Untangling Family Problems
May 16, 2025
One year, my husband gave me a beautiful diamond necklace for Christmas. After wearing it the first time, instead of hanging it up on a hook in my jewelry cabinet, I hurriedly dropped it into a drawer that held a “poodle dog lapel pin,” a keepsake from my teenage years. Several days later when I wanted to wear it again, I reached in the drawer for it only to discover that it was tangled around the poodle dog’s neck. I left it there and reached for a diamond necklace that my mother had given me.
Upon returning home, I took the necklace off, and once again in a hurry, threw it in the same drawer with the poodle dog lapel pin. Later, I discovered that the two necklaces were now all tangled up together around the poodle dog’s neck. Discouraged by such a big mess, I left them that way for several years, never bothering to try to untangle them from one another. As a result, I got no enjoyment out of wearing either of my diamond necklaces.
What does a poodle dog pin with two necklaces tangled around its neck have to do with a Sumite Marriage?
Here’s the way I see it.
As we begin to navigate our marriage journey from the time we said, “I do,” somewhere along the way, it turns into a spiritual nightmare. We begin to encounter situations we hadn’t signed up for at the altar.
To name a few: our spouse might decide to leave the faith; we engage in heated discussions on how to raise the kids spiritually; financial disagreements may erupt; sometimes verbal and emotional abuse arises. And, generational sins from our extended families often make a grand entrance into our marriage.
One day, we realize we have a tangled-up mess, just like my necklaces, that is sucking the joy of life out of life. We may pray, “Lord, I vowed I would stick with my spouse for better or worse, but honestly, the worst often makes me wish for an escape route.”
I’ve been there, and even lost sight of who I was. However, a passage of scripture once caught my eye in Numbers. God was giving a command to Moses for the Israelites who would be crossing over the Jordan River into Canaan.
It goes like this.
When you have crossed the Jordan into the land of Canaan, then you shall drive out all the inhabitants of the land from before you, destroy all their engraved stones, destroy all their molded images, and demolish all their high places; you shall dispossess the inhabitants of the land and dwell in it, for I have given you the land to possess. And you shall divide the land by lot as an inheritance among your families; to the larger you shall give a larger inheritance, and to the smaller you shall give a smaller inheritance; there everyone’s inheritance shall be whatever falls to him by lot. You shall inherit according to the tribes of your fathers. (Numbers 33:50-54 KJV)
My thoughts.
Was God saying to me, “What I gave to the Israelites, I now give to you to possess, according to your needs. But, you must drive out, destroy, demolish, and dispose of all corrupting influence in your life.”
I began to get excited, but my thoughts were, if I tried to drive out, destroy, and demolish all my problems in my marriage at once, it would be overwhelming. After all, some of them had been stationed very firmly there a long time, and the old devil wasn’t going to give up easy.
How were the Israelites told to inherit their land? By lot.
Then, I saw it: If I were to buy three pieces of real estate, each lot has to be cleared of any debris from the sites before building a home on it. It was then I realized that I should clear each lot from my tangled up PAST one lot at a time.
And thus, the re-building process began. The beauty of it was I felt the presence of the Lord leading and guiding me, and I learned something new and different about God’s character on each lot.
I also tried to adapt this theory for the FUTURE when the enemy tries to invade the land God has given me according to His Word. As God told the Israelites, “Don’t let anything the devil throws at me become pricks in my eyes and thorns in my side. (vs 55-56)
Back to my poodle dog: I finally took the time to untangle my diamond necklaces and am enjoying wearing them.
God bless, Marth!
Martha is a former school teacher and author of Helping Children: A Journey of Healing. She also contributed to two other books: Winning Them With Prayer and Becoming: The Dreamer’s Study Guide to Launching God-Sized Dreams. Her mother’s heart overflows with gratitude as a writer and editor for Created Woman, the ministry her daughter, Heather, founded.
She and her husband, Glen, are the parents of two daughters, Crystal and Heather, and grandparents of Hannah, Zach, Hadley, and Hope - their pride and joy.