In some of my research materials, Christian Counselors indicate people do not know how to love one another. We will learn about this in future posts. But today we need to learn about ourselves.
To learn how to love another person, specifically our spouse, first we must learn who we are. My life forever changed when I realized my spouse was unable to mee all my needs. I guess like everyone, I am really needy. The task to love me the way “I wanted” to be loved was daunting.
I want to share one of my original posts with you here. Many of you may have read it before but the truth in this post is life changing:
For many years I placed my husband in the impossible roll of satisfying all the desires I had for love, acceptance, and identity. I set him up and myself up for disappointment. My husband simply is unable to fulfill every longing of my heart. Why, because our Creator did not design men to be everything to us. The enemy has deceived the daughters of Eve to believe that our husbands must fulfill our every whim, desire, and need.
In the Word of God we read that we are purposefully crafted to desire a heart relationship with our maker. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, Psalms 139:14.
God’s design, the correct design, is for us to establish our identity in Him. He wants us to know, without a doubt that we are His child (Ephesians 1:5a). He longs to show us how beautiful we are (Psalm 45:11a) and to share a love relationship with us (1 Corinthians 13:13). Some of the most powerful longings and needs women have, can only be fulfilled by a relationship with God through His son Jesus Christ.
Getting my mind and heart around this truth freed me and it freed my husband. Our relationship began to change and flash points of war diminished.
To understand Jesus is the ONLY ONE who can completely meet all of our needs is freedom. He must become our identity. He must become the one we turn to with our hearts, hopes, dreams, and disappointments. Only after we turn ourselves over to Christ are we able to approach a marriage relationship with realistic expectations.
Be blessed, Lynn
Next up: Learning to love; it goes beyond marriage to your entire family.