My friends,

We're writing about boundaries in marriage; and to catch up, here are the previous posts:

Boundaries in marriage: Part one

Boundaries in marriage: Part two

On Monday we talked about how important it is to guard our own oil -- that is, guard our own connection with God, our own flame for him, our own infilling of the Holy Spirit. In a spiritually mismatched marriage our spouse can pull us away from that -- even if they don't mean to -- so we do have to take steps to fight for it.

So, what are some healthy boundaries that we can put in place to protect our own oil?

For me, this has taken two forms:

(1) I fight to protect my personal time with God

(2) I fight to protect my connections with the church

Fight to protect time with God

Our spouses will often, quite rightly, want our time; and in honor of marriage we should give that to them generously -- IF they want it. But that can come at the expense of our quiet time with God. Remember COVID lockdown? I don't know about you, but I struggled to connect with God when Bryce and I were constantly in each other's space. Well, Bryce and I are once again together 24/7 now as he is not working, so I am currently having to think through what is reasonable for me to ring-fence, in terms of my own personal time.

A couple of weeks ago Bryce -- newly unemployed -- came into the bedroom where I was sat reading my Bible. He was ready to start the day -- And I was in my God space. "So, how's this going to go?" he said. "There's you, sitting in bed reading, and here's me, wanting to do stuff with you -- Can we chat about this?"

"Ok!" I said. "Look, in the mornings before I hang out with you I'm going to need a cup of tea, a cup of coffee, then another coffee and four chapters of the Bible. After that I'm all yours!"

"Mm."

"I need it."

"Mm. OK"

So that's how it goes. He's since been coming in and saying "Are you on your first, second or third cup so far? Just so I can plan..."

I have told him it's non-negotiable; that I won't be well and happy unless I have that time. And that is my boundary.

I know other SUMites have said they've been criticised by their spouses when in prayer or with a Bible. Perhaps a boundary there might be to swallow the fear of their views and press in: Keep the Bible open, and keep going. After all, what harm does it do them? Press in to know the Lord, against all the odds!

Oh, that we might know the LORD! Let us press on to know him (Hosea 6:3, NLT)

Fight to protect connections with the church

The second boundary is around church. I think many of us have had a season in our SUM walk when we've stayed away from church for weeks on end to please our spouse. Uggh, well I have.

But the longer this SUM walk continues, the more I become like tough old boots on this one, and my boots must be on the ground in church. Attending church -- in some form -- is so critical to our spiritual life, and to the Body of Christ, that it's perfectly OK to say to our spouse that our church attendance is non-negotiable.

In fact, if a spouse is saying to their significant other that they cannot attend church, I would argue that's the kind of control that we should be careful not to bow to. After all, God loves freedom and wants us to be free; not bound in chains to the whims of another human being. 

Us SUMites need church more than most. Because we have unbelief at home we need to put ourselves into the oasis of church to keep ourselves spiritually alive. The same goes for Christian friendships and connections who pour spiritual influence into souls: Keep those relationships thriving -- As long as they don't take away anything from our precious marriage.

With all that said, then, we hold tight to those good things that help our faith life -- Because they are our oil.

My friends, have you had to put boundaries in place around church or your time with God? I'm looking forward to hearing about your experiences! 

Love

Ann