Hey SUM family, Tiffany here!
15 days after my 34th birthday I lie in my bed blanketed in defeat. Months of hardship at work had caused bitterness, depression and anger to become my mindset. Not just at work but at home as well. November 12, 2020 will forever be etched into my brain. I will always remember the day that the Holy Spirit lovingly walked me into a new era.
As I stared up at the ceiling, tears falling down my face, I realized I had a choice to make. I could continue to whine and cry and hope and wish for a change. Or, I could stop feeling sorry for myself and step into healing and victory.
At the time, this decision was actually pretty difficult. I hate to admit I gave myself a pity party. Just like only the Lord can do - SUDDENLY - my sorrow turned into righteous anger. It was as if I was looking at myself from a third party perspective.
Why am I beating MYSELF up? I am not the enemy here! It was then that I felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Let's get this settled once and for all.
I placed the palms of my hands over the temple areas of my head. I closed my eyes and I began to audibly decree and declare whatever the Holy Spirit prompted me. I started of slowly
You are free from anger.
You are free from rage.
You are free from abandonment.
You. Are. Healed.
You. Are. Redeemed.
You. Are. Loved.
You. Are. Saved.
You. Are. Enough.
You. Are. Blessed.
You. Are. Beautiful.
You. Are. Changed.
You. Are. New.
You do NOT have to perform.
You do NOT have to prove anything.
You do NOT have to strive.
You are NOT a disappointment.
You are NOT going backwards.
You are NOT missing out on God's best.
You are NOT screwing everything up.
On and on I went. The more I decreed and declared, the louder I got in my bedroom. At one point I was yelling at the top of my lungs. YOU. ARE. VICTORIOUS. YOU. ARE. RIGHTEOUS. YOU. ARE. SEATED IN THE HEAVENLIES.
I honestly don't know how long I was in this session with the Lord but it had to be at least an hour. I tell you what - my dog probably thought I was looney!
The biggest struggle I have had over the years is believing this lie:
God has to do a big miraculous work so that once and for all you are instantly changed. That is the ONLY way that you will never backslide. It has to be a SUDDENLY, out of the blue, stop you in your tracks, road to Damascus encounter. THAT is the ONLY way you will never look back.
My friends, this simply is not true. After all these years, I am finally seeing how silly this is. I have gone to counseling. I have gone to pastors. I have gone to mentors. I have gone to countless people for prayer and healing and deliverance over the years. Don't get me wrong. These are good things to do. I have so many amazing words and experiences that have come from the Lord through faithful and godly vessels.
It wasn't until November 12, 2020 that I took matters into my own hands - literally. The same Spirit living in those people is also in me. I have the Kingdom of Heaven...inside of me. Holy Spirit broke the bondage of oppression, self-hatred, self-doubt, unbelief, etc.
January of this year I got a word from the Lord. "You keep asking, how, God, can you use me? Where do you want me? He wants to use you and He will. But first, you have some healing to do." I believe that was fulfilled in this session.
What does life look like now? Am I a perfect saint who never struggles with anger anymore? Pssssh.
The difference is I have resolved in my heart to never look back. In order to seal this session I asked Jesus to do something for me.
I have control issues. I want to be in control. I want to do things my way. I want to handle it all.
Knowing this I told the Lord: I will NOT step out of this room...I won't even get out of this bed if I am going to end right back here again. I am done with yo-yo experiences. I will not be tossed about anymore.
With my hands cupped and held out before me, my eyes closed, I handed over this moment - this resolve in my heart. I asked Jesus to take it. I dropped it in His hands. I said, "You have to hold onto this for me. Keep it safe. I don't want it back until the day that you walk me into my mansion in heaven. The day when we celebrate my homecoming, sit in my library and reminisce on that one moment on earth. I can't wait to be able to put it with my alabaster jars of tears and memories from those days."
He looked at me and smiled. I was amazed to see how precious this was to Him. Like a golden heart shaped key, He wore it around His neck...so it would always be close to His heart.
I asked the Lord for a verse or passage of scripture that I can have to remember the day, 11/12/2020, I resolved in my heart to never look back again.
111 Your statutes are my heritage forever;
they are the joy of my heart.
112 My heart is set on keeping your decrees
to the very end.
Are there things that you've continued to struggle with over the years? Does it seem like you can't find or keep your healing or restoration? I'd like you to check out a post I wrote back in May. How Well Do You Know Your Counterfeits?
The devil is a liar and a deceiver. He wants nothing more than to make you believe that your deliverance, healing, restoration, salvation, transformation or freedom ever happened. Don't fall for it!
Set out in a quiet space, lay your hands over your temples, speak and bless and decree. Do so aloud. Give plenty of time for your mind to absorb it. Let it soak in.
I hope that you've gotten something out of this. Please know that if He can do it for me, He can do if for you. Blessing, honor and victory belong to you. It is your heritage.
I love you all! See you in the comments.