I am a 52 year old divorced mother of two mostly grown girls (age 21 and 18). I can testify to being unequally yoked. I was married for 21 years. It was hard on many occasions and lonely as well. But I loved being married, even when it wasn’t good. I loved my husband and mistakenly thought that my love would be enough. I also mistakenly thought that God would heal my marriage after the separation. I fasted and prayed to that effect.
What I was not mistaken about were the horrible effects that divorce would rage on my family and my children. And I was not given a choice as to whether I wanted a divorce or not. The effects are lasting and deep on my children, even though they are greatly healed at this point.
I once heard a minister point out that there are other ways to be unequally yoked than just Christian/non-Christian. Those include how you spend money, raise children, work, save, play etc. I have tried to teach my girls to be "smart" about whom they date, as well as the definition of a Christian man. In other words, if he doesn't "walk the talk", maybe you need to leave him alone. In addition, if you can't pray with him on the second date, maybe you shouldn't go on a third. I have prayed for my girls, that God would provide the right man who would never leave them or forsake them.
Of course, they have seen firsthand the disastrous results of being unequally yoked. There are those who give great advice about the marriage relationship who have years of experience in both education and counseling. "The more you share in common, the better the marriage will be." (paraphrased Dr Neil Clark Warren) "Opposites may attract, but down the road opposites ATTACK" (also Dr Warren)
"Date for at least four seasons" says Dr. Laura.
"Marry your best friend." (Not certain which author penned this.)
"Commitment is what keeps a marriage together." (Chuck Swindoll? and others).
I surely know why "God hates divorce." It’s like the never-ending wave that beats on the shore. You feel like you are in the "high tide," tossed and thrown about by the waves of insecurity, abandonment, loneliness and great change, to name a few. "How can I trust God again after He let this happen?" Slowly though, God in His infinite wisdom, mercy and grace, rebuilds that trust, and your faith, to greater than it was before, if we let Him. And to His glory, I might add. We reach the low-tide of divorce at some point but there are still ripples...when a child marries...grandchildren come....Hig school graduation...holidays, etc. And how do you handle the death of your ex-spouse who is the father of your children? Maybe the generations before us that stayed together, even though they lived in "mediocrity" were, in the long run, not so bad off. Maybe they learned that the grass is not always greener on the other side; and sometimes it’s not about "what I want."
It has been a journey (and still is) to learn that "God is all I need." Not because I can physically touch Him and converse with Him like we humans do, but because HE is my source and my strength, even though that often comes thru others. I still have more questions than answers but know that in His time, I will have all that I need. I continue to look to Him to bless me "beyond what I could ask or think." and continue to be reminded it is "about His glory." ...not mine.
I would also be willing to talk with anyone who wishes to, especially those who are going thru divorce and the mountains of struggles that brings. Or just pray for them as the needs arise. One of my callings is a prayer warrior, and one of my spiritual gifts is mercy. If you see fit to include any of that, here is my personal email email@example.com and Facebook: Martha Piper McMillan
Winston Salem NC
Share your voice, heart and love in the comments.
Marching Around Jericho is a spiritual guide. As you read through the pages, powerful and transformative instruction and equipping takes place. We follow Jesus as he leads us around the walls, imparting kingdom truths with each passing, finally arriving at the gates of the walled-off city, our spouse’s unbelieving heart. After the circles in prayer are complete, we arrive fully prepared to command the walls to crumble and be removed, making a way for our spouse to step from the rubble of lies and captivity, into faith and freedom!