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When The Past Comes Back To Haunt You

Hey SUM family, Tiffany here!

Today I want to talk about guilt and shame.

My children are now 7 and 8. Man how the time flies! In their earlier years (sadly even in the womb) I had some serious anger issues. I did not know how to control my temper. In many ways I was verbally abusive to my husband and children. I wouldn't call them names or intentionally tear them down. However; my volume, tone, and body language was very aggressive. I remember one day when my son was maybe 3 or 4 I yelled so loudly for him to come to me. He didn't want to because he was afraid. I continued to yell for him to "get over here right now!" He finally began walking towards me but began to cry because he was so afraid. It is in that moment that I realized that I HAD to change. I sat there crying along with him as I lovingly embraced him. It was like a shock to my system. I couldn't keep terrorizing my family anymore!

Praise God I have come a long way since then. I have repented. I have grown. I have prayed healing and pled the blood of Jesus over my children. I made many steps toward healing and healthy habits.

However, there are times when my children have some behavioral issues that guilt and shame knock me over like a huge gust of wind.

If only I wouldn't have taught them at such an early age these unhealthy behaviors. If only I was a good example for them. I'm so sorry God that I screwed up so badly. I have damaged my kids. What if they still have such deep wounds that are causing all of this? What if they struggle into adulthood because of my bad choices? Have I cursed my children to suffer and carry around wounds for the rest of their lives? God don't let them suffer for my mistakes! I pray they have a close relationship with me! I don't want them to hate or despise me.

On and on and on....

If we let them, the whispering lies of guilt and shame will "eat us alive." Every thought - every word like a stab to our heart and mind.

Rremember that it isn't Jesus that comes to steal, kill and destroy. I explain it to my children like this:

It is very important to remember what God says. If the thoughts that you have in your mind or the things that you "hear" are not what God says about you - forget it. Let it go. They are lies. Anything that goes against what God says are not from Him but from the devil.

In my last post I referenced Romans 6:14 - :For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace." Let's take a look at the New Living Translation:

Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace.

Let's take it a little bit further:

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. - Galatians 5:1

When I asked forgiveness for my sin against my husband and children and repented, Jesus took that away from me. Those thoughts that come to cripple me with guilt and shame come from a very real place. These memories were once experiences. However; if I choose to buy into the guilt trip, blame game, or woe is me routine than I am discrediting the power of God. I am putting myself back into the bondage of guilt and shame. I am giving these evil spirits authority in my life.

It is probably true that my children have some deep wounds from the trauma I submitted them to as baby/toddler. But GOD. If He has healed and strengthen me, He can do it again for my children. If He can make me whole again after years of trauma, He can do it again for my children.

I am praying for expedited healing over my children. I am praying for breakthrough in their lives at a young age. I am praying that NOTHING hinder their destiny and calling. My kids have a leg up on me because of what I've learned about intercession and prayer. Heaven is on my side - on their side.

Maybe you have been carrying around guilt and shame. Maybe your kids are young and you are worried that you have cause irreversible damage. Maybe your kids are grown and you fear that they will not come back to the Lord because they blame you for issues they have had growing up. Maybe you just can't forgive yourself for things you have done in the past.

Let me tell you that there is grace for you. There is healing for you. There is forgiveness for you. There is destiny for you. There is hope for you. There is reconciliation for you. There is peace for you. There is confidence for you. There is joy for you.

We could spend a lifetime wallowing in the past. The more we do so, the more we miss out on the opportunity to keep moving forward.

I want to end with this song. My friends, if you learn anything may it be from this song - God is TOO GOOD TO NOT BELIEVE. Do not let anyone (especially yourself) discredit the power of God.

Prayer and blessing over you. See you in the comments.

Tiffany

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