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10 entries from July 2006

The Five Love Languages

I recently added a new book to the suggested reading list, The Five Love Languages, written by Gary Chapman. This book outlines the way different people express love.

□ Quality Time
□ Words of Affirmation
□ Gifts
□ Acts of Service
□ Physical Touch

It really does matter how we show love to others and we may be going about it all wrong.

My love language is through words of affirmation but my spouse is through, act of service. We both respond in a wonderful and positive way when we receive love though “our language.” My daughter’s love language is quality time. What a difference it makes when you understand the way to show love your family and friends.

What love language are you??? I am offering this book in a drawing. Please leave a comment at the end of this post and I will pull a name out of a hat at the end of the week for one lucky reader.

I hope to offer more books in the future, stay tuned!! Be blessed! Lynn

Longings, disappointment....Emotions!!!

Our emotions can overwhelm rational thought and leave us vulnerable to enemy attack. How do we work through the hurt?

Begin with expectations. What can you expect? Nancy Kennedy provides some wise words of advice in her book, When He doesn’t Believe. “You can expect opposition, whether subtle or blatant, passive or purposeful. If you expect opposition, then you won’t be surprised when it comes. The danger, of course, is the temptation to place yourself in a constant state of spiritual defensiveness, always on alert for enemy attacks. Yes, an unbeliever lacks spiritual discernment and is opposed to the truth of the gospel, but an obnoxious, defensive Christian is only inviting conflict.”

“A better way is to expect that your husband wants harmony between the two of you. Chances are he doesn’t want to fight. He just wants his dinner on time and a warm, responsive body to curl up next to in bed. Focus not on opposition but on what binds you together as a couple.”

Wise words…. I also want to encourage you to read the posts from the wise readers who left comments. They are excellent.

I plan to return to this subject again soon along with one of my friends, Rebecca Saville, who is a professional counselor I work with through my church. Rebecca is a wise, Christian woman who has helped many who struggle in difficult relationships. I hope to have her interview later this week on the subject of emotions.

Be blessed!

Flames of Perdition

Yesterday my spouse and I were talking about escaping the “flames of perdition.” Now, don’t let me confuse you. We were not talking about heaven, hell, or anything spiritual. Although, the heat here in Southern California is a firm reminder that hell is not where I want anyone to spend an eternity. We were discussing escaping the heat this weekend. Temperatures here have soared to over 100° every day for the last 19 days. This heat wave is quite unusual for such an extended period.

“How about the beach,” I suggest.
Hubby reminds me that we have a previous commitment on Saturday. “We could go on Sunday.” He spoke in a monotone voice.

There it is, one of those statements that throws me into “what if” …..Immediately, into my mind jumped this thought. If my husband was a Christian, Sunday morning would not be an option. YIKES, was that my thought or was it the enemy?

The what if scenario: If only dreams are a treacherous place to live. Dreams of the perfect man/woman are just that, dreams. This is true of any marriage regardless of your spiritual beliefs. Believing that if only your husband or wife was a Christian her or she would…(fill in the blank).

I would live in this territory in the early years of my marriage for days at a time. This is a self-centered world where respect for my spouse is under fire.

What I learned since then is: your spouse is who he is regardless of his faith. I know that even if my husband turned his life over to Christ today, he is still the same guy. I have realistic expectations now. I do not expect a new personality.

So what do we do with the emotions these longings create in us? That subject is to follow in the next post! Love your spouse today for who he/she is. God does! Don’t forget that your spouse loves you for who you are. Be blessed! Lynn

I Quit

In Exodus chapters, five and six God commanded Moses to ask Pharaoh to let Israel go. Pharaoh refused and increased the hardship upon the Israelites. The people turned against Moses and criticized him for causing this new hardship. Moses became so discouraged in his circumstance that he wanted to quit.

I am greatly encouraged by this story when I want to give up because of my circumstance. God was patient with Moses and offered him His perspective. God is patient with us as well. Take your circumstance to the King of Kings. Ask Him about it. Then wait on the Lord. Watch how God will answer you with His truth.

How can I pray for you and your circumstance?

Be blessed!

Thank you Amy Forbes


I want to thank Amy for testimony. She has shared from her heart and we have been blessed by her story of faithfulness and surrender.

Lord, I lift Amy to you this day. Continue to walk with her, her husband and family and draw them ever closer to you. I thank you for her willingness to share. Bless her this day. In Jesus name, Amen

Marriage: By Amy Forbes

1 Corinthians 7:14 (New International Version)

14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

By Amy Forbes

Ok, where do I start? Well, firstly my husband and I met and married in 1994, we were both new Christians and started attending a local café style church. Whenever my husband went up for prayer it was a powerful thing, he’d usually fall down on the floor and be slain in the spirit for hours at a time – he was such an on fire man for the Lord at the time. Then over the next few years gradually his faith seemed to wane as mine grew and I’m told that apparently this is a common thing. It was so frustrating as I watched him turn into someone that seemed to hate me so much for my faith. I had such a thirst to know God more than he did and unfortunately he had many extra-curricular activities he was involved in around our community so I was alone at home most nights and weekends so with our now three small preschool children it was hard work. We attended church together every Sunday but I could tell his heart wasn’t in it, day after day when he was at home he’d watch never ending amounts of tv. Like many wives I tried talking to him about it, I also tried yelling, screaming, nagging the silent treatment but it just produced anger in both of us. One day God said to me so emphatically to stop being a dripping tap because I really did sound like a nagging wife – that stopped me in my tracks. I did come across three books that literally saved my sanity:

The power of a praying wife – Stormie Omartian
What happens when women pray – Evelyn Christenson
Lord, change me – Evelyn Christianson

In the first the author talks about how she too tried the same methods with her husband that I did plus the whole book has many awesome prayers we can use when praying for our spouses. The third one however was the most valuable because it showed me that here I was criticizing my husband and looking at his shortfalls and failings when in fact I wasn’t perfect myself – it gave me a lot to think about and really did start me off on the path to asking God to change me instead of my husband. I can’t tell how many times unkind words were said by the both of us to each other and how many arguments we had over the years – many of them so silly that I can’t even remember what most of them were about but one time I had a big pile of his shirts to iron for work and I was so angry at him for the way he’d treated me that I swore I wouldn’t do them until God all of a sudden reminded me about blessing those who persecute us and he pretty much pushed me to pick up the iron and do all of those shirts while sobbing over my ironing board venting my feelings to God. From then on whenever I was upset instead of having a go at my husband I went to God and told him all about it and every time I felt like He was picking me up, dusting me off and helping me forge ahead in my walk with Him. There were many times it was just me and the kids attending church week after week without him. Then about 2 months ago I felt God’s voice so strong saying to me “don’t say anything more to your husband, leave him for me, I’m dealing with him”. So I did, I stopped trying to get him to church, I stopped reminding him about reading his bible – I just kept quiet and then suddenly two weeks later my husband came to me and we sat down calmly and discussed our marriage in which he mentioned counseling (which was great as I’d been trying to get him to attend it with me for a good few years) and that God had been speaking to him since he’d backslid 10 years ago but that he’d been running away from His voice. Now apparently God had said to him that “it’s now or ever, either you come back to me or that’s it, you won’t get another chance”. Well, that blew me away! Since this happened my husband has been coming to church with us every week, he’s been reading his bible, the tv has been on a lot less and our relationship is a lot less strained, the kids seem to be more calm too. The best thing is that all the hurt I’ve been carrying in my heart has all of a sudden gone, it’s amazing what a simple apology and explanation will do for us ladies as we think with our hearts whereas men just don’t realize how they affect us. I can tell you one thing I’ve learned over the years, God has never left me, He was always there for me, and each stumbling block in my path was a lesson, I’ve come a long way from where I once was. I think that our husbands look at us, they don’t hear our voices they want to see the changes in us first – the bible in 1st Corinthians says that “the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband.” So true, let us be the light to others, let them see our example as we make the changes first in us.

Amy Forbes

Guest Writer: Amy Forbes

I would like to introduce Amy Forbes as a guest writer for Spiritually Unequal Marriage. Amy is a born again Christian and a former wicca (story for another day). She is married with three children and lives in a small town in New Zealand. She works part-time developing websites. Her post will follow tomorrow. It details how God has worked in her life, her husband's life and in their marriage.

Tune in for a great story. Be blessed, Lynn


I find it amazing how quickly God points out my selfishness.

Following a fight with my spouse, I was in the car after running an errand. I was feeling angry and completely justified in my point-of-view. I decided that a little music might be the calming influence I needed so I turned on the radio and happened upon a Christian radio station that I rarely tune in.

The words I heard that very minute were:

Colossians 3:12-14

12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

I was completely humbled and changed in that minute.

I am God’s chosen. I am a Christian and I choose to put on the perfect bond of love and forgive as the Lord forgives!

Making up also has its own rewards! Be blessed!

Recreational Companionship

My family is blessed with a wonderful opportunity to vacation with our neighbors at their family cottage this July 4th. As I am writing this morning, I am looking across the placid waters of Clark Lake in Door County, Wisconsin. The natural beauty of the lake and the surrounding farmland confirms, once again, that we serve a breathtaking Creator. He has indeed placed his hand of blessing and abundance over America.

Vacationing with family builds more than memories it builds relationships. In the book, His Needs, Her Needs, Willard F. Harley, Jr. writes that men have a basic need for recreational companionship. They want to have fun with their spouse. Harley’s book offers practical insight into the needs of both men and women by explaining the benefits of fulfilling the needs of your spouse. I recommend reading this book; it was immensely helpful to me.

Vacationing with my husband draws us closer as we build lasting family memories. Find time to have fun with your spouse this week. Have a great July 4th. Be blessed!