Hello SUM family, Tiffany here!
Today I want to talk about trust.
The Lord revealed to me that past childhood trauma has altered my view of relationships. My eyes have been opened to the fact that I keep everyone at a controllable distance in order to protect myself. I am not talking about setting healthy boundaries. That is something that we absolutely MUST do. I do not want to sound like I am downplaying the very real struggles that some of us experience in this community.
I did not realize this but my (unnecessary) distrust in my husband has significantly effected my distrust in God. This was a complete mind blow to me.
First, I didn't realize that I have trust issues with my husband. He is a good man. He does not do drugs, smoke, drink, gamble etc. My husband is a hardworking, honest man. He sacrifices and provides for his family. He is wise and discernible. What reason could I possibly distrust him?
Second, I didn't realize that I had as deep seeded distrust in God as I do. Let me be clear. I absolutely love God. He is such a good good Father! I am so blessed beyond measure. I love His kisses from Heaven. I am moved to tears as I think of His great love for me. How could I distrust the One who gave everything for me? He is constant. He is faithful. He is merciful. I could go on and on.
I won't go into all of the inner workings that are happening right now in my heart and mind. But I will say I had a lot of questions.
God, what exactly IS trust? What does it look like to completely trust You? What is the difference between faith and trust? Can you have one and not the other?
As I wrestled with these questions in my time with the Lord. The following verse resounded clearly to me:
5Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3)
This was one of the passages that I had memorized years ago. I could quote this in my sleep.When it says "lean not on your own understanding," I always thought this meant logic. Things that I can make sense of. However, a very real application came to me that day.
Whether in "romantic" relationships or regular relationships with friends; people would tend to get what they wanted and then they would move on. Past experience showed me that people can't be trusted. They must be kept at a distance because all they want is to use me. When I lean on my own understanding, I am looking at my current life through this worldview. This would cause me to fear relationship instead of trust it. I have done this with my husband, children and God.
Getting back to the issue of trust. I am a "word nerd." I love to really do in depth studies. I got out my Strong's concordance and began to dig.
The word trust referenced above in Proverbs 3 is batach (pronounced baw-takh) which means to trust. It also means secure, have confidence, bold and careless.
As I began to dig a little further I found this same word in one of my favorite scripture passages:
6 Surely the righteous will never be shaken;
they will be remembered forever.
7 They will have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
8 Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;
in the end they will look in triumph on their foes. (Psalm 112)
And then this got me really excited:
The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion. (Proverbs 28:1)
There is a very important progression here. First we must trust that the Lord knows what He is doing. Trust with our whole heart and look through the lens of God's way instead of our past experiences. Humans will fail us. Even the noblest of people will still get it wrong now and again. Once trusting in the Lord with our whole heart, we will have no fear. No bad news - the biggest in this time, COVID-19 and all that is coming about from it - will shake us. In this trust we are steadfast, our hearts are secure. And as His righteous, we are bold as lions.
WOW! I don't know about you but I am pumped. I still have to live this out day in and day out. This will be hard as I permanently sever these ties of distrust from my life. However, I have a lot of artillery in my arsenal that I can now pull from.
I hope this has helped someone today. I bless you with batach today. Trust, confidence and boldness - straight from the throne room of Heaven.
See you in the comments!