On Wednesday, Ian gave us a male perspective on friendships. So now I'm going to try to write a mirror post on females and their friendships. This should be fun!
I had a cute little thing happen to me recently that illustrated the difference between females and males in friendship.
As you know, I'm a mum of boys. Well the other day Miles (my son) asked if I would give a ride to two of his female friends from point A to point B. "YES!" I said excitedly. "I don't get to hang out with teenage girls, I would LOVE that!"
So I excitedly bundled these two girls into my car, thinking that we would have great chats for the next thirty minutes, them and I.
What happened instead was these two made a joint beeline for the back seat, leaving the front seat empty. Then, the minute the door closed they turned to each other and began to emit a stream of non-stop verbal consciousness, which I was not part of.
They only had eyes for each other.
There was not a moment's silence between point A and point B, and much of it was spoken at top speed.
They talked about their clothes, hair, plans for their hair, each other's hair, boys, friends, and conversations they'd had.
I eyed up these two curious creatures in the rear vision mirror and decided "This is not what boys are like."
Giving a ride to boys involves all boys sitting forward looking out of the window, me making the conversation, them being nice back, and extended periods of enjoyable driving silence.
Uncomplicated. Straightforward. Boys.
Ian said that males tend to do things side by side whereas females in their friendships go face-to-face. That little car trip was the perfect example.
Adult Female Friendships
What about as an adult? Well, I'm approaching 50 and, truthfully, I'm still like one of those girls in the backseat. My observation is we can totally go there, us women, in baring our souls, processing our lives in detail, unpacking, unravelling, analyzing, and describing our inner world. Coffee between two females can go for three hours easily. If it's an evening the waiter might have to tell them when it's time to leave. All other things fade when one female sits across from another and bonds.
A whole coffee between two females might sometimes focus on one particular problem for the whole coffee because females have endless patience for talking things through.
A given coffee between friends will often include a cry or two.
It will usually involve sharing some piece of our marriage, the good and the harder stuff. It also involves details of other friendships, because we need help processing those too.
We'll recount conversations we've had with our husbands. We like to process the ins and outs to assess what is normal.
"I do find you attractive," one friend's husband said to her. "But not when you're wearing that particular dressing gown." We giggle at that and order another coffee.
Marriage. Sex. Life. Kids. Our bodies. Friendships. The lot. It's all processed.
"Your hair looks nice, what kind of straightening product are you using?"
Beauty too; because women are creatures of beauty.
And these conversations feel like a lifeline. That said, I have heard quite a few females of different ages say they wish they had female friends. Some women feel they look in from the outside; because there can be such a notorious intensity to female friendships. Like days in the playground where certain girls walk round holding hands, not every girl has that special someone.
Friendship with God
Well, God knows all these quirks. He made us to be his friend. But I wonder if to be a friend of God as a female looks different to what it might look like for a male?
For me, friendship with God looks something like sitting on the couch, getting a journal out and chatting away to him about all kinds of emotional issues.
Would men do the same? Or would they go fishing and exchange the odd comment with the Lord while sitting behind a rod instead? Or walk in nature and nod to the Lord quietly, 'This is nice.'
Curious topic huh!
What would you say about female vs male friendships? Have you noticed a difference in that area between you and your spouse?
Love you all, and have a great weekend!
Lynn, I couldn't stop reading this book! It is the best you have written! It's a "self-help-bible-based-do-it-yourself-demon-slaying-victory-winning book" like no other I've ever read. I learned some new prayer points as well as clarification on what exactly does my situation mean. Everyone who reads this will want their bible, notebook and the Holy Spirit sitting next to them as they strategize with the tools you've given! -Barb