Our Place of Influence: Where do we choose to stand?

When I try to explain to someone the role of influence we hold in our husband’s lives, it’s almost too difficult to put into words what I sense so deeply in my heart. I will say it is something I feel very passionate about.

As women, we hold a very important place in the lives of our family. In many ways, as wives and mothers, we are the heart of our family. We influence the mood, the routines and the relationships of everyone in our home.

We have a wonderful biblical example in the story of Esther. Did you know she was unequally yoked? She was a Jewess married to a Persian King—a pagan. Talk about finding yourself in a mismatched marriage and a unique situation, right?

Yet if you follow the story, Esther finds herself suddenly in a position to influence her husband for the sake of her people. Yes, hers is a life and death situation but we can glean so much from her story.

At first she is afraid of the risk. If she approaches her husband and stands for her beliefs, she’ll ripple the waters. Yet her Uncle and mentor, Mordecai, reminds her that even in her place as Queen, she will not escape the fate of her people. He gently yet firmly shows her that this is most likely her time to stand strong in her faith—that it’s no accident she is where she is.

What I find so fascinating in this story is that God isn’t even mentioned verbally, yet He is very much present. Nor does Esther try to convert the King to her beliefs. Through fasting and prayer, Esther receives the strength and guidance she needs to help save her people. She influences her husband through her gentle spirit, her confidence in God and actions that garner her husband’s favor and trust. She puts aside her fear and concern for herself to achieve a greater goal than her own comfort.

As wives of faith, we stand on the front lines for our husbands. And like Mordecai asked Esther, “who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:13), and as Paul asks, “How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him” (1 Cor. 7:16-17), where are we choosing to stand?

For me, I’m in this place by marriage and by calling. I feel called to stand by my husband to support him, to pray for him, to encourage him and affirm him. I want to be a reflection of Christ in his life. No, I don't go before an earthly king, but I stand before our heavenly King, petitioning for the soul of my loved ones. For me, this is a place of honor and one I want to do well—finish well. One day I will stand before Jesus, and I so want to hear him say, “well done!”

Walking in a spiritually mismatched marriage means leaving our places of fear and walking in courage and confidence that God has placed us in our marriages for a higher calling than our own happiness. I know that can seem overwhelming at times, almost as if it’s too much responsibility, but the beauty of it is, we are not called to function in this place of influence within the parameters of our own definition and strength. As I’ve said before, God never places us somewhere without equipping us. (And please understand that I’m not saying we must stay in abusive marriages—that is a very different situation.)

Finally, I want to tell you that in this place of service, which I consider to be so very noble, God meets our needs. Every one of them. This is the part I find difficult to put into the words. The lonely places, the disappointments, the heartache, the struggles—God has met me in every one of these places and has met my need, healed my heart and taught me how to walk the path of a mismatched wife.

All this still within the parameters of a mismatched marriage. Not after my husband came to faith. Now. This frees me to love my husband just as he is and allows me to enjoy our marriage. My focus isn’t on our differences, which often causes us to see our spouse as an enemy. My focus is on seeing my husband as my partner and friend. And I know if I’m feeling this freedom, he is too. That’s how I’m influencing him.

Next week I will talk more about this place of influence in our mismatched marriages and talk about what that looks like. In the meantime, start praying and asking God what place He’s calling you to in your marriage.

Dear Lord, I ask that you help me to understand my place of influence in my husband’s life. Let my heart be knitted to his as a conduit of your love and mine so that he may know who You are. In Christ’s name, amen.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

What Do You Say to the Kids and more....

Today we are answering your questions that were posted the week of January 18, 2012.

What do you tell the kids when they ask, "Why doesn't Dad go to church."

Why isn't there marriage in heaven?

How do you parent your kids when you and your husband see parenting so different.

The boundary between submitting and serving vs. enabling.

How do I keep hope alive when I my husband never responds.

Listen in. Then join the conversation in the comments. 

 

 

Baptism is Happy and Sad

Yesterday as I sat during church, I watched as five individuals gave their testimony and were baptized. I’m nearly always moved to tears when I watch someone become baptized. I pray with diligence as they go under the water, asking the Lord to protect them from the enemy and to grow them up in the ways of the Lord. As they rise from the water, I clap and I whisper words of praise and join the angels who are celebrating one more broken and lost person finds their way home.

At the same time, I find I’m can be overwhelmed with a deep sadness.

It’s such a bizarre roller-coaster moment. I truly am happy for these who obey Christ in water baptism but I grieve because that still small part of my heart deeply longs to see my husband participate in the believer’s baptism. What I find difficult is that I’m still battling this feeling of sadness in spite of all the distance I have come in my walk with God.

Why do I still have moments of deep sadness? Why after a few hours and I’ve returned home, I’m angry and short-tempered with my spouse. Why do I take it out on him knowing he is clueless as to why I’m behaving like a grouch?

I’ve spent a lot of time asking God about this today. What is frustrating, puzzling and yet reassuring and absolutely true of our Lord is this:

He says to me, “Lynn, there is still much I still need to teach you. Your husband’s salvation is at hand and will be according to My perfect timing. I do not delay to hurt you but only to make you so much more than you thought possible. Your waiting and longing heart is serving my purposes for your life and as well as your husband.

I know you feel sad that he is not at your side in church but you also know I will make you strong enough to walk this difficult path. I will never leave you nor forsake you. One day my daughter, you will see and understand the why of it all.

And, it will leave you breathless.”

So to you my friends, I know so many of you are in a difficult place and are also sad and waiting on the Lord. And although I have made giant strides through Christ to thriving in my marriage, I also don’t forget the real pain, sadness and all other emotions you feel.

Now let me tell you something you may need to hear today. It’s from the Lord:

“My Chosen One. There is still much I still need to teach you. Your spouse’s salvation is at hand and will be according to My perfect timing. I do not delay to hurt you but only to make you so much more than you thought possible. Your waiting and longing heart is serving my purposes for your life and as well as your spouse.

I know you feel sad that your mate is not at your side in church but you also know I will make you strong enough to walk this difficult path. I will never leave you nor forsake you. One day my child, you will see and understand the why of it all.

And, it will leave you breathless.”

~The Lord

We're in This Together

I want to share something absolutely precious with you! One of are readers has started a class for the unequally yoked at her church. We want to give a big "shout out" to the women attending Cindi's class at her church. Here's the info from Cindi herself:

"My church is The Rock San Diego and the Women's Ministry is S.I.S.T.E.R.S. (Spirit-led, Instruction, Sharing, Teaching, Encouragement for Reverent Submission to God). The Bible Study is on Spiritual Warfare titled "Standing Firm" by Karen Stevens (our leader). We meet in classes after Bible Study and the name of my class is "Uniquely Yoked." Book studying is Beloved Unbeliever by Jo Berry. Fall session meets Wednesday nights from Sept 15th - Nov 17th  6:30 - 8:30pm."

If you're in Cindi's area and looking for a group like this, email Lynn or myself (use that little button above with the "C" on it to get our email addys) and we'll get you connected to Cindi for details.

To the dear ladies who are attending her class, I just want to say WE LOVE YOU!!! Hang in there. You're not alone. Beloved Unbeliever is the book that began the transformation God wanted so desperately to work in my marriage. I will be praying for you all as you walk this journey with Cindi. Please feel free to let us know how you're doing!

Ladies (and gents), we are all in this together, and Lynn and I are so honored to be a part of your journey. We are dedicated to this ministry and to helping others find that "thriving" zone. We love you all so dearly and you minister to us too! Did you know that? You are all so precious to us, and we could not do this ministry without your help.

Cindi is such an inspiration in her desire to help others. That's where Lynn and I started and look what God has done! So if you're thinking about starting a small group, go for it. Let us know so we can be praying for you.

We had bookmarks made to help spread the "You're Not Alone" message we bring to this blog and our soon-to-be-released book. We would be delighted to send a few to whoever would like some to keep and share. Email me with your address and I'll send them out.

We are always here to help!

Praying and believing,
Dineen

A Marriage Delivered from the Pit of Hell!

This is a day of great rejoicing and celebration. 

When I first started chatting with Deb, she was living in shall I say, a "difficult marriage." I watched and prayed over the months for her and her husband. There was a point where even me, the believer in marriage and the one person who believes any marriage can be restored, doubted this marriage could be healed.

Oh Praise be to Jesus because in our doubt, struggle and sometimes, hell on earth, Jesus can heal a marriage. Today it is my great privilege to share my friend Deborah with all of you. Many of you know her from our loop at 1Peter3Living on Yahoo. Many of you held her in prayer. THANK YOU. 

Already, at a young age of 26, she has lived through a marriage she never imagined could happen to her yet she discovered triumph through the power of Jesus Christ. Although her marriage story is still relatively new, it should be a story that encourages all of us to believe and to pray.

So now, I give you Deb. This story is worth the read. Be blessed, Lynn 

*****

First of all I want to say how privileged I am to be able to share my story on Spiritually Unequal Marriage. I never envisioned myself in this position, mainly because the struggles I have experienced over the last three years seemed unending and at times hopeless, but wonder of wonders, here I am to tell the tale and rejoice over what God has done. 

For all of you who haven't met me yet, my name is Deb and I have been married to my husband for almost three years. There were doubts in more than one quarter if we would ever make it to one year let alone three, but that would be jumping ahead of the story. : ) 

Following our four year engagement, (we weathered two and a half of those years apart in different countries) and subsequent wedding on September 2007, it was only three months later that I found myself Googling 'loneliness in marriage' in the hopes of finding help for my newfound struggles. This is how I stumbled across Spiritually Unequal Marriage. Through this website God has led me to a place where I have become strengthened and equipped through the prayers and support of people who have now become like family. Your posts and e-mails have kept me sane on the crazy days and grateful on the good days. I’m so thankful to know you. 

To backtrack, my relationship with my spouse had always been characterized by significant ups and downs. I would attribute this partly to our dysfunctional upbringings, partly to our equally intense and opposite personalities, and also to the fact that any marriage, especially one where believers are involved, is a favorite target of Satan. 

When we first met what attracted me most to my husband was his passionate love for Christ. He was absolutely radiant with the light of Jesus and I had never met anyone with whom I clicked so well spiritually. Throughout our engagement however, he had some negative experiences in the church we were attending at the time, and by the time we were married I was more or less holding onto what I had seen rather than what I was seeing regarding his walk with God. Despite this development, I was still fondly hoping that he would soon 'snap out of it', and become the spiritual leader that I had always wanted him to be. I knew that if he would only get it together in the spiritual department we would soon experience marital bliss on a near perfect scale and live out all my dreams together. I say this all with a wry smile, because you may be smiling too at my naiveté. (On a side note, I still very much believe in these dreams, but more on that later.) 

Needless to say, I unwittingly placed such a burden of my expectations for happiness on him, that with his own inability to handle some of his own issues, let alone mine combined, we began having conflict that only heightened as the days and weeks continued. For the first few months he was more or less strong enough to handle my anger and frustration, but it wasn't long before he threw up his hands in defeat and retreated into his shell. His words to me at the time were that I could no longer count on his support, spiritually or emotionally, as a husband or even a friend, and that all he cared to do from then on was find his satisfaction in online gaming. He participated in an online game, EverQuest, often shortened to EQ, which is a 3D fantasy-themed massively multiplayer online role-playing game. You can imagine how crushed I was to discover that everything I had wanted was now beyond reach. What doubled my anguish was the feeling that I was entitled to at least a measure of happiness. 

From the age of three I had dedicated my life to God and since then my best dreams culminated in a desire to serve Him with a husband who wanted the same thing. With that as my foundation, how was it possible that things could have gone so awry? 

For months we coexisted in an extremely tense and hostile environment. With the best I had I tried to cope with the new situation, but each day would find me in tears of despair. I have memories of walking the streets weeping, begging God to intervene. I still remember the nights and early mornings when he wouldn't come to bed but spent all hours of the night and morning gaming in his computer room. I can still recall his dark anger at my attempts to intervene. 

What I secretly hoped was temporary became solidly worse as five hours of gaming stretched into ten and ten into fifteen and my husband's obsession deepened into addiction. The disappointment and bitterness I carried had now become a weight I couldn't bear. At this point I was asking everyone I knew for help and prayer. I was unashamed in my needs, and I know that many of your prayers are what carried me through those initial troubled days. (A quiet thank you again for that.) 

It was only eight months after we married that I left home and took up residence elsewhere. This was decided upon after explaining my situation to pastors and friends who agreed that our situation had become so volatile that it was no longer safe. What I never conceived could happen was now a reality and I was separated from the love of my life and desperate and alone. From that point followed a year and a half period where our relationship fluctuated from okay to ugly and I was barely coping from day to day. 

Looking back it puts a lump in my throat to see how tenderly God cared for me over that time. I was extremely blessed to have an excellent church which gave me a lot of support and help. At every point I needed help, Jesus provided a friend who would send me a letter at just the right time, or a text when I thought I was going over the edge. In every possible way He was saying to me - 'I am watching over you. Don't despair.' 

Of course, being Deb, I did despair, even many times a day, but I also clung to Him like I never had before. This period, for me, was characterized by an intense and painful learning curve. Through it God was revealing to me areas of my life that He wanted to heal and transform. I didn't realize how imbalanced I was in my perceptions and thoughts about marriage, myself and even God. It wasn't until I was separated from Dans that I was able to see how needy and insecure I was and how much I had relied upon him to complete me. I had gotten to the point where I blamed him for all the unhealthy ways I expressed my frustrations and felt that if it wasn't for his lack of spirituality, I would be making better choices. 

God didn’t let me stay there too long however, and my anger with my husband began giving way to acknowledgement that he was not wholly responsible for our marriage breakdown. I began attending regular counseling with my pastor’s wife Connie, who walked me through inner healing and forgiveness. Together we asked God to reveal the root issues as to why I had become co-dependent and why I felt trapped no matter which way I looked. In answer to the most tormenting why question of all - 'why me?' God revealed that sometimes He allows wounds in our life to heal even deeper ones, and this was certainly true in my case. 

What broke my heart most regarding our situation was that my husband had renounced God and cursed Him to his face. I judged him in my heart for this, without realizing that God’s command for us to love our enemies and bless those that curse us (Matt 5:44) means that He also acts according to that same standard of behavior. This means that any of our spouses, no matter if they have never known God, or have known Him and then turned away, are still loved by the Father and blessed regardless. (Matt 5:45) 

About a year into our separation my husband began attending counseling with me which was in itself a huge miracle. He had become so resistant to any kind of help that I wondered if he would ever reach out again. From there we began to dialogue about our differences and slowly came to understand and forgive each other, bit by bit. Even the tiniest steps were huge, as we had so much ground to gain. I think because the progress seemed so slow, months later I was beginning to lose faith again that things would really improve. 

In January this year, however major things started to happen. I believe that as a result of many people's prayer and intercession, he lost the desire to play computer games. For those of you who don't know about gaming, for someone like my husband who played upward of 16 hours almost every day for two years, this is the equivalent to a heroin addict suddenly deciding they don't need the drug anymore. This decision was the catalyst for a completely brand new season for both of us. From that point on we have continued to heal and just two months ago we found a lovely apartment and moved in together! 

Thank you Jesus. 

Even more amazing is the continued newness that we are now experiencing in our relationship. We have actually had times of praying together, sharing our hearts about life and where we stand with God, and are finally discovering the ability to talk over even the toughest of issues without becoming enemies. 

You have to know how hopeless it seemed for two and a half years to grasp the fullness of how amazing this is. I know that we will continue to have our battles, but God has truly done amazing things in my marriage. 

By no means am I intimating that our struggles are over, or even that we have come through everything. In a real sense we are only just starting. What I am saying is that God restored hope where there was none, took us out of a muddy pit and placed our feet on solid ground. 

 I hope this story blesses you as much as I have been blessed to recount it. Through it I have gained a knowing that I never had before: no matter how tough a situation can be God will see us through it stronger than before. 

~Deb

Bio:   Hi I'm Deb. Born of Greek parents in sunny Perth, Australia, I now live and work in the not-so-sunny but gorgeous state of Washington. I met my husband in the Old City of Jerusalem in 2003 while completing the second year of my BA in English and Jewish studies. Following a lengthy four year engagement Dans and I were married in Tulsa Oklahoma on September 2007. I currently work for an airline which provides plenty of drama and 'scope for the imagination. Some of my best loves are traveling, reading classic literature, taking long road trips and eating chocolate.

Bloom and Grow.... Forever

I was sitting in yet another class, at a Women’s Ministry, anticipating once again how I could learn something about surviving in a marriage with an unsaved husband. I’d been to many different kinds of classes on marriage and many different churches, searching and searching. There must be someone, some pastor, some ministry, someone that would help me to know how I could save my husband. I had been struggling for 25 years spiritually unequal in a 31 year marriage. Why was there never a sermon preached about it? I knew I wanted to live my life for Jesus. I just could not figure out how I could do that and also be with my husband. Oh how wonderful it would be to be able to do the Lord’s work together, after all we were a team. God what are you thinking here? How was I able to do this, if my husband is not onboard? We have to do this together. Please save him. 

Once again, I stated my name in this new class and told my story. How I was looking for spiritual intimacy with my husband and just how lonely I was. Everyone looked at me so sadly. I did learn about our different love languages and how it could make our marriage closer if we new each others language. It was fun but you see, that was not our problem at all. We couldn’t speak spiritual language. Our marriage is really great. We love each other very much. He’s my best friend on earth. Our wedding invitations read “ The more love that is shared, the more quickly it grows”. Well, it grew and grew and grew over the years. We’ve had a blast and still do. Raised a son, traveled halfway around the world living in a sailboat the whole time. Literally we are close. 

But I am lonely, Lord. How can I live for you and still live with someone who does not know You in his heart? I contemplated leaving, but I love him so. I don’t want to lose him. 

At the end of the class session, my leader gave me a book, “How to be the Happy Wife of an Unsaved Husband” by Linda Davis. WHAT? You mean there’s a book? Finally! Thank-you, Thank you! I went home immediately and started reading. It brought me to my knees in tears, sobbing tears. This book was exactly me. Oh no, Lord. Forgive me, please! I have been trying to control everything. Even trying to save my own husband and believing it was my fault he was not saved. 

Jesus taught me that day that I didn’t have to worry one bit about my man, that he was in His hands. It is His job to save him and that I was to let go and surrender him. And, “Cindi, I want you to just bloom. I have work for you, and I want you to just bloom into the most beautiful flower that I have created you to be.” In quoting Linda, “Your husband’s unbelief is no reason to hold back your own spiritual growth.” What I learned from that was not only surrendering my husband to God, but myself. It freed me up to grow and I’ve been blooming and growing ever since. God has led me to teach a class on the Unequally Yoked at my church. I love that others have the opportunity to share and know that they are not alone in this. The outpouring is amazing! God is amazing! 

I now see my husband through God’s eyes and love him how God wants me to love him. Our relationship is even closer than ever, different and more peaceful. There are changes in him and I believe it’s because of what God has changed in "me". God has a plan for my man as well and I relax and trust God to do His part with his salvation. I wait, but I bloom and grow....forever.

Cindi Valli

My name is Cindi Valli and I am a born again Christian as of 25 years. I am married 31 years to the sweetest man ever. We have one son, who just turned 30 who we raised together on a boat. I home schooled him most of the time and we have traveled half way around the world on 3 separate sailboats. The most recent one we've had for 20 years and still live aboard. I have led a class in Bible Study Fellowship in the past and am currently leading a class called "Uniquely Yoked" at my church. I absolutely love Jesus and trust in Him with all my heart and I lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways, I try to acknowledge Him and when I do He always directs my path. Proverbs 3:5-6

I'm Lonely In My Marriage

There is an epidemic of loneliness in our world. And more staggering is the number of people who are married and feel alone. Does it strike you as a strange paradox, to be married and be lonely? How can that happen? How can we live under one roof, share the same bed, live together, and feel utterly alone?....

Read the entire article at Exemplify today: I'm Lonely In My Marriage.

I Have a Serious Question for You.

Are you ready for healing?

Do you think as Christians most of the time we think of heavenly healing as a cure of a physical ailment? I believe we do and I know God miraculously heals people of physical sickness and disease. I also know God heals us from their emotional and mental injuries.

What I am discovering right now is the Lord is calling me to a year of healing. Healing specific to my physical condition(s). But, it is actually healing of my emotional issues as well.

I was talking with Dineen on the phone today. We were discussing how our weight gain is attributed to stress. Mine; unemployment. Hers; her daughter’s cancer and resulting heath issues.

How many of us medicate ourselves with food. I will own up and admit, I DO. Now let me tell you something that is hard to share. My bad habits began many years ago. I have thought long and hard about why I find myself with the struggles I face today.

I will admit that when I moved to California ten years ago, I found myself in a deep loneliness. My husband was far away from God and he was also on the road five days a week. I moved to a new town, leaving my career, family, and friends behind. I became a stay-at-home mother without any idea what to do with my high-energy self. I found myself eating too much and drinking a glass of wine at night to mask my loneliness. You can see how easily and seemingly harmless our bad habits begin.

I don’t want to skip over this point… Every spouse I have ever talked with who lives in a spiritually mismatched marriage, has battled with loneliness. It’s an odd paradox to be lonely and married.

I must caution you to recognize your stage of a spiritually mismatched marriage. You will likely experience loneliness. Now please don’t do what I did. I ate and drank to mask the hurt in my heart. Please turn to Christ.

But how do we really do this?

Why Don’t Diets Work?

Diet’s don’t work because we don’t cure the spiritual maladies of our soul.

Let me be specific. I needed healing of bad habits from years ago. Although I am no longer lonely, I still struggle with the years of reinforced bad habits and cravings.

After praying for several months now, I have heard the Lord calling me to healing. He has helped me to see that the emotional and spiritual part of this healing is completely up to Him and Him alone. The scripture verse, 2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I don’t think I really understood this verse until now. His grace is sufficient. Nothing else is going to help me~ only His grace. Not only that, His power will be displayed through my healing. I will, without question, be healed through His power.

Whoa! Doesn’t that just blow your mind? Blows mine every time I think and pray about it.

I began praying 1 Peter 2:24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed, as inspired by e-Mom. (read her post here)

Now get this: by whose stripes ye were healed. KJV.

We WERE healed. It has already been done. Past tense. Already healed!

I began praying every night as I lay in the quiet of my room. Lord, by your stripes I am healed of my eating cravings. I would also count each lash, repeating the sentence of healing over my cravings. For the first time I felt the pain Christ endured for my healing. How dare I not pray for my healing when the Lord suffered to give it to me?

So here is my challenge.

Do you need healing? What is it in your life will you lift up to God in 2010 and ask for healing?

Now remember your heart and relationship with Christ must be in the right place. If you are far away from God right now, the first prayers and efforts must be focused on time spent alone with Him. You can know God through His Word and in worship. God lives in the praises of His people.

Then begin to pray these scriptures nightly over your body, soul, and emotions.

My healing will also require some further steps. I will share more with you in my next post.

Please tell me your need. I promise you I will take your healing before the throne. As you write the words in the comments, make this your 2010 commitment. Remember your healing is declared and it can be accomplished because the power of God is made perfect in weakness.

Praying the scriptures over your life, Hugs, Lynn

Weekend Devo — We Are Known

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. — 1Cor. 13:12

1 Corinthians 13 is known as the love chapter. Yet at the end of this wonderful chapter is an amazing piece of truth that gives us the reassurance we are truly known by the One who loves us with unsurpassed passion.

One of the most difficult parts of a spiritual mismatch is feeling like our spouse doesn't understand who we are in Christ. But our precious Lord knows us completely and even went to the trouble to include this tidbit in a chapter all about love.

So when we face those lonely times, we have this Scriptural reminder that we are known to the depths of our spirit. And there's no better remedy for loneliness than that.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Weekend Devo—To Know and Be Known

(This is a re-post from July 30, 2007, with the addition of applicable Scripture. In light of our recent topics I thought it might be a good one to revisit.)

But the man who loves God is known by God. — 1Corinthians 8:3

As I wrote down my prayer, the ache in my heart formed into these five words, “to know and be known.” Baffled by its meaning, yet fearful of the ramifications, I realized in that moment this was my dream.

To know and be known.

Several days later as I read one of my devotional booklets, one line jumped out at me. Almost word for word, the writer stated the same thing—to know and be known.

Now I knew I had to explore this further. What’s at the heart of this plea-like desire? If you’re like me, your faith defines who you are. At your very core, you find God, and everything you do is affected by this relationship.

Now I don’t say this to appear more than I am. Believe me when I say, the closer I come to Christ, the more I see how truly fallen I am. No, this goes deeper. This comes to a deep need to share ourselves with our creator and with our significant other. Our spouse.

How can you share who and what you believe yourself to be when the very essence that defines you is a Creator your spouse doesn’t acknowledge or even believe exists? We already struggle to be who we are in a society that tells us we’re not good enough, no matter what we do. Our marriages are supposed to be a place where we can truly be ourselves, secure in the knowledge that we are loved and accepted. But what happens when what we believe is unacceptable to the one we’ve committed to spend out lives with?

This question drove me to examine this desire and explore it in two parts.

To know. I want to know and understand my spouse, to relate to him on a spiritual level. Yet our mismatch makes this virtually impossible. I can’t know him this way, because he is still entrenched in his carnal form. The spirit I long to connect with isn’t there. But to delve deeper is to understand that who I truly long to know is God. To understand my place in his kingdom, and to find peace in this knowledge.

And be known. I want my husband to know who I am, to understand that my faith defines who I am at the very core of my being. Again I am drawn to connect with him on this spiritual level. To look further is to see our deep-seated need to be known by God. To know we matter to Him. That we are more than just one of many and unique in the Master’s eye.

I’m coming to understand why God brought this desire to light. Our natural tendency is to search for fulfillment of our greatest needs in the ones we are closest to. Our spouses, our children, our friends, our ministries, our jobs. Yet God desires that He be the one we turn to for this deep fulfillment and connection. This is the essence of our relationship with Him—our one true love.

I can’t relate to what it feels like to be married to a believer. I can only imagine it, picture it, desire it—deeply yearn for it. But in this time of waiting, I’ve met Jesus in a very personal way. Now more than at any other time in my life, He is more tangible than I have ever known Him to be.

When the spiritual loneliness hits me, my thoughts turn to Him who knows me better than anyone ever can. I turn to the ultimate groom, the one who died for me, and lives through me today. I turn to Jesus.

And in his presence, I am known.

Praying and believing,
Dineen