Talking Without Words

Part of a presentation I’m giving on Wednesday has a section about romance and romancing your guy. I love this part because I get to give a group of women some facts and tangible ideas of how to romance their husbands.

Some of this lands on communication and its vital role in any relationship. And it can be a useful tool to flirt with your spouse. But how do we really communicate?

Recent statistics show that only 7% of our communication is done with words and 38% with intonation and sound of voice. Which means over half of our communication is done with our body. Fifty-five percent to be precise and most of that is done with our eyes.

Think about that a minute. Do you look at your husband when you talk to him? Do you focus on him when he’s speaking to you? Can you remember the details of his eyes? (That one I just threw in there for fun).

How about tone? That’s probably one of the most frustrating areas that I have in my communication. My tone can sound almost angry at times when I’m actually not. I’ve had to school my voice and pay attention to how I sound.

Facial expression is a big one too. I can be lost in my thoughts (more than likely the story I’m currently working on) or trying to figure something out, and my family will think I’m upset because I look so serious.

My point is, communication isn’t just about words. It’s about our body language and our focus. Ever talked to someone who didn’t say a word to interrupt but you could clearly tell by their body language that they weren’t listening?

Think about how you communicate to your spouse and to your children. We tend to be more aware of these areas with friends and even strangers but totally “let down our hair” when it comes to our loved ones and forget to pay this simple courtesy to ones we love most.

Not sure how you communicate most? Ask your spouse. See what he or she has to say and pay attention to how your spouse communicates over the next few days. Some of my biggest eyeopeners in this area have been in the messages I didn’t realize I was sending.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Live Near Dublin, CA? Let's talk about romance.

This Friday I will be at Lighthouse Christian Supply in Dublin, CA to speak about putting romance back into our marriages. This is going to be a fun presentation full of great ideas and lots of laughs. It's all part of our "out loving your spouse" challenge so if you're in the area, I hope you'll stop by! Hugs! ~Dineen

Putting the Romance Back into Your Marriage

October 7 @ 7:00 p.m. 

Lighthouse Christian Supply

7188 Amador Plaza Rd.

Dublin, CA

"Out-Love" Your Spouse/ Husband

My Friends,

As I write this today (Thursday), it's actually Rosh Hashanah, the marking of the first day of  the New Year on the Jewish Calender. It strikes me as it's interesting that we are embarking on a potentially life-changing journey today. 

It's been a long time since we have worked through a series and also a challenge here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage. This October, could be the beginning of a profound and deepening relationship with our Jesus and also, do I dare say, a paradigm shift in our marriage. It's timing as it relates to God's marking of time, a new year, is perfect.

So, what is this adventure you ask?

It's the revealing of a new look on love. A way to view married love from the eyes of the eternal. And yet to bring it to life in our everyday living here on earth. 

It's about change.

If we are breathing. God is all about changing. He is consistently working out our lives to reflect Christ-likeness.

It's about changing....

Me. You. And do I also dare say, our spouse.

I will dare to say it because over the summer God has introduced me to some people who are living it out and proving it possible. I have been living this new adventure as well and can say this; It took my relationship with God to a greater depth of love, happiness and peace. 

This series will run through the entire month of October. Dineen and I have many practical examples and then challenges to propel you on this journey.

Meet with me here on Monday. Plan to spend 15 minutes with me. I have a special guest who I am so excited to introduce to you. We will share the plan, thoughts and some practical ideas to get us launched on this adventure.

It's going to be a hoot.

Excited, thrilled, hopeful, and filled with the joy of Jesus. Hugs, Lynn

The Proposal

Last week I attended a writer’s conference in St. Louis. On one of the evenings a bunch of us went on a cruise down the Mississippi. We had a spectacular view of the skyline and Arch as dusk fell. And an even more spectacular view as we returned to our hotel.

We trekked up the stairs and approached the Arch. I walked with a friend, chatting about our evening. One simple glance toward the arch caught my complete attention. At first I thought it was just a girl standing there with her boyfriend, who was sitting on a bench.

Then I did a double take.

No, he wasn’t sitting on the bench. He was on one knee in front of her, holding up his hands. It was all I could do not to squeal and ruin their moment! I’m sure this soon-to-be-wed couple (yes, she accepted) haven’t a clue how much their moment blessed those of us who witnessed their moment and then tried to quietly slip away. For me it was one of the highlights of my trip.

The rest of the evening I reflected on that image, which led to memories of my own proposal. Though not near as grand as standing by the Arch, it’s one I will always treasure (in a humorous way).

But what really got me thinking is that beginning—where we all started. In the time between our proposals to the wedding to where we are now, I think we sometimes lose sight of why we fell in love with our spouse.

What made our hearts beat like a staccato drum on steroids? What made it impossible to think of anything else besides him (or her)? What propelled us down the aisle to say, “I do?”

One of our 1Peter3 Living members posed a great question recently. How do keep from taking our spouse for granted?

I didn’t have a definite answer for that until after I saw this couple beginning their life together. I wonder if it rests in our ability to remember where we started. I wonder if it’s in our daily awareness of those aspects of our spouse that we love and appreciate most. I wonder if it starts in the desire of our heart and ends with the prayer to keep our marriage relevant as opposed to habitual.

The second part of her question was, how do we keep our spouse from taking us for granted? Somehow I think the answer to that question is the same as the first one.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

A Day for Love

So, I kissed my boyfriend goodbye today. Then he left to fly out on business for the week. I hope you have enjoyed the "Boyfriend" theme this February.

It's Sunday evening as I write this post. Our Valentine's weekend didn't turn out as planned. Isn't that just like life?

Like marriage?

But, it's through my maturity in Christ that when things don't go as "I" planned, I can stand up, take the hand of Jesus and take one more step toward heaven.

I want to tell you that my husband was the best boyfriend ever. He had dinner planned for Saturday night. But it was me who wrecked the plans. I have been terribly sick and just couldn't generate the energy to let my boyfriend take me to dinner.

My daughter said to me Saturday afternoon, "Mom, you NEED to go to dinner with your husband. I would give one of my internal organs to be taken to dinner for Valentine's Day by my boyfriend (which she doesn't have)." *giggle*

.... I love teenagers....

Well, my husband instead held my hand as I coughed, sniffed, blew my nose. I went to bed at 8:30. Yep, a real fun date. 

THAT'S what real marriage is all about. 

THAT'S romantic love.

THAT'S commitment.

THAT'S growing old together.

and THAT is one of the greatest gifts God gives to a man and a woman.

Be blessed, Lynn

_____

At the Cafe today:

Last week my teen daughter and I sat down and watched the movie Valentine’s Day. The gist ~ A Romantic Comedy about flowers, engagement rings, dates with champagne and of course….happily ever after. This was an odd sort of story in that, not all of the couples ended up happy.  

When the movie was over, my daughter and I just sat silent on the couch. I turned to her and said, “Sometimes I hate Valentine’s Day.”

She looked at me quizzically.

“For so many women, this holiday, only punctuates the pain that they are unloved, unmarried, unhappy, and forgotten.”

...read more of the story today at The Internet Cafe Devotions, The Marriage Channel.

Forgotten On Valentine's Day.

_____

Dineen and I have to amazing privilege to share our story of God's amazing miracles in our marriage with several Radio stations today. Please hope over to www.winninghimwithoutwords.com to listen in online. 

We love you our friends. We are praying your Valentine's Day surprises you.

May you be overwhelmed with tiny love notes from our Savior. Lynn

10 Valentines Day Ideas to Rock His World

I hope you all are having as much fun with our husband-to-boyfriend theme as Lynn and I are. We put our heads together and created a list of 10 ideas (you know how we love lists of 10!) to WOW your spouse on Monday. Many of these turned out to really bless our hubbies and we hope they’ll be helpful to you. Have fun!

1. Buy his favorite magazine or a book he’s been meaning to buy and put little love notes in between the pages.
2. Order chocolate cover strawberries and have them delivered to his work. Makes them look really good to the other guys drooling over his special love treat.
3. Surprise him with a complete evening designed to focus on him. If possible, have a friend or relative take the kids, make his favorite dinner and dessert, shower him with attention that takes the evening right into the bedroom.
4. Write him a love letter. Tell him you’re still crazy about and for him.
5. Buy his favorite treat and hide in a place for him to “discover” it. Hide multiple items or little gifts and tell him you’re saving the best surprise for later.
6. Text him love messages throughout the day and tell him you have a surprise to model for him later.
7. Buy him tickets to his favorite sporting event and tell him you’re going too so that he can watch the game uninterrupted while you run to the concessions to get his favorite drink and snack. The night’s about him!
8. Take him bowling at midnight and act like teenagers!
9. Surprise him with a long should rub or massage with no strings attached. He’s the one who gets spoiled this time.
10. Give him a handmade coupon for a free day to do whatever he wants, guilt free.

Here’s an article packed with great ideas by Bill and Pam Farrell. Prepare to be inspired!

Love-Wise: Romance to the Rescue

Have Small Children?
Let me just add one more idea here. If you have small kids and no family to take them for an evening or not enough funds for a babysitter, consider planning a special evening WITH the kids there. Let them see you make a fuss over your spouse. What a wonderful way for them to see what love looks like in a marriage. Get them involved and help you decorate or set the table and plan a menu. Valentines Day can be a family event to celebrate the love you all share for each other. You can even turn it into a valuable lesson that will keep giving throughout the rest of the year. Have fun!

Praying and believing,
Dineen

My Married Boyfriend

On Monday I told you about my new boyfriend. How my chance orneriness created a fun exchange between my husband and me. So, let me continue the story.

After the impetuous hand-holding in the car, (yes, I can drive with one hand especially if my boyfriend wants to hold the other) I was delightfully surprised when two days later I had another errand to run and my husband says, “Hey, do you want your boyfriend to come with you and hold your hand?”

Say what?

I’m sure I looked like a deer in headlights.

Now remember, this man never goes on non-essential errands.

“Well, yes,” I stammered.

The man jumped up from his desk, sat in the passenger seat and we held hands.

Again.

That is when it hit me…. This man likes to be my boyfriend. He’s finding the sweet endearment a fun thing. So, I really bought into the whole idea. I started calling him my boyfriend on a regular basis.

“Hey, my boyfriend, you are really cute and I like you a lot.”

*giggles*

Last week in Wal-Mart, we stood together in the checkout lane. Another errand (yeah baby). He bends toward me and spontaneously kisses me right there like we were high school kids in love. We are not bashful about sharing a kiss from time-to-time in public but my man is shy. I don’t ever remember him kissing me while we stood in a line of people, in a store.

I look at him with a smile, he says, “A kiss from your boyfriend.”

Wow.

Of course all this recent boyfriend talk at home has my teen daughter in a constant state of embarrassment as her old parents carry on this romance. Which of course, just makes me giggle all the more and add to the boyfriend frenzy.

My husband is loving it and so am I.

Here are a few boyfriend hints for you to try.

• Look over at him from across the room and say, “You know, I have a really cute boyfriend.” Smile largely. 
• Sunday is the Super Bowl. I will tell you now, my husband LOVES it when I just sit with him, hold his hand, watch the game together, and enjoy it. 
• Make some really great tasting “game” food also. 
• Slowly deliberately unbutton his shirt. One little button at a time. (preferably out of sight of the teenager *grin) 
• Text him at work: I miss you, my boyfriend.

Okay, on Monday I have more to share about the BEST gift we can give to our spouse this February, the month of love. Stop back then.

What are your plans for the Super Bowl? I always anticipate the commercials. How much is a 30 second spot this year????

And have you asked your husband to be your boyfriend? Looking forward to chatting with you today. Be blessed, Lynn

Romancing the Man

Did you read Lynn’s post yesterday? I don’t know about you but I’ve been giggling with her all the way on this one. Ladies, this is a chance to create some of that romance we love right in our own marriages!

So, along those lines, I will share that I asked my hubby on the phone yesterday if he wanted to be my boyfriend. He said yes! Woohooo! I guess this means we’re going steady. Now my girls are going to groan even more over their parents’ affectionate nature. I can see and hear it now. LOL!

Sometimes it’s so easy to lose site of what we love in a person because of the burdens of life, the conflict inherent in our types of marriages, and past hurts and wrongs.

Trust me, I understand completely. I’ve let things like this come in and nearly sweep away my marriage. Forgiveness is crucial to all our relationships.

But that’s not what I want to talk about today. What I’d like to do is challenge you to find one thing this week to do for your spouse. One thing that will rock his world. Maybe you take over a chore for the week that he normally does. Then let him discover it already done.

How about writing a special note to your husband for each day of the week he’ll be out of town? Then tell him he can only open one each day. One year I did this in a journal and I filled the pages with little message to him. By Christmas I had a special and personal gift for my husband.

Buy his favorite treat and stash it under his pillow (unless it’s ice cream, of course). Stick love notes in between the pages of his car magazine. Write a message on the mirror with your lipstick. Make his favorite meal or even plan a week of his favorite foods.

Ladies, I know we’re pretty much the ones who make the first move on this kind of stuff. Don’t hold that against your guy, just see this as an opportunity to inspire him. You never know what may come of it. Your actions may translate into an inspiration for him to do something extra special for you.

More importantly, this is a chance for us to speak with our actions and show our unbelieving spouse Christ.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Want a Boyfriend????

It’s two weeks until Valentine’s Day. For many who live in unhappy marriages and those of us who live unequally yoked, this day is not all smiles and chocolate. In fact, this day can be painful.

Later in this series leading up to the big V-day, I will share some of those articles and my newest one, which will be at the Internet Café on the 14th. But, let’s not live defeated. God did not create us to live in disappointment nor defeat.

So for the next two weeks we are going to set off on an experiment to move away from the traditional renderings of Valentine’s Day and make this “Greeting Card” holiday one that we will laugh about, enjoy and remember. Join me and…..

Let’s make our husband our boyfriend.

Now before you give me the eye-roll and say, “Oh brother, she’s nuts,” hear me out.

I actually did this recently, made my husband my boyfriend. It was a complete by chance opportunity but it was so much fun and now I have a boyfriend. A fun and cute and attractive boyfriend who likes to hold hands. Who knew???

Here’s what happened.

Most of you know that I have an ornery streak in me. Darn it! But, whatever, my family loves me anyway and we sure laugh A LOT because of it!

Set the stage: My family, we were all getting in the car several weeks ago, I was the driver, my husband was in the passenger seat and in the back, sat my 15 ½ year old daughter and her best friend. Two girls who at this age and I quote, “Want a boyfriend more than air to breathe.” Oh brother. (drama…. drama… drama….)

As we pulled out from the garage on our way to drop the girls somewhere, they were quite surprised that my husband was going with us just to drive around on a drop-off errand. I have to tell you that I understand their surprise; my husband rarely does the driving of children unless I am absolutely unable to do it. But on this particular day, I had forethought to ask my husband to join me for this outing, a short car ride to drop kids, just to spend time together. No office. No computer. Just time driving and talking. Plus I told him I would make it worth his time… (wink.. wink.)

*Side note: Notice I did the driving. Men do not multitask. They either drive or they talk, but never the two shall mix.

My daughter was completely surprised when Dad jumped in the car and as we backed out. She says, “So whasup? Why ‘s Dad goin?”

Now remember these two teens are completely obsessed over having a boyfriend. Not that I think they have a clue what to do with one once they get one. (A story for another day)

Knowing their fascination with boyfriends and you add to that to my ornery and jovial sense of humor. I stopped the car in the driveway, turned around, and spoke to their stunned faces with a broad and mischievous grin plastered on my face, “Dad’s coming with me so he can be my boyfriend and hold my hand.”

Impetuously, I reached over and grabbed my husband’s hand and we locked fingers. I grinned bigger.

You could literally hear the “eye-roll” directed at me from the backseat of the car as I backed into the street. Then the giggles started. My daughter’s friend couldn’t contain herself any longer. She tried to stop but the giggles erupted which of course then, I started to laugh (loudly by the way, I never laugh softly), then my husband and my daughter joined in.

Hilarity and gaffs of laughter, uncontained, flowed from our car as I happily rolled down the street holding my boyfriend’s hand and living life to the full. God is good to me.

So, that day my husband became my boyfriend. Who would a thunk it, but this “boyfriend thing” has grown over the past months and it’s become a new and wonderful romance between my husband and me.

I have more to tell you on Friday. Stop back in then. Today, I want you to be purposeful and invite your husband to be your boyfriend. Start asking God to show you how, when, where, what… all of it. You will discover what I have. A boyfriend in your husband is really kinda cool.

Be blessed, Lynn

Christmas Gift Ideas

Okay, I'm wondering if buying Christmas gifts for your husband is a challenge?

It is for me. My man really isn't in need of much. He doesn't want a bunch of stuff.

However, he is a geek. I say that proudly. I think most of you know he works in the high-tech industry. So when some new electronic gadget arrives on the market, he begins his research. And you can bet we will own one at some day in the future. Can you guess what intrigued him this year?

Blu-ray disc player.

Well he never waits to purchase his gadgets and by the time Christmas rolls around he owns one. I think he bought the Blu-ray in August. 

The man works seriously hard so if he wants to buy himself a Blu-ray in August, it's good with me. However, I usually don't have a clue what to give him to unwrap on Christmas morning.

It's usually small stuff.

I think this year I need to get creative. Personalized gift certificates may be the perfect gift. Here are some ideas:

• Back rub
• Dinner and movie (of his choice/ but no war movie *grin*) We laugh about war movies.
• Prepare his favorite dinner
• Make the run to the dry-cleaner
• Model lingerie

Okay, these are some things my spouse might like.

Here are some ideas I have run across for men and/or women

• Tickets to a sporting event/theater
• Dinner at a nice restaurant
• Cuddle by the fire
• A sexy coupon
• DVD movie at home/ pizza night

I found a site where you can type your own Christmas Gift Certificate. 

I would love some of your ideas. What is a creative gift certificate to give to your spouse?

Be blessed, Lynn

Right after Christmas we are going to begin a series of posts to help you bring the year 2011 before the Lord. We are declaring 2011 the year when god moves mightily in the lives of the readers here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage. Stay tuned for the amazing first week of January and also Your Top 10. You are going to want to walk with us on this journey. I'm so excited. Hugs, Lynn