Reader Question: I Don't Know What to Do
May 16, 2014
Hello Dineen and Lynn.
My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He told me in January 2013 that he was no longer a Christian. He became an aetheist at 51 years old. I was and still am devastated.
I married a Christian man and we based our marriage on the same religious foundation. We also decided to raise our children in a Christian home. To put it mildly, the past year has been hell!
My husband grew up in a Christian home, went to Christian schools, and even went to seminary. He holds a masters in theology.
We have been very active in our church for our entire marriage. He used to be a passionate worshiper, preschool worship leader, and leader of various small group ministries.
I don't know what to do, how to survive, how to parent, how to be married to an aetheist. He is not the man I married or the man I was married to 14 years or the father I wanted for my kids.
Please help.
My Friend,
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know how devastated I felt when my husband made this decision years ago, but neither of us were following God at the time so I can only imagine how deeply this hurts you and the betrayal you must feel. My heart aches for you.
But I know God is with you through all this and He will not fail you. He will give you everything you need to walk forward in your marriage as He continues to pursue your husband's heart. Jesus is relentless that way. In the meantime, consider our books and see if they speak to your heart and will give you help as well. I'm not trying to sell our books to you, but Lynn and I have poured all we have walked through and experienced in our journey to from surviving to thriving in our marriages into those books.
Ask God to help you see your husband through His eyes and pour His love through you. Your husband may very well be wondering if you can still accept him. I know my husband asked me that when he told me his decision to be an atheist. It made me realize how important it was to him to know I still loved him.
And until the time when your husband comes back to his faith, you will have to be the spiritual leader to your children. And you can do this with God's help. You are not alone—He's always there to help you and partner with you to raise your kids to know Jesus. He has a lot invested in them—His very life. :-) (Read Phil 4:19)
Do you have a group you can plug into, a women's group or a few friends who are willing to walk with you through this and pray for you and your family? I pray that Abba will surround you with wonderful and mature people of faith to speak into your life and your children as well.
Don't give up the fight, my friend. Pray for the Holy Spirit to have authority over your husband's thoughts and feelings, his heart, his spirit and his soul. And plead the blood of Jesus over him. This is spiritual warfare. Your battle is not with your husband but with the enemy, and you have Jesus and a mighty army of angels on your side. Dig into the Bible for the promises that speak to your heart, then pray and claim them. God's Word is your sword (Eph 6), so wield it. Stand firm in Jesus and He will protect you, fight for you and work in your hubby and marriage.
Lord, I ask for a special annointing over this dear SUMite and every other SUMite reading this now who is saying in her heart, "This is me too!" That they are empowere to walk in this mismatched place with more power and grace than they have ever known. Give them wisdom and revelations on how to love their spouse, how to teach their children and how to pray against these spirits of unbelief and atheism that are trying to keep their spouse captive. Fill them with Your peace, King Jesus, and guard their hearts and minds. Give then fresh joy each morning that comes from the confidence of knowing You are with them, that You will never leave them, that You never fail and that You will continue to bless their marriage. In Your powerful name, Jesus, amen.
Love and hugs to you, my friend. My heart and prayers are with you.
Dineen