Revealing the Lie

One of the things we talk about in our book is walking out of the guilt and shame of our pasts. Whether you knowingly married an unbeliever or came to faith after you married, God has a plan for your marriage.

But if you’re still carrying around guilt over how you wound up in your marriage even though you’ve already confessed and sought forgiveness from God, you can’t walk into that plan.

Why?

Well, here’s the thing about condemnation. It paralyzes you. It blinds you. And it keeps you ineffective in the lives of those around you. That’s why the Bible warns us about the enemy condemning us—this is one of his most effective tools to negate your influence in your mismatched marriage.

One of our most well known, if not THE most known, pieces of Scripture is John 3:16, but have you ever really looked at verse 17?

“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”

So here’s the truth to dispel the lie. If Christ didn’t come to condemn you and make you feel shame even after you have confessed your sin, then that feeling of shame isn’t from God. It’s actually quite the opposite of His truth in Psalm 103:12 that tells us He’s removed our sin from us as far as the East is from the West. And how about Galatians 5:1 that tells us that Christ came to set us free?

If you’re still doubting, take the Scriptures and insert your name into them.

“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn me, (name), but to save me through him.”

“As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed my (name) transgressions from me.”

“It is for freedom that Christ has set me (name) free.”

Don’t let this lie that the enemy has inserted so stealthily and cleverly into your life keep you from stepping into the plan God has for you and your marriage. We hold a very special place in our marriages. We are on the front lines and part of God’s team to battle for our unbelieving spouse’s salvation. And for the salvation of our children. The enemy would like nothing better than to make you think you aren’t up to the task.

The beauty of it is, we don’t have to be. God has that all taken care of. All we have to do is say yes to His plan. He is our strength. He is our redeemer. He is our FORGIVER!

Every day is a new opportunity to walk in forgiveness and serve our King. Don’t miss out on a single moment!

Praying and believing,
Dineen

The Intentional Marriage - Stand Up or Shut Up???

Welcome to our video broadcast of The Intentional Marriage. We are looking at how to sift our marriage conflicts, failures and questions through a small but powerful passage in the Bible.

18 minutes of power. Take a listen. Lynn

 

 

The Intentional Marriage Show March 2011 from Lynn Donovan on Vimeo.

Also, find Dineen today over at Laced With Grace where she shares: Parenting Struggling Teens.

Our Greatest Weapon—Prayer

At church Sunday, a friend of mine stood up with her husband and shared their testimony of how God saved their marriage ten years ago. I’ve only been at this church for about nine years so I had no idea this was the case. This couple has been an inspiration to me, especially my friend. She is an amazing woman of God and a true prayer warrior.

To hear them share spoke such joy to my heart. They shared how they were at the point of filing divorce papers. He wanted out, she didn’t. What did my friend do? She fell to her knees in prayer, prayed constantly. What struck me most though was WHAT she prayed.

She prayed that God would do whatever He needed to prepare and equip her for what lay ahead. Whether that meant her marriage would be healed or not. She gave it all to Jesus and wow, did Jesus give it all back to her. And more. They now counsel young couples and lead many of our Bible studies that deal with marriage.

I would have never known had they not shared. From the outside they seem as if they’ve always been a strong, Christian couple. Things are not always as they seem.

Sadly, all marriages are under attack today, whether believing, unbelieving, or mismatched. The enemy has found a niche that he can use to steer us away from God. We have to stay alert and fight for not only our own marriages but for those around us too.

Along those lines I want to share an example. Almost two years ago, God put it upon my heart to pray for a married couple in our church. I didn’t know why but I faithfully followed his leading. I found out shortly after that this marriage was in dire shape and the family was falling apart.

I continued to pray for the next year, then wondered if I should continue. I gently checked with the dear woman I’d been praying for who shared that things were not good. I continued to pray.

As I sat in church this past Sunday, I looked over and saw them both there, sitting together—something I had not seen in a while. And it was as if God spoke to my heart and said He’d heard every prayer. Not just mine but many others as well.

They’d made a turn in the marriage just barely a month ago. I am so glad I didn’t give up praying. Now I get to celebrate and KEEP PRAYING for their marriage to grown stronger, and for protection for this relationship.

Marriage is sacred. Period. God designed it to be a reflection of His relationship with us and with the church. When we view it this way, amazing things happen. Our perspective changes, and we understand better the depth of the commitment God is asking from us, as well as gaining a glimmer of the depth of His commitment to us.

I know being mismatched isn’t easy, especially since we as the believing spouse HAVE this perspective—God’s perspective—of what marriage is and what it means. The key is to remember that even as we are fighting for our marriages, God is too!

Let me say that simply: God is fighting for your marriage too!

Don’t ever forget that. He’s there. You’re not alone. So don’t give up. Do whatever God is asking you to do. Stand firm in that position and LET GOD FIGHT FOR YOU! He will do this, I promise you. That’s what Ephesians 6 and the armor of God is all about. He gives us the equipment we need for battle then tells us to stand firm in Him. He is our champion.

And prayer is our greatest weapon. So wield it with devotion!

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Weekend Devo — Pray with Devotion!

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. — Colossians 4:2-6

This piece of Scripture has been speaking a lot to me this last week. A wonderful pastor (Tim Wood) here in San Jose is a great job pointing out the jewels in it recently. Five to be specific—to pray for open doors, to pray for a clear message, to pray to walk in wisdome, to pray to make the most of every opportunity, and to pray to say the right things.

I've found myself studying the words and even making it into a prayer, and I want to share that with you. We can pray this for ourselves to so that we can "always be full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you know how to answer everyone." That includes our unbelieving spouses.

I hope you'll pray with me...

Lord, show us how to devote ourselves to prayer, to be watchful and thankful. Provide others to pray for us too, so that You may open a door for the message of Christ to be heard in the hearts of our unbelieving spouses, family members and friends as we proclaim the mystery of your Son, Jesus, whom we desire to serve with all our hearts and lives. Help us to speak when needed to share in clarity the truth of Jesus and His salvation. Help us be wise, Lord, in how we act toward those who don't know You and help us make the most of every opportunity to share YOU! Let our words and our ACTIONS always be full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that we know how to answer everyone who asks about You. Give us the words, Lord!

Father, we are so thankful for what You are doing in our lives, in the lives of our unbelieving loved ones, and for allowing us to join Your plan. Lord, we give you all the glory. May our lives honor YOU!

In Jesus's Holy and Powerful Name, amen!

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Blinded by Darkness

We’ve covered some ground in the last few weeks about spiritual warfare in our marriages. Sadly, it’s a topic treated as taboo at times right within the church, but our enemy has been effective there as well.

Too effective.

If he can convince us he’s not a real threat or even better, that he doesn’t even exist, he’s accomplished more than just a foot in the door. We're blinded.

If this concept is foreign to you, let me tell you that for a long time I was deceived myself. I can even remember telling someone years ago that though I did believe in God, I wasn’t convinced satan existed.

God’s Word tells us clearly otherwise and much more. Things like:

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline (sound mind). — 1 Timothy 2:7

As evident in the Bible, this stuff is real and pretending it doesn’t or avoiding it only sets us up for failure. We don’t have to be fanatical about spiritual warfare, but we do need to be aware. I know you’ve heard Lynn and I say this before, but knowing the Bible is your best defense. You can’t fight with a weapon you don’t know how to use. Same goes with the Bible. To know it is to live and use its truth effectively.

And if the whole idea of spiritual warfare scares you more than you fear God, take a look at this one:

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. — 1John 4:4

These two verses are so interconnected. First John 4:4 is our reassurance that we can overcome evil and 1 Timothy 2:7 is the proof of it.

Plant these truths firmly in your heart and mind. We need them so that we can stand strong for our unbelieving spouses. Second Corinthians 4:4 is a vital truth to understanding our unbelieving spouse and realizing they are truly handicapped as if they were physically blind.

The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. — 2Corinthians 4:4

But we can pray against this and stand in that gap between them and God. Just like it says in this verse:

For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. — 1 Corinthians 7:14

Just living our faith and rejoicing in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ makes us the best conduit for His light to shine into that blinding darkness. And we can pray:

“And Elisha prayed, ‘O LORD, open his eyes so he may see.’” — 2Kings 6:17

In this truth we can praise God for what He’s doing and celebrate!

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Spiritual Warfare and My Unbelieving Husband

I have one last story to share with you. 

This trilogy of articles on spiritual warfare has a price. I have asked the Lord to protect my family and me. So today, I ask you to pray over my writing and speaking to result in two things; that the Lord, Jesus, is honored and that His Saints are empowered to fight the forces of evil. 

Also, I acknowledge that sharing these accounts of the spiritual realm may be troublesome to those who have never encountered what I describe. However, I began this blog over four years ago with a single purpose: To help others who are married to unbelievers. That is why I am compelled to share this story.

It took me years to learn how to fight for my unsaved husband. After too many years and too many tears, I finally found peace with my faith and my spouse through the power of Jesus Christ alive in my heart. I don’t want one other person to live in wasted years of unhappiness and frustration when I can share the truth I know from sitting at the feet of Jesus. 

It was Christ, Himself who brought healing to my heart and marriage. I want to share what Jesus has taught me so that you can also thrive in your marriage. 

In addition, I know there are many of you who are married to a spouse who dwells smack in the middle of the enemy camp and the spiritual warfare I describe is very real in your life (I have read your comments from last week).

Oh, how I wish I had known what I know now back in the early years. No one was teaching me. No one talked about these battles with the enemy and in fact, most Christians shy away from talking about doing battle with the enemy because it’s so controversial. But, I answer to Jesus and after serious prayer and four years of writing, He told me to share so that I can help someone else fight for their spouse. 

Thank you for praying for me. Now let’s get started. 

____ 

When I speak at conferences, the audience is always interested in how my husband feels about my ministry efforts. I think that’s a great question and I always tell them this: 

Today I’m going to share with you some stories from my marriage, some struggles, triumphs and the fantastic journey in which God has set in motion. I want you to know that my husband enthusiastically supports my writing and speaking. He has given me his full permission to share our lives. 

In fact, on the day I was preparing to start my blog, I went to my husband and explained what I was doing. I told him that I planned to write about our married life but wouldn’t do it if he objected. I also promised him that if I wrote something I thought might bother him. I would bring it to him to read first so he would be okay with my posting it. (Every time I have, he has always approved- I love that man) 

After my explanation and seeking his approval, he looked at me and said this, “Honey, if you can help one other couple to NOT go through what we have been through. 

Then GO FOR IT.” 

Amazing! 

I still giggle as I remember this. I giggle and delight at how in spite of my husband’s lack of acknowledging God, God uses my husband to do His work on earth. It’s a blast to watch it all unfold. 

With that said, I want to share my account of a time when I was praying for my husband. 

Several, several years ago, I began to pray differently for my husband’s salvation. I was doing some study about breaking spiritual bondage. I was learning that the devil’s lies hold so many people hostage, unable to “hear” to real truth of the gift of salvation. I wanted to pray and fight the bondage that was holding my husband captive to the lie that God did not exist. 

I would lay awake at night and place my hand on my husband’s back as he slept. I would pray for him. Something similar to this: 

Lord, right now I ask that you would break the bondage of lies my husband has around him. In the name of Jesus, I bind the enemy that speaks lies to my husband and that is fighting to keep him away from You. Lord, I ask that you would protect my husband from evil that is fighting to retain its claim over him. Lord, dispatch angels to walk with my man wherever he is goes to protect him. Free his mind and heart. Open his spiritual eyes that he can know the truth and let the truth set him free. In the powerful, life-changing name of Jesus our Redeemer, Amen. 

My prayer was drawn from a couple different passages, which I was studying. Such as John 8:32 32Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." 

I think I prayed like this for many, many months, perhaps even a few years. I can’t really recall. I just know I would pray every night with my hand lightly resting upon him as he slept. 

Well several years ago, I recall it was during the summer months because we have a door in our bedroom where you can step out onto the back patio. I remember that on this particular night we left the door open to allow the cool evening breezes to come in. We kept the screen door shut to keep the bugs out but the air could still flow. 

It was in the middle of the night and pitch dark. I don't know the time of night but I came immediately awake. I sat up in bed. I couldn’t see anything but I felt something had just come through the screen door into our bedroom. I felt alarmed in my spirit.  

I couldn't see anything but I sensed it and……It was seething. 

I could feel its hatred and anger. In a split second, I understood that I was facing an evil spirit who had a claim on my husband. It was seething mad that I was praying it’s claim away. I don’t know how to explain this but to say I just knew….. I knew this thing had “owned” my husband for a very long time. 

What I mean by this is, I think it was assigned to my husband to keep him from finding the truth. And for years had been successful. However, my prayers were making a difference and it arrived to have it out with me. 

Oh my gosh, I started praying like crazy. Out loud and with fervor, I prayed, binding it by the power and blood of Jesus Christ. I spoke and said it no longer had a hold over my husband that Jesus was the truth. I prayed scriptures but I can’t remember today which ones. I also don’t know for how long I prayed like this. It could have been only a minute or many minutes. 

All during this pivotal battle, my husband never woke. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know how loud I was speaking; I was just doing what I knew to do. Pray with the authority of my Lord, Jesus. 

Then suddenly I sensed “felt” it turn and with what I would describe as a great rush like wind, it fled in a hurry back through the screen door. 

It has never been back. 

Whew! 

This encounter happened years ago, before I began writing, but now as I have had time to pray and consider it all, I didn’t realize at the time how important that night was. 

Since that time, my husband has changed. I didn’t notice at first but now I can clearly see that my husband’s hostility toward matters of faith is mostly gone. He doesn’t bristle when I talk about God. In fact, he has moved significantly toward the cross ever since. Although he has yet to cross the line and make Jesus Lord of his life, our marriage now thrives in peace. 

I’m convinced, as a woman, married to a man who doesn’t believe, our prayers for our unsaved spouse are of eternal and monumental importance. 

We are on the front lines. 

At the end of this life nothing, NOTHING, else matters but the salvation of people and a life lived to glorify the Son. 

Period. The end. 

Don’t grow weary. When you are weak, write me. I will pray beside you. I know how utterly important our battle prayers are for the cause of Christ. 

Be blessed, Lynn

Powerful One Sentence Prayer

If you are married, this simple prayer will radically change your life, your spouse and your marriage. It doesn't matter if your spouse is a believer or unbeliever..... This prayer is for you. Be blessed, Lynn

 

Lysa TerKeurst and a Portion

Was I excited or what?

Lysa TerKeurst visited my home town over the weekend. She was the speaker at the Crossline Community Church women’s retreat here in our valley. The retreat was fantastic and the gals from Crossline welcomed me into their sisterhood with open arms. 

Most of you know I adore Lysa. She is a powerful speaker and writer. I have read just about all of her books and I am super excited for her next one to be released late this year. I also read her blog every day. It’s that good. 

Over breakfast on Saturday, I chatted with Lysa and Holly Good, her traveling buddy, also an amazing woman who servers our Jesus. Lysa is as generous and kind in person, one-on-one, as she appears on stage, at her blog, and throughout her books. 

Here is a photo of us at breakfast. 

 (don't know what was going on with the strange crook in my neck. *sheesh*)

This is Lysa and Holly. 

 

It was a great privilege to spend time with her and I am deeply thankful she made time to meet with me. We chatted about ministry, books, blogs, her traveling schedule (grueling, I might add) and a bazillion other things. Lisa loves Jesus and her words to me personally and to the women attending the conference were powerful, life-changing and filled with the truth of God’s love. 

All of the ladies but especially me, were inspired. Several women crossed the line and accepted Jesus into their heart on Saturday. The Lambs book of life shines brighter today. Praise the Lord. 

Today I am compelled to share some of Lysa’s teaching. She was leading us through a few scriptures that came alive for me. 

Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Lysa asked, “I wonder if we started to pray and ask God for Him to be our portion, how different our lives would be.” 

I sat in my seat and her words hit me with the full force of the Holy Spirit. What if I asked Jesus to be my portion in my marriage? What if I asked Jesus to be my portion when I want to turn to junk food? What if I asked Jesus to be my portion……. ? 

So, today, along with Lysa, I ask you to begin praying this simple prayer: 

Jesus, be my portion of (insert your struggle here) for today. 

Lysa shared, “Even when Jesus taught us to pray, He asked for His portion. Matthew 6:11 Give us today our daily bread. If Jesus asked for His portion, we should too.” 

Jesus is our portion. Jesus is our groom. Jesus is our healer. Jesus IS. 

Have an amazing week. Fill it up with Jesus and watch as the cares of this earth become strangely dim. Be blessed, Lynn

Check out more portion prayers posted on Lysa's blog here: Portion Prayers

Also, I want to give a shout out to e-Mom and all my friends over at Chrysalis. Can't wait to read all about the Honeymoons. I hope to join in again next month. 

Find Dineen and me daily on Facebook Lynn Donovan, Dineen Miller and join Spiritually Unequal Marriage LIKE page.

What's Your Favorite Scripture?

Dear friends, Lynn and I need your help! We want to put a chapter in this book that has all these wonderful Scriptures that we can pray for our unbelieving spouses, like a heavenly resource. Can you help us?

Would you tell us what Scripture you pray for your spouse? Do you put their name in as you pray? Here's an example of one I use frequently, and not just for my hubby:

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you, NAME, with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, NAME, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you, NAME, may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.— Ephesians 3:14-19

I love praying this verse out loud and speaking my loved one's name right into it. Is there a verse or a piece of Scripture you pray for your lost loved ones? What does it meant to you personally to do this?

We'd love to have these contributions from our readers to encourage those who read it. Your heart speaking to theirs! Now that's 2 Corinthians 1:3-7 in its purist form, don't you think?

Thank you so much for your help. We couldn't do it without you! :-)

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Unanswered Prayers...Seeking God

Here we are, our last week of January (can you believe it?) and the end of our unanswered prayer series. My deepest prayer is that Lynn and I have been able to encourage you. Without our hope in Christ, well, it’s pretty hard to keep going. We run out of juice. Thank goodness Jesus doesn’t!

So, let’s talk some more about those unanswered prayers. In Part One, we talked about believing and trusting that God hears our prayers and considered what other reasons there may be for our answers to be delayed or different than what we expected.

Lynn wrote an awesome post about Dreaming Big with God, how sometimes God has something bigger in mind than what we're praying for.

Last week, we changed the label of unanswered prayers to Prayers in Waiting, another step in pushing our faith beyond ourselves and trusting God more. And Lynn shared how It's NOT about us.

Are you ready for more? I hope you said yes.

One of the questions left on the Facebook site was about praying effectively. That’s a great question. But first I want to ask you, what does that mean to you? What tells or shows us we’re praying effectively?

Visible results?

Our prayers quickly answered?

Which then leads me to ask, can we pray ineffectively?

If we go back to Hebrew 11:1, we’re told faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This all has to do with our faith in God, his Son Jesus, and his Holy Spirit. We believe God exists, we believe his Son Jesus died for our sins and was resurrected, and we believe that upon accepting Christ and his resurrection, the Holy Spirit takes residence in us. We are sealed, belonging to God and co-heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17).

This is the beginning of faith, the core of who we are as Christians. From here we learn to understand the daily pursuit of God and learning his will for our lives. And we do that by spending time with God, learning his ways and how we can join him in what he’s doing around us, in our own lives and the lives of those we love. We are all so interconnected that to not do this means we can wind up praying outside of God’s will. Then, yes, we wind up praying ineffectively.

I can only go back to what my family and I have experienced the last several months and hope I don’t sound like a broken record.

A year after my daughter’s brain surgery, I expected to be rejoicing on that one year mark when the MRI came back yet again clear. No sign of the tumor returning and everything looked pretty much normal. Yet her condition was worse than ever with bad headaches and missing so much school we wondered if she’d make it to the next grade. I prayed constantly for God to heal her, to take the headaches away, to make her want to go to school every day.

Basically, I was praying for God to fix it. But like Lynn so aptly said in her post, it’s not about us. It wasn’t about me. It was about my daughter’s journey and what God is trying to teach her.

I’ll be honest, my heart railed against this, to see my daughter still struggling so much, and nothing seemed to change. Why didn’t God hear my prayers?

The thing is, he did. And I know his heart ached as much as mine. That he matched me tear for tear. But he KNEW what my daughter needed more than a simple fix-it solution. He wasn’t just interested in her immediate comfort. He’s also interested in her future, one he designed specifically for her. One he’s building her character and equipping her for.

And I’m on the sidelines watching. You know that place. It’s a difficult one to be in. But necessary. God showed me (slowly because I’m a stubborn mama sometimes) that my prayers needed to change. That I needed to let go of what I wanted for my daughter, let go of my will, and consider the bigger picture. I was praying for what would make our lives easier. Hers. Mine.

My prayers began to change from fixing to equipping. To praying for guidance on how to best help my daughter learn what God was trying to teach her (Lord, equip me…). To prayers for her to make good choices. To praying Scriptures God lead me to pray for her.

This wasn’t an easy road...isn’t an easy road. It means doing the hard stuff and sacrificing what I want to achieve a greater goal. One that I catch a glimpse of and know in my gut what it all potentially could mean to my daughter…and to my unbelieving hubby. And I’m sure I won’t fully understand it all until I’m with Jesus and can ask him to show me what I didn’t see.

I can’t tell you a method or pattern for praying effectively. I can only tell you that when we pray in God’s will, when we can go before God and release what we want and desire only what God wants—desire only Him—that’s when things happen. And so often, we have to reach the end of ourselves to get there. And trust God with the outcome. Mix this with praying his Word out loud and worship, big things will change in YOU.

Our week of fasting and praying was one of the most difficult things I’ve done. I had to let go of everything I’d held onto. Actually, I had nothing left to hold on to at that point. I’d tried everything and nothing had worked. I released myself and my daughter to God completely, ready to do whatever God said had to be done.

I won’t go into all the details, but some pretty big stuff happened. Tears return even as I write this and remember what God has done. I did what God asked. Even when I wanted to doubt, I still proclaimed the truth. He didn’t expect perfection from me, just the first steps. He helped me take the rest with the gift of proof. My daughter is healed. I could write a book on how these events played out, how the MRI even amazed her doctors. It’s all there. Or should I say, not there. The biggest proof though is in how she’s changed—a change that came after she made the decision to seek God herself.

Sometimes I think praying effectively has more to do with what we don’t do, and more to do with how we trust God. Or choose to trust him. When your prayers seem unanswered, it’s time to step back and take another look. Maybe even ask some hard questions like, am I praying this more for my own selfish needs (like I was with my daughter because I wanted my life to be easier) than for the other person? What does God really want in this situation?

Do I want what I’m praying for (even if it’s your spouse’s salvation) more than I want God?

When we earnestly seek God, he says that’s when we’ll find him (Deut. 4:29, Matt. 6:33, Heb. 11:6). That I can tell you is the gospel truth.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

(Go to BibleGateway.com and read 119 Scripture references to the word “seek.”)