The pastor (Bill Johnson) that morning began to speak and then seemed to change direction. I can’t tell you everything he said. I only remember him speaking about the lie of insignificance and that some of us in the audience were struggling with it.
The next thing I remember is breaking down into sobs. In my mind I remember asking why, why was I crying? Hadn’t God dealt with this area of my life in the past, the years of hurt from a childhood filled with rejection? Lord, didn’t we already deal with this?
But the tears kept coming and whatever Bill Johnson said next ripped the lies of insignificance, fear, inadequacy, lack of confidence, insecurity and whatever else had festered in this hole in my heart that I had strived so hard to fill with success as a graphic designer, a writer, a speaker, a marketing expert and so many other attempts to excel and shine in just one place so I could confidently say, I had succeeded in at least one place of my life. The problem was, I never seemed to reach that imagined goal because every comparison I made told me otherwise.
Are you surprised to hear this? I had thought God and I had dealt with this pretty well. I knew I still had more ground to cover to be more confident and secure in myself. Yet there I stood that Friday morning as God’s unexpected presence wrapped me in His healing.
But wait. He wasn’t done.
I left the sanctuary literally spent and drained. All that crud that God took out of me left me wondering what would take its place. What did it all mean? I knew I felt lighter, freer than I ever had. But something felt...unfinished.
Lynn, Heidi and I quickly grabbed our lunches and found a picnic table on a grassy area. We’d only started to eat and talk when an older woman moved from a table behind us and took the open seat at ours. We welcomed her and found out her name was Helen Williams.
Again, I can’t tell you how it played out or everything that was said. I only remember saying that I felt like I was still reeling from what I’d experienced. Next thing I knew, this dear woman place her hand on my wrist and stared me right in the eye and said things like:
“Everything you need, God has already placed in you.”
And this one, this truth I cling to:
“It doesn’t matter what others think of you. It doesn’t even matter what YOU think of you. The only thing that matters is what God thinks of you.”
If you are wondering if I broke down in tears again, I did. Because God ALWAYS finishes what He starts. I don’t know about you, but have you noticed how God likes to finish BIG?
I have no doubts that God told Helen to come sit at our table for a reason. He’d healed me of my addictions to the approval and praise of people, and then He put His truth in its place. And He used this precious woman to do it. I will always be grateful to Helen for the words of life and truth she spoke into me, and I will always think of her as my spiritual grandmother.
There is one more major area that God healed me of that day, but that I will save for next week as I finish my story of God’s unexpected healing. I promise it’s worth the wait!
Carrying you in my heart!