A woman uses about 20,000 words per day while a man uses about 7,000. The female brain is a lean, mean communicating machine, according to Dr. Louann Brizendine, clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco. Of course, the statistics vary but what is undisputed is women need to talk.
In our series discovering the needs of men and women, today we are looking at the second need for women in marriage, the need for conversation. Women have a deep need for conversation about her day, people she may have encountered and ---most of all—how she feels about them. She wants verbal attention.
She wants to be with someone who—in her perception---cares deeply about her and for her. When she perceives this kind of caring, she feels close to the person with whom she talks. In the female psyche, conversation blends with affection to help the woman feel united with the other person.---Dr. Willard Harley, His Needs, Her Needs.
This is Dr. Harley’s Third Law of Marriage: Caring Partners Converse in a Caring Way.
How to make deposits in the love bank of your spouse with good conversation:
Develop interest in each other’s favorite topics of conversation. Begin your conversation with a subject that interests your spouse and the conversation will move on to others subjects. Sometimes we just need to get them talking.
Balancing the conversation. Let your spouse talk at first. Don’t interrupt. Let your spouse talk, suggested 10 minutes, then add to the conversation and don’t monopolize.
Using conversation to inform, investigate, and understand your spouse. Inform each other of your personal interests and activities. Investigate each other’s personal feelings and attitudes without trying to change them. Understand each other’s motivation in life. What makes them sad, happy, hot or cold.
Giving each other undivided attention. Don’t talk during the football game find fifteen hours alone in the week for undivided attention.
Fifteen hours, Dr. Harley, firmly suggests this to husbands. This is typical in the dating phase of the relationship. So how do we get our husband’s to talk? This is tricky and Dr. Harley offers too many tips to list here. He recommends several books to help. I believe you need to start with a conversation in a quiet and uninterrupted time and place and talk about this need honestly. You and your spouse decide how to meet this need together.
Happy talking! Be blessed, Lynn
If you would like the suggested reading list, please e-mail me.
Next Up: He needs recreational companionship
Share your voice, heart and love in the comments.
Marching Around Jericho is a spiritual guide. As you read through the pages, powerful and transformative instruction and equipping takes place. We follow Jesus as he leads us around the walls, imparting kingdom truths with each passing, finally arriving at the gates of the walled-off city, our spouse’s unbelieving heart. After the circles in prayer are complete, we arrive fully prepared to command the walls to crumble and be removed, making a way for our spouse to step from the rubble of lies and captivity, into faith and freedom!