Our Place of Influence (Part 2): What does that look like?

Last week I wrote about our place of influence in our marriage. How do we get there and what does it look like? Let’s start where I ended last week.

1. Pray for wisdom and guidance. It starts right here. Without God’s wisdom and guidance, none of this is possible. It’s like groping in the dark for a light switch. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him (James 1:5). First and foremost, we need to be cultivating a relationship with God. If you do just this one thing, the rest of the steps below will fall into place.

2. Pray for change in you. As I shared last week, we are often the heart of our families. That means we are also a catalyst for change. Ask God to help you be the wife and mother HE (not your husband or family) needs you to be. This means you’re asking God to use you to be this person of influence and change in the lives of your husband and children. This means asking God to help you see your husband as a blessing, not a burden. We are not martyrs in our own homes, but we can be missionaries.

3. Pray for your husband. This is most likely your highest calling. Pray for his protection, for his mind and heart to know and accept Jesus, and pray for him as the leader of your family. He may not be the spiritual leader of your family right now, but he is still the leader of you and your family in general. Allow him to lead! This is where you will find your greatest calling and challenge as a wife—to stand by your husband, to affirm him as a man, as a husband, as a father. In doing this we serve him and we serve God. The amazing thing is, when we take this place, we discover what God truly means by, “and the two will become one.” This is a beautiful place of partnership where we work together as a team, as a “we” and not two “I”s working against each other. Our greatest gift to our husband is to help him reach his God-given potential, even in the midst of his unbelief or lagging faith. Remember, God is working there too.

4. Pray for your children. This is your legacy. This is your influence on future generations. This is your mark on eternity. As I said before, we often set the tone and pattern in our family. Nothing has been more rewarding than to see my oldest daughter choose a relationship with a godly man and desire to have a marriage based upon God’s design. Even in their engagement I see these two taking their God-given and ordained places in their relationship. It is truly a thing of beauty. All the years that I’ve poured into my marriage and into my family are bearing fruit in her. That is so humbling and so rewarding. I’ve already received some of my treasure in the here and now.

5. Pray for and encourage other women in mismatched marriages. Lynn and I are walking and talking testimonies to this. If you look at 2 Cor. 1:3-7, you’ll see that God never intends for us to keep what we know about and learn from Him to ourselves. Those areas of victory will be used to help others. That right there is another blessing we can receive in this lifetime. I can think of no better way to serve God than to share His hope—to share Him—with others so that they too can know love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control in their lives and their marriages. This is the example we have in Titus 2 as well.

6. Be still and know God is God. Quit trying to fix your husband, your kids, your life...youself. If you look at the Lord’s prayer, the end affirms that God’s kingdom, power and glory are forever. Pray these prayers and then trust that God is already in action. He probably was even before you said a word. The hardest part is waiting on God’s timing. I waited 16 years for my husband to accept my faith, to accept this is who I am and I’m not going to change. It’s a small step forward and worth the wait. Ten years ago I was impatient and anxious for my husband to know Jesus NOW! Today I am content and thankful that he now accepts my faith, understands this is who I am, and chooses to love me and walk the road of marriage together.

My friends, I write these things from my heart and from my experience. And with this comes the full understanding that we cannot do this, fill this place of influence without constantly seeking God for strength, wisdom and courage. Do not let your husband’s unbelief and the lies of the enemy tell you that you can’t be this kind of wife to your husband. You can and God will give you everything you need to do so.

Just trust Him. Trust Him to equip you. The most amazing part of this journey, for me, is finding myself and my life in Christ. This is the part that’s hard to put in words other than to say that there is nothing more peaceful and empowering than walking in obedience to God. Had I clung to what I wanted instead of allowing God to be the one in control, I would not have the marriage I have now. I wouldn’t have the life of joy I’m experiencing now! This is what Jesus meant when he said we must lose our life to get it back and that his burden is light. Though our lives will always have conflicts, challenges and trials, His way is the best way to live a life of joy and peace in the midst of it all.

In walking this path as a mismatched wife I have found purpose, joy and amazing faith. This is God’s doing, not mine. And we have so much more waiting for us in heaven. That’s when we will see the full picture of what our place of influence truly accomplished for God.

Amen?

Lynn shared that we’ll be giving away two copies of the Resolution for Women. I feel led to buy one for myself, sign it and put it in a card for my husband as a Valentine’s Day present. To be honest, the idea scares me—what will my husband think of it? How will he react? I’m choosing to step out in courage and follow what I believe to be God asking me to testify openly to my husband what my place in our marriage means to me. I’m praying for God’s courage and for my husband’s heart to receive my gift.

Is God calling you to have courage and take a step of faith in your marriage?

Praying and believing,
Dineen

And the Walls Came A-Tumbling Down

Lynn’s post yesterday talked about the walls we erect that keep our guys on the outside. I want to share with you how this translated into my life.

I walked into my marriage with the expectations I’d leaned from the pages of romance novels and movies. I’d bought into the fairytale. Everything was fine in the beginning but then the reality began to settle in.

My husband wasn’t perfect. He didn’t do the things I thought he should. He didn’t get that he had a role to play in the script I’d written in my mind and heart. He didn’t even know his lines!

How dare he let me down like that? How dare he not do the things around the house that seemed so obvious to me? How dare he not pull his weight in the relationship?

So what else could I do? I jumped in and did it. After all, these are things that have to be done and done right. You know the saying, if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself. So I did!

I did everything. I had to. No one else would. I took care of the kids, the house—everything. And I worked so hard to get things just right and either he didn’t notice or the kids just undid it all so that I had to do all over again.

Life wasn’t fair. Why didn’t he get that if he would just do things the way I wanted and was there when I needed him, life would be so much easier.

Let’s fast forward to a little ways into my marriage. We’d moved to Switzerland because of a work opportunity for my husband. Things started out great, then went from bad to worse. The weight of the world on my shoulders effectively doubled.

I walked into my new church one day and was approached by a soft-spoken woman. She handed me a piece of paper about a group called 1Peter3, a group for women married to unbelievers. I joined immediately and we studied the book Beloved Unbeliever together.

God began to open my eyes through this and another Bible study, Experiencing God. Not to see my husband’s faults and lack, but to see my own. I began to see how much I pressure I had put upon my marriage and my husband through my expectations. I backed off, reassessed, and started to painfully change the way I talked to my husband. I became aware of my words. My marriage began to improve greatly as God taught me to respect my husband.

Still, there was this pattern that seemed to show up. Things would go great for a while and then go down the drain again. Why? Why did this keep coming back? Why did we keep getting stuck in this place? I’d done pretty well in communicating my needs and helping to understand what I was saying without being condemning, so why did the same issues keep cropping up?

One day I was walking into my kitchen. Maybe I was praying, I don’t clearly remember. What I do remember was a very clear and sudden thought.

“It’s not him who has to change, it’s me. It’s not his perceptions that need adjustment, it’s mine.”

Like a light bulb bursting with light, this truth exploded in my head and did a number on my heart. I realized I had let go of my expectations of what I wanted and had replaced them with negative expectations. The kind where you expect your spouse to do what he’s always done, to disappoint you the way he always done, to let you down the way he’s always done.

I’d placed these negative expectations on my husband, ones he could actually meet, but never gave him a chance to do anything else. The problem was, each one added a brick to that wall around me, the one I thought would keep me from feeling the hurt of being let down. And my poor guy kept bouncing into it, feeling as if he could never do anything right.

It’s a vicious cycle. It destroys marriages. It destroys people.

I had to tear down the bricks and it would take a while. First, I had to break this habit of negative expectations that I’d developed and see in my husband the potential God had created in him. Until I did, my husband would never become the man God had fashioned him to be. And two, I had to rebuild trust in our marriage. I had to show my husband I believed in him, that I truly supported him, and trusted him. Respected him.

My desire to change my husband shifted to a desire to change me. I wanted to change. I needed to change. I was desperate for freedom! I prayed for God to change me, to change my heart, to change my thinking, and to help me love my husband the way Jesus loves him.

God took my pain and desire and used it to tear down the walls I had built around my emotions. He freed me from lies and bad habits and showed me how to affirm, appreciate and out-love my husband.

Friends, this is not easy to share with you. I have no shame admitting my path because I know God has forgiven and redeemed me and my past. But to write this out brings me tears. It’s not been an easy journey. It’s been painful but so worth it!

God is gracious, kind and faithful. I shared in our Weekend Devo what my husband did for me last week. That is not how it’s always been. It has taken work and time to reach this place of where I can love him without expectation and the more I do—the more I love my husband through Jesus—the more our marriage has healed and thrived.

For so many years I wanted my guy to fit a mold that I had created for the perfect husband. To finally release him from that and to just love and appreciate the man he is, and then to out-love him as we’ve been doing here, brought something from his mouth I thought I would never hear. He actually referred to a task that needed to be done in our home as a “job for him, a husband’s job.” Something I never would have imagined I’d hear him say.

I still stumble at times and God is quick to show me and pick me up so I can apologize to my husband. The results of this journey are still coming in. I’ve changed dramatically and my husband has responded in so many unexpected ways. Now he’s starting to out-love me. That was never my motivation for out-loving him. I wanted only to be obedient to God for the sake of my husband’s future salvation, to show him Jesus.

The world will tell you that your perfect mate will meet your every need. God will tell you that He is all that you need and will show that He’s already met your every need in His Son Jesus. When we live in this truth, we are free to love Jesus and everyone He puts in our path. We truly love because He first loved us.

God sees your desires and efforts, your pain and struggles in your marriage. He wants to show you a better way. Ask him. He’s just waiting for you to make the first move.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Spouse-Based or God-Based?

What is the difference between a spouse-based marriage and a God-based marriage?

This is the question my Sunday school leader asked our group this past weekend. We’re currently doing Gary Thomas’ video series, Sacred Marriage, which goes with his book by the same title. It’s a great course, and I have loved hearing different perspectives on marriage and how God works in our marriages and uses them to refine us.

The answer to this question also fits into our “Out-Love Your Spouse” challenge. So here it is:

A spouse-based marriage is performance based. In other words, I’ll do something nice for him if he does something for me. Or, why should I do that for her? She never does anything for me? And how about this one: He was grumpy last night. No way am I going to be nice to him today.

Basically, as long as our spouse is performing to our standards, and meeting our needs, we will love them, help them, and be a good spouse in return. As soon as they stop meeting that standard, we withdraw our affection, love and help.

In a God-based marriage we love our spouse because that is what Jesus has asked us to do—love one another. We love our spouse whether they are grumpy or happy. We help our spouse without the expectation of getting something in return. We serve our spouse as an act of serving God.

See the difference? I know this challenge to “out-love” our spouse isn’t an easy one, especially if you’re in a difficult marriage. Especially if you’re in a situation where there is hostility and rebuff. But I want to encourage you to persevere, because I am confident of two things:

1. When we love our spouse from the motivation that we are serving God—being obedient to God—God sees our efforts. Our spouse may not, but God sees. And He is faithful!

2. In some way, our spouse will be affected on some level. They may not respond right away. They may not respond in a way that you’d expect. But when we are loving our spouse from the motivation to serve God—in essence, if we are loving our spouse from a place of loving Jesus—we become a conduit for the love of Christ to reach our spouse. That’s powerful!

Look at Hebrews 10:23-24:

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

My friends, we heard what Shelley shared with Lynn in the video about what her pastor told her. Our calling to love and serve begins right in our own homes. God wants us to start there before He can bring us out into the mission fields of our workplace, our neighborhood, or even our friends and extended family.

Don’t give up. God calls us to love even the most unlovable. Even if that defines our spouse at the moment. And if we’re totally honest here, we aren’t always very lovable either, are we?

Last week, I did small things for my hubby, like sitting on the couch with him instead of the chair I usually sit on. I looked for little things that would make his life a little easier and his home a haven to return to. God put this on my heart as away to comfort my stressed out guy. One night, this poor guy thanked me for making dinner—twice in one meal. I didn’t ask for that appreciation. I only sought to do what God was showing me to do.

And finally, let me say that just because our spouse isn’t a believer (yet) doesn't mean we can’t have a God-centered marriage. You are the conduit to bring God into your marriage. Keep the faith and remember that through that very same faith, your spouse partakes in your sanctification (read “Sanctified Unbeliever” here) and God’s covering.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

The Power of a Three-Stranded Cord in an Unequal Marriage

The Power of a Three-Stranded Cord in an Unequal Marriage

. . . a three-stranded cord is not easily broken.   (Ecclesiastes 4:12, CJB)

In the verses prior to this, Solomon is speaking of how two are better than one because if one falls the other can help them up.  They can keep one another warm when it is cold and they can defend one another against an attacker.  Then in the last part of verse twelve, he changes things up a bit and speaks of three instead of two. 

This verse is often spoken of in regards to marriage.  It describes how a successful and strong marriage is one in which there are three participants, a husband, a wife and God.  I’ve also seen it illustrated as a triangle in which the bottom corners represent the husband and wife operating in a horizontal (physical) relationship and God being the top point operating with both husband and wife in a vertical (spiritual) relationship.  Regardless of the picture drawn, it makes sense.  Anything we bring the Lord into will become stronger as He has strength far beyond anything we can ever begin to fathom.

The illustration of the three-stranded cord though makes even more sense when you speak to a rope maker.  They will tell you that this is the strongest cord you can make because all three strands are touching each other.  If you add more strands, the rope becomes thicker but not necessarily stronger because not all the strands are touching at the same time. 

If one or even two of the strands becomes frayed or broken, the cord will remain intact as long as the third strand does not break.  This gives time for the other strands to be mended.  God works in this way in our marriages.  During those hard times when both spouses are at a breaking point, God holds the marriage together until He heals the other two.  And the good news is that God is a strand that can’t be broken.

So then why has an illustration regarding marriage that makes so much sense and should give so much hope, only saddened me in the past?  The answer lies in the fact that I am in an unequally yoked marriage.  My beloved does not share my faith, does not believe in the God that I so love and believes if there truly is a God, He doesn’t really care about us.  So in my mind the three-stranded cord can’t happen as one of the strands does not “touch” or acknowledge the one unbreakable strand.

However, God in all His wisdom whispered a secret to me recently, a secret that caused that beautiful flower of Hope to once again blossom in my heart.  He said, “Angela, my beloved, what makes you think that just because one strand does not acknowledge Me that I suddenly no longer exist?  Since when does the unbelief of one person negate the Truth of my Existence and keep Me from working in their lives?”  At that moment I realized, that even if my husband does not bring the Lord into our marriage, that does not mean that I can’t and it does not negate the presence of the Lord in our marriage. 

Regardless what my husband chooses to believe, I can still commit to follow the Lord and to plead on behalf of my marriage and my husband at the Throne of Heaven.  I can commit to love my husband unconditionally and to pray for him – his health, his success, his life (physical, emotional and spiritual).  I can commit to respond to him in kindness and forgiveness even if he does not always respond to me in the same way.  And if (when) I fail, I can go to him humbly and ask for his forgiveness.  My commitment to the Lord and my marriage brings God, that third unbreakable strand, into our marriage cord whether or not my husband himself acknowledges it, because by doing so I am sharing God’s love and strength with my husband.

And as 1 Peter 3:1-2 says, by doing this who knows but our husbands may actually acknowledge for themselves the Lord and be won over to Him by how we have treated them – by the love, respect and submission we show to them and which strengthens our marriage.

I will be honest, in the end our spouse may still choose to walk away and break what God has joined.  Our Creator has given us all free will, and our spouse may choose to exercise it by walking away from our marriage.   However, by bringing God into our marriage through obedience and submission, we will make that break harder for them to accomplish.  The strands of a cord not only touch one another, but are also entwined and woven amongst one another.  Our spouse’s strand must be broken and disentangled in multiple places before they can truly and completely get free of the cord they have been woven into. 

Asking the Lord into our marriage will only strengthen, not weaken it.  It will only strengthen, not weaken us.  In the end we will know that we have been obedient to the Lord and can leave the rest to Him, the One who created us and knows us best.  Regardless of our spouse’s choices and the final outcome of their faith or our marriage, we will be strengthened by that unbreakable strand and we will have given our beloved spouse a glimpse of what that can look like in their own lives.  What better gift can we bestow upon the one we have committed to love for the rest of our lives?

~Angela Smith

 

Thank you Angela. You have inspired me. Hugs, Lynn

Dineen and I also want to give a "SHOUT OUT" to our blogging friends who are profiling our book today at their place. Many are offering a free copy as a giveaway. If you keep entering, you are bound to win one eventually because there are many to give away.

A BIG THANK YOU to:

Noreen - Life Blessings

Angie - The Knightly News

Debbie - Debbie's Homeschool Corner

Angela - Thankful Heart

Bonnie Paulson - Bonniepaulson.com

Mary Lu Tyndale - Cross & Cutlass

Jeanette - Making This House Our Home

Patty - Adding Zest to Your Nest

Be All You Can Be

I’ve been harboring a lie and I didn’t know it.

Last Friday I sat during my quiet time, praising God for the amazing ways He’s using this ministry, and Lynn and I, to reach out and help others in spiritually mismatched marriages. I will tell you I was so overcome with gratitude that God was using me to help others, that He chose me to be a part of this ministry, that tears sprung to my eyes.

Then, as only God can, He gently showed me a lie I’d bought into. In the past I’ve had times where I wondered if my husband’s unbelief kept me from stepping into completely serving God. What I mean by that is, would God have to keep me simmering on the stove until my husband accepted Christ and then He could let me “boil” full steam for Jesus!

Forgive the poor analogy but I hope that makes sense. I’ve pushed that thought aside many a time, refusing to believe it, but what I didn’t realize is that I’d totally bought into it.

This revelation hit me full force Friday morning, as if God were saying, “Look, you thought his unbelief would keep you from doing what you wanted for me. Take a look around you, Dineen? Did it hold back this ministry and book and how I’m using you in the midst of it all?”

Needless to say, my tears turned into a full bawl. (It’s been a very emotional few days!) The lie was exposed. God hadn’t held me back at all. My husband’s unbelief hadn’t held me back either. No, I’d allowed this lie to take root in my thoughts and allowed it to make me think I was being held back from serving God as I desired. And I’m sure I’ve even hid behind my husband’s unbelief at times out of the fear that stepping out would make our faith disconnect worse or make waves in our marriage.

Yet here I sit (and write) with the full evidence in front of me that it’s not true. The enemy succeeded for a while, but not anymore.

I want to pass this revelation onto you. Whatever it is that God is calling you to do, go do it. If God is the one leading you in a direction you fear may create waves, step back a moment and look at this way, and with much prayer.

God knows your spouse, knows what will and won’t stir the waters of your marriage. He’s in control of it all. And if God is calling you in a certain direction, He’s not only going to equip you for it, He’s also going to work in your unbelieving spouse as well.

I will give you an example. Our book is finally here, real and in our hands. You know what our message is. And you know that Lynn and I have been very careful to spend time in prayer to make sure we’re clearly serving God and following His will and purpose for us in this ministry. In other words, we’ve been very careful not to step outside of God’s plan or get ahead of him.

Enter my husband—the atheist—who is as excited as us about our book. He’s checking our Amazon ranking and sending me little updates as to how the book is doing. He’s so pumped!

Friends, if that’s not God working in his heart to accept what is the truth, I don’t know what is. I don’t claim to understand it, but I know without a doubt this wouldn’t be possible without God.

So, don’t be afraid to step out and live your faith as God is calling you to. Don’t wait for your spouse to come to faith in order to walk into the purpose God has for you now. If anything, your life of faith will become an even more powerful testimony of God’s power and saving grace to your unbelieving spouse.

When we stay close to Jesus, and are willing to lose our lives for Him, amazing and wonderful things happen in our lives and in our marriages. We can move forward with the assurance and trust that God has all the details in his control. He will bring you to a place of service that will work for you and your marriage. It may not be what you expected, but I’m betting it will exceed what you thought possible.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Do you ever feel like a nine year old at an amusement park? You want to ride with the big kids on the “Big” rides with the adults but you just don’t measure up. Not tall enough.

I think everyone of us struggles with …. Not enough.

Join Lynn today at Laced with Grace for: Why Does It Feel Like I'm Never Enough.

 

Building Big Faith

Over the weekend Dineen shared a fantastic post ~Big Faith… If you missed it, scroll down and take a minute.

So today I must follow up that post with a question. How do I develop BIG FAITH?

I was pondering this very question and the Lord answered. Isn’t that just like the Lord?

Sunday mornings, my church is studying from the book of Haggai. We finished the first chapter yesterday. I have to tell you, I’m astonished this obscure book in the Old Testament with a strange name contains so much wisdom we can apply to our life in 2011.

So here’s the gist…. Fifteen years have passed since the Israelite remnant returned from Babylon. The people have use the cedar logs meant for the temple to rebuild their homes and they failed to construct the Lord’s house. Can you see a parallel in 2011? Yikes

So God calls them out and says: “You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?” declares the LORD Almighty. “Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with your own house. Therefore, because of you the heavens have withheld their dew and the earth its crops. I called for a drought on the fields and the mountains, on the grain, the new wine, the olive oil and everything else the ground produces, on people and livestock, and on all the labor of your hands.”

In these words I hear the Lord calling me out. Ouch.

I had my own dreams. I tried to build my house, my marriage, my career, etc. and I didn’t consult the Lord. I didn’t want to hear what He had to say about marriage to an unbeliever.

God, blew it all away. Why does God blow our dreams away?

Well, out of our dying dreams our opportunity to really trust God is born. We learn to put God (His house) first. We discover the truth of Romans 8:31 If God is for us, who can be against us?

God says in Haggai 1: 13 “I am with you,” declares the LORD.

These words shout to my soul. I am with you….. You are special. You are chosen. You are important to God’s plan. You are significant.

So today, I’m going to respond like the Israelites did. They got to work. They believed God and began to build. They left their mediocre past behind and embraced a new future. They lived believing that God was with them. They found a new dream.

Today, I am going to live as if Jesus is with me always. I am going to build my marriage up. I am going to breathe significance into my children. I will reject the lies of the enemy and tell anyone who will listen that my God saves.

I will build my faith through obedience just as they did. I will, because I know that I am significant to God. Therefore everything I am and everything I do is significant.

THAT is the beginning of BIG Faith. Live like Jesus is with you always.

Be blessed, Lynn

*Inspired by Josh Clark. Thanks Josh. Sunridge Community Church.

The Unending Trials

One of the heaviest burdens we carry for ourselves and others are those that don’t seem to end. These days we all have some area that continues to challenge us. We pray for healing, release, whatever seems needed, in the hopes that God will rush in and save the day.

Sometimes things get better, then something happens to plunge us to the depths again. You cry out to God to bring resolution, healing, whatever, yet nothing seems to change. We struggle with our faith, with our perception of God in our lives and his plan, we struggle, struggle, struggle...

We even despair, wondering why God doesn’t seem to hear our prayers. These are the trials that take the most from us emotionally, spiritually, and even physically.

Coming to a place of trust and acceptance is a great challenge, and I think we have to do it over and over again. God has a reason for not just stepping in and making a situation better or removing it completely, but believing that and trusting that his reasons are good is not always easy. The truth that keeps me going is that God is good. He is not capable of bad motivations. That's the one thing He’s incapable of. So if that's true, and it is, then our ongoing trials have purpose and meaning too.

Recently, God showed me that sometimes parts of our lives have to be torn down in order to rebuild something much better. And often those parts He wants to remove aren’t healthy anyway. Yet we tend to cling to what we know, preferring the familiar over change or growing pains.

And it is painful and heartbreaking at times. I know my own stubborn nature wants to protest and keep the status quo rather than face this kind of pain—the kind that tells us it must get worse before it can get better.

Our spirits know it’s necessary. That’s the way God designed us, that if we’re to truly walk in his plan for our lives, we must allow Him to prune and refine us.

The thing is, we can know all this is true, but at the darkest moment of testing, we consider the cost. We stop and look, examine and estimate, decide and choose. Can we go on?

I confess one of these times hit me recently. Very unexpectedly, I might add. I think that was part of God purpose in allowing it, to show me I wasn’t as secure in my faith as I thought. For a nearly a day I labored over what God was calling me to do.

What I faced was appalling to me in that moment. Yet the more I examined the true depths of the issue, the more I realized the heart of the matter was internal. My heart needed some changes in order to go on. I met with God in his Word and prayer, and He began to heal what I could not and bring acceptance to what I had initially resisted.

In the end, I had a choice, and God left it to me to choose. I could choose living in all that God wants to accomplish in and through me, or I could walk away. Sometimes we just have to choose to do the hard stuff, and it sure helps knowing we’re choosing God in the same breath—to be obedient, to serve a higher calling than our own human nature. To know we’re not making the trip alone and on our own.

God asks a lot of us sometimes. More than we can imagine ever accomplishing or enduring. But whatever He asks, He will equip us to move forward. He doesn’t ask if we have the strength to do it, because He knows we don’t, not without Him. He asks us to trust Him more deeply than we have before and leave the rest to Him.

Again, not easy but very much worth the journey.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

This Was Hard, But it Changed My Entire Perspective Forever

Good Monday Everyone: 

If you remember last Monday, I began a series where I answered some of your questions. Specifically, many of you listen in to my radio interview, which generated some thoughts. You can listen to my interview and Dineen’s by scrolling down and click on the audio link. 

One of the first questions arrived in an email from a friend who is also unequally yoked. She asked: In the radio interview you said: You are happily married to your best friend - how is that? How can a believer and an unbeliever be happy under the same roof let alone be best friends? 

Scroll down to read last week’s post because today, I will tell you how God led me to get over myself and how he replaced my loneliness with fulfillment. 

Many of you know how I began this blog. I wanted to share the healing I received and the hope I have for my spiritually mismatched marriage. Jesus was my rescue and although our marriage was still far from perfect, He was desperate for me to help other discover hope for their lives. So I started writing and sharing the hope I have here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage. 

Next month SUM will be four years old. But, it was in the very early, early days of blogging where my sadness and frustration over my marriage and my unmet expectations were forever changed. It began with a private email from a woman who stumbled upon the blog within the first few months of its launch. 

I can’t remember exactly what she wrote and I have not had contact with her in years but her email changed my perspective forever. Today, I want to share with you what she shared with me. I want to share how in an instant, her words changed my view of my marriage forever. 

As I recall, she was an older woman married, I believe, for more than 25 years. What she went on to tell me is difficult and I think I need to share it today to help some of you see your husband with new appreciation. 

She said she loved her husband very much but her life has been a struggle. She is committed to her marriage because she is committed to the Lord and His teachings. But, her husband struggled over the years with a tendency toward Transvestism (also called transvestitism) is the practice of cross-dressing, which is wearing the clothing of the opposite sex. Not only this but also, Infantilism is characterized by the desire to wear diapers, due to reasons other than medical necessity, and/or be treated as an infant or toddler. 

I didn’t even know what these conditions were. I had to look them up. 

I read her email and bawled. I cried for her pain and for the brokenness of our world. 

I still grieve it today. 

I absolutely do not judge this woman as to why she chooses to stay and live in her marriage, facing these unimaginable struggles. I am certain many don’t understand why I cling to my marriage when there appears no hope of resolution in the immediate future. 

She loves her husband. She is honoring the Lord. God sees her heart. 

But……. On that day, my life was forever changed. I knew I see my husband with a new vision of love and appreciation. 

My husband is a good man. He is in every way what I want with the exception of knowing Christ. How can I ever be disappointed in the light of what this other woman lives in day-after-day? 

So, if you are feeling unhappy about your spouse, pause and ask God to help you see Him as He does. Then take action. 

Serve. 

When I decided to serve God and His Kingdom, my expectations about my spouse changed almost immediately. I discovered there are always others who live in situations  far worse than we can comprehend. It makes your life look pretty, darn, good.  

You don’t need to start a blog. But you could start a small study group for unequally yoked like my friend, Cindi. Cindi started a small group study for unequally yoked women in her church in January. I have much to share with you about her and her ministry. She also wrote me with some fascinating questions, which I will answer next week. 

Look for somewhere to serve. It doesn’t need to be the homeless or in Haiti. It could be once a month at a woman’s shelter. I bet that would change your heart immediately about your place in life. You can sing in the choir, help in children’s groups. But serve where your heart calls you and mostly serve in how God has gifted you. 

God will reward you a bazillions times over. REALLY! 

We MUST take our eyes off ourselves and place Jesus firmly on the throne of our life. Only then will be free to find the fantastic joy He has waiting. Jesus wants to raise us up to be more than we are. When He does so, it brings Him glory. 

And He WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN. That’s a promise. 

Can any of you tell me how you started to serve people and how it changed your life? I so, want to celebrate what God is doing. Also, if you have other ideas and areas where women can serve and not create more stress in their marriage, I would love to hear about them. 

I am an ordinary woman and an ordinary wife but I serve an extraordinary God. 

Be blessed this Monday. I love you. Please write me as I stand ready to pray as a prayer warrior over you, your husband, and your family this week. Hugs, Lynn

Partner With God and See the Wonders

Psalm 40:5 Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare. 

The past couple of weeks I shared with you how I fell off the Hope Train. I have struggled just as you struggle. There are days when it appears God is absent and He remains silent, unaware of our anguish or heartbreak. 

But….. 

Say this with me now, “WE SERVE THE MOST HIGH GOD.” 

I was immediately reminded of God’s faithfulness. You, my friends, jumped on the Hope Train and pulled me back on board, reminding me instantly of how selfish I am. (I mean this in a good way.) You reminded me of who I serve. You reminded me to stop looking at my circumstance and look at my God. 

Thank you! 

How dare I forget all He has done in me and around me? 

I looked at my husband a few weeks ago, convinced he was no different that when we began our unemployment journey a year earlier. Yet, I KNOW the many things the Lord did during this past year. God provided for us financially. In miraculous ways, remember the Woman and the Cow Story. That was God’s miraculous business in an ordinary woman’s life. How about my husband praying in earnest for the first time? Miracles of miracles. How about giving my husband a job and He gave me a job through our book contract AND has allowed Dineen and I to share our hope with others who don’t find us on the internet. 

The list goes on…. truly, and on and on…. The Lord, God held my hand every step of the way. The Lord, God confronted my man then set him on a journey toward heaven. How dare I let a single argument with my husband defeat or minimize the power of God in my life. 

So today, it’s my turn to reveal something to encourage you. God is the God of wonders! 

Why do I always want to make it about me? This thing with my husband, his salvation, it isn’t about me. My roll and responsibilities when I partner with God is to do my part. Period. The end. When I do my part, then God will do the wonders. 

Read the scripture verse at the beginning of this post again then stand with me amazed. We need only to do our part and then step back and be WOWED. 

 This past Sunday, I learned a couple of things we as unequally yoked spouses need to know. (thanks Pastor Josh)

1. Discover and embrace your role in His-story. 
2. Learn obedience by choosing faith over fear. 

My role is to live for Christ. Nothing more. Nothing less, then let Jesus to the rest. And when fear arises such as when I don’t understand why my husband still hesitates or I can’t get all my questions answered or what the end of this journey will result for him, I MUST choose faith. I know the truth and I cling to it with every part of my mind, soul, heart, and strength. 

When I do this, God shows His wonders. I am living in the Promised Land. 

A sinner set free! That would be me. 

As I sat in church Sunday, my husband joined me for the first time in many months. I glanced his way during the morning service and behold; his eyes were closed and his head bowed, and at that moment, I watched him pray in earnest. 

I see the wonders Lord. I see Your wonders. 

I love you Jesus, Lynn

We're Being Called Out

As I was praying and reading this morning, the Lord sent me to Ezekiel 16:15-63. The more I read, the more I wondered what God was showing me. As I finished the chapter, He made it plain that we need to repent. This chapter was all about harlotry and idols. The specific word that was impressed on my heart is this: "My people have given themselves away, to everyone and everything but Me. I will not strive with them forever. It is time to turn from the idols they have exalted above Me. They have been as an adulterous wife to Me, but My heart is tender for them. If they will repent and turn from their wicked ways, I will restore them and show them many things." 

The Holy Spirit also laid it on my heart that today be spent in self-analysis and that we ask Him to reveal to us the habits in our lives that give satan access to us. Whether it be eating, drinking, profanity, pornography, television, telephones, alcohol, lying... The list is endless. Whatever they might be, the first order of the day is to acknowledge them and repent - and meditate on the above word. 

 Today's focus: Pray over your word and your spouse's word. Ask the Lord to show you how the two fit together. Talk to Him about the year ahead, for your relationship. 

And the second is this: ask God for a heart-song. Doesn't matter if you are a great vocalist or if you only sing alone, in the shower, where no-one can hear you. Ask God to give you the words He most desires to hear from you in the form of a song. And then sing. Sing to Him as often as your heart's song comes to your mind and your lips. 

I encourage you to really allow God full access for the remainder of the week. One thing He just keeps impressing on me is that He really isn't interested in a list of demands, disguised as requests. He is, however, interested in giving us Himself. He wants an intimate relationship with us. That's what this is all about. Let your walls down and allow yourself to experience God on His terms and His terms alone. 

Don't forget to share. The encouragement would be greatly appreciated, I'm sure. 

I'll be checkin' in soon! 

Rosheeda 

Lord God, we come humbly before Your throne. Jesus we are not worthy to be called your people, but You love us in spite of our shortcomings. We come before you oh Lord, willing to be broken. Show us ourselves. Show us the things in us that we have allowed to usurp Your throne. And Father, as they are revealed to us, allow us to repent and those idols to be destroyed in our hearts and our lives. We praise you oh God for who You are. We are choosing right now to seek You just for You. We lay aside our lists and we instead accept the offer of Your heart. And God, we offer ours in return. We don't have much, but all that we can give, we are saying right now in this moment that it belongs to You. Give us clean hearts, oh Lord, that we might worship You. Forgive us our whoredoms and bestow upon us the grace to be faithful to a most faithful God. We love you Lord and we worship You alone. In Jesus' Holy, Matchless, Wonderful Name, Amen.