The Spoils of Victory
I am married, so why do I feel so alone? Part II

I am married, so why do I feel so alone? Part I

So how do we arrive in marriage feeling alone? We hear others tell us how their spouse is their best friend. Hearing this statement rips our heart out of our chest. We can’t begin to imagine a kind relationship with our spouse let alone a deep friendship. How did we end up in this crazy place?

Loneliness in marriage is not just a symptom of Spiritual mismatch. Over the past six or seven months I have talked with so many women who are struggling, alone in their marriage. I am convinced aloneness in marriage is reaching epidemic proportions. Men AND women and starving for affection and attention within their union.

I can attest, living this way is not biblical. It is NOT what God wants for you and He can change your situation. We are going to explore, through Christian counselors, how to make progress from loneliness to fulfillment.

So, let’s travel down this road together and discover how we can turn from starving and lonely to loved and filled up. It is my hope that if you are in a lonely marriage this series can help save you from your prison. Or, if you are currently enjoying a season of marriage happiness, you will dedicate yourself to learn from the discussion days ahead so you can reach out to someone God is desperately trying to reach. Please contribute through your comments. Someone out there needs your encouragement.

I also realize many of you would dearly love to change your situation but feel your spouse is unresponsive. I hope to offer you practical suggestions to work with your spouse or around your spouse for healing for both of you. If you are in a marriage where there is mental illness, addiction, or abuse, the steps ahead are not right for you. Please contact me for information how to overcome these issues in marriage. e-mail me

Let’s take a survey:

Do you feel close to or distant from your spouse?
Do you feel passionate or mechanical?
Is your behavior toward your spouse spontaneous or routine?
Are you emotionally full or empty?
Do you feel loved as you were meant to be loved, or is there something missing?
Do you feel inspired or expired by your spouse’s touch?
Do you feel adored or indifferent?
Do you feel understood or disregarded when you talk with your spouse?

If you answered several of these questions and they indicate dissatisfaction, you may feel lonely, angry, and bitter.

In reality we have three choices:
1. Leave your spouse and find someone else.
2. Leave things as they are and struggle along.
3. Tackle the problem without attacking your spouse.

If you choose anything but number three, there isn’t much you will learn here. But, if you are willing, even one person in a marriage can make changes that will impact the marriage in positive ways.

Are you willing? Will you commit to learning and putting into practice the suggestions that follow in the weeks ahead?

Starting today find a prayer journal. I want you to begin writing out your prayers in long hand. At least a few paragraphs. I want you to lift up your marriage, yourself, and your spouse every day in writing.

Begin praying today in your journal asking God to provide the willingness to change. Ask Him to fill you and your home with the Holy Spirit. Ask Him to protect you and your spouse from the enemy. If you start with this exercise, I promise it will change your life. I PROMISE!

Write to me. Tell me you started your prayer journal. Write the date down and we will share together the great things God has in store for our future.

Be blessed, Lynn

Next: How did we get here. It’s all about the walls!

If you are a Mother, I want to encourage you today at Christian Women Online.

Also, today is Marriage Monday. Head over to Fruit In Season for a great article on Real love.

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