Today’s post may be a bit rambling but I'm sensing you may be in the same place. So here goes.
Yesterday was Father’s Day. I know this day can be emotional and challenging to spouses who are spiritually mismatched.
I know this because I am still one of them.
I walked into church this morning.
I was working a greeting table at the entry of our building and it was my delight and simultaneously my pain, to say hello to my friends who were headed to the auditorium with their husbands and their kids. Don’t get me wrong. I am truly thrilled for my friends that they are holding the hand of their spouse while stepping through the door. I am utterly blessed to have such a loving, accepting, and dedicated Christian family through my church.
But, here I was without my husband nor my daughter.
Why do holidays like Father's Day punctuate my oddity? Why does it still hurt after these many years? I think there will always remain a deep longing for a life that I am just not destined to live. And, it’s not like this life is an outlandish fantasy of fame or glamour or riches. It’s simply to be married to a man who shares a love for Jesus. That elusive dream where we sit together on a Sunday morning, a Father’s Day Sunday morning, as a family. A dream of a BBQ with our Christian friends following church.
I knew walking into church yesterday, my heart would sting.
Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christian concerts, small group dinners, that longing never quite leaves me. But, one thing I also knew as I walked into church was that my Jesus waited for me. He reminded me that yesterday would be more difficult than other Sundays but to remember to just ask……
Ask Him to be my strength, be my hope, be my everything.
I stepped through the doors and the last worship song was this: Jesus Be The Center
Jesus be the center
Be my source be my light Jesus
Jesus be the center
Be my song Jesus
Be the fire in my heart
Be the wind in my sails
Be the reason that I live
As the years of my marrried life begin to rush along ever faster and faster, this elusive dream loses its hold on my heart. Slowly and faithfully Jesus steps up to be my center and the pain lessens. The real joy of living for Christ intensifies and the truth of knowing my purpose for living is to glorify Jesus.
I did that yesterday. Just by showing up for church. Alone.
I hope your day was wonderful. I pray you told your husband that he is your hero. I pray that one day, one amazing day, ALL of us will walk through the doors of our church on the arm of our man who crossed over the line and lives for Christ.
That is my earnest prayer for all of us today. With a giant heart of love for all of you, Lynn
If you need to hear the song, here is a link: Jesus Be the Center