What Do You Say to the Kids and more....

Today we are answering your questions that were posted the week of January 18, 2012.

What do you tell the kids when they ask, "Why doesn't Dad go to church."

Why isn't there marriage in heaven?

How do you parent your kids when you and your husband see parenting so different.

The boundary between submitting and serving vs. enabling.

How do I keep hope alive when I my husband never responds.

Listen in. Then join the conversation in the comments. 

 

 

Weekend Devo — The Promise

“Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ.”

When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?”

Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.”

—Acts 2:36-39

I emphasized that last line because of the truth it holds. The Truth. It holds the promise of Jesus Christ. And right here, Peter tells us that this promise is for us and our spouses and our children and grandchildren and so on.

All who are far off...

Amazing! No matter how far off our unbelieving loved ones might be today, this promise is for them. Jesus is for them and He's calling them. We can trust in that promise.

Praying and believing,
Dineen 

Weekend Devo — The Greatest Gift of All

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.” Matthew 13:44-46

I love these two parables because they show a “sold out” mentality for Jesus. The man is willing to let go of everything to obtain the greatest treasure of all—the kingdom of heaven.

Our salvation is our most precious gift, but do we live like that? Do we live everyday in the awareness that we have been saved by the Son of God and now wear His righteousness as our own? It is all because of Jesus that we can embrace this most precious pearl as our own highly prized treasure. And nothing can take it away!

As we welcome Christmas into our homes and the Christ child into our hearts, sit on that thought a moment and let it seep into your heart and spirit. Wow...we already possess the most valuable gift of all. Priceless!

Jesus gave everything for us. Let’s live our lives as an offering of thanks to Him and a reflection of a heart sold out to Him.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Give Yourself THIS Gift This Christmas

On Tuesday I was sitting in my office at Church. I love where our Women’s Ministry office is located. We are situated next to the receptionist, near the front door, one doorway away from the break room and at the apex of all foot traffic. Everyone passes by our office and I have candy on my desk so we have visitors often, even if they don’t want a Snickers Bar.

On any ordinary day, our office is smalish but on Tuesday, Christmas exploded in there with the remnants of all of our Christmas Dessert paraphernalia so it was also cramped. In addition, we are treated with a wall of windows, which is great for looking outside but makes for a sauna by 9 a.m. But, I wouldn’t trade our little humble abode for any other room in the place.

I have enjoyed, even marveled over some of the amazing conversations about faith that occur when people just “happen” to stop in. They stand in the doorway, as they are only stopping in for a minute (or at least they think that). And this past Tuesday did not disappoint.

Our Pastor of Group Life and Community Care (don’t you just love the titles we have in churches?), well he passed by the office. He popped his head in the door, you know, for just a minute that turned into almost an hour. I had been meaning to ask him about a topic I’m curious about, Pre-marital Counseling. I’m curious about what happens in pre-marital counseling as you might guess, because I didn’t ever experience it. Ahem, remember I’m unequally yoked.

He went on to explain what he does, the kind of couples he talks with and what results from his counseling. It’s not always what you might think. I was interested in this topic as something I might write about in the future so as the believing parent in our home, we may have more information to help our kids when they are at the marrying age. But, that’s a topic for another day.

What really was a mind-blow was the pastor’s salvation story. I was asking him what it was like to move out of the darkness and into the light. Listen in: (paraphrased)

Lynn: You know I think that I have always KNOWN God. He has always been with me even in my prodigal years. What was it like to really move out of darkness and into light? To be separated from God and then come to the realization of what you had missed?

John: Well it is interesting. I came to faith at a late age. Very unusual for an adult male at age 38 to become a believer.

Lynn: Yes

John: You don’t even know what you are missing. You come to Christ and an entire new life opens up. One you didn’t know existed. You know Lynn, I was very much like the Israelites who were freed from Egypt. What was supposed to be an eleven day journey to the promised land, took instead 40 years. They were rebellious and craved Egypt. And just like them, I actually became saved but then lived for eight long years wandering.

I literally had one foot in the world and one in my faith.

I was miserable.

It was only after eight years of living misery that I committed. I went “all in” and I have never looked back and I have never regretted it. Living “all in” is the only way to find the joy and peace that the Christ offers.
*****

Since Tuesday, this conversation has nagged me (Lynn). I haven’t been able to let it go. I can’t let it go because I hear God speaking through it. There are many who arrive at our website or through email who are miserable. They are miserable and suffering. Some of the many, suffer because of the actions of others but I wonder, is their misery because they are living like the Israelites in the wilderness?

Is one foot still in the world?

If this story sounds somewhat familiar to you then this Christmas give yourself the best gift ever. Step out of the world, go “all in”, and live for Jesus. I know this can be a scary prospect because you may be living with a spouse who is hostile to Christ but I can promise you, it is worth the risk.

I was that girl who lived with a hostile spouse, who hated any reference to God. But, I stepped into the full life and Jesus just came out of me. Not in an overbearing way but through love, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control and the result is joy. Peace. Joy,

Peace…… Isn’t that what this season is all about? Give yourself the gift of living for Christ and don’t look back.

Just imagine what 2012 might hold for you.

That is the miracle of Christmas…… Jesus!

Be blessed, Lynn

Have Yourself a Merry "Intentional" Christmas

I don't know about you but I feel like Christmas has hit me unexpectedly these last few years. Sometimes we just get so bogged down with the demands and trials of life that we only have the energy to react to this season of decorating, shopping and gift giving.

Well, I've decided I want more this year. Actually, what I mean is I want less. I want this holiday to be different. I want to be intentional about it, not just roll along with the current and try to avoid the undertow.

Here's what I'm thinking:

1. I’m being intentional in my joy. This will be the first year that we wont have both our girls with us. My youngest daughter will be in Florida with our extended family. This is difficult but part of how families change. So, we will do at least two Christmas events this year. One will be to see a light show in a neighboring community. The other I assigned my older daughter and her fiancé (Yep, engaged!) to figure out. One idea is to go downtown this year (something I usually avoid) to see Christmas in the Park.

These are both low cost or free but great fun to do together as a family. What's in your neighborhood? Just planning a night to drive around to see the decorated houses is one of our mainstays. This is not about filling our schedule with activities. It’s about doing something that is intentional in the moment to be in the spirit and love of Christmas, and to share that with our precious family. Every moment is a gift and I want to live each day in appreciation of what Jesus has given me.

2. I’m being intentional in slowing things down. This is part of wanting less—less stress. After the chaos of the last few years, I'm a bit worn out. I sense God's gentle nudge to see things differently this year from a place of rest. So, I'm resisting the usual hurriedness of this time of year and am even planning ahead in my work schedule to have time to read a book by the Christmas tree as the lights twinkle and glow. To spend more time with God in my mornings and read the stories of Jesus’ birth. To really assess everything I'm doing with this question, "Does this please God and draw me closer to Him?" I'm even bringing my television viewing choices under this scrutiny.

3. I worshipping more intentionally. This is an area I really feel I need to develop more. Not out of duty but out of my love for God and desire to know Him better. That is my heart’s desire, to know God better everyday, every year. To grow closer to Him. When I expressed this to Him in the past, He spoke to my heart these words, “You will find Me in worship.” I want to find Him more. Right now, I’m totally loving Casting Crowns’ Christmas album, Peace on Earth. Break out your favorite Christmas music. Sing along out loud or in your heart or both! Let the gift of God’s Son, His greatest gift and the ultimate example of God working “for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28) fall afresh on your heart. Let God wow you!

4. I want to be a willing and intentional blessing. As much as I’d love to just make this month all about R&R for me, I don’t want to be selfish. I want to be a blessing to anyone God puts in my path. This means I will be intentional in staying alert when I go about my day to God’s “interruptions” and be ready to serve. I confess this is a challenge for me because I’m a “get ‘er done kind of girl” and have never been good about interruptions to my agenda. But God knows this and He knows my desire to change this area of my heart and life. He’s already given me couple opportunities recently. (One just yesterday in a MacDonald’s drive thru!) I’m looking forward to more.

These are some of my ideas. I hope you'll share yours too, so that we can help each other have an Intentional Christmas. This is not intended to bring more stress or create more duty. God doesn’t want our relationship with Him to be about duty. He came to give us life and joy (John 10:10).

So, whatever that translates to in your life, go for it. Be joyful and joyfilled. That is a gift we can give intentionally to our Lord and Savior because it reflects Him.

Your intentional servant,
Dineen

A Letter of Hope

Dear Lynn,  

Good afternoon!  My name is Christine and we have emailed once before (about a year ago).  You helped me so much though what seemed to be an enemy attack on my family and myself.  In retrospect, the last year turned out to be my Red Sea, if you will.  God lead me though so much...the death of my father, the near collapse of my marriage, a court case and two months best described as a dark night of the soul.  It was in mourning the death of my father a year ago, that broke me open in a way only grief can do.  As I look back over the last year, and I can see the work that God did, the beauty leaves me without words.  It was as if every pain only made His voice more clear.  My only regret is that I did not journal as much as I should have.  My memory is fading even now.  I suppose that's what having four kids does.  : ) 

I have so enjoyed your blog (and recently, your book!) because my husband was very firm in his agnostic (I suppose...I could never quite pin him down), anti-religion ways and would visibly bristle when God was brought up.  This summer something happened that, aside from my mom and my pastor (because he was witness to part of it!), probably only you and Dineen would believe.  I just have to share it with you...  

Things had gotten bad between us, marriage-wise.  The children and I left for a week long beach vacation, mid-June, and he didn't come with, deciding last minute he was too busy.  While we were there, on the last day, I was able to escape to the beach for a little time alone.  I really needed to sit and speak with Jesus.  The beach wasn't crowed and I felt free to talk, cry, really open up and tell Jesus I couldn't do it anymore.  I'd been hearing Joel 2:25 from Him (the verse about being repaid for the years the locusts have eaten), so I was certain God was going to make good on that, but I poured it out to Jesus and told Him it had to be soon.  I reminded Him of how difficult my life had been since becoming an adult (with the last year being the kicker), and how I so trusted that God would make good on this promise, but could He please start now?  I will never forget how desperate I felt when I sat on that beach and begged for Jesus to ask this of His Father on my behalf.  I'd never asked anything in that way.  When I was done, I felt Jesus tell me to go into the ocean, almost as a re-baptismal.  With that, I got up and started packing everyone to go home. 

I had no clue what was waiting for me when I got home.  My husband told me that night, the marriage was over.  He had thought about it, and had it all planned out.  Long story short....despite the fact I could hear Jesus loud and clear in my head and heart, saying, "Let him go...I have work to do"  I could only maintain that for about 12 hours before I crashed.  I just fell apart.  It was horrible.  I begged my husband not to go.  I promised anything and everything.  An odd thing I know, why wouldn't us staying together be what God wanted...I wasn't sure, but God needed to do His work in His own way.  I met with my Pastor, and asked him what was wrong with me and where was my faith?  I knowingly would rather make the decision to stand in God's way, than to feel this horrible pain and allow my husband to leave.  Why couldn't I get out of the way???  I knew God had work to do in both of us, and I was keeping it from happening, but by then we were back together and my husband had decided to try one more time.  

By mid-July, I'd come to realize what I'd done by standing in God's way.  This time I promised Him, if He ever saw fit to give me a second chance, no matter how painful, I would trust in Him and not back down to my horrible fears.  Within three days, things were so bad, that I felt in my heart it was time.  I told my husband he was right, it was best if we separate and the kids and I traveled to my mom's house.  I felt a peace about things I couldn't explain.  I felt like the storm was swirling all around me, but God gave me such a sense of protection and peace. 

Sit down because here comes the good part! 

Our God is an awesome God! 

He moved in ways no one saw coming.  About two days later, my husband...Mr. Marine, tough guy, who couldn't even say the word God, texted me at 5am.  He'd been up all night.  He wanted to start again, but this time in church.  I never saw this one coming...so to be honest I didn't even believe it.  I had a sense of peace about it...like it wasn't just a line...but still.  Sure enough, a few days later my husband met with the Pastor and when we got home later that week, he went to church with us.  He's been every single week since then (except while on vacation), started seeing a therapist by himself - FAITH BASED therapy!, is working through a faith based marriage book with me the therapist recommended, and, here is the kicker, when a visiting missionary couple came to the church a couple of weeks ago, said he'd like to do a missions trip...and started looking up the info.  I don't know what God has in store from here, but I have never been so certain of God's love for His children.  The God Who Sees...He saw me on that beach that day... 

Which brings me to today!  A friend at church and I have been thinking of beginning a group for women at church who are spiritually mismatched.  We've been talking about it for a while...but are finally putting it into action and meeting with the Director of Spiritual Growth.  She thinks it's a great idea, as does the Pastor...but I am wondering if you will add us to your list of groups to pray for?  

May God bless you Lynn.  You are truly amazing.  Thank you for your blog, book, everything...you just don't know how much support you've given to people like me!  : ) 

Christine 

Thankful Thursday - Honor God

Thankful Thursday is back here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage for the month of October. Woo Hoo!

-----

Yesterday I was privileged to sit down and share lunch with Pam Farrel. Many of you may know Pam and her husband, Bill. They have been writing and speaking about Godly marriages for years and years. One of my most favorite books they authored is, Men are Like Waffles and Women are Like Spaghetti. This book is a hoot. If you want to understand your spouse better, I highly recommend it. 

Pam spoke yesterday at our church prior to lunch and shared a verse and a story that filled me with such hope, I shall never be the same. 

1 Samuel 2:30... Those who honor me I will honor... 

Did you know that Pam was raised in an unequally yoked home? She faced enormous struggles as a child. Too much of a story for today (a later post). It was her mother who was intentional to raise Pam and her siblings to know God. I will be interviewing Pam's mom soon and will share more. 

But what strikes me so much about Pam and her story is this. Pam believed God. She was saved at age eight and believed this verse so much that she has lived to honor God all of her life. In turn, God has honored Pam, her husband and now her children and down to the next generation even her grandchildren. 

Pam poured Christ’s love and teaching into her children, determined like her mother, to instill Godly principals as the strength of their character. 

Pam told the story of her eldest son who stepped into a new high school and was determined to live for Christ. All those years of teaching him as a boy were about to be placed on display. Her son started a chapter of Fellowship of Christian athletes and he also determined he was going to honor God with his life. Pam shares that as the football captain he asked his players to join him at the 50 yard line following their big rival game to pray and give thanks. This was a first for his school. 

The game was a route and they lost something like 30-0. They players were in no mood to pray following the loss but Pam’s son made his way alone to the center of the field. 

He knelt. 

He prayed. 

Slowly her son’s Youth Pastor made his way toward the 50-yard line, following him, his Young Life Leader, they knelt, heads bowed. Then the players on the opposing team began to shuffle out onto the field as hundreds now knelt before the Lord in humble thanks. 

Pam’s son was living out his love and giving honor to his Lord. 

He was awarded athlete of the year, received numerous scholarships. He is now married to a wonderful Christian woman whom Pam adores and has kids. This is a legacy of love. This is what happens when we honor God. 

What we do today, no matter our past, our pain, our circumstances, if we live to honor the Lord, He will honor us. 

Pam, her husband Bill, their ministry, and their legacy is living proof that God’s Word is true and He delights to honor those who honor Him. 

Give Him thanks this day. Honor Him with your words, your actions your whole life. 

Praising Him, Lynn

 

 

Bittersweet Blessings and Letting Go of Idols

Yesterday I said goodbye to my husband and daughter. They are at this very moment driving cross-country to reach my baby girl's new home. It's the start of a new chapter in her life.

This is the bittersweet part—letting her go. But in that mix of sadness and missing her is this amazing joy. God has been so faithful. He's brought her from a cancerous brain tumor to complete health. As she says, her life can now start. I am so excited for and proud of this blossoming young woman.

What God has also shown me in letting go of my precious girl is that I made an idol of her in my life. You're probably thinking that's understandable, considering all we've gone through together. Mere moments became precious.

Even though my love and care for my daughter is a good thing, there were times that I put her above everything, including God. Understandable but still, not good. God ever so gently showed me that I needed to let go and trust Him with her future. Completely.

I walked away from this time not only restored, but also with the first understandings of how God was helping me let go of my girl and reassuring me He has her future in his hands. As He always has and has proven Himself more than faithful.

I will miss her terribly but with that ache is an even bigger excitement about her future and watching her finally walk into it with her own faith and excitement. It is all that I prayed for her and more.

Needless to say, it’s an interesting time for us. A time of letting go, of readjusting to our lives as empty nesters, and watching our youngest finally get to spread her wings and soar. Makes me think of my own mother and how she had to let go of me way back when…

You know, we think of idols as being the obviously bad things in our lives but sometimes those idols can start with something good in our lives, like a loved one, a career goal, or even a spouse’s salvation.

These are good things but when they hold a higher place of importance in our lives than God, be assured He will deal with us out of His love and his desire for what’s best for us. And the very best will always be Him.

So with tears of joy with a touch of sadness, I'm letting go and I'm praising God for his mercy and grace, and this deep reassurance that all will be well. Yesterday was also my 24th wedding anniversary. God has blessed me richly indeed.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

My oldest daughter, Rachel, my mother, Donna, and my youngest, Leslie, who is on her way to Florida to live with her grandma and go to cosmotology school. Just wanted to show you some of my greatest blessings in life. Thank you, Lord. :-)

 

I'm Not Strong Enough

.....To be the spiritual leader of our home.
.....To be a consistent Godly example to my spouse – to my children.

.....To bare the physical demands of a career – raising the children – cleaning my home – cooking and the sum total of all the expectations placed on me.

I ‘m at the end of my rope…….. and I feel like a failure.

If you ever feel like me, I'm not strong enough, this story is just for you. Join me at the Internet Cafe Devotions - Marriage Counter for I'm Not Strong Enough.

The Latest Miller Adventure

I have a cute story to tell you. My family and I were visiting our family in Florida. When we do this, we divide our time between my mother and my husband’s parents. Last week my daughter and I stayed with my mom for a few nights while my hubby stayed with his parents.

On one of these evenings we had plans to meet some friends for dinner. In fact, this was the night Dee (one of our long time readers here at S.U.M.) and I planned to meet for the first time face to face. We’ve known each online for years and talked on the phone, but just seeing her in person and getting to meet her hubby was an unexpected treat!

Okay, back to the story. The plan was that my husband would come and pick me up for our dinner with Dee and her husband and then drop me off at my mom’s on the way back. So I had fun with this and did what any wife would do. I teased my husband. LOL!

Our conversation went something like this (remember, I’m flirting with my husband here.):

I giggled. “So, is this like a date or something? You’re going to pick me up and then take me home?”

He smiled at me and gave me this cute look that borders on being shy. “Yeah, I guess it is kind of like a date.”

“Well, maybe I’ll let you give me a kiss when we get to the door.”

He fell right into my fun and then I left it at that. But my hubby didn’t. Get this. He shows up at the door the next eveing with a single rose! My heart melted. My daughter thought we were too cute for words, and I thought my mother would laugh herself silly when he told her he’d have me home before dark.

It was a precious moment, to say the least and so unexpected. I was so surprised! I really didn’t think much more of our flirtation but it showed me just how responsive my husband can be when I am intentional about our marriage and relationship. The smallest things can make a difference.

This isn’t something that happened over night either. God has shown me constantly how to love my guy the best way possible. Our marriage is better now and we are more in love than ever. All despite our faith disconnect.

Let me share one more precious moment that happened while in Florida. During our time there, I had the chance to do a booksigning at Living Word Christian Store. (They are an independent Christian book and novelty store, which like so many independent stores, need our prayers and support to continue being a presence in our communities.)

About half-way through, my husband comes into the store to see how I’m doing. I explained the store was pretty slow and not many people were stopping at the table, which was facing the café.

He suggested that I move the table on the other side of the aisle so people could see me better as they walked around. Brilliant idea! We moved the table and guess what? More people stopped to look at our book and something precious happened.

I met these two ladies, mother and daughter, who stopped to chat and share a bit about their lives with me and my mother, who was there for moral support (Yay, Mom!). They started talking about their church there in Sarasota and even invited my mother to come. I passed this information on to my mother (she was talking to someone else at the time), unsure if she would even be interested.

You see, I’ve prayed for my mother to find a church she could really love and plug into. She’s still a bit of a newbie to the Christian walk but I know she loves Jesus. I was ecstatic when she called me later to say she’d already made plans to attend this church with a friend in a couple weeks and would look for the two ladies who so graciously shared their names along with the church information.

Without my husband’s brilliant suggestion to move the table, we may have never met these two dear ladies nor would this door now be open for my mother (please pray for her and this church to be a good fit!).

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. God never ceases to amaze me. I can only explain my husband’s complete support of my involvement in this ministry and our book as being God’s divine hand working in his life and heart. I honestly shake my head in disbelief. And not only that, God used my husband to bring about something I’d prayed for and to benefit my mother.

We just never know how God will work or who He will use to answer our prayers. But we do know that He is always working for our good. And I truly believe God loves to surprise us.

Let me tell you, this is one surprised and grateful woman at the keyboard writing this post. I may not have sold many books, but I know great things were accomplished for God’s Kingdom that day.

Praying and believing,
Dineen