The Power of a Three-Stranded Cord in an Unequal Marriage

The Power of a Three-Stranded Cord in an Unequal Marriage

. . . a three-stranded cord is not easily broken.   (Ecclesiastes 4:12, CJB)

In the verses prior to this, Solomon is speaking of how two are better than one because if one falls the other can help them up.  They can keep one another warm when it is cold and they can defend one another against an attacker.  Then in the last part of verse twelve, he changes things up a bit and speaks of three instead of two. 

This verse is often spoken of in regards to marriage.  It describes how a successful and strong marriage is one in which there are three participants, a husband, a wife and God.  I’ve also seen it illustrated as a triangle in which the bottom corners represent the husband and wife operating in a horizontal (physical) relationship and God being the top point operating with both husband and wife in a vertical (spiritual) relationship.  Regardless of the picture drawn, it makes sense.  Anything we bring the Lord into will become stronger as He has strength far beyond anything we can ever begin to fathom.

The illustration of the three-stranded cord though makes even more sense when you speak to a rope maker.  They will tell you that this is the strongest cord you can make because all three strands are touching each other.  If you add more strands, the rope becomes thicker but not necessarily stronger because not all the strands are touching at the same time. 

If one or even two of the strands becomes frayed or broken, the cord will remain intact as long as the third strand does not break.  This gives time for the other strands to be mended.  God works in this way in our marriages.  During those hard times when both spouses are at a breaking point, God holds the marriage together until He heals the other two.  And the good news is that God is a strand that can’t be broken.

So then why has an illustration regarding marriage that makes so much sense and should give so much hope, only saddened me in the past?  The answer lies in the fact that I am in an unequally yoked marriage.  My beloved does not share my faith, does not believe in the God that I so love and believes if there truly is a God, He doesn’t really care about us.  So in my mind the three-stranded cord can’t happen as one of the strands does not “touch” or acknowledge the one unbreakable strand.

However, God in all His wisdom whispered a secret to me recently, a secret that caused that beautiful flower of Hope to once again blossom in my heart.  He said, “Angela, my beloved, what makes you think that just because one strand does not acknowledge Me that I suddenly no longer exist?  Since when does the unbelief of one person negate the Truth of my Existence and keep Me from working in their lives?”  At that moment I realized, that even if my husband does not bring the Lord into our marriage, that does not mean that I can’t and it does not negate the presence of the Lord in our marriage. 

Regardless what my husband chooses to believe, I can still commit to follow the Lord and to plead on behalf of my marriage and my husband at the Throne of Heaven.  I can commit to love my husband unconditionally and to pray for him – his health, his success, his life (physical, emotional and spiritual).  I can commit to respond to him in kindness and forgiveness even if he does not always respond to me in the same way.  And if (when) I fail, I can go to him humbly and ask for his forgiveness.  My commitment to the Lord and my marriage brings God, that third unbreakable strand, into our marriage cord whether or not my husband himself acknowledges it, because by doing so I am sharing God’s love and strength with my husband.

And as 1 Peter 3:1-2 says, by doing this who knows but our husbands may actually acknowledge for themselves the Lord and be won over to Him by how we have treated them – by the love, respect and submission we show to them and which strengthens our marriage.

I will be honest, in the end our spouse may still choose to walk away and break what God has joined.  Our Creator has given us all free will, and our spouse may choose to exercise it by walking away from our marriage.   However, by bringing God into our marriage through obedience and submission, we will make that break harder for them to accomplish.  The strands of a cord not only touch one another, but are also entwined and woven amongst one another.  Our spouse’s strand must be broken and disentangled in multiple places before they can truly and completely get free of the cord they have been woven into. 

Asking the Lord into our marriage will only strengthen, not weaken it.  It will only strengthen, not weaken us.  In the end we will know that we have been obedient to the Lord and can leave the rest to Him, the One who created us and knows us best.  Regardless of our spouse’s choices and the final outcome of their faith or our marriage, we will be strengthened by that unbreakable strand and we will have given our beloved spouse a glimpse of what that can look like in their own lives.  What better gift can we bestow upon the one we have committed to love for the rest of our lives?

~Angela Smith

 

Thank you Angela. You have inspired me. Hugs, Lynn

Dineen and I also want to give a "SHOUT OUT" to our blogging friends who are profiling our book today at their place. Many are offering a free copy as a giveaway. If you keep entering, you are bound to win one eventually because there are many to give away.

A BIG THANK YOU to:

Noreen - Life Blessings

Angie - The Knightly News

Debbie - Debbie's Homeschool Corner

Angela - Thankful Heart

Bonnie Paulson - Bonniepaulson.com

Mary Lu Tyndale - Cross & Cutlass

Jeanette - Making This House Our Home

Patty - Adding Zest to Your Nest

The Funny Thing About Losing Your Life

During my quiet time the other morning, I sat there reflecting on the direction God has taken my life. What sparked my examination was another reference to the movie Chariots of Fire about Olympic runner Eric Liddell.

I know...this movie and story gets referenced a lot but this time it wasn't his choice not to run on a Sunday that caught my attention but what happened after that.

First, let’s set the stage. Here is this powerhouse runner ready to compete and bring home a medal in the 100 meter race, his best event. He’s forced to withdraw because it’s scheduled for Sunday.

Now imagine being faced with a choice like that? Something you’ve worked for, dreamed of, even longed for right in front of you but now you’re faced with a decision.

Do what I want or do what honors God?

Liddell chose to honor God and didn’t race. He made his decision in advance that he wouldn’t run this race and instead trained for the 400 meter. The day of the race an American Olympic Team masseur slipped a piece of paper into his hand with a quotation from 1 Samuel 2:30: "Those who honor me I will honor."

Liddell not only won the gold, he set a new record.

This story made me think of Matthew 16:25, “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.”

Sometimes we are faced with decisions in life that require us to sacrifice what we long for in order to be obedient to God. Sometimes it can even seem unfair. But was true for Liddell and has also been true of my own life is that God really does honor those decisions in which we choose Him.

I once thought making the sacrifices God was calling me to would result in a life without what I wanted and enjoyed. Instead, it’s turned out to be a life I could have never even imagined, filled with joy and wonder (and yes, still trials) because I chose Jesus.

The challenges in our mismatched marriages often put us in this position and I want to encourage you to step out in faith and choose God’s direction for whatever it is your struggling to decide. God will honor your sacrifice as you honor Him. Then be prepared to be surprised and wowed with how He brings it all back to you.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Do You Believe In Modern Day Miracles?

On Monday afternoon I went to my mail box. Waiting inside was a rather large envelope mailed from Canada. Puzzled, I took the package inside. I opened it up and out came a book.

Modern Day Miracles

I smiled and breathed a prayer of praise and thanksgiving to the Lord. Inside I found my story about a small miracle in my life. My story: It All Started With a Woman and a Cow. What a Christmas!

Many of you read this story last year over at Laced With Grace. This was my retelling of God's fantastic, crazy, and faithful provision during our eleven month-long unemployment. So, today I'm praising God for allowing me to share with many others how He lavishes His love into the lives of our ordinary family.

But, I'm not writing about that story today. I want to share with you a different story from this book. Let me set the stage:

Russell VerMulm was a young man who came from a very large family. He joined the military and several months into his service, he fell gravely ill. His complaints were ignored by the medical staff for a week until finally they ushered him into surgery to remove his ruptured appendix. 

For SIX months, this kid langished in pain and fighting for his life in a military hospital. He was unable to speak or basically even move. Now listen to this excerpt as he recalls this period of his life:

Why was I in the hospital? I wrestled with that for a long time and God spoke to me again and said, "Do you remember the nurses who read your cards to you while you were in the hospital?" 

I did.

He said "Do you remember when you were lying there unable to talk, they were reading those loving get well cards to you? You for all practical purposes were dying and through tear-filled eyes they said they wished they had what you had (A relationship with Me). 

Today they do."

Did you hear what I said? While I was dying they wanted what they saw from this dying young man. Even while standing by the fragrance of the dying, you can smell the victory of life. 

I had life eternal and they wanted that.

By the part I played just lying in that hospital, a good work was done. I give praise and glory to God. The time was well spent. That was my best witness to date; I couldn't talk or move, so God did what God needed to be done with no interference from me.

-----

Quite a story. But this is where the rubber meets the road for our own lives. The troubles in your life may appear to be overwhelming. They may feel like they are bringing you close to death, an emotional death, a spiritual death, a marriage death, and perhaps even a physical death. However, we are charged to persevere through it because someone's eternity is at stake.

Now hear me as I say this: ALL THAT MATTERS IN THIS LIFE is that we live for Christ and the salvation of souls.

So, step up to the plate. God is asking us to bear our diffuculties with dignity and with grace. He is asking us to reflect Him, especially through our hardships. In our challenges is when we shine the brightest in the spiritual realm and people are affected.

People are saved.

Our children, our neighbors, our family and even one day our spouse.

Praise the Lord, Jesus. He knows what He is doing. We must trust Him. Live every minute for Him and allow Him to shine in this dark world.

Be blessed, Lynn

To order a book, visit Allisson C. Restagno at Moderndaymiraclesbook.com

The Unending Trials

One of the heaviest burdens we carry for ourselves and others are those that don’t seem to end. These days we all have some area that continues to challenge us. We pray for healing, release, whatever seems needed, in the hopes that God will rush in and save the day.

Sometimes things get better, then something happens to plunge us to the depths again. You cry out to God to bring resolution, healing, whatever, yet nothing seems to change. We struggle with our faith, with our perception of God in our lives and his plan, we struggle, struggle, struggle...

We even despair, wondering why God doesn’t seem to hear our prayers. These are the trials that take the most from us emotionally, spiritually, and even physically.

Coming to a place of trust and acceptance is a great challenge, and I think we have to do it over and over again. God has a reason for not just stepping in and making a situation better or removing it completely, but believing that and trusting that his reasons are good is not always easy. The truth that keeps me going is that God is good. He is not capable of bad motivations. That's the one thing He’s incapable of. So if that's true, and it is, then our ongoing trials have purpose and meaning too.

Recently, God showed me that sometimes parts of our lives have to be torn down in order to rebuild something much better. And often those parts He wants to remove aren’t healthy anyway. Yet we tend to cling to what we know, preferring the familiar over change or growing pains.

And it is painful and heartbreaking at times. I know my own stubborn nature wants to protest and keep the status quo rather than face this kind of pain—the kind that tells us it must get worse before it can get better.

Our spirits know it’s necessary. That’s the way God designed us, that if we’re to truly walk in his plan for our lives, we must allow Him to prune and refine us.

The thing is, we can know all this is true, but at the darkest moment of testing, we consider the cost. We stop and look, examine and estimate, decide and choose. Can we go on?

I confess one of these times hit me recently. Very unexpectedly, I might add. I think that was part of God purpose in allowing it, to show me I wasn’t as secure in my faith as I thought. For a nearly a day I labored over what God was calling me to do.

What I faced was appalling to me in that moment. Yet the more I examined the true depths of the issue, the more I realized the heart of the matter was internal. My heart needed some changes in order to go on. I met with God in his Word and prayer, and He began to heal what I could not and bring acceptance to what I had initially resisted.

In the end, I had a choice, and God left it to me to choose. I could choose living in all that God wants to accomplish in and through me, or I could walk away. Sometimes we just have to choose to do the hard stuff, and it sure helps knowing we’re choosing God in the same breath—to be obedient, to serve a higher calling than our own human nature. To know we’re not making the trip alone and on our own.

God asks a lot of us sometimes. More than we can imagine ever accomplishing or enduring. But whatever He asks, He will equip us to move forward. He doesn’t ask if we have the strength to do it, because He knows we don’t, not without Him. He asks us to trust Him more deeply than we have before and leave the rest to Him.

Again, not easy but very much worth the journey.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

What if I HAD to Choose?

Excerpt from Winning Him Without Words, Regal Publishers:

The true strength of our faith lies in God, not our circumstances. So let’s consider a difficult question: Can we love our spouse without any guarantee that he will come to know Christ? If this question raises despair, then we’ve most likely placed our faith in our spouse’s conversion and not in God. This is a key element to thriving in our mismatched marriage. Realigning our faith to reside completely in God can be difficult, but it is absolutely necessary to finding peace and to loving our spouse unconditionally. Leave the saving to Jesus. You do the loving! (Dineen Miller)

Today I sat in my office reading the manuscript of our book. The paragraph above was written by Dineen way back in March. I know I read it back then but today when I re-read this portion, the truth of her words struck me profound. I think everyone of us in an unequally yoked marriage has lived in this place: Our spouse’s salvation was the key to our happiness…. Not God.

Dineen can be a profoundly insightful woman and I am richly blessed to receive her teaching. I know you feel that way as well.

For the past two weeks, Dineen and I have worked on the edits for our book. The finished work is due in our publisher’s office today. So, Dineen and I intend to pray over this manuscript as we send it off. We will get on the phone and pray together asking God to place book into the hands of those who need encouragement, those who need healing in their marriage and those who need to hear that Jesus is the power and hope to thriving in marriage.

Dineen and I also ask all of you to pray along with us as the publish date nears. Pray that lives are touched and they see Jesus. That is truly our earnest hope.

Thank you everyone for loving us through this year and a half long process. So many of you helped by contributing your words, some of you read our work, you prayed over the words and over us. We love all you.

As of now our publish date is expected to be February 21, 2011. Thank you.

So, let’s talk about Dineen’s question today. Was there a point in your marriage or are you still there today that you put more hope in your spouse’s conversion for happiness than in God? I’m not sure I am completely free of basing some of my happiness on my spouse’s conversion.

So, I hear God asking me, “Lynn, can you love your husband and Me with a full heart for your entire life, if there isn’t a guarantee of his salvation.

Whoa! Thoughts?

Hugs, Lynn

God’s Preparation

During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him and was designated by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek. — Hebrews 5:7-10

I’m back again with another nugget. Are you ready?

 Have you noticed how more people seem to be going through more trials than normal these days? Are you one of them? We face enough conflict and trial in our spiritually unequal marriages as it is, then throw in a few more issues, and we can feel like we’re at the end of our ropes.

I want to share a promise with you, one ready to be dug out of the Scripture I shared above. Specifically, look at the part I bolded. Go ahead. I’ll wait for you. Just come back when you’re done.

This little nugget shows us that even Jesus was prepared for what God, his Father, had designated for him to do. Jesus wasn’t placed on this earth ready to fulfill his destiny. God used his first 30 years to prepare him for his ministry and greatest moment of glory.

From his birth to his death, Christ’s life was a series of trials for preparation. Though we know few details of his life growing up, I think we know God well enough that he wouldn’t have made his son’s life easy. Like us, he learned obedience and submission from his sufferings, as it says in verse eight. Perhaps this represents the human side of his deity, one so critical to his sacrifice being legitimized in our very human and broken states. We more easily identify and welcome someone who knows and understands our own trials by experience.

I don’t know. What I do know is that if God prepared his Son for what lay ahead of him and equipped him for every step, we can expect the same preparation as his children and coheirs with Christ. Whether it’s persevering through the storms in our life or meeting the challenge of a new calling God is leading us to, God will equip and prepare us just like He did Jesus.

In our lives of trials, we can look to Jesus and see the pattern of preparation. And perhaps therein lies our joy—in knowing God the Father loves us that much, like his Son, and is preparing us for the destiny he has planned for each of us.

What I do know and have lived is the joy of looking back through those trials and seeing how God meant every one for good. He not only prepared me for the trials, he used each one as preparation for ministry and service.

Whatever difficulties you’re facing today, walk forward in the trust and belief that God has prepared you for it. He’s set everything in place to bring you though. He’s equipped each of us to walk the path of being unequally yoked and to persevere no matter how long the journey may take.

We just have to believe and ask for God to show us this great mystery. Go ahead and ask him. I’ll be here waiting to hear how God prepared you for your journey.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

CONFLICT ~ You can't live with him...You can't live without him.

I have been pondering conflict.

Not world conflict, nor social conflict but that personal, in-your-face, conflict in marriage. I guess my thoughts on conflict have surfaced because of my most recent exchange with my own mate. Remember Church or no-Church?

If you are married, you deal with conflict. After all, we are human, broken and flawed. What troubles me is so often conflict is avoided or handled inappropriately. Therefore, I think we need to take a look at some real situations and discover how conflict is handled appropriately and through the lens of the Bible.

As I was in my quiet time a few days ago, speaking to the Lord, the following found its way into my prayer journal:

I wonder if many of us have a view that as a Christian, we must be the spouse who refrains from conflict. It is our duty as a follower of Christ to always be the peace maker and give in to the demands of our spouse and don’t rock the boat?

There are scriptures that point to this conclusion:

Proverbs 13:3 3 Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.

Ephesians 4: 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

And then there is this one:

James 3:6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

Yikes!

It’s all so confusing.

There are times we should keep our mouth shut. Such was the case last week when my husband was moving slowly on Sunday morning and I thought we would be late to church, again. You may remember, I took control of my thoughts and then my mouth and said nothing. It was the right thing to do.

However, three weeks earlier the conflict that erupted between us in the most inopportune place and at the most in opportune time was necessary. Perhaps I could have made an issue of this growing church or no-church conflict at home later in the day. However, I am convinced the impact would have been feeble, my words ignored, and resolution of our differences would still be hanging out there.

People, there are times we not only need to rock the boat but we need to get out of the boat.

Now, don’t panic. You know I am not leading this conversation toward throwing in the towel. No, I want to look honestly at proper conflict and our responsibilities as believers in these unique marriages.

So how do we start to define this vast issue of conflict resolution? Let’s start with this; Is it Godly to draw the line in the sand?

What do you think?

Have a blessed week and stay tuned for more on CONFLICT, Can’t live with him. Can’t live without him.  Lynn

Going Alone? Oh No Siree!

I sat down a few minutes ago to prepare this post. Before I started typing, I stopped to pray. I prayed for all of you who read the posts, Church or no-Church. I thanked the Lord, our Great King for each of you who took time to leave me your thoughts, your prayers, your concerns and your experiences.

Church or No-Church, Part I

Church of No-Church, Part II

I have read and re-read your comments just now. I have tears in my eyes. I have been writing here for three years and the advice and love and comfort all of you have given through your comments is some of the best I have EVER read. I encourage all of you to read the comments from last week. Such words of wisdom. You may very well leave your computer today….. CHANGED. PERMANANTLY – CHANGED!

I know that I am.

On Friday I wrote that I was seeking answers from the Lord and how He is always faithful to answer when I pursue His wisdom. Girls and men, He did not fail me. I have a powerful story and prayer to share.

Before I tell you what happened, I think it is important to point out some interesting observations from all of your comments.

First, not all of us agree. After reading through the comments and the private emails I received, it looks like the church or no-church decision is very personal and individualized.

Second, it appears most of us actually have grappled with this very choice and have spent considerable hours, years in prayer and in thought, determining what is appropriate for ourselves, our kids and especially our husbands. These decisions were not made lightly.

Third, many of you found your spouse attending after you released pressure on them. hmmmmm

Fourth, many spouses attend to make their wives happy and that works as well. hmmmmm

Fifth, the enemy is often at work in this situation. (Boy, is that the truth)

Okay, now I want to share a direct message that came to Lynn Donovan on the beach Thursday afternoon. The minute I heard these words, I knew Jesus was correcting my perspective and re-directing my path. The words spoken to me were what I needed to hear and penetrating. I am changed.

So, here goes…

I am fortunate enough to have a small group of friends from my church. We meet together once a week to review the pastor’s message and to pray for one another. Until this year, I was never comfortable as a “married-single” to be part of an intimate group like this. I always felt like a third wheel among all the couples. But, my friend, Pam, loved me so much and welcomed me after inviting me year after year to join the small community, that I felt ready. Thank you Pam!

Well, because most of the families in our group are on a budget, we look for inexpensive ways to enjoy the summer with our kids. The beach is perfect. Free rides on the waves, beach combing and you pack a lunch.

On Thursday, I arrived at the beach and joined a few of the other gals there. I sat down with Gina and Jolene and I shared with them my struggle with this church or no-church thing. They know me and my husband and listened with loving hearts and ears.

I explained my dilemma, “Jolene, it is just so hard to sit there (in church) when he is angry. I don’t want him there.”

Jolene, looked at me and she said. “So what.”

Hunh? No mercy here. Jolene isn’t one to beat around the bush.

She went on in a kind and loving voice. Her message was not to hurt but honestly to help. “Lynn, you know that my husband and I were unequally yoked for many years. He came to Christ a little over five years ago. But before he was saved I would literally be on my knees before the Lord, begging Him to place Himself anywhere and everywhere in front of my husband.”

Hunh?

“I would pray, “”Oh Father, place yourself in front of my man at every turn. Put a Christian man next to him on the airplane today. Father, let my husband catch a glimpse of you through a song, or something on television tonight. Lord, surround him with other business people who love You at his meeting today.””

“Lynn, I wanted my husband surrounded by the Lord. If you want the same, you will want him at church too. Let go of yourself here and if your man is willing to go to church then rejoice as you sit next to him, because the Lord is answering prayer.”

Gulp!

“Oh, Jolene, you are absolutely right.” I knew in my heart, for me, the right thing was to get over myself. And at that instant I did. How dare I let this be about me?

On Thursday as I sat under a cloudy sky at the beach, the Lord spoke. He didn’t speak audibly but through a wise and Jesus-loving friend, Jolene. I now pray much differently and with a new heart for my husband. I stopped asking the Lord to save my husband and to have him read the Bible and to open his spiritual eyes. These prayers are not wrong but I now I am moved to pray like this:

Oh Father, today let me just love him. Pour Your love into me is such a powerful and complete way that I am just bursting with You all over everyone and especially my husband. Father, I beg you to place Yourself before my man today. Be in front of him as he searches the employment boards for work today. Lord, place one or two men in his path at the store today or on the phone who know You. At the barbeque tonight, I ask that there would be one or two Christians who initiate a conversation with him. Lord, I ask you to surround him with You. Fill his morning, noon and night with some message that puts You smack in the front of his face. I ask Your will in his life and not my own.

Lord, YOU- sit on my throne.

 

You sit on my throne.

You sit on my throne.

I love you Jesus. I love you. Your humble servant, Lynn

Spiritual Leadership and the Heebie Jeebies

Jesus said: Luke 6:41 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 42 How can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”

Why, do we constantly feel the need to change our spouse?

Okay, perhaps it’s only me, but I don’t think I am alone. Often in my conversations with believers I discover that we, women, want our husbands to be the… -spiritual leader of the household.

Shudder…

Those few words can give me the heebie jeebies. Spiritual expectations create a ton of unhappiness in our married relationship. Okay, I know I have probably offended you. Stay with me here. Let me state that it is correct thinking and Biblical to desire our man to be the spiritual leader of our family. I get it, really.

Where I see this go terribly wrong is what we as women “think” that leadership should look like. Do the words family devotions and leading prayer nightly and Bible discussions with the kids and, and, and… ring a bell? Yikes!

I know there are a few men out there that bring these qualities and activities to the home. They are actually rare from all my years in talking with Christian women. If you have a man like this, kneel down right now and give thanks to God.

For the rest of us. Relax.

Why do you wait for your husband to lead devotions? Where did this expectation come from?

I would submit to you that men practice their faith differently than women.

Allow your husband to be who he is.

I know this, if my husband became an on fire believer tomorrow, he would never be comfortable enough to lead family devotions, and it would probably take him years just to pray out loud. I am okay with it. It doesn’t mean he would not be the spiritual leader of our home.

What Jesus calls us to see is our man’s fruit. Not just the man-(woman)-made suggestions of practicing faith. Take a step back. What is the fruit? What is in his heart for what is in the heart come out of the mouth. Look at his character. God cares so much for our character and a little less about leading family devotions.

Jesus said: Luke 6: 43 “A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. 44 A tree is identified by its fruit. Figs are never gathered from thornbushes, and grapes are not picked from bramble bushes. 45 A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.”

Perhaps this was a tough post. Perhaps you don’t agree. That’s is okay. I hope however, it causes you to think about the good fruit in your man today. Give him a break for the things he may not do and give him a hug for the fruit that is evident. Have a blessed Friday, Lynn

WITHOUT A WORD by Noreen

As a young engaged woman I worked at a Christian preschool and was surrounded by godly women whose lives modeled the role God intends us to walk as wives and mothers. I didn’t realize how much they influenced me until I began to write my wedding vows and although I wasn’t saved at the time my vows were scriptural. At the time I purposely and willingly left out the phrase to submit and obey for I knew I surely would be tested on this.

You see I was a child of the 60’s and 70’s, a vocal spokesman of Women’s Liberation. In the early years of marriage I was saved and began memorizing scripture; one of the very first verses I memorized was 1Peter3:1 “In the same way you wives, be submissive to your own husband so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives”.

In the margin next to this verse is the year 1988 that I first claimed this for my beloved. After memorizing this scripture along with many other verses pertaining to marriage, I stopped leaving index cards with verses on them around the house, I stopped preaching at him or leaving “subtle-not so subtle” hints around the house of what I wanted him to become. I made a conscious decision to let him see Christ in me instead of hearing what I wanted him to hear. I wanted and still want him to be won without a word.

I would be tested on this almost immediately and I can say it was the most difficult test I ever faced. At the time my beloved husband was dealing with a wife who had changed overnight and he wasn’t very pleased with the changes or what I was teaching our daughters.

One morning he announced to me that I was no longer able to take our girls to church. Stunned and hurt I quickly told him I would submit to this but he had to know I would never stop teaching them about Jesus and the bible. This was the hardest thing I had ever faced; I spent days in concentrated prayer over whether or not I should obey, I sought the advice of godly council and I grieved. How could this be happening? Everything within me shouted out in rebellion, to seek my own will in this situation because after all I had rights didn’t I?

During these days of seeking the Lord’s heart in this matter, in my marriage and in begging for His grace I knew something immediately- if I was to pursue doing what I wanted and disobey my husband, his heart would forever be hardened to the very One I so desperately wanted him to know. So after much prayer and many tears I willingly stepped away from attending church in order to honor my spouse. I also gave up being a discussion leader in a large women’s bible study, another part of laying down my life that took everything I had.

I would love to tell you that he immediately saw my submission and went to the cross but it didn’t happen like that. During those early years I did see softening and subtle changes in his heart; several times he even suggested that we go to special Christmas services at our local church.

It was many years later through a set of circumstances that he finally agreed to let me take the girls to church. It was such a privilege for all of us and we cherished it even more because of years going without it.

Here I am 30 years later, still learning to obey and submit to my unbelieving spouse and still waiting for that day when he will come to the cross. I do not believe this is the choice each unequally yoked spouse will face but I do know that we will be called to lay down our lives for Christ.

During those long years, the reality of being carried by Christ was almost tangible to me. His grace covered my two daughters and me. I know my beloved was sanctified and blessed by his believing wife.

My two daughters are godly women, married to godly men and are raising their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

I am so grateful the Lord has allowed me to walk this walk for so many years. What a glorious day it will be when one of the lost return to their Father. I look forward to that time but am content to wait upon the Lord. Someone once said “Prove Jesus to the world that His Word is true” and I love to reflect on this. Love your spouse as unto the Lord, today and every day for the rest of your life.

_____

Noreen writes at her blog, Life Blessings. Thank you Noreen and Carrie for sharing your heart and for honoring Jesus here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage and through your marriages. Be Blessed, Lynn