Hello SUM Family, Tiffany Here!
Over the last month, school went to e-learning from home. My husband, Jason, was sent to work from home by his employer. His mother had helped with schooling for a week while my husband adjusted to this new setup. On April 1st, my husband took leave to be able to teach our kids at home. Overall, the Carter Crew is hanging in there as we've had to adjust to life with the Coronavirus.
Can I be really vulnerable with you for a moment? I am having a really hard time with all of this. When my kids were barely one and barely two, I desperately wanted to be a stay at home mom. My husband was against it because we couldn't afford to have a one income family. Some of you may remember my anguish. Instantly, because of the given circumstances, nearly 5 years later - my husband gets to live my dream.
Now, before I go on, I need to be very careful here. This post is not meant to be a bash fest on my husband; it is not a chance for me to vent and complain. I want to speak a little bit about how God is using this situation for our good (Romans 8:28).
Let me make it clear that my husband didn't just decide to stay home. He is a logical person. He is very meticulous when looking at our finances. He is always one to talk with me before making decisions. He truly is a great leader in our home. When he first talked to me about this idea, I told him, "You will be living my dream and I don't know how I feel about that." I put on a brave face and we both agreed for our current job situations, he should be the one to do this.
I am ashamed to admit that I gave him an occasional passive-aggressive blows. I argued with God. I whined. I complained. I just couldn't understand why things didn't seem to line up the way I wanted them to.
Here is the amazing thing about God. As our Father, He knows exactly what me and my family needs. He is compassionate, caring and kind enough to
listen to our protests. He understands our hurts. He isn't afraid of our questioning. However, in the end, He is a good good Father. He does what is in our best interest.
Over this last month, I have had to look at the dark and ugly parts of my heart. I've realized some areas that I am really selfish. I have awakened to some areas that I am really immature. This has been a really hard process! Deep heart surgery from the Great Physician isn't easy or painless.
Exposing the things that need to go is just one of the things that has come out of this time. I've also gotten to see the bond between my husband and our kids begin to strengthen and grow. My husband hasn't really ever been the affectionate type. He isn't cold and distant; however, he isn't a snuggly and huggy person.
It has been a beautiful thing to see my daughter really crawl up on his lap and snuggle with him. I've loved watching the goofy and playful moments. I've seen my husband's heart soften and open up. He has been silly. He's even sung to the kids a couple of times. (This is huge because he won't even sing for me, his wife!)
God is doing a divine reset in our household. I have physically been out of the way (I still have to work at my job outside the home) and my husband has been able to make decisions, assert authority, and truly lead. Remember I mentioned I've had to look at the ugly parts of my heart - ::GULP:: I've got a lot of work to do on letting my husband be the authority in my home! Please be praying with me as I march around Jericho on this one.
It hasn't been easy living through this new lifestyle change. BUT God! He knew exactly what I needed. I needed to see how amazing my husband really is. I have a deeper appreciation for him. I am realizing how much of diamond in the rough I have.
Sometimes God doesn't give us what we want. But in those times we can rest assured that He is for us and He is working it out for our good and His glory.
*Photo Explanation - We took a walk as a family a couple of days ago and it was amazing to see my husband and kids interact with each other. I chose this photo originally to prophetically show how my husband is taking the lead in our household. When I attached the photo to the blog post I heard "we walk by faith." Notice the sign in the background. We were walking on the land owned by the church in our neighborhood Faith Westwood. In this same yard my kids found some beautiful feathers and gave them to me. My husband found some too. Feathers to me are the kisses from Heaven that I get just like Lynn and her mylar balloons. Friends, we walk by faith and not by sight that one day our spouses will know, surrender, and love the Lord. Hallelujah! Let's keep marching in FAITH!
Until next time, let's talk in the comments. What are some lessons you've learned when God gave you what you needed (even if it isn't something that you wanted)?