19 posts categorized "Out-Love Your Husband"

Men Stuff ... Part 2

mage courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net Ian here again. Firstly, thank you for your engagement in the first of this occasional series of posts. I loved seeing the discussion and responding to the comments that were made. I hadn’t planned on writing another such post so soon but the universe conspired (ie the power of 3 made me sit up and take notice) to bring some thoughts to bear that I thought might serve as a useful discussion. Firstly, I was chatting with a couple of wise men last week and we were particularly discussing how men communicate. Secondly, we’re all aware of the #metoo dialogue that has had significant airplay over the past few months. I recently read a fascinating article written by a bloke who explored how this predatory side of men had evolved and finally, one of my favourite authors, Tim Winton (an Aussie National... Read more →

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When I See You In Heaven - Chronicles Of The Donovan Clan

It’s today, March 14, 2016. Twenty-four years of married life. As I pondered my husband and our marriage this week, the Holy Spirit revealed something utterly unexpected and peculiar…. a letter. A letter to my husband as I see him in the future. When I See You In Heaven Mike, when I see you in heaven, will there be tears in my eyes? Will I glimpse your face across the expanse of the Great Assembly of worshipers? Will I run to you? Will you run to me? When I see you in heaven, I believe we will both run, full-out, with every bit of intention and intensity, to reach one another. When I see you in heaven, will you have tears in your eyes? Will you wrap your arms around me in a fierce embrace? Will you pull away and place your hands on both sides of my face as... Read more →

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Out-Love Your Spouse - The Final Chapter?

We are ending the last week of our “Out-Love” our spouse challenge. This is only the starting place. Our challenge is the beginning of a new way of life. An intentional effort to love our spouse with the love of Christ. I will never forget what Shelly shared with me months ago. It has forever changed my heart and how I love on my spouse. This is a never look back journey. Start down this road and commit to love your spouse and to love Jesus more than you love yourself. Things can change and amazingly just as we end this focused time together, look what arrived in the mail as my husband was on a business trip. Two cards arrived. Randomly. For no reason at all. One for me and astonishingly one for my teen daughter. Who says a man can't change. The timing of this is impeccable and... Read more →

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And the Walls Came A-Tumbling Down

Lynn’s post yesterday talked about the walls we erect that keep our guys on the outside. I want to share with you how this translated into my life. I walked into my marriage with the expectations I’d leaned from the pages of romance novels and movies. I’d bought into the fairytale. Everything was fine in the beginning but then the reality began to settle in. My husband wasn’t perfect. He didn’t do the things I thought he should. He didn’t get that he had a role to play in the script I’d written in my mind and heart. He didn’t even know his lines! How dare he let me down like that? How dare he not do the things around the house that seemed so obvious to me? How dare he not pull his weight in the relationship? So what else could I do? I jumped in and did it.... Read more →

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Out-Love Your Spouse - The Result

Why? Why make the effort to out-love my husband. Why must it always be me to make the first move? Why can’t he change for once? Why? Several months have passed since I first met Shelly Weaver. She has been used by God to inspire many of us here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage to live outside of the norm and to love our spouse with the love of Christ and to trust Him to transform our marriages. But the most profound part of this journey that Shelly shared with me is what I am going to share with you today. This is it: Our husbands are trapped. And, we are the ones who have them tied down in an endless bumper-car ride. You see, over the years out of our insecurities, pain, our past failures, our selfishness, we have erected many walls. He forgets our birthday, construction begins. Cinderblock is... Read more →

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Weekend Devo — Don't Give Up!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. — Hebrews 12:1 It's been an overwhelming week and one night I was pretty grumpy with my hubby because I didn't feel like he was doing enough to help me. Glad I kept that thought to myself and took it to God. My guy was kind and listened to me vent my overwhelming to do list. And I apologized for being grumpy. In the meantime, God showed me "WE" would get it all done (I'd left God out of my list, imagine that? ;-) and we did get it done, which taught me again of God's faithfulness. Thank you, Lord! The blessings didn't stop there though. I asked my hubby to grab... Read more →

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Who Are You Fighting With? Out-Love Your Spouse

I have been writing about walking the Christian walk in a spiritually mismatched marriage now for a long time. One thing I have discovered is that when we take on a challenge here at SUM it is met with enthusiasm and hope by many of you. …..at the beginning. Here we are in week three. Guess what? Many of you have already thrown in the towel. You have given up because you don’t see immediate results. You say to yourself, “Well Lynn, this is all very well and good for you but you don’t know "my" husband. You don’t know what I live with every day of my life.” That is true. That is also a lie. I don’t know the details of your life but I do know that if you are a child of God, you have every resource available to you to live in victory. So, I’m... Read more →

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Spouse-Based or God-Based?

What is the difference between a spouse-based marriage and a God-based marriage? This is the question my Sunday school leader asked our group this past weekend. We’re currently doing Gary Thomas’ video series, Sacred Marriage, which goes with his book by the same title. It’s a great course, and I have loved hearing different perspectives on marriage and how God works in our marriages and uses them to refine us. The answer to this question also fits into our “Out-Love Your Spouse” challenge. So here it is: A spouse-based marriage is performance based. In other words, I’ll do something nice for him if he does something for me. Or, why should I do that for her? She never does anything for me? And how about this one: He was grumpy last night. No way am I going to be nice to him today. Basically, as long as our spouse is... Read more →

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Out-Love Your Spouse - Your Ideas

Hi My Friends, Well, I think this post is going to be a little off track and unorganized. For some reason I have another cold and the headache is persistent today, so I will be brief. This Friday I'm going to share with you what happens in an ordinary marriage when you put the principals of "out-loving" your spouse into practice. THERE ARE some amazing and unexpected changes that come out of our efforts. At Kathi's book Club they are sharing ideas on how you out-love your husband. One of the women said, "I also want to make a dry erase sign for the bathroom that says I love you because…. and change the message frequently for him so that he can see all the reasons that I love him." What a great idea! I'm going to do that as well. So, what ideas do you have or what has... Read more →

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Weekend Devo — God's Timing

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him. — Psalm 37:7 The biggest challenge we often have is patience, wouldn't you say? I see this all the time in others and in myself. We want things to change now, to get better, get easier, go smoother. But what if we knew those very changes we're so impatient wouldn't be as effective if they happened in our time frame? Our October challenge has the potential to bring amazing changes in our marriages. Some we'll see fairly quickly, others may take a while. So let's keep going and trust God not only in the results but in the timing as well. His plan and timing are always best. Amen? Praying and believing, Dineen Read more →

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Out-Love Your Spouse - It's time for the Next Challenge

I have to tell you that this first part of this challenge, God really put me to task. I discovered it is monumentally difficult, at least for me, to change speech patterns that are decades old. What is hilarious to me is that concurrent to working through this challenge, I am also facilitating a Bible study at church entitled, Conversation Peace, The Power of Transformed Speech. This study and the road map of Out-loving your spouse are parallel in motion. Go figure. God really wants me to “get this.” I am. Truly, I have made progress after much learning, much surrender, much apologizing, and a humbling of my pride. Mercy! Today it’s time to move our challenge forward to the next step. Words of affirmation. If you remember the video, Shelly Weaver, shared the steps of her challenge and the next step is to be purposeful to say words to... Read more →

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The Silent Talker

So far, we’ve been talking about our words—how we use them and even when. I have to share with you that early on in my marriage, I didn’t always use my words wisely when I did speak up, but my biggest issue was not speaking up at all. Instead I held things in, choosing my own discomfort over dealing with a conflict or disagreement. I swallowed hurts at times that should have been expressed or shared in good ways in order to seek resolution. If you’re a “stuffer” like me, you know what happens eventually. You blow like a volcano, spewing your resentment and anger on anyone who happens to be around. I functioned this way for many years and my family likened my outbursts to a small volcano that occasionally blew just enough to let off some steam. They even had me pegged down to how long between outbursts.... Read more →

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Out-Love Your Spouse -
A Challenge, A Change, A Candle

A Challenge: Last Monday was our first challenge and we met Shelly Weaver who has been living with purpose to out-love her husband. She shared her desire to serve the Kingdom, feed the homeless and work in ministry but God, through her pastor, put her feet to the fire so to speak. She needed to FIRST go home and love on her unbelieving spouse. God was calling her to get her own house in order before she stepped out to help the world. Wow, don’t you think God is calling each of us to this very purpose? Do you believe God wants us to prove the love of Christ by loving our spouse? I am convinced THAT is exactly what He wants. It’s what He expects. Shelly shared with us the first step on this journey, (hand over mouth) she had to change her speech. She also hinted at the... Read more →

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Out-Love your Spouse - Sowing and Reaping

Well how was the first week? I have to tell you that I have been on this journey for a few months already and I find it extraordinarily difficult. So don’t become discouraged. There are lessons to be learned and God surely had to teach me a few things this week. Sometimes He must show us how our words really affect our spouse. This is exactly what happened to me. Ugh! Last week my husband and I went for an early afternoon walk. We walk the dog several times a week when he is not traveling. We had little Peanut leashed and were just setting off down the street when God decided it was time. Lynn Donovan was about to discover you reap what you sow. You see, two weeks earlier, I’m ashamed to admit, I had a meltdown and zinged my husband with some unkind mean words. They were... Read more →

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Thankful Thursday - It's all about Perspective

Thankful Thursday is back here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage for the month of October. Woo Hoo! We have a busy month around here and for all of you joining us today, welcome to our marriage challenge. Out-Love Your Husband/Wife If you missed the video posted Monday, I promise it’s worth your time. Just read the comments. AND join us this month to put God’s love in action in our marriages and then watch and see what our Great BIG God will do. I love this time of year. Our first winter storm rolled in off the ocean and I headed for my sweatshirt and jeans. I turned on the central heat to chase the morning chill away and that familiar smell of fall washed over the house. Yep, burnt dust. But, there is something about the fall colors the smell of the heater the first time it fires for the... Read more →

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Loving God Helps Me Love My Husband

I will tell you, in all honesty, that I cannot love my husband in my own strength. It’s not possible. I tried to for a many years and would do fine for a while, but inevitably I would run out of steam. Resentment would seep back in and these feelings and thoughts that had to with how little I perceived to be getting back. That's the self creeping in, because to out love our spouses requires unconditional love that's centered in Christ, not us. First, I had to ask God to help me love my husband the way He loves him. To put a love in my heart for my spouse that far exceeds what I am capable of. God answered that prayer and keeps answering it faithfully, but it truly starts in my love for God. The more we love God—the more we live for Him—the more we are... Read more →

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Out-Love Your Spouse

Are you ready to be intentional about changing your marriage? Do you want to see God moving in your life, your heart, and that of your husband? I know you do and so do I. So let me share this. You do your part and God will do His part. We are setting out this month to "Out-Love" our spouse. We are going to love, serve and surprise our husband/wife. We are going to discover that when we are intentional and make an effort to change, really change, through the power of Christ, our lives, our hearts and that of our spouse can truly change as well. I want to introduce you to my friend Shelly Weaver. I met Shelly when I visited her small group this summer. The Warrior Wives (her group) had just finished the study of Winning Him Without Words and I was invited to wrap up... Read more →

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Replenish Your Soul

I'm psyched to be a speaker at this year's conference, Replenish Your Soul. This is an ONLINE conference for women who want to replenish their hearts and renew their marriage. I'm especially excited because my topic is "Out-Love" Your Husband. The timing of this conference couldn't be better as this conference directly follows up the month long challenge that we are beginning here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage this Monday, October 3rd. The conference is only $10 and it's filled with three days of speakers and topics. There are giveaways and resources to grow your relationship with the Lord and with your spouse. At The Well is hosting the conference and they have pulled together a great speaker team. I'm humbled to be among them: Speakers Darlene Schacht, Betty Eisenhour, Connie Hughes, Rachel Martin, Joy McMillan, Amy Roberts, Teri Lynne Underwood, Ashley Wells, and me, Lynn Donovan Hop over and take... Read more →

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"Out-Love" Your Spouse/ Husband

My Friends, As I write this today (Thursday), it's actually Rosh Hashanah, the marking of the first day of the New Year on the Jewish Calender. It strikes me as it's interesting that we are embarking on a potentially life-changing journey today. It's been a long time since we have worked through a series and also a challenge here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage. This October, could be the beginning of a profound and deepening relationship with our Jesus and also, do I dare say, a paradigm shift in our marriage. It's timing as it relates to God's marking of time, a new year, is perfect. So, what is this adventure you ask? It's the revealing of a new look on love. A way to view married love from the eyes of the eternal. And yet to bring it to life in our everyday living here on earth. It's about change.... Read more →

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