Interrupting Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

I'm interrupting our scheduled series on courage, well sorta. Today I want to introduce you to a woman who stepped out in great courage, Heidi.

I've know Heidi for a number of years and she has overcome so much through the transofrming power and love of Jesus. I was priviledged to interview Heidi last fall. And today I bring you her amazing story.

This is a story to encourage all women, join me at Laced With Grace today for:

Triumph After Childhood Sexual Abuse.

 

A Letter from One Unequally Yoked to Another

I want to welcome Adriana today. She recently shared a powerful letter on our 1Peter3Living loop. I hope you are inspired and encouraged as I was ~Lynn

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As we step closer to God, the spiritual battle steps up too because the enemy absolutely hates to see us mature as Christians. When you feel deflated and that God is not listening, that's just junk from the enemy. God is listening and welcoming you closer. Rejoice that your moving closer to God has the enemy bothered! 

I've been in my spiritually unequally yoked marriage for 22 years and at times my husband was very difficult and I had close friends asking why I was sticking with it (even got this from his own family members). But I knew that the Lord was doing a work in me and through me was doing a work in my husband as well. 

I love how God always works both sides of an equation. In our unequally yoked marriages, He is maturing us, doing deep steadfast things in us as we walk through the difficulties. In my marriage I have learned and am still learning to depend on God, to look to Him to fulfill (for now) the things I long to be receive from my husband. I have learned to pray more deeply, to trust and believe more deeply. My quiet faithfulness to God benefits my husband even if he is unaware of it. My husband has God's presence in his life just because God is in me and I am with him. He may not yet be surrendering to God but God is at work as I am a light and reflection of God's steadfastness, love, mercy, forgiveness, and even at times correction in his life. I am God's instrument to be used in His way to woo my husband to Himself. And I have seen Him do some amazing things and move in behalf of prayer. 

I know the loneliness you speak of, always doing things solo. I live that too. The thing is to be faithful to God in what he would have YOU do for Him and to trust Him with the working in your husband. Seek to do everything as unto the Lord. When He shows you to love your husband, love your husband for Him. When he shows you to forgive your husband, forgive your husband for Him. When we do things for others for Him and we don't get appreciated for what we have done, we can endure it because our praise and reward is from the Lord, not the person. We can rejoice in that we have pleased our first love. What freedom there is in that! It's difficult at times to live with this attitude (especially with a difficult person) but oh the rewards when we do. 

Love and prayers,

Adriana

Weekend Devo — The Journey from Atheism to Belief

This is a beautiful testimony from one of our readers about her husband's journey from atheism to belief. Thank you for sharing your story with us, Jennifer!

I accepted Christ in the 4th grade and grew up in a Baptist church. I have always had a strong relationship with Christ, but my walk blossomed exponentially over the past 2 years as I became intimately involved in Kay Auther's and Beth Moore's Bible studies...finally, I was IN the Word and allowing our relationship to be two-way.

God knew exactly what he was doing, as He was preparing me spiritually and scripturally for what was about to take place in my marriage. Jim and I married in 2005 and he had, since we started dating, proclaimed to be a Christian. Born and raised Catholic, he had never been exposed the "love of fellowship and worship" aspect of a Southern Baptist church girl. His church upbringing consisted of Easter and Christmas mass and the extent of his relationship with God was a string of fox-hole prayers. (He would tell you all of this.)

Over the years, I have longed to get involved with a Sunday school class and participate more in couples activities in the church, but he always balked. When we had our first baby, my longing to fill my home and my life more with the Word and life of God became more intense. This was the first sign of push-back, because all of the sudden I was wanting more than a Sunday morning commitment.

Jim is a physician...a scientist. He has always whole heartedly believed in evolution, the big-bang, the radical theories of science and disregarded the magnificent truths in the Bible as folklore and exaggerations. He would even laugh at the fact that I believe in Noah's arc and creationism. He is real big into pod casts, too. Financial, spiritual, how to, etc. I noticed spring of last year (2010) that part of his pod cast mix included Buddhism, meditations, zen...you know, all kinds of New Age stuff.

It was sometime last summer that we were sitting in my therapist's office. I am in recovery for an eating disorder that I have struggled with since I was 11. I have been to treatment several times, but seemed to maintain and hide it pretty well until 2009. My poor health erupted and my intestines prolapsed. My 10 day hospital stay was prolonged because of my nutrition. Long story short, I had to go to treatment September 2009 for 6 months, leaving my precious babies and husband behind.

So back to my therapist's office...We had gone for a couples session desperate to learn some relationship tools. We were really starting to argue more than a married couple should. In a heated debate he blurted out, "I don't even believe in all this church stuff. I am an atheist and have been all along. I just go to church to appease you."

He stormed out. I have had a lot of lows and hit a lot of bottoms in my life, but that day, I don't think I have ever felt so wounded. It was hard to breathe. I cried out, God, I don't know what to do. You can only imagine what this did to our marriage and my heart. I clung to 1 Peter 3 and hit my knees with prayer for my husband and his heart. I sought counsel through my spiritual mentor and Bible study leader, Ruth. His mocking of the Bible and questioning of my faith only became more blatant. I questioned him...how can you read every text book under the sun, yet blow off my belief system without even reading the Word it's based on?

I think he took that as a challenge. He came across the most amazing podcast of all, The Daily Audio Bible (Brian Hardin). The intro sucked him in and he was curious, so he began to faithfully listen each day. At first he scoffed at the stories and dug thru the law of the Genesis and Exodus, but something began to stir. In Feb of this year, a friend of mine gave me 2 CDs of Mark Cahill speaking at a Joshua Conference. I casually turned it on in the car during a family road trip to visit family. As we listened, he kept pausing and rewinding the message. He began asking questions and his wheels started spinning.

He asked to hear the 2nd CD, which we listened to twice! Praise God that He had brought me to a maturity that I could speak truths and scripture to him. He decided to sign up for the Fight for Manhood Bible Study at our church, and the men in his small group began to minister and witness to him. The gentleman who led his group approached him and said, "God has put in my heart to disciple you," and they began meeting together.

I remember the day he proclaimed, "Jen, it's true. It's really true. I want to follow God's word. I prayed the sinners prayer."

My husband has been born again...he is so hungry for the word of God, and he is growing like a spiritual weed! Our marriage is flourishing and our hunger to seek Him only grows stronger with each passing day. God is so good, so very very good. He is sooo HOLY!!! Oh, how I love Him!!!

Jennifer

A Divine Parallel by Guest Writer: Janet

Heavenly Father, I’m emotionally exhausted and taxed beyond measure.  Don’t you see my tears?  Do they mean anything to You?

I too have felt great passion, loss and sadness causing me to weep. {Hebrews 5:7, Luke 19:41, John 11:35, Mark 15:37}

God how much longer?  I mean really, can’t my spouse see I’m not trying to steer them wrong or bring harm?  Why can’t she/he try, just try, to believe what I know to be true?

 I also know the bitter rawness of repeated betrayal, disappointment and hurt. {Mark 14:66-72}

Gracious Father, every time I turn around it’s like the enemy is pouncing me!  Can’t I catch a break?

In the wilderness I also endured trials and tests of the enemy, stealth-like twisted plays on My Father’s Word and promises. {Matthew 4:1-11}

Dear God, today is the day I just cannot do this anymore!  Don’t you see all of this?  Blessings abound?  How about chaos abounds!  Can’t you spare me a lousy minute to take a breather and regroup?

I too prayed for our Father to take this cup from Me. {Luke 22:42}

Father, just in case you forgot, I am here trying to navigate this path before me—a little bit of help would be nice!

I also know the feelings of abandonment and forsakenness. {Matthew 27:45} 

A mismatched marriage has us walk in some sort of daily emotional, spiritual or physical pain.  This sometimes lonely and painful road, is it not a higher purposed pain?   What can I learn from it?  What basic principles can Jesus teach me that I too will come out triumphant?  What hopes and promises does scripture want me to focus on and remember—in both the good days and painful days?

I’ m reminded of the famous motto: pain is temporary, pride is forever.  What if we replaced the word “pride” with rejoicing, glory… salvation?  Savor and taste the flavors that newly reworded motto offers. 

When I reflect on the trials of Jesus I can’t help but see a parallel to the mismatched marriage and how many of us share similar pains as His.  So what can Jesus’ perseverance teach me? 

• To pray all the harder, never ceasing.  {Luke 22:44}
• To armor myself in the Word and knowledge of God that I may stand strong in the face of adversary using my knowledge to reverse the sword aimed at me {Ephesians 6:11-18, Psalm 27:3}
• To still myself in His presence and never stop being in communion with Him {Psalms 46:10, John 17:3, Isaiah 43:10}

And lastly, to trust.  Trust that while I do not have nor see the full picture, like Jesus I really do have access to the full picture—just not the details.  The full picture, similar to Jesus, is knowledge and faith that our pain will not be wasted or in vain, but that pain is temporary and salvation is forever. 

And dear friends, we know His sufferings was temporary and for a higher purpose.   We know Jesus was never forsaken by God and He never deafened His ears to Jesus’ prayers.  Not, for a moment did God forget the path and trials laid before Him.  Instead God gave Jesus everything He needed. 

And God is giving you everything you need to face the day-to-day struggles and joys of this walk.  Let’s agree to commit ourselves to run, not walk for the prize that lies ahead because pain is temporary, salvation is forever. 

 

Bio: Janet resides on the East Coast with her husband and three daughters.  She begins and ends her day with God and strives to still be in constant dialogue with Him in between diaper changes, church groups and meetings, PTA meetings, child refereeing and the relentless list of homemaker duties and chores. 

A Perspective for those dating a nonbelievier by Martha McMillan

I am a 52 year old divorced mother of two mostly grown girls (age 21 and 18). I can  testify to being unequally yoked. I was married for 21 years. It was hard on many occasions and lonely as well. But I loved being married, even when it wasn’t good. I loved my husband and mistakenly thought that my love would be enough. I also mistakenly thought that God would heal my marriage after the separation. I fasted and prayed to that effect.

What I was not mistaken about were the horrible effects that divorce would rage on my family and my children. And I was not given a choice as to whether I wanted a divorce or not. The effects are lasting and deep on my children, even though they are greatly healed at this point.

I once heard a minister point out that there are other ways to be unequally yoked than just Christian/non-Christian. Those include how you spend money, raise children, work, save, play etc. I have tried to teach my girls to be "smart" about whom they date, as well as the definition of a Christian man. In other words, if he doesn't "walk the talk", maybe you need to leave him alone. In addition, if you can't pray with him on the second date, maybe you shouldn't go on a third. I have prayed for my girls, that God would provide the right man who would never leave them or forsake them.

Of course, they have seen firsthand the disastrous results of being unequally yoked. There are those who give great advice about the marriage relationship who have years of experience in both education and counseling. "The more you share in common, the better the marriage will be." (paraphrased Dr Neil Clark Warren) "Opposites may attract, but down the road opposites ATTACK" (also Dr Warren)

"Date for at least four seasons" says Dr. Laura.

"Marry your best friend." (Not certain which author penned this.)

"Commitment is what keeps a marriage together." (Chuck Swindoll? and others).

I surely know why "God hates divorce." It’s like the never-ending wave that beats on the shore. You feel like you are in the "high tide," tossed and thrown about by the waves of insecurity, abandonment, loneliness and great change, to name a few. "How can I trust God again after He let this happen?" Slowly though, God in His infinite wisdom, mercy and grace, rebuilds that trust, and your faith, to greater than it was before, if we let Him. And to His glory, I might add. We reach the low-tide of divorce at some point but there are still ripples...when a child marries...grandchildren come....Hig school graduation...holidays, etc. And how do you handle the death of your ex-spouse who is the father of your children? Maybe the generations before us that stayed together, even though they lived in "mediocrity" were, in the long run, not so bad off. Maybe they learned that the grass is not always greener on the other side; and sometimes it’s not about "what I want."

It has been a journey (and still is) to learn that "God is all I need."  Not because I can physically touch Him and converse with Him like we humans do, but because HE is my source and my strength, even though that often comes thru others. I still have more questions than answers but know that in His time, I will have all that I need. I continue to look to Him to bless me "beyond what I could ask or think." and continue to be reminded it is "about His glory." ...not mine.

I would also be willing to talk with anyone who wishes to, especially those who are going thru divorce and the mountains of struggles that brings. Or just pray for them as the needs arise. One of my callings is a prayer warrior, and one of my spiritual gifts is mercy.  If you see fit to include any of that, here is my personal email nanabugg@ymail.com and Facebook: Martha Piper McMillan

Winston Salem NC

Bittersweet

Dear Dineen and Lynn: 

I just have to share with the two of you my “bittersweet moment” this morning.  To back track, I just got home yesterday from having been with my youngest daughter the past three weeks as she gave birth to her first child—a precious 9 lbs. 1 oz. baby girl, name Hadley.  Needless to say, it was hard leaving that little bundle of joy 5 hours away from me in Austin, Tex. 

And now for my bitter sweet moment via Facebook post my daughter, Heather, posted early this morning.  She had a picture of a devotional book:  Baby Boot Camp by Rebecca Ingram Powell.  Beside the picture, Heather wrote: 

“Moms—it is my first morning without my mom to help me and this little devotional book is a life saver!  Find one and take a little time for yourself to read a little devotion each day.  I love it already with a cup of hot coffee.” 

I shed a few tears and then replied:

“I’m having a bitter sweet moment five hours away as I read this.  My daughter doesn’t need me to help anymore????  But, how sweet knowing that she is reading and dependent on God’s Word.  All is right with the world.” 

I wanted to share this with you because you are doing such a wonderful job in reaching out to young moms who are faced, as I was, and you have been, in raising children in church alone.  I had so many flashbacks as I read Heather’s post.  

One in particular was a decision I made when she was two years old and her sister was six.  We had just made a move from Atlanta, Ga. to New Orleans, La.   My husband had been offered a job opportunity that he felt he couldn’t afford to turn down.  During the process of our lengthy talks about taking the job, I just simply said to him:  “I’ll go with you anywhere you feel we need to go; it is just so hard for me to move with two little girls to a strange city and have to take them to church by myself.”  

To which he replied, “I promise you if you will make this move with me, I will go to church with you and the girls.”  And with that hope, we made the move. 

Oh yes, he went the first Sunday to help me find the church, and that was the end of that.  

As a young mother I felt so betrayed.  

One Sunday morning as I was about to give this church-going up for good, I heard little children playing out in the street in my neighborhood.  It was then that I prayed:  “Lord, whether he ever goes to church with me, I commit to you this morning that I will go alone if I have to;  I can’t bear the thought of my children playing on the streets on Sunday morning and not in church.  

And with that, the three of us began our journey, and today both girls are ministering in their own church, and raising their little ones for Jesus.  And I might add, they married fine Christian young men who are right beside them and who is the spiritual leader of their homes. 

I realize it doesn’t always happen this way.  When children become of age, they have to make their own choices and sometimes stray from their Christian up-bringing for a while.  But, my reason for writing to the two of you is this:  keep on encouraging young moms, as you are doing, to make the effort to teach the kids about Jesus and take them to church, even if it she has to do it alone.  It has it rewards---I am blessed. 

On a side note, both girls love their dad so much, and he gloats over his children and grandchildren.  He has been the best husband and father any man could be with the exception of that “little missing link of having Jesus in his heart.”  But, the three of us feel the manifestation of his salvation is near.  As you say in your book:  “God makes everything beautiful in His time.”  

And last, your book has been good therapy for me.  It was with me in Austin each morning during my quiet time.  The keys have allowed me to see where I’ve been in the past; sometimes “I got it right,” but there are keys that are showing me what I need to be doing at the present time for this particular season of my life and marriage.  It couldn’t have been released at a more appropriate time for me.  

Keep up the good work as you minister to the spiritually unequal yoked and blessings to you both. 

Martha Bush

Meet MaryLu Tyndall

Finally after five years I am humbled to meet MaryLu Tyndall. Marylu came to our very fist book signing this past weekend at Berean, San Jose. It was a blast by the way. This is her between Dineen and I. Marylu was unequally yoked until she finally had given up hope that her husband would find God. One day she just surrendered and said to her husband, "I give up. You just go ask God to prove Himself real."

Well he did.

Back when this blog began almost five years ago, MaryLu and her husband George agreed to share their miraculous story with me and I posted it here at SUM. Today, I want to share it again. It's fantastic. A story I will never forget.

Here is MaryLu's story:

Guest Writers Mary Lu and George Tyndall (introduction). Read this first.

My husband's conversion by Marylu Tyndall. Read this next.

My husband's conversion by Marylu Tyndall, Part II. Read this next.

George Tyndall – My miraculous conversion - Part I

George Tyndall – My miraculous conversion- Part II

Thank you Marylu and George for your willingness to share your life with all of us. It inspires me and brings me humble to the foot of the cross. 

Life is all about Jesus. All for Jesus and I pray everything we do brings honor to Him. Have a great week. Be blessed, Lynn

This is the last week to find a blogger who is giving away a free copy of our book. Please visit the following friends of our. We love all of you for helping us to get the message out that Jesus can make all the difference in marriage. Hugs, Lynn

Stacy - Our Safe Haven 

Janna - Cornhuskers Academy

Heather - The Trusting Nomad

Camy - Camy's Loft

Jeannie - The Character Therapist

Karla - Empowering Christian Women

 

Romantic God

Today, I have a treat. Nicole Neri wrote a post on her blog that I believe will speak to many of us. I know it touched me. Nicole is sharing it with us here today. I am delighted to welcome one of our wonderful readers  as a guest contributor. I pray you are moved by her words and you see God the way she discovered Him.

Welcome Nicole. And Thank you!

Romance

I’ve always been a HUGE romance lover. I love cheesy chic movies, stories of romance, weddings, unending love… - I think I’ve watched the Notebook one too many times. And oh the dreams as a child I would have. As far as I can remember I dreamt of y wedding day, my prince and our fairy tale life together. My poor husband had no idea the unrealistic ideals I had placed on him. Our story too started off very picture perfect - high school sweethearts, Romeo – Juliet drama in college, yet a perfect proposal and top it off with a lavish wedding. We had a scored high so far on my fairytale planned life. However fast-forward three years, two kids, and a huge mortgage my lala land was gone. I wasn’t prepared to find myself crying in the middle of the night feeling very un-loved. I had a three month old and a two-year old. Louie was working 60+ hour weeks and romance was nowhere to be found. I remember sobbing on the floor. (I’m sure the lack of sleep and hormone level changes weren’t helping:) At one point I woke poor Louie out of his much-needed sleep to just sit there and cry and ask him, “Do you still love me?” He just stared at me in a daze and told me to try to go to sleep.

The next day I remember watching Oprah – she was advertising a book called “How to Remodel your Man”. Surely this will work I thought I will teach him how to be romantic again! After all I had read her book ”A New Earth” the previous year when my Uncle had died and it seemed to help cope with the pain and fear I had experienced.

So the next day I headed to the library in search of my next Oprah book to fix my romantically deficient marriage. They didn’t have the book, but another book popped up on the library catalog that sounded good – “You can have the marriage you’ve always wanted.” Perfect I thought I looked up the call number and found myself in the Christian marriage aisle-whatever works I thought. While there I grabbed a few more books that looked good, “For women only” and “10 commandments of marriage” to name a few. I started reading them and they had a lot of great practical advice. Like maybe for example my husband did love me and that’s why he was working so hard, Duh! Maybe I should put time aside to be with him. Maybe I should tell him what I need instead of expect him to read my mind – and on and on. Our communication started changing and the more I read the more I started understanding how a healthy marriage works. I started visiting that section of the library regularly. Slowly the reality started sinking in that it wasn’t my husband that needed to change but me! But I still had that deep longing for romance hidden and tucked away in my heart.

At that same time, I was playing in a handbell choir. I thought it would be fun to play music again and get out once a week. The only annoying thing was that every few months they we would have to play in church at 8:00! I rarely went to church and never that early. Then one Sunday that we were playing, I read that the message was going to be on – “A New Earth.” I was so excited I loved that book – it was all about Jesus and Buddah and energy and it had helped me so much. I couldn’t wait to hear what he had to say:) As he began the sermon, I perked up ready to listen. But I quickly I felt like a deer in headlights – The pastor started preaching against the book and how so many people were falling for its’ lie! What? Can you say that again? I was in shock. I went home feeling confused and stunned – I had been reading these great Christian books that were working, but I was also was reading these great new age books like the Power of Now and they seemed to be working too. What’s a brain to do? So I decided I needed to figure this out for myself and dug out my old confirmation Bible and started reading it at night, before bed.

As I read the Bible, I followed some reading tracks in the front that were recommended. I read about what Jesus did and what He said and it was all very interesting. I felt like I was actually getting to know the guy. I continued to read my marriage books, and I also had started reading a book I found at the neighbors called “Captivating”. It was a fun easy read and I was enjoying it late one night - until I got to the chapter that changed everything. It was about how Jesus wants to be your lover? Lover um Freaky? Did I read that right I thought? Then I read a part from Hosea quoted from the Bible and I couldn’t believe my eyes – Immediately I went into the other room and got my Bible to make sure it actually was there – I hadn’t read anything like this before. But sure enough there it was…

“Therefore I will wall her in with thorn bushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not find them. Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her…” -Hosea 2:6-7

As I read it aloud, my whole body felt warm and I started sobbing. This historical figure/distant God all of a sudden became an alive, intimate present person sitting with me in the room. As I read the passage over and over in belief, I knew He was saying – all this time you’ve been searching, striving, thinking that this New Age religion or imaginary romance would cure a hole that only I could fill, I am what you dream of - Would you let me be the great love of your life?

My response - ”You had me at hello.”

BIO: 

My name is Nicole Neri and I have been married to my high-school sweetheart for six years. I taught Junior High for two years before I became a stay at home mom. We now have a 5-year-old son and 3-year-old daughter, Brandon and Brooke. Four years into my marriage I heard God knocking on my heart and I opened the door. That was when I reluctantly enrolled at Unequally Yoked University.

Although I’ve experienced deep growth I’ve anxiously awaited my graduation date. I’ve envisioned many far off kingdom adventures working side by side with my husband sharing the love of Christ. But recently I’ve embraced God’s whisper- He’s your kingdom adventure and you get to work side by side with me!

I live on a quiet street in a low-excitement suburb of Chicago - yet daily I get to partner with the Spirit and shine the light of Christ - it's anything but dull! ~Nicole

Thank you Nicole. I am also praying for your graduation. Hugging you, Lynn

A Marriage Delivered from the Pit of Hell!

This is a day of great rejoicing and celebration. 

When I first started chatting with Deb, she was living in shall I say, a "difficult marriage." I watched and prayed over the months for her and her husband. There was a point where even me, the believer in marriage and the one person who believes any marriage can be restored, doubted this marriage could be healed.

Oh Praise be to Jesus because in our doubt, struggle and sometimes, hell on earth, Jesus can heal a marriage. Today it is my great privilege to share my friend Deborah with all of you. Many of you know her from our loop at 1Peter3Living on Yahoo. Many of you held her in prayer. THANK YOU. 

Already, at a young age of 26, she has lived through a marriage she never imagined could happen to her yet she discovered triumph through the power of Jesus Christ. Although her marriage story is still relatively new, it should be a story that encourages all of us to believe and to pray.

So now, I give you Deb. This story is worth the read. Be blessed, Lynn 

*****

First of all I want to say how privileged I am to be able to share my story on Spiritually Unequal Marriage. I never envisioned myself in this position, mainly because the struggles I have experienced over the last three years seemed unending and at times hopeless, but wonder of wonders, here I am to tell the tale and rejoice over what God has done. 

For all of you who haven't met me yet, my name is Deb and I have been married to my husband for almost three years. There were doubts in more than one quarter if we would ever make it to one year let alone three, but that would be jumping ahead of the story. : ) 

Following our four year engagement, (we weathered two and a half of those years apart in different countries) and subsequent wedding on September 2007, it was only three months later that I found myself Googling 'loneliness in marriage' in the hopes of finding help for my newfound struggles. This is how I stumbled across Spiritually Unequal Marriage. Through this website God has led me to a place where I have become strengthened and equipped through the prayers and support of people who have now become like family. Your posts and e-mails have kept me sane on the crazy days and grateful on the good days. I’m so thankful to know you. 

To backtrack, my relationship with my spouse had always been characterized by significant ups and downs. I would attribute this partly to our dysfunctional upbringings, partly to our equally intense and opposite personalities, and also to the fact that any marriage, especially one where believers are involved, is a favorite target of Satan. 

When we first met what attracted me most to my husband was his passionate love for Christ. He was absolutely radiant with the light of Jesus and I had never met anyone with whom I clicked so well spiritually. Throughout our engagement however, he had some negative experiences in the church we were attending at the time, and by the time we were married I was more or less holding onto what I had seen rather than what I was seeing regarding his walk with God. Despite this development, I was still fondly hoping that he would soon 'snap out of it', and become the spiritual leader that I had always wanted him to be. I knew that if he would only get it together in the spiritual department we would soon experience marital bliss on a near perfect scale and live out all my dreams together. I say this all with a wry smile, because you may be smiling too at my naiveté. (On a side note, I still very much believe in these dreams, but more on that later.) 

Needless to say, I unwittingly placed such a burden of my expectations for happiness on him, that with his own inability to handle some of his own issues, let alone mine combined, we began having conflict that only heightened as the days and weeks continued. For the first few months he was more or less strong enough to handle my anger and frustration, but it wasn't long before he threw up his hands in defeat and retreated into his shell. His words to me at the time were that I could no longer count on his support, spiritually or emotionally, as a husband or even a friend, and that all he cared to do from then on was find his satisfaction in online gaming. He participated in an online game, EverQuest, often shortened to EQ, which is a 3D fantasy-themed massively multiplayer online role-playing game. You can imagine how crushed I was to discover that everything I had wanted was now beyond reach. What doubled my anguish was the feeling that I was entitled to at least a measure of happiness. 

From the age of three I had dedicated my life to God and since then my best dreams culminated in a desire to serve Him with a husband who wanted the same thing. With that as my foundation, how was it possible that things could have gone so awry? 

For months we coexisted in an extremely tense and hostile environment. With the best I had I tried to cope with the new situation, but each day would find me in tears of despair. I have memories of walking the streets weeping, begging God to intervene. I still remember the nights and early mornings when he wouldn't come to bed but spent all hours of the night and morning gaming in his computer room. I can still recall his dark anger at my attempts to intervene. 

What I secretly hoped was temporary became solidly worse as five hours of gaming stretched into ten and ten into fifteen and my husband's obsession deepened into addiction. The disappointment and bitterness I carried had now become a weight I couldn't bear. At this point I was asking everyone I knew for help and prayer. I was unashamed in my needs, and I know that many of your prayers are what carried me through those initial troubled days. (A quiet thank you again for that.) 

It was only eight months after we married that I left home and took up residence elsewhere. This was decided upon after explaining my situation to pastors and friends who agreed that our situation had become so volatile that it was no longer safe. What I never conceived could happen was now a reality and I was separated from the love of my life and desperate and alone. From that point followed a year and a half period where our relationship fluctuated from okay to ugly and I was barely coping from day to day. 

Looking back it puts a lump in my throat to see how tenderly God cared for me over that time. I was extremely blessed to have an excellent church which gave me a lot of support and help. At every point I needed help, Jesus provided a friend who would send me a letter at just the right time, or a text when I thought I was going over the edge. In every possible way He was saying to me - 'I am watching over you. Don't despair.' 

Of course, being Deb, I did despair, even many times a day, but I also clung to Him like I never had before. This period, for me, was characterized by an intense and painful learning curve. Through it God was revealing to me areas of my life that He wanted to heal and transform. I didn't realize how imbalanced I was in my perceptions and thoughts about marriage, myself and even God. It wasn't until I was separated from Dans that I was able to see how needy and insecure I was and how much I had relied upon him to complete me. I had gotten to the point where I blamed him for all the unhealthy ways I expressed my frustrations and felt that if it wasn't for his lack of spirituality, I would be making better choices. 

God didn’t let me stay there too long however, and my anger with my husband began giving way to acknowledgement that he was not wholly responsible for our marriage breakdown. I began attending regular counseling with my pastor’s wife Connie, who walked me through inner healing and forgiveness. Together we asked God to reveal the root issues as to why I had become co-dependent and why I felt trapped no matter which way I looked. In answer to the most tormenting why question of all - 'why me?' God revealed that sometimes He allows wounds in our life to heal even deeper ones, and this was certainly true in my case. 

What broke my heart most regarding our situation was that my husband had renounced God and cursed Him to his face. I judged him in my heart for this, without realizing that God’s command for us to love our enemies and bless those that curse us (Matt 5:44) means that He also acts according to that same standard of behavior. This means that any of our spouses, no matter if they have never known God, or have known Him and then turned away, are still loved by the Father and blessed regardless. (Matt 5:45) 

About a year into our separation my husband began attending counseling with me which was in itself a huge miracle. He had become so resistant to any kind of help that I wondered if he would ever reach out again. From there we began to dialogue about our differences and slowly came to understand and forgive each other, bit by bit. Even the tiniest steps were huge, as we had so much ground to gain. I think because the progress seemed so slow, months later I was beginning to lose faith again that things would really improve. 

In January this year, however major things started to happen. I believe that as a result of many people's prayer and intercession, he lost the desire to play computer games. For those of you who don't know about gaming, for someone like my husband who played upward of 16 hours almost every day for two years, this is the equivalent to a heroin addict suddenly deciding they don't need the drug anymore. This decision was the catalyst for a completely brand new season for both of us. From that point on we have continued to heal and just two months ago we found a lovely apartment and moved in together! 

Thank you Jesus. 

Even more amazing is the continued newness that we are now experiencing in our relationship. We have actually had times of praying together, sharing our hearts about life and where we stand with God, and are finally discovering the ability to talk over even the toughest of issues without becoming enemies. 

You have to know how hopeless it seemed for two and a half years to grasp the fullness of how amazing this is. I know that we will continue to have our battles, but God has truly done amazing things in my marriage. 

By no means am I intimating that our struggles are over, or even that we have come through everything. In a real sense we are only just starting. What I am saying is that God restored hope where there was none, took us out of a muddy pit and placed our feet on solid ground. 

 I hope this story blesses you as much as I have been blessed to recount it. Through it I have gained a knowing that I never had before: no matter how tough a situation can be God will see us through it stronger than before. 

~Deb

Bio:   Hi I'm Deb. Born of Greek parents in sunny Perth, Australia, I now live and work in the not-so-sunny but gorgeous state of Washington. I met my husband in the Old City of Jerusalem in 2003 while completing the second year of my BA in English and Jewish studies. Following a lengthy four year engagement Dans and I were married in Tulsa Oklahoma on September 2007. I currently work for an airline which provides plenty of drama and 'scope for the imagination. Some of my best loves are traveling, reading classic literature, taking long road trips and eating chocolate.

Bloom and Grow.... Forever

I was sitting in yet another class, at a Women’s Ministry, anticipating once again how I could learn something about surviving in a marriage with an unsaved husband. I’d been to many different kinds of classes on marriage and many different churches, searching and searching. There must be someone, some pastor, some ministry, someone that would help me to know how I could save my husband. I had been struggling for 25 years spiritually unequal in a 31 year marriage. Why was there never a sermon preached about it? I knew I wanted to live my life for Jesus. I just could not figure out how I could do that and also be with my husband. Oh how wonderful it would be to be able to do the Lord’s work together, after all we were a team. God what are you thinking here? How was I able to do this, if my husband is not onboard? We have to do this together. Please save him. 

Once again, I stated my name in this new class and told my story. How I was looking for spiritual intimacy with my husband and just how lonely I was. Everyone looked at me so sadly. I did learn about our different love languages and how it could make our marriage closer if we new each others language. It was fun but you see, that was not our problem at all. We couldn’t speak spiritual language. Our marriage is really great. We love each other very much. He’s my best friend on earth. Our wedding invitations read “ The more love that is shared, the more quickly it grows”. Well, it grew and grew and grew over the years. We’ve had a blast and still do. Raised a son, traveled halfway around the world living in a sailboat the whole time. Literally we are close. 

But I am lonely, Lord. How can I live for you and still live with someone who does not know You in his heart? I contemplated leaving, but I love him so. I don’t want to lose him. 

At the end of the class session, my leader gave me a book, “How to be the Happy Wife of an Unsaved Husband” by Linda Davis. WHAT? You mean there’s a book? Finally! Thank-you, Thank you! I went home immediately and started reading. It brought me to my knees in tears, sobbing tears. This book was exactly me. Oh no, Lord. Forgive me, please! I have been trying to control everything. Even trying to save my own husband and believing it was my fault he was not saved. 

Jesus taught me that day that I didn’t have to worry one bit about my man, that he was in His hands. It is His job to save him and that I was to let go and surrender him. And, “Cindi, I want you to just bloom. I have work for you, and I want you to just bloom into the most beautiful flower that I have created you to be.” In quoting Linda, “Your husband’s unbelief is no reason to hold back your own spiritual growth.” What I learned from that was not only surrendering my husband to God, but myself. It freed me up to grow and I’ve been blooming and growing ever since. God has led me to teach a class on the Unequally Yoked at my church. I love that others have the opportunity to share and know that they are not alone in this. The outpouring is amazing! God is amazing! 

I now see my husband through God’s eyes and love him how God wants me to love him. Our relationship is even closer than ever, different and more peaceful. There are changes in him and I believe it’s because of what God has changed in "me". God has a plan for my man as well and I relax and trust God to do His part with his salvation. I wait, but I bloom and grow....forever.

Cindi Valli

My name is Cindi Valli and I am a born again Christian as of 25 years. I am married 31 years to the sweetest man ever. We have one son, who just turned 30 who we raised together on a boat. I home schooled him most of the time and we have traveled half way around the world on 3 separate sailboats. The most recent one we've had for 20 years and still live aboard. I have led a class in Bible Study Fellowship in the past and am currently leading a class called "Uniquely Yoked" at my church. I absolutely love Jesus and trust in Him with all my heart and I lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways, I try to acknowledge Him and when I do He always directs my path. Proverbs 3:5-6