I’m grieving. But in a good way. I know that sounds a bit crazy so I’ll explain. Two prayers that I’ve been praying for my family seem to be coming to fruition, but it’s not at all what I was expecting.
I will share with you the one about my daughter because so many of you wonderful prayer warriors out there have prayed for her since her cancer diagnosis in 2008, through her surgeries, radiation treatments and recovery. It’s been a bumpy road emotionally too.
In January God gave me Malachi 4:2 for her and I have been praying this Scripture for her ever since.
But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall.
Things in my daughter’s life haven’t unfolded the way I expected, but God is showing me that now is the time for her to be like that calf. She’ll soon be moving to Florida to live with my mother so she can find a job and start beauty school.
She still has to conquer driving and getting her GED in October, but this is the path God has set before her. She knows it’s right for her and I see that it is too.
But it’s painful. I didn’t expect to have to let go of my youngest (17) so soon. I’d expected that this time of transition into healing and joy would happen while she was here with us in California. I didn’t expect this to happen now and in another state.
So I’m grieving the loss of my little girl—the girl who was forced to grow up so very fast three years ago and is now reaching for the independence that comes with this maturity.
Yet in many ways she has so much still to learn. I’m comforted by the fact that she’ll be with my mother (who is an amazing mom!) and I hear God’s call to trust Him with my baby. She really is His after all, right?
So my heart aches with this transition but rejoices that my daughter is stepping into her future, something I prayed for so desperately some days that it bought me to tears and to my knees.
Tears of worry to tears of joy. My heart is breaking and rejoicing all at once.
Here is a piece of Scripture that God used to direct and comfort this mother’s aching heart:
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. —Prov. 3:5-6
In reading a devotional and listening to a sermon (both on the same day but from different sources), God helped me see that I’d “leaned” on my own understanding. His plan is the best way, I know that. But now I have totally let go and trust Him despite the unexpected circumstances.
This is the “trust him with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding” part. It’s risky and scary but if we know God is faithful, we can trust Him for the right outcome, whether it’s for ourselves or for a loved one.
That last part of this Scripture is the promise of God’s faithfulness. I know we’ve talked about that a lot here but He shows this to us over and over again. In His Word and in our lives if we really pay attention. It’s not his choice, it’s his character. Who He is. Wrap your brain around that one. I’m still floored by it on a regular basis.
As for that second prayer…I’ll keep you posted. It’s the most dangerous prayer we can pray for our unsaved spouses. (Chapter 10 in our book). I don’t know how far the ramifications are going to reach, but I can tell this transition with my daughter is may just be a warm up for what’s to come.
Praying and believing,