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June 2007
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17 entries from July 2007

To Know and Be Known

by: Dineen Miller

As I wrote down my prayer, the ache in my heart formed into these five words, “to know and be known.” Baffled by its meaning, yet fearful of the ramifications, I realized in that moment this was my dream.

To know and be known.

Several days later as I read one of my devotional booklets, one line jumped out at me. Almost word for word, the writer stated the same thing—to know and be known.

Now I knew I had to explore this further. What’s at the heart of this plea-like desire? If you’re like me, your faith defines who you are. At your very core, you find God, and everything you do is affected by this relationship.

Now I don’t say this to appear more than I am. Believe me when I say, the closer I come to Christ, the more I see how truly fallen I am. No, this goes deeper. This comes to a deep need to share ourselves with our creator and with our significant other. Our spouse.

How can you share who and what you believe yourself to be when the very essence that defines you is a Creator your spouse doesn’t acknowledge or even believe exists? We already struggle to be who we are in a society that tells us we’re not good enough, no matter what we do. Our marriages are supposed to be a place where we can truly be ourselves, secure in the knowledge that we are loved and accepted. But what happens when what we believe is unacceptable to the one we’ve committed to spend out lives with?

This question drove me to examine this desire and explore it in two parts.

To know. I want to know and understand my spouse, to relate to him on a spiritual level. Yet our mismatch makes this virtually impossible. I can’t know him this way, because he is still entrenched in his carnal form. The spirit I long to connect with isn’t there. But to delve deeper is to understand that who I truly long to know is God. To understand my place in his kingdom, and to find peace in this knowledge.

And to be known. I want my husband to know who I am, to understand that my faith defines who I am at the very core of my being. Again I am drawn to connect with him on this spiritual level. To look further is to see our deep-seated need to be known by God. To know we matter to Him. That we are more than just one of many and unique in the Master’s eye.

I’m coming to understand why God brought this desire to light. Our natural tendency is to search for fulfillment of our greatest needs in the ones we are closest to. Our spouses, our children, our friends, our ministries, our jobs. Yet God desires that He be the one we turn to for this deep fulfillment and connection. This is the essence of our relationship with Him—our one true love.

I can’t relate to what it feels like to be married to a believer. I can only imagine it, picture it, desire it—deeply yearn for it. But in this time of waiting, I’ve met Jesus in a very personal way. Now more than at any other time in my life, He is more tangible than I have ever known Him to be.

When the spiritual loneliness hits me, my thoughts turn to Him who knows me better than anyone ever can. I turn to the ultimate groom, the one who died for me, and lives through me today. I turn to Jesus.

And in his presence, I am known.

Marriage Monday

While vacationing in Yellowstone a few weeks ago our family was seated in a restaurant, enjoying lunch. My husband had ordered a Buffalo Burger. My daughter was appalled. We had driven by a heard of buffalo to get to the restaurant and she couldn’t believe Dad would eat those cute beasties.

The Burger was a large as a Frisbee and dripping with sauce and jalapeños. Ah, my man was in heaven! Inevitably, the sauce dripped from the bun and caught in my husband’s goatee.

With out a word, through eye contact and a slight point to my face, I communicated the following, “You have dripped that mess upon your face. You have done it before. You know the drill. Please wipe it off. Thank you very much.”

OR was it:

“Sweetheart, you have a slight mishap upon your handsome face. I know you would not want anyone to see it, so I am glad to let you know. Please wipe it with your napkin and thank you.”

The Buffalo Burger exchange was when I began to think about body language and the impact it has on our marriages. I only looked at my husband for one second and pointed to my own face. This tiny signal was all he needed. He knew exactly what I was saying and I said it without a single word. BTW, it was the nice one.... really!

That is power!
With much power comes much responsibility!

I am sure we could post about body language for the next month and not cover all aspects. Today, however, I want to bring up a an area God is impressing on me. I can’t wait to read your posts regarding body language.

The eye roll: I don’t actually roll my eyes. I didn’t realize this about myself until recently but I give the stare. This look can silence, motivate, deflate, and frankly incapacitate my poor guy.

This silent but deadly action is really born out of a lack of respect. At least for me this is true. I also realized that my 12 year old daughter was picking up on the inferences of this eye action. I was put on notice by the Holy Spirit that I need to be wary of the eye stare for the health of our marriage.

If men were forced to choose one of the following, which would they prefer to endure?
  • to be left alone and unloved in the world
  • to feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone

    Seventy-four percent of men said, if forced to choose, would prefer to be left alone and unloved in the world. Dr. Eggerichs, Love and Respect

  • Respect is my husband's greatest need, especially from me as well as from my daughter. I also want my daughter to learn respect for her future marriage. What a wonderful gift to her and her husband to understand this principal. She needs to see it in action.

    Thus, I am working on removing the eye stare from my body language.

    I hope a few of you will tackle some of the other topics suggested. I will be by to read your posts sometime today or tomorrow.

    Be blessed and thank you for participating in Marriage Monday, guest hosted here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage and at home over at Fruit In Season.

    Also, find me today at Christian Women Online with a post about the Prayer Mobile and our kids.

    Regular Contributor; Dineen Miller

    I am thrilled to announce Dineen Miller will be a regular contributor here at Spiritually Unequl Marriage. Dineen was one of the first readers here when we started this adventure. She has contributed many thought provoking and inspiring articles over the past year. I am delighted and blessed God has inspired her to speak regularly here. Would you please welcome her!


    Dineen Miller: Almost twelve years ago, I left the advertising industry and embarked on an adventure with Christ. Sure, I knew him as a child, but I’d wandered the road of life, got married to a wonderful man, started a family and had plans—my plans. God showed me He had something else in mind.

    I was thirty when I embarked upon this spiritual walk. And my journey as an unequally yoked spouse. I served as a youth counselor, then a Stephen Minister at my church in Tennessee, along with starting a women’s ministry that still thrives today.

    During a brief stint in Europe, I discovered I wasn’t alone in my spiritual mismatch. God blessed me with an amazing group of ladies who walked the same path I did and taught me so much. There I helped establish small groups for the purpose of Bible study and fellowship in an international church, and have been involved in small groups and ministry for the spiritually mismatched ever since.

    As a wife to an avid disc golfer, a mother of two spectacular teens, a graphic designer and a writer, I serve a God who shows me daily just how broken and saved I am. All that now translates into the stories, articles and devotionals I pen to God’s glory.

    My prayer is that our words bless, encourage, and strengthen you, dear one. You are not alone in this journey. DM

    You will find Dineen here every Tuesday! Thank you Dineen!

    Marriage Monday

    Did you realize only a tiny, seven percent, of communication with our spouse is actually verbal? Which means the manner in which we say something, (38%) and our body language, (55%) tells a bigger story! Yikes!

    With these facts in mind, let’s explore this fun, interesting and enlightening subject of body language, and our marriage.

    Please join me this Monday as I host Marriage Monday. Christine has graciously allowed me to take on Marriage Monday while she is trying to settle in with her little colicky, Zachary. Pray for Christine. My daughter was a colicky baby. Keeping my sanity in tact during the screaming was one of the hardest things I ever had to do!

    Here are several questions to spark your thoughts about body language and marriage.

    • What are we really saying when we give him the eye roll?
    • What body language communicates acceptance to your spouse.
    • In your own marriage, how has your body language defused an explosive situation?

    Join me and others here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage as we explore: Marriage and Body Language.

    Be blessed, Lynn

    Join me on Friday at Laced With Grace. I have a story about lunch with Julie and Happy Hour. It is a fantastic testimony to the power of God at work in the life of a believer.

    Thankful Thursday

    Thankful Thursday at Spiritually Unequal Marriage is an opportunity to give thanks to the King for our spouses.

    Wow, where do the days go.

    I woke up this morning and it is Thankful Thursday. I completely lost track of time. However, it is never too late to give thanks and honor to our King.

    Today, I am grateful for so much but mostly to just be home for awhile.

    Also, I am thankful for my husband’s love for his parents. We visited the In-laws last weekend. They are both becoming older. As they age, of course, there are developing age related health issues. My husband cares deeply for their comfort and health. He and his brother will be two kids who take an active interest and will help their parents as their health changes.

    I am thankful for the In-laws. They raised a good man. Thank you!

    Be blessed, Lynn

    For more Thankful Thursdays, visit Iris at Sting My Heart. Thank you Iris for this wonderful ministry of thanks.

    Aaron and Hur

    Exodus 17:12 (New International Version) 12 When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset.

    Do you remember this story? I was reading this passage today and it occurred to me we need friends like Aaron and Hur. These two men held up Moses’ arms when he was too tired to continue.

    The Israelites were in a heated battle with the Amalekites. When Moses held his staff, raise toward heaven, they dominated the battle. When Moses tired and his arms dropped from sheer exhaustion, the people began to lose ground.

    We need friendships such as Aaron and Hur because there will come a time when we can’t walk a step further without help from someone.

    I have found such friends right here in our Christian online community. Men and women whom God sends along at precisely the right moment, They hold my arms up high and pray for me.

    I also am encouraged by a Godly kinship through the 1Peter3Living study group. This week we have been discussing the unique issues of attending church alone. Thank you my friends. My arms were tired and you always encourage me.

    Do you need to be an Aaron or a Hur for for someone today? Pray right now for that person. Tell them you did.

    Colossians 4:12 (New International Version) 12Epaphras, who is one of you and a servant of Christ Jesus, sends greetings. He is always wrestling in prayer for you, that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured.

    Be blessed, Lynn

    Weekend Prayer


    I approach your throne today with my intercessor, Jesus, at my side. Today I lift up those who are struggling in their marriage relationship. When we are feeling we have reached rock bottom lead us to pray. Lord, Creator of the world, let us ask You to come up with a creative solution so fantastic we could never think of it ourselves.

    Lord, you know the pain, despair, and hopelessness that some are feeling right now better than I do. Give them a reason to hope again. Not only are you the author of salvation but you are also the savior of marriages and the provider of hope.

    I ask this for every reader who stops here today. In Jesus name, Amen.

    Have a blessed weekend. I am off again. See you Monday. Be blessed, Lynn

    Thankful Thursday

    Thankful Thursday at Spiritually Unequal Marriage is an opportunity to give thanks to the King for our spouses.

    1 Timothy 1:5 (New International Version)
    The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

    I am thankful this week for the many ways my spouse shares his love with me.

  • A thoughtful phone call for no reason
  • A smile
  • Understanding squeeze on the shoulder

    Never underestimate the small gestures in marriage.

    For more Thankful Thursdays, visit Laurel Wreath. Thank you Laurel for hosting Thankful Thursday this week.

    Be blessed, Lynn

  • The Valley

    I originally prepared this post for Christian Women Online. Yesterday however, God decided I needed to write on a different subject. He woke me up at 12:30 a.m. and I wrote. That short story will post tonight later at Jehovah Java. I hope you have a chance to read it.

    Today I am going to share a crazy story about our trip. God uses these experiences to change my heart and prayer life.

    Many of you know our family vacationed last week in Yellowstone National Park. We spent a week walking about on an active volcano. This thought still freaks me out!

    We stayed in a rustic cabin on the north side of the park. To reach our cabin we drove through a valley where wild life lives in abundance. We called the valley the Valley of the Bison Buffalo. This valley is where the buffalo roam and I MEAN roam.

    These guys are built like mini-tanks. The are stocky, 2,000 pounds of attitude. They own the park and they know it.

    So, I bet you know where this story is headed.

    It was 11:45 p.m. and my daughter, husband, and I were returning to our cabin after visiting with friends who were staying several miles away in a campground. It is pitch black outside with the exception of the brilliant stars winking. As we are driving, I suddenly see something reflected in the car headlights off to the right of the road. It’s an animal about to jump out in front of the car. I scream, “STOP.”

    Hubby slams on the brakes, we stare, now on the roadway, directly in front of us, is Mr. Buffalo. He is sauntering along in a casual pace and heads straight for the yellow line in the center of the road. The road is narrow and lined with trees. There is no way to get around him.

    As he is walking the yellow line and glancing back at us, I remember an earlier encounter with the Buffs. Two days ago we watched a buffalo charge two cars on the opposite side of the road. I AM SCARED! I begin to mumble a prayer, my husband is white knuckled and my daughter has taken cover somewhere in the back seat.

    Minutes pass. The beast keeps walking and glancing as we inch along at a respectable distance. I pray louder. I begin to wonder if the authorities will find us in the morning out of gas and asleep on the roadway.

    Finally the brute moves to the left lane of traffic. I yell, “gun it.” The tires squeal, we jet up to pass the beedy-eyed, beast but he is having none of it. The hulking black tank moves toward our car.

    Breaks screech as they lock up. The people in the car behind are laughing, I am sure of it. Now the adrenaline is flowing. Thus the bizarre game of buffalo chicken ensues.

    At this point, a heated argument discussion erupts as to how we should get around the armored truck.

    Buff, again moves toward the side of the road.Imported_photos_00088_2

    “Let’s hightail it out of here,” I scream. Wheels screech, fear rises, and we race by the beast with his shaggy dreadlocks blowing in our dust.

    I collapse in the front seat, my husband relaxes, and my daughter crawls out from under her coat to peek back at the poor folks behind us who are now trapped in their own game of Buffalo Chicken.

    A minute later, an entire heard of elk spring from the bush and once again the brakes screech. What a ride!

    Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

    Although I tell this story of our valley of the shadow of death, I know there are truly people who live in a real valley with the shadow hanging overhead.

    They are people like my brother, age 41, who is facing certain death this year from Metastatic Melanoma.

    Facing our buffalo has reminded me of those who are in desperate need of our prayers and the comforting hand of Jesus upon them.

    Lord Jesus, I pray for my brother and for every person who stops in here today who is living in their own valley. Lord, I ask for your power of deliverance in their lives. You have a perfect plan for many who live in this valley. Comfort them as they struggle, give them hope and courage to face the beast in the roadway. In Jesus name, Amen.

    I am praying a blessing over you today my friends. Rejoice, our God is good! Love, Lynn

    Marriage Monday

    Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketI want to thank Christine over at Fruit In Season for the 30-day Marriage challenge. I learned a great deal about myself, my marriage and about our God’s purpose for marriage.

    I found I needed focus on prayer for my husband. I also discovered I am able to triumph in other areas when I ask God for His help.

    This challenge was enlightening and helpful. Thank you Christine!

    The Lord's Day!

    It is the Lord’s Day. Let us rejoice in it!

    Psalm 118:24 This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

    What a week!

    I bet you already know this but our God is brilliant! The stunning beauty of the wilderness attests to His power, majesty, and intellect.

    I have returned from Yellowstone with several stories to share with you in the weeks ahead about spiritually mismatched families on vacation.Imported_photos_00080_3

    Often times, when we leave our world of routine behind, God shows up to meet us in our new surroundings. This was true for me. I saw God in the beauty of nature but God showed me some areas of selfishness I need to work on. I can get stuck in my ways and am quite stubborn, ask my husband.

    Anyhoo, we experienced an adventure every single day. I can’t wait to share with you about the first day in the park and our “Buffalo Incident.” I think I am going to have to post about it at Christian Women Online on Wednesday. It is already a legend in our neighborhood.Imported_photos_00052_2

    Have a blessed and beautiful day! I missed all of you so much. I can’t wait to have a few hours to blog hop and visit with everyone.

    Be blessed, Lynn

    Worship at Laced With Grace

    ....Filled with awe I will fall to my face in worship. Fall on my face, nose in the dirt, kind of worship. Hopefully during my morning quit time and not out in front of Old Faithful.......

    Find me today at Laced With Grace and a devotion from the mountains of Yellowstone National Park.

    I will return on Monday. Looking forward to catching up with everyone. Be blessed, Lynn

    Taking a Break to Praise!

    I am taking a break this week as I am heading to Yellowstone National Park, a life-long dream come true. I know it will be an awe inspiring trip, filled with glimpses of the immensity and grandeur of our God.

    I know God will fill me up and I will worship Him. I know I am likely to return with a number of tales about my antics and the Amazing God I serve. Can't wait to share them with you. Find me Wednesday at Laced With Grace with a post about Yellowstone.

    See you on Monday the 23rd. Be blessed, All of my friends!

    (The comment moderator has been turned on during my trip. Please leave a comment and I will write back when I return! )

    The Journey of Prayer

    By: Dineen Miller, a regular Contributor at Spiritually Unequal Marriage (Thanks Dineen)

    You’ve prayed for weeks, days, months, and now years for your spouse’s salvation. The prayers aren’t as frequent as before. Instead, a sense of hopelessness has slowly replaced the original fervency of your petitions. You’ve asked so many times, yet God seems to either not hear you or your spouse has an unusually thick skull. Nothing’s getting through. I can only say one thing.

    Don’t stop now.

    During my time in Europe, my small group leader did a wonderful thing. She planned a meeting with guests, who were once unequally yoked. Six women joined us that night and shared their journeys as unequally yoked spouses, and then the crème de la crème—how their spouses had come to Christ and who they were as of that day.

    I remember one woman sharing how her young daughter wound up influencing her husband to make the all-important decision. Others spoke of life changing events playing a significant role. One woman spoke of the twelve years she waited, praying for her husband to accept Christ.

    Twelve years.

    I remember thinking, “That won’t be me.” Yet here I am, in my eleventh year of this journey.

    The one persistent aspect of all their testimonies was prayer. Keep praying, keep believing, then pray some more. Prayer is the key ingredient here, but how do we keep going when we see nothing change? How do we persevere when the enemy’s whispering things in our ear like:

    “He’ll never change, so why bother?”

    “You blew up at him yesterday. What kind of witness can you possibly have to offer?”

    “It’s hopeless. There’s nothing you can do.”

    I’ll admit, I haven’t always prayed consistently for my husband, but about six years ago, God revealed how my husband was my Jericho, and that I had to march around him in prayer. (There’s more to this that I’ll share later.)

    Have I seen any change since then? No.

    Have I witnessed a softening of my husband’s heart? No.

    Have I quit praying? No.

    Recently God nabbed my attention again and told me to step things up a bit. More prayer, more marching, daily, keep it going. Why? I know God’s big enough to just snap his fingers and make it happen. God knows my prayer before I even speak it. So why more, why now?

    Because I’m not ready.

    Feel free to read that line again. (It surprised me a bit when I typed it.) Go back to the time you started praying for your spouse. Spend a little time there and look at who you were then. Now come back to the present and answer this question:

    Are you the same person now that you were then?

    I’m betting you said no. (If not, then we really need to talk!) You may not see any changes in your spouse, or perhaps you see some miniscule movement in the right direction, but I’m guessing you’ve changed significantly. The road’s been rough, full of pot holes, but each time you bounced through one of those set-backs, you wound up stronger, more able to handle the next rut in the road.

    Prayer is truly a journey. When we open our hearts and align our wills with God, we can’t help but be transformed. God’s just that way. Even when our prayers seem to ricochet like rubber balls, He’s there, helping us pitch the next throw.

    The point is to keep pitching, keep praying. Don’t give up. Don’t let the enemy win. God wants us to have the best arm possible so that when that day comes—that amazing day when our spouses say yes to Jesus—we’ve got the muscle to help them walk their own journey of prayer.

    And be forever changed.


    Thank you Dineen. You can also find Dineen at her blog Kittens Come From Eggs.

    Marriage Monday

    Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
    My goals for last week, June 25 through July 1, 2007:

  • Pray for my husband’s career daily
  • Speak well of him in all circumstances
  • Recognize and appreciate him as my Hero
  • Once again I am thrilled to participate in this month long challenge. Each week I uncover interesting aspects of this challenge and the goals I am seeking to achieve.

    First, I acknowledge I am unable to achieve these goals without God’s help. With that said, I know I will keep these goals for the remainder of the challenge. So much work….so little time *grin.*

    Two weeks ago, I gave significant thought and actions to my first goal. Last week I worked to pray for my husband’s career.

    I am thrilled to say I prayed everyday over his work. I prayed something like this:

    Lord, I approach your throne with my redeemer, Jesus, at my side. Father, today I ask your hand of protection over my husband. Protect him from evil people and evil spirits. Lord, I ask You to dispatch angels from your throne to guide him in his work. Lord, let the angels speak words of encouragement to him. Also, Lord, when my husband’s name is spoken in the work place, let others remember his integrity and work ethic.

    Lord, if it is Your will, promote my husband. Propel him further down the career path. Surround my husband with Christians in the work place.

    Oh and Lord, thank you for bringing this man into my life. I am grateful. In Jesus name, Amen

    I can’t wait to see what these prayers avail.

    I am praying your week was also filled with opportunities to serve your husband and your God.

    Be blessed, Lynn