Lysa TerKeurst and a Portion
Thankful Thursday - School's Out!

Is Divorce Really the Answer? — Part 2


In last week’s post, I shared a list of lies and false beliefs from Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ book, Lies Women Believe. The second part of her book title is, “And the Truth That Sets Them Free.” Today I want to share the list of truths she counters those lies with.

  • There is no marriage God cannot heal.
  • The primary purpose of marriage is not to be happy, but to glorify God and reflect His redeeming, covenant love.
  • God uses the rough edges of each partner in a marriage to conform the other to the image of Christ. Your mate’s weaknesses can become a tool in God’s hand to make you into the woman He created you to be.
  • True love—God’s love—is unconditional and never fails. We cannot love another human being perfectly on our own. But God can love anyone through us, if we are willing to let Him. Love in not a feeling; it is a commitment to act in the best interests of another. By God’s grace, we can choose to love anyone, even if we do not have warm feelings toward that person.
  • Marriage is a covenant. God is a covenant-keeping God. He kept His promises to the nation of Israel, even when they were spiritually adulterous and pursued other lovers (see Jeremiah 11:10; Ezekiel 20:16; Hosea 2:13). The Lord Jesus keeps His promises to His bride—the church—even when we are unfaithful to Him. Because He is faithful to keep His promises, it is never right for us to break the marriage covenant that was intended to be a picture of the redemptive relationship between God and His people.
  • God has commanded us to forgive without limit.
  • Your faithfulness and willingness to extend sacrificial love to your mate may be the means of his spiritual healing, even as Christ’s suffering was the means by which we were healed (1Peter 2:24-25; 1Corninthians 7:12-14).
  • You don’t solve your problems by putting on another pair of shoes under the bed. (Statistically, second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages.)
  • God’s grace is sufficient to enable you to be faithful to your mate and to love and forgive without limit.
  • God will never forsake you. Regardless of what you must endure, He will be there to carry you through.
  • The rewards of faithfulness in this life may not be fully experienced until eternity. But faithfulness will be rewarded and it will be worth the wait!*
I know some of this may be hard to swallow, but Lynn and I can tell you from experience that these are the truths that allow us to thrive in our mismatched marriages.

You might be thinking that if you do all this, you’ll have nothing left for you. I know I did for a long time. Let me tell you that’s also a lie. You can’t out give God. When you choose to love your spouse sacrificially, you will be amazed at what can happen. Of how God does reward you in this lifetime.

For years I never felt my husband would be there for me in a time of crisis or difficulty. I was envious of women who called their husbands their best friend or their hero. I wanted to have that kind of relationship with my husband. I wanted to know I could rely on him to be there in a crunch.

But God called me first to love my husband as He loved him. To love him as if he were a Christian and no differently. That was the beginning of great change. Next, God wanted me to get out of the way. To trust Him in letting my husband lead our family. More change. Instead of asking God to change my husband, I began to ask Him to change my attitude. Then God called me to love my husband above myself, to be there for him in whatever way God asked me too. Even when it seemed risky. Again, more change came.

I can stand before you today a completely different wife than I was 15 years ago. The amazing thing is that my husband is not the same husband he was even just five years ago. My change became the catalyst to his change, and these last few weeks have been the proof. In the midst of loss, my husband has come along side me is ways I never imagined him capable. I am in awe and give God all the glory for this miracle.

Now I can say I am married to my best friend and he’s my hero. I adore this guy and am so thankful for him.

You can have this too! Remember, you’re not doing the changing. God is changing you! You just have to let Him. Decide to love your spouse, whether or not your feelings of love are there. I promise you, the feelings will follow. You will fall in love with your spouse all over again.

The greatest truth we can learn is that love is a choice, not a feeling. Just as Christ chose to love us in our sin and die for us. He made a choice based on truth.

Praying and believing,

*Excerpts taken from Lies Women Believe and the Truths That Set Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, pages 159-160.
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