Yesterday I told you we will spend some time talking about our successes and failures. Today I have a story to tell you. You see, although I have arrived at a wonderful place in my mismatched marriage, I don’t always get it right. I make mistakes. Even mistakes I have written about.
Specifically, I want to share a recent story with you. I am currently the facilitator at 1Peter3Living. This Yahoo group is reading the book Men are Like Waffles and Women are Like Spaghetti. On Wednesday, April 4th I send out this message to our group. Many of you will remember this as follows:
I finished the first chapter of Waffles and Spaghetti and about wet my
pants laughing as I read the questions at the end.
Example: #23 The phrase most often heard when the two of you are alone
in a quiet setting is:
a. "I love you."
b. "I need you."
This one is the best!
#22 TURE OR FALSE: The husband often lets his wife answer the
telephone because its usually for her anyway. FALSE: The husband often
lets his wife answer the telephone because, if he doesn't, he may end
up talking to her mother. (I cracked up at this one)
Okay but then I went on to read the first part of chapter two and was
hit smack in the head with a bad habit I didn't know I had. Chapter
two is all about communicating and how we do it all wrong sometimes,
how we must take turns and become (husband and wife) focused listeners.
Page 36: Your husband may say, "I'm intimidated by my boss." Try not
to respond with, "There's no reason for you to be intimidated. You are
bright, intelligent, and talented. Your boss is just threatened by how
good you are. Be brave, honey. It will be all right!" In doing so you
shut him down. Your husband is probably trying to get a conversation
started with you that is bigger than work. It probably has to do with
his lack of confidence or lack of understanding of how competition
works in an adult world. Or he may be contemplating a job change and
is checking to see how accepting you may be of having that
conversation. Or he may be intimidated by you and he is trying to lead
into the conversation by blaming his boss first! Whatever the case may
be, you will never know if you attempt to fix him rather than let him
work the process with your listening help.
Okay, am I alone here? I feel like a complete idiot. I am sure I have
cut my husband off on almost exactly this same conversation. Yikes. I
think I will send him this email and let him know I am sorry and will
not jump in to "save" him from his boss again.
Okay, with this message in mind, you should know I emailed this to my husband. I said in my email I am an idiot and interfere with his business decisional all the time and I don’t listen. Sharing and confessing this truth with my husband won me a lot of love points. *smile*
Yesterday, however, my husband began to explain a hiccup in his current assignment. Here is where I jumped in with both feet, mouth flapping and I DID IT AGAIN.
My husband stopped me and said. “I am going to print out that email and waive it in your face.”
I looked at him and started laughing. I felt like an idiot. I said to him, “Man, I even write about this stuff. I know I shouldn’t jump in all over you. I know you can handle every single one of your work problems, but I still can’t stop myself. I will work on it. Keep reminding me. Print that email out to wave it in my face the next time.”
We both laughed. I ran into his arms and we hugged. The story behind this is I learned from reading this book and we both grew from it. Share with your spouse gently and in small doses. Don’t push but share when opportunity is presented. It is amazing how it will change your navigation through marriage difficulties.
I also admit. I am certainly far from perfect. Just clay in the Potters hand. Amen!