This next post may hurt a bit. Some people never grow up. And, by-the-way, that IS NOT A GOOD THING!
If you are married to an immature person, it can be utterly wearisome. No matter what you do, you cannot make someone grow up but you certainly don’t need to enable them in their irresponsibility.
Immaturity can be a result of childhood experiences. How we form our adult thoughts and beliefs, how we learn to love others is a direct result of our childhood learning, as we discussed in an earlier post. Some people simply are stuck in their immaturity and never grow up.
Dealing with an immature spouse sometimes is like dealing with a teenager. There must be rational approaches and consequences.
As adult and mature married people, we should be able to give and receive affection, through handholding, kissing, hugging, conversation, and sexual relations that are comfortable for both. The inability to enjoy a healthy give-and-take in these areas need to be assessed.
Simply there is no other alternative in certain situations. Professional counseling is needed or at the very least mutual understanding between the partners.
If you are the needy person, it can be terribly uncomfortable to discover this about yourself. But, see this opportunity as God calling to you to grow.
If you are married to an unhealthy person, perhaps someone who is unwilling or unable to make changes, stop and prayerfully try to understand what God is doing here. He often teaches us about ourselves, our needs, and the needs of others when we’re going through difficulty. Instead of rushing to try to change your spouse, stop and wait upon God to show you what is going on in your own life.
Honestly assess if you are balanced and that the needs you want your spouse to fill are needs only God can fill.
If after this time of examination, you still feel you have made an honest attempt to put your relationship first, spending time together, sharing, loving, giving affection, then make a commitment. Commit yourself to make a change in your marriage.
Today in your prayer journal, it is time to ask the difficult questions. Lord, am I the needy one. Am I immature? Do I look to my spouse to fill me when it is You, God who needs to fill me?
Submit Yourselves to God
James 4: 1-2 NIV
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.
How do we go about making change? Next post. Stay tuned.