A husband needs his wife to appreciate him for what his already is, not for what he could become if he lived up to her standards. Admiration motivates a man to achieve more. He sees himself able to take on more responsibility for his family.
Behind every man should be an admiring wife.
This is a difficult thing especially when women feel that her needs are not currently being met. Dr. Harley suggests that both, husband and wife prepare a list that identifies characteristics that build or destroy admiration.
For example a wife may list a characteristic that destroys her admiration such as. I feel angry when my husband goes into his “cave” and wont talk to me. The husband can recognize this and make a pointed effort to spend time talking with his wife about his day.
This list is an excellent tool to overcome impasses in your marriage. Dr. Harley suggests couples use it to trade some of their needs, like the suggestion above. The husband spends time in conversation, love deposits are made. The wife admires him when she feels loved, love deposits are given.
Dr. Harley also suggests that if you spouse is unwilling to work to make these trades or has nothing to trade back, profession help might be needed to get him started.
A woman truly wants to admire her husband as her hero. Working on this list strategy will be a win-win for both.
This is a fantastic chapter with details on how to approach this list and trade concept. Read it!
Be blessed, Lynn