False Security

On February 12th, something happened that seriously rocked my world. I’m not an overly brave person, I confess, but I stepped out of my comfort zone (way out) and agreed to drive cross-country from Florida to California because my daughter wanted to come back home.

It’s a trip we’ve done many times, but always with my husband. He’s a great driver, loves road trips and has always done the bulk of the driving. So, on a clear and sunny Friday, my daughter and I headed out with the intent to make our country trip in five days—a trip my husband and I have normally done in four days. I wanted to be safe and reasonable.

I wanted to be brave for my daughter and husband and do this thing. I wanted to prove to myself too that I could handle such a trip without the comfort and security of my husband.

We were doing fine for the most part, my daughter and I, swapping turns driving. Day one brought us out of Florida to Alabama without incident except for an engine light. Okay, not part of the plan but we could handle it. We lost a couple hours the next day but left the service garage with the security of knowing all was well with the engine.

Security. I like security. I like knowing what’s ahead of me, what to expect, how to prepare and be ready.

But what happened on our third day wasn’t expected. Wasn’t at all something I could have prepared for. Inclement weather we thought would clear up left a patch of ice on an overpass and in a matter of seconds, the most terrifying thing I could imagine happened.

Why? I’d prayed, asked God for protection, to bring us home safely. But it still happened. The car that had so faithfully brought us halfway across the country now sat in a center median, mangled and in despair of ever cruising a road again.

Thankfully (and praise God) my daughter and I were okay. But for this person who’d done her best to brave a new adventure, my deepest fear had materilized. We were banged up, had no car, and were out in the middle of nowhere in Texas, far from the comfort of home. Details had to be dealt with and worked out when all I really wanted to do was curl up in a ball and hide.

Where was God? I needed help. I could accept that He had a plan in all this, but I needed tangible evidence He was there helping me deal with the situation. I muddled through, we worked out arrangements, then my husband decided to come get us. I was relieved...so relieved. I didn’t have the strength to be brave anymore.

God helped me face a truth: I have a fearful spirit.

God has shown me this in the days since our accident. I’d built my security in my world based upon controllable circumstances. The minute those circumstances changed and moved completely (and I mean totally and completely) out of my control, my false security crumbled. I couldn’t do anything but look to God and wait for Him to show me the way out of this mess of mangled emotions and broken perceptions.

The more I cried out, the more I realized I was now on another journey. One that meant rebuilding and repairing certain areas of my faith. I’m on that journey now, still waiting for God to reveal more of what this is all about. What more does He want me to allow the tow truck to haul away and allow Him access to replace and rebuild?

I only know I don’t want to live in this place of fear, nor does God. It’s not going to be a pleasant process to let go of my false securities. Sometimes the thing we fear most is the very thing we need most. Doesn’t make sense but I’m starting to understand its truth.

The best cure for a fearful spirit is trusting God. That is true security because it requires relinquishing our expectations, weaknesses and fears into God’s control. Completely.

For now I’m clinging to Psalm 34:4:

I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

God brought me to this verse and it’s my prayer and comfort right now. I’m learning that even in the worst-case scenarios—the ones we never expected and wonder how we’ll walk out of with any semblance of wholeness and strength—God is really there. We may not feel like He is at times, but we can KNOW and BELIEVE it.

Lord, we seek you with our fearful spirits, ready to trust You in new ways. Hear us and deliver us from all our fears. Though the future looks so insecure at times, dry our tears with the comfort and security of your constant presence and that You are in complete and total control, working for our good—always. We cling to your Son who is our hope and proof of these truths—and our greatest security of all. Amen.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

One Year Ago

It was one year ago today......

To read more, click on the photo

The official launch of Winning Him Without Words.

 I scarcely can take it all in. 

What a journey. As I type these words to you my friends, with brimming eyes I wonder, “Who am I?”

I’m an ordinary woman and wife just like you. But just like you, I have discovered the only thing that matters about living life.

JESUS

I love Jesus. I love Jesus. I love Jesus.

And for the rest of my life I will tell anyone who listens that healing, joy, peace, and purpose are all ours through the transforming love of Jesus.

That is what this book is all about. We can trust Jesus with our marriage, with our heart, with our kids, with every part of us.

Today I give humble thanks to the Lord for allowing Dineen and I to share the transforming power and love through our stories in this book. We prayed hours and hours, poured our hearts and souls into writing it, hoping it would help someone who is walking the journey with us. It is our life’s purpose and our fervent prayer that many more will discover what we all know, Jesus is the answer.

Thank you to each of you who purchased a book. THANK YOU to those of you who have or are currently reading it and leading a small group. THANK YOU to all of the bloggers, website owners, radio hosts and stations around the world for allowing us to share our hope.

What will the next year hold? Perhaps a new book? Certainly more fantastic surprises and what I pray for more than anything, the salvation of many, many spouses, especially one stubborn man married to a wacky 5’ 4” blonde lady who loves him, fantasy football, and all of you.

May the Lord bless you and keep you. Thank you for traveling this journey with us. I can’t wait to meet you face-to-face and to live with you forever in our Father’s house.

Be blessed, Lynn

 

Leave a comment today as we are giving away five copies of our book. If you already have a copy, enter anyway and then give it to someone you know who needs hope.

 

Update: The drawing is now closed and the winners will be announced on Wednesday or Thursday. Thank you for entering, Hugs, Lynn

Our Place of Influence (Part 2): What does that look like?

Last week I wrote about our place of influence in our marriage. How do we get there and what does it look like? Let’s start where I ended last week.

1. Pray for wisdom and guidance. It starts right here. Without God’s wisdom and guidance, none of this is possible. It’s like groping in the dark for a light switch. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him (James 1:5). First and foremost, we need to be cultivating a relationship with God. If you do just this one thing, the rest of the steps below will fall into place.

2. Pray for change in you. As I shared last week, we are often the heart of our families. That means we are also a catalyst for change. Ask God to help you be the wife and mother HE (not your husband or family) needs you to be. This means you’re asking God to use you to be this person of influence and change in the lives of your husband and children. This means asking God to help you see your husband as a blessing, not a burden. We are not martyrs in our own homes, but we can be missionaries.

3. Pray for your husband. This is most likely your highest calling. Pray for his protection, for his mind and heart to know and accept Jesus, and pray for him as the leader of your family. He may not be the spiritual leader of your family right now, but he is still the leader of you and your family in general. Allow him to lead! This is where you will find your greatest calling and challenge as a wife—to stand by your husband, to affirm him as a man, as a husband, as a father. In doing this we serve him and we serve God. The amazing thing is, when we take this place, we discover what God truly means by, “and the two will become one.” This is a beautiful place of partnership where we work together as a team, as a “we” and not two “I”s working against each other. Our greatest gift to our husband is to help him reach his God-given potential, even in the midst of his unbelief or lagging faith. Remember, God is working there too.

4. Pray for your children. This is your legacy. This is your influence on future generations. This is your mark on eternity. As I said before, we often set the tone and pattern in our family. Nothing has been more rewarding than to see my oldest daughter choose a relationship with a godly man and desire to have a marriage based upon God’s design. Even in their engagement I see these two taking their God-given and ordained places in their relationship. It is truly a thing of beauty. All the years that I’ve poured into my marriage and into my family are bearing fruit in her. That is so humbling and so rewarding. I’ve already received some of my treasure in the here and now.

5. Pray for and encourage other women in mismatched marriages. Lynn and I are walking and talking testimonies to this. If you look at 2 Cor. 1:3-7, you’ll see that God never intends for us to keep what we know about and learn from Him to ourselves. Those areas of victory will be used to help others. That right there is another blessing we can receive in this lifetime. I can think of no better way to serve God than to share His hope—to share Him—with others so that they too can know love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control in their lives and their marriages. This is the example we have in Titus 2 as well.

6. Be still and know God is God. Quit trying to fix your husband, your kids, your life...youself. If you look at the Lord’s prayer, the end affirms that God’s kingdom, power and glory are forever. Pray these prayers and then trust that God is already in action. He probably was even before you said a word. The hardest part is waiting on God’s timing. I waited 16 years for my husband to accept my faith, to accept this is who I am and I’m not going to change. It’s a small step forward and worth the wait. Ten years ago I was impatient and anxious for my husband to know Jesus NOW! Today I am content and thankful that he now accepts my faith, understands this is who I am, and chooses to love me and walk the road of marriage together.

My friends, I write these things from my heart and from my experience. And with this comes the full understanding that we cannot do this, fill this place of influence without constantly seeking God for strength, wisdom and courage. Do not let your husband’s unbelief and the lies of the enemy tell you that you can’t be this kind of wife to your husband. You can and God will give you everything you need to do so.

Just trust Him. Trust Him to equip you. The most amazing part of this journey, for me, is finding myself and my life in Christ. This is the part that’s hard to put in words other than to say that there is nothing more peaceful and empowering than walking in obedience to God. Had I clung to what I wanted instead of allowing God to be the one in control, I would not have the marriage I have now. I wouldn’t have the life of joy I’m experiencing now! This is what Jesus meant when he said we must lose our life to get it back and that his burden is light. Though our lives will always have conflicts, challenges and trials, His way is the best way to live a life of joy and peace in the midst of it all.

In walking this path as a mismatched wife I have found purpose, joy and amazing faith. This is God’s doing, not mine. And we have so much more waiting for us in heaven. That’s when we will see the full picture of what our place of influence truly accomplished for God.

Amen?

Lynn shared that we’ll be giving away two copies of the Resolution for Women. I feel led to buy one for myself, sign it and put it in a card for my husband as a Valentine’s Day present. To be honest, the idea scares me—what will my husband think of it? How will he react? I’m choosing to step out in courage and follow what I believe to be God asking me to testify openly to my husband what my place in our marriage means to me. I’m praying for God’s courage and for my husband’s heart to receive my gift.

Is God calling you to have courage and take a step of faith in your marriage?

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Interrupting Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

I'm interrupting our scheduled series on courage, well sorta. Today I want to introduce you to a woman who stepped out in great courage, Heidi.

I've know Heidi for a number of years and she has overcome so much through the transofrming power and love of Jesus. I was priviledged to interview Heidi last fall. And today I bring you her amazing story.

This is a story to encourage all women, join me at Laced With Grace today for:

Triumph After Childhood Sexual Abuse.

 

Your Kid's Faith - From the Chronicles of the Donovan Clan

It was the best of times……

        It was the worst of times…..

Last Saturday evening I sat in front of the television and watched the painful demise of my beloved Broncos as they were pounded by the Patriots in what can only be described as a massacre.

It was sad.

I sat around the family room with several of my friends and several of my daughter’s teenaged friends who showed up wearing Patriots Jerseys and waving blue and red Pat’s flags. Sheesh. No respect around here. *grin.*

In spite of my dashed hopes for a Superbowl birth, something fantastic was taking place that no one else knew about but me, my 16 year old daughter and God.

A decision point occurred.

Earlier that day, most of my daughter’s friends made plans to leave our house at half time. They were meeting up with other friends at a local theater to watch a play. My daughter was included in the plans. I didn’t think too much about this particular adventure because as you may know my daughter is very active in Theater Arts and she and I and her friends attend live plays frequently.

But, what I didn’t know is this particular play wasn’t a G rated production. In fact, the play included characters of moral question and some nudity. Yep, you heard me correctly.

Before the game started and friends began to arrive, my daughter stopped what she was doing in the kitchen. She was helping me prepare some snacks and was whipping up a light version of Con queso for later.

“Mom.”

“Hunh?”

“I don’t think I’m going to go to the play with everyone tonight.”

“Why not?”

“Mom, I just don’t feel comfortable about it. There is nudity and other things in that play that will bother me.”

“Oh Honey, I am so proud of you that you made this choice for yourself and not because it’s what I would have wanted."

I looked at this kid from across the kitchen in amazement. Would I have made the same choice under such peer-pressure at her age? I’m ashamed to say, likely no.

Will she always make choices like this? Likely no.

Later I overheard my daughter on the phone to one of the kids. She was responding to the obvious question, “Why aren’t’ you going with us to the play?”

“It just doesn’t sit right with my morals. So I’m not going.”

She was brave enough to be different and stand apart from her friends and face possible ridicule, mocking and be left out in the future. Wow, many adults don't have this kind of courage.

In this small moment, God allowed me to understand that all the years, tears and prayers I have poured into this child were now bringing forth fruit. My daughter is choosing for herself based upon her morals, values, and faith. She is grasping my faith and making it her own.

Even in the midst of an unequally yoked home.

To every mom and dad out there who worries over your kids, I share this story to encourage you. Don’t stop praying. Don’t stop grasping those teachable moments when they are younger. Live out your faith in front of your kids so when they are older they will know how to live their faith as well. Teach them how to pray. Help them to make choices and coach them how to talk to their friends. You be the out. Let them blame, “My bad-ole mother. She won’t let me go with you.” Give them every opportunity to choose right over wrong.

To choose Jesus.

Mostly you, mom or dad, love Jesus with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength. That is the best parenting advice anyone could ever receive.

Have a blessed day. Hug your kids today from Aunty Lynn

Matthew 12: 30-31 (NIV) (Jesus said) Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. ‘The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

More Than Able

Each year in January, the Internet is glutted with articles and posts about resolutions and goals. I find it humorous that this year I’ve seen more about why resolutions don’t work and end in failure for most people.

I gave up on resolutions a long time ago. I know my limitations and I also know that I can’t change on my own. There is this little human being inside of me that just insists on being in control and doing it all on her own. We seem to be our own worst enemy at times, don’t we?

Thankfully, God is slowly turning her around—me around to understand that I can’t do anything on my own but can do everything through Him.

Now that truth can rattle around in our brains a lot. We can even say Philippians 4:13 from memory. But speaking from experience, understanding how to live on a daily basis in the parameters of God’s strength and not our own is a challenge!

And just when we figure it out in one area of our lives, we have to learn how to do it in other areas. Can anyone out there relate?

Living in a spiritually mismatched marriage is one of those areas that we just can’t do it on our own. We might go along pretty well for a while but inevitably our strength will run out. We need God to provide what we need to be in this place He’s called us to be on a daily basis.

So much of this journey is about letting go and allowing God to be in control. To trust Him with every aspect of our lives with the understanding that He’s always working for our good and for the good of our family.

Not easy, I know. We ALL walk this path and in many different areas of our lives. It’s part of the refining and perfecting of our faith. Part of learning to live with the will of our God who is more than able.

More than able. More. Able.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. — Ephesians 3:20-21

I think I’ll rest in that truth for a little while.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Winning Him Without Words

When I was a young married woman I was desperate to find others who could help me navigate this crazy, often lonely, mixed up journey of the unequally yoked. In those early years the resources were limited to a couple of books and not much more.

It was during that time I hesitantly joined a small group. A women's Bible study. That group changed my life. I found friends, hope and help. I found Jesus with Skin On.

In our book we discuss what Jesus looks like with "skin on." He looks a lot like you and me. We are His hands, his feet, his voice to others who are searching for hope. And others are often speaking to us through God's spirit. How amazing is that? In Chapter Two of the book I emphasize how important it was for my journey to healing and thriving in my marriage, to join a small group. 

With this in mind I want to share that there are actually small groups forming all over the country, dare I say the world, where their main purpose is to love on, help and study together with other spiritually mismatched. So, if you are looking for a group, we have a list at WinningHimWithoutWords.com/studygroups. There are only a few listed and we are trying to grow the list. These are groups who are studying our book. And there are groups that are studying other books on this specific topic. Take a look to see if there is a group in your area.

If there isn't? Perhaps this is the very ministry God is calling you to. There is always a need to reach out to this vast population who is striving to live for Christ in a spiritual mismatch. So let me know if you are starting a group, know of a group or are in a group and want the group listed on our site.

I want to take a minute to thank everyone for the amazing week of fasting that transpired last week. My friends, this is where the power of God goes into overdrive. I can promise you that bonds were broken and the salvation of many was set into motion. I'm already excited for next year.

Finally today, I want to share this scripture in salute and to greatly honor all who are standing in the gap for their marriage. God sees you. He knows you love Him more than you love yourself and He looks upon your face and says, "Well done, good and faithful servant.... Come and share your Master's happiness. (Matt: 25:23)

Today in the comments, please let me honor your commitment to marriage and more importantly, your commitment to marriage. 

Write your name and the years you have been married. Let's bring these awesome number's before the throne of grace in one big amazing praise offering.

Lord, we love you. We KNOW You have amazing plans for your lives in 2012. You have set in motion healing in our hearts, our men our marriages. You have proclaimed the year of the Lord's favor upon those who desire to be faithful in marriage and faithful to You. We give you our marriage. May it bring great honor and fame to the name of your son, Jesus. In His name we pray. Amen.

 

Lynn and Mike - 20 years, March 14

Dineen and Mike - 24, September 5

A Charlie Brown Christmas For Me

I grew up waiting each Christmas season for two special TV shows to appear on our old television set. Yes, I grew up in the “Dark Ages”, according to my teenager. There weren’t video recordings nor hundreds of channels with millions of re-runs. You had one chance, once a year. That was it. I anxiously awaited, A Charlie Brown Christmas which was followed by The Grinch That Stole Christmas.

I would sit in the basement, next to the aluminum Christmas tree with the weird color wheel turning. Mom, would bring down the freshly popped corn which was coated with the most divine candy coating and we would make popcorn balls. With popcorn ball in hand, I sat criss-cross apple sauce on the floor and watch as Charlie Brown and the gang lit up our small television.

This is my personal testimony of the meaning of Christmas in my life. Join me at the Cafe Today.

Have a blessed week, Lynn

Away in a Manger, Then a Tomb—The Humility of Christ

“How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?” The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever fail.” — Luke 1:34-37 (NIV, emphasis mine)

As I read the account of Gabriel’s visit to Mary above, that last line pulled me in and kept there for a while. Here’s the mighty Gabriel telling Mary what she needs to know most of all. In the 1984 version of the NIV, that line reads, “For nothing is impossible with God.”

This is a message for us too and reminds me of the promise in Philippians 4:13: “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

God will never take us to a place of seeming impossibility and leave us there! He is faithful, true to His Word and will give us whatever we need to walk all the difficult paths in our lives. We don’t walk them alone. Emmanuel is with us, remember?

Now let me show you something so amazing, that one of my pastors (Thank you, Pastor Alvin!) showed us just this past Sunday. Read these two Scripture references below and let God bring a wave of fresh awe for his grand plan of salvation:

And she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. — Luke 2:7 (emphasis mine)

Then he took it [Jesus’ body] down, wrapped it in linen cloth and placed it in a tomb cut in the rock, one in which no one had yet been laid. — Luke 23:53 (emphasis mine)

Jesus’ life and death are “wrapped” in the humblest of means and He willingly chose to do this for us.

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross! — Phil. 2:6-8

Christ’s humility is the ultimate example of dying to self. He left the greatest place of power—the Son of God—and took on the greatest form of weakness—a helpless baby.

For all of us. ALL OF US! Believe God’s Word will never fail and trust Him to bring the answer to our prayers for our unsaved loved ones at just the right time.

Just as He brought his Son to Earth so long ago—at just the right time.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Give Yourself THIS Gift This Christmas

On Tuesday I was sitting in my office at Church. I love where our Women’s Ministry office is located. We are situated next to the receptionist, near the front door, one doorway away from the break room and at the apex of all foot traffic. Everyone passes by our office and I have candy on my desk so we have visitors often, even if they don’t want a Snickers Bar.

On any ordinary day, our office is smalish but on Tuesday, Christmas exploded in there with the remnants of all of our Christmas Dessert paraphernalia so it was also cramped. In addition, we are treated with a wall of windows, which is great for looking outside but makes for a sauna by 9 a.m. But, I wouldn’t trade our little humble abode for any other room in the place.

I have enjoyed, even marveled over some of the amazing conversations about faith that occur when people just “happen” to stop in. They stand in the doorway, as they are only stopping in for a minute (or at least they think that). And this past Tuesday did not disappoint.

Our Pastor of Group Life and Community Care (don’t you just love the titles we have in churches?), well he passed by the office. He popped his head in the door, you know, for just a minute that turned into almost an hour. I had been meaning to ask him about a topic I’m curious about, Pre-marital Counseling. I’m curious about what happens in pre-marital counseling as you might guess, because I didn’t ever experience it. Ahem, remember I’m unequally yoked.

He went on to explain what he does, the kind of couples he talks with and what results from his counseling. It’s not always what you might think. I was interested in this topic as something I might write about in the future so as the believing parent in our home, we may have more information to help our kids when they are at the marrying age. But, that’s a topic for another day.

What really was a mind-blow was the pastor’s salvation story. I was asking him what it was like to move out of the darkness and into the light. Listen in: (paraphrased)

Lynn: You know I think that I have always KNOWN God. He has always been with me even in my prodigal years. What was it like to really move out of darkness and into light? To be separated from God and then come to the realization of what you had missed?

John: Well it is interesting. I came to faith at a late age. Very unusual for an adult male at age 38 to become a believer.

Lynn: Yes

John: You don’t even know what you are missing. You come to Christ and an entire new life opens up. One you didn’t know existed. You know Lynn, I was very much like the Israelites who were freed from Egypt. What was supposed to be an eleven day journey to the promised land, took instead 40 years. They were rebellious and craved Egypt. And just like them, I actually became saved but then lived for eight long years wandering.

I literally had one foot in the world and one in my faith.

I was miserable.

It was only after eight years of living misery that I committed. I went “all in” and I have never looked back and I have never regretted it. Living “all in” is the only way to find the joy and peace that the Christ offers.
*****

Since Tuesday, this conversation has nagged me (Lynn). I haven’t been able to let it go. I can’t let it go because I hear God speaking through it. There are many who arrive at our website or through email who are miserable. They are miserable and suffering. Some of the many, suffer because of the actions of others but I wonder, is their misery because they are living like the Israelites in the wilderness?

Is one foot still in the world?

If this story sounds somewhat familiar to you then this Christmas give yourself the best gift ever. Step out of the world, go “all in”, and live for Jesus. I know this can be a scary prospect because you may be living with a spouse who is hostile to Christ but I can promise you, it is worth the risk.

I was that girl who lived with a hostile spouse, who hated any reference to God. But, I stepped into the full life and Jesus just came out of me. Not in an overbearing way but through love, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control and the result is joy. Peace. Joy,

Peace…… Isn’t that what this season is all about? Give yourself the gift of living for Christ and don’t look back.

Just imagine what 2012 might hold for you.

That is the miracle of Christmas…… Jesus!

Be blessed, Lynn