Spiritually Mismatched Marriage and Extended Family
June 21, 2024
Last week, after the Camino, Bryce and I returned to stay with my parents in Oxfordshire, England; we have been spending quite a lot of time there recently.
Given this extended time we're spending with my parents, I thought it would be timely to talk about living out our spiritual mismatches amongst extended family.
For some of us, we live out our SUMs in the context of a full-on Christian family, where everyone except our spouse is Christian. That can be very helpful. It can be the only form of church our spouse encounters. And, if we have kids, the grandparents can be a helpful spiritual influence.
However, for others in our community, having a Christian extended family can feel sometimes 'unsafe' because you just don't know what your family is going to say. Or, you feel that your family don't understand. You might even fear your spouse being 'outed' because the family doesn't know about your situation -- You've kept it hidden out of respect for your spouse.
Then there are others in our community who have a whole other different ball-game to navigate: They are the only ones in the family who are Christian! Yikes -- Tough. If that's you, I guess you feel like a lone ranger. But you stand, putting a stake in the ground for that whole family. Though it is painful, spiritually what a privilege!
In my case, both my parents burn unusually hot for God. They each have a beautiful faith. And this means that over mealtimes while Bryce and I stay with them, the conversation inevitably turns to the topic of God. My stepdad especially loves a good old 'deep n meaningful', LOL, because it genuinely is his favorite topic. Well, it's mine too.
I personally have found this helpful. Because they're parents, and older than us, it doesn't seem to matter to Bryce if they feel a bit different to him on this front. I find it helpful that we're having the kinds of conversations at their dinner table that I don't get to have at mine.
I did have a giggle to myself last week though.
My stepdad loves the music of Handel's Messiah -- It is currently a form of worship for him, to listen to it on the TV and read the words alongside it. So he put it on the TV to show us a soprano singer who had a particularly beautiful voice.
The piece he played us was absolutely divine, accompanied by pictures of statues of the nativity. I sat back in the couch, and I am sure that a holy peace settled in the living room as the four of us soaked in the music.
He shall feed his flock.
God smiled down on this family, and this living room.
My stepdad then put on another soprano singer who was singing a different song. At that point, a giggle welled up inside me: This singer's eyes were popping out of her head, her face was contorting, and she was singing over and over again the words 'The JUSTICE OF GOD' in such intense singing. The reason I giggled was I suddenly thought of my husband over on the other side of the couch.
The justice of God!
The justice of God!
The justice of God!
It felt like one of those moments where I wondered if Bryce was getting an overdose of all this. Well, maybe; but the next day, he and I walked a few miles to a country pub and had a little drink together. Over our drinks, he asked me about the justice of God. About truth. About salvation. About the heart.
So I do believe that whatever happens in our families, God uses all of it. Whatever gets spoken to our spouses, even if it is challenging, will not go astray. It will be like a rock thrown straight between the eyes. Sometimes our spouses will hear things that might make them uncomfortable: Well, so be it. It will make them think.
So, if we have a Christian family, let us be thankful for those in the family who carry the flame of their faith brightly and authentically. If we have a non-Christian family, know that you are honored in the sight of God for the lone flame that you carry.
Now over to you: What is your extended family like, faith-wise?
Love to you all,
Ann