch. God blessed me with an amazing group of ladies who walked the same path I did and taught me so much. There I helped establish small groups for the purpose of Bible study and fellowship in an international church, and have been involved in small groups and ministry for the spiritually mismatched ever since.

As a wife to an avid disc golfer, a mother of two spectacular teens, a graphic designer and a writer, I serve a God who shows me daily just how broken and saved I am. All that now translates into the stories, articles and devotionals I pen to God’s glory.

My prayer is that our words bless, encourage, and strengthen you, dear one. You are not alone in this journey. DM

You will find Dineen here every Tuesday! Thank you Dineen!

One of the delights of writing some of the series of articles for Spiritually Unequal Marriage has been my interviews with my family. I have been surprised, humbled, and encouraged by my family’s willingness to participate and their honesty in the answers. They are truly interested in helping us in any way they can. Mostly they help me!!

During this series, I decided to interview my eleven-year-old daughter. I asked her several questions I think might be of interest. I have her permission to share. I also would encourage you to “interview” your kids. God will use these private discussions to change you and your child.

I know our reading audience is vastly different in that we have children of all ages or do not have children. Still, I hope you will enjoy the truths of God from the eyes of a child. Also, my interview with my daughter would not contain the same questions as an interview with an adult child or a three-year-old. However, consider these questions as a starting point then how you could revise them to interview your own child. Ask your child if they would be willing to participate in our website interview. Please email your answers to me. Sharing your challenges and successes can help all of us.

Interview: October 15, 2006

Q: What do you think about the differences in your parent’s beliefs?
A: I don’t like it when you argue about your differences like when the news is on and you both can’t agree!

OUCH!

Q: Do you believe in Jesus?
A: I do. I just know He is there. He hears my prayers. I pray for my Dad.

WOW! Didn’t know all of this!

Q: What helps you to be assured in your faith?
A: I see you reading and praying. It makes me feel that I am right.

Hummmm… Our personal faith is a shinning witness for our children

She went on to tell me that her faith is very simple for her. She honestly doesn’t understand why Dad doesn’t get it! (Her words: They were painful for me to hear. We both long for Dad to come to Christ)

As a child, her faith comes simply! As adults, we complicate faith, don’t we?

Thank you for indulging my interviews. I pray that you will find encouragement for your children’s faith here. I will continue the series on encouraging children toward faith in my next post! Be blessed! Lynn

I want to thank Nancy Kennedy for taking time out from her busy schedule to share her thoughts with us here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage. Nancy is thriving in her 31 years of marriage. Her example and practical advice was exactly what I needed to move forward in my marriage.

You can find more of Nancy’s resources on her website http://nancykennedybooks.net. Also, check out her newest book, Girl on a Swing, scheduled for released October 31, 2006.

Lord Jesus, hold Nancy in the palm of your hand. Her light shines in a dark world. Protect her and her family from the enemy. Grow her ministry and love her intensely. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Today I am thrilled to welcome Nancy Kennedy, author of When He Doesn’t Believe to Spiritually Unequal Marriage.

Originally, from California Nancy lives in central Florida with her husband, Barry. Her two daughters, Alison and Laura, are grown. Alison is married with one daughter, Caroline (age 4 ½). Laura is going to college part-time in Charlotte, N.C. and working full-time.
Nancy works as a features writer and religion columnist for the Citrus County Chronicle in Florida. She also writes books and speaks at Christian women’s retreats. She is a member of Seven Rivers Presbyterian Church in Lecanto, Florida.

Personal testimony by Lynn Donovan: Five years ago I found myself ready to give up on my spiritually unequal marriage. It was during this time I discovered Nancy Kennedy’s book. It became a road map to healing my marriage. I could relate to the struggles she experienced. Her words of advice set me on a life-changing course. I thank God for Nancy and her wise advice.

LD: Welcome Nancy and thank you for your willingness to share more of yourself with us. Since writing your book six years ago, I thought it would be great to catch up with you. How many years have you and Barry been married now?

NK: As of today– 31 ½ years.

LD: Are you spiritually mismatched today? If he came to faith, how did that happen? If not, are you discouraged?

NK: I would say yes, we are still spiritually mismatched, although I’ve thought for a long time – for more than 20 years – that he came to faith in Christ shortly after I did. There was a moment that he changed, but he didn’t follow through with it. So, I can’t be sure. At times I do get discouraged as well as anxious, frustrated, confused, angry, impatient… But I always come back to “God knows, and I can’t do anything about it anyway.”

LD: What inspired you to write your book?

NK: My agent at the time asked me to do this book. I hesitated because I would never want to embarrass my husband, but I asked him and he said it was fine with him. I told him that I wanted to help women not be Jesus freaks with their husbands and to learn to relax and let God be God. He was all for that!

More than that, I know how greatly God changed me. Once I grasped His great sovereignty and that I cannot, cannot, CANNOT change another human’s heart no matter how sincere I am or how hard I try, I knew that I was on to something and felt compelled to share it with as many women as I could.

We are tremendous instruments for peace as well as for turmoil in our homes.

LD: Is there a new chapter you wish you could add?

NK: I think I said it all.

LD: I know you recently wrote a devotional titled, Between Two Loves. Can you tell us more about what you have done and what you are working on now?

NK: Sadly, the devotional is out of print, although I have some copies left. Right now I’m eagerly awaiting the release of my newest book, Girl on a Swing, about freedom in Christ and experiencing God’s smile. It will be out Oct. 31, 2006.

LD: I have also found your writing on Family.org. Tell us about your work with Focus on the Family and any other organizations who offer encouragement to spiritually mismatched marriages.

NK: Focus on the Family excerpted chapters from When He Doesn’t Believe a few years ago, which I was thrilled with. Also, Family Life Today with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine and also Nancy Leigh DeMoss had me on their radio programs for a week’s worth of shows.

LD: What is the best advice you would give to us on the road behind you?

NK: Relax—God is God and we are not. Whenever I start to fret and get frustrated and think, “God, why don’t You DO SOMETHING?!” I remind myself that He IS doing something—He’s just not done yet.

My husband recently went through open-heart surgery and he was surprised and quite touched by the outpouring of cards and prayers from people he doesn’t even know. In my community I’m quite well-known from my position at the newspaper and hundreds of readers of my column sent him their love, including an entire kindergarten class at a local Christian school. That spoke volumes to him—and I saw his spiritual heart soften.

LD: Finally the question most of us need answering, how did your children navigate through the conflicts regarding faith? Now that they are adults, did they become believers? What parenting advice would you suggest?

NK: My daughters both came to faith in Christ when they were preschoolers. My oldest was never openly rebellious, but she stopped going to church after she moved away from home. My youngest is a classic prodigal, although her heart often returns to Jesus, even if just for a moment.

Even in the most devout Christian homes, kids stray. My pastor says, “Think of the most perfect parent ever—God the Father—and then look at the way His kids turned out (meaning us).” That should give us all hope.

As for advice…pray hard. Parenting is difficult, but God’s grace covers us all.
The bottom line is, God is God. Salvation is His and He calls the shots. And He uses everything we go through for His glory and our ultimate good.

LD: Great advice! Your words of encouragement bring honor to our King.

Lord, I lift up Nancy Kennedy, her husband and children to You today. Thank you for each of them and their willingness to share their lives. Thank you for Nancy's strong faith in You and in her marriage. Lord, lavish Your love on her life and bless her continuing work and ministry. In Christ’s name I pray. Amen

You can find a complete list of Nancy's books in the right sidebar. Be blessed!

On Saturday, I was tickled to meet and talk with Jerry Jenkins author of the Left Behind series. He was the keynote speaker at the San Diego Christian Writers Conference this year. Jerry’s wit and humor were delightful.

During his address to the conferees, Jerry spoke about writing the memoirs of Billy Graham. Jerry told us about the authentic humility of this man of God and how humbling it was to write the story of Mr. Graham’s life.

I must admit that in years prior I have not been in touch with the Graham ministry because I thought it was appealing to my mother’s generation. Shame on me! What treasures I have denied myself.

Jerry spoke about interviewing Mr. Graham. He asked him a question I will never forget. Join in the conversation between Jerry and Billy Graham….. (my paraphrase)

JJ: How do you maintain your spiritual life in the face of your busy schedule?

BG: I have consistently practiced two things. I pray unceasingly and I search the scriptures.

JJ: How do you do that?

BG: I pray constantly, without ceasing. Through everything, the LORD and I talk, all day, every day.

JJ: What do you mean you search the scriptures?

BG: I leave my bible open in a place where I can see it easily. When I see it lying open I go to it and read. Sometimes a verse, sometimes two, or perhaps a chapter or two. I follow the LORD’s leading.

JJ: How do you feel when your schedule keeps you from reading the scripture?

BG: I don’t think that has ever happened!!!

LET THIS SINK IN, LET IS RESSONATE IN YOUR SOUL.

Today in my home on the kitchen counter, you will find my open bible. Do you know why Billy Graham is a man after God’s own heart??

These two simple things lead us to God’s heart. I will begin today to pray unceasingly and to search the scriptures. Thank you, Mr. Graham. Thank you, Jerry Jenkins.

Be blessed, Lynn 

I've been interviewed over at "5 Minutes for Mom". Have you seen 5 Minutes for Mom? It's a blog that helps promote mom-run sites. The owners are twins who have a retro toy and collectibles store. They started this blog to help other mom-run sites get free marketing.