Weekend Devo — A Godly Wife of Influence

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. — Proverbs 31:10-12

In the NASB version, that first part of verse 11 reads:

The heart of her husband trusts in her.

The Hebrew word for heart used here is leb and means inner man, mind, will, heart. Our actions play the dominant role in winning our husband's trust--to winning anyone's trust. Yes, our words come into play, but our actions will speak the loudest and will confirm what and when we do speak. If our actions don't back up our words, we lose credibility.

In today’s world, we often hear things about winning the trust of others but it’s usually to gain something for the person, company, or organization set upon this quest to bring results.

But Proverbs 31 shows we, as godly wives, have a higher motivation. Verse 10 describes us as a wife of noble character. Our motivation is not for ourselves but to serve God and our husband.

Personally, I know I can't fulfill this calling as a wife without God's strength, wisdom, and a whole lot of grace. The longer I've walked this path as a spiritually mismatched wife, the more I've learned how little I'm capable of on my own and how much more I can accomplish when I follow God's lead.

Speaking of following His lead, I'm still planning to give my hubby a signed copy of The Resolution for Women for Valentine's Day. I'm still nervous but I'm stepping out in courage and faith that when God leads us to a specific action, He'll take care of the rest as I do my part. God has me stepping out a lot right now. I'll fill you in when I get back from an unexpected road trip from Florida to California. I'm on the road right now actually...more stories to come!

Praying, believing and DRIVING!
Dineen 

Our Place of Influence (Part 2): What does that look like?

Last week I wrote about our place of influence in our marriage. How do we get there and what does it look like? Let’s start where I ended last week.

1. Pray for wisdom and guidance. It starts right here. Without God’s wisdom and guidance, none of this is possible. It’s like groping in the dark for a light switch. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him (James 1:5). First and foremost, we need to be cultivating a relationship with God. If you do just this one thing, the rest of the steps below will fall into place.

2. Pray for change in you. As I shared last week, we are often the heart of our families. That means we are also a catalyst for change. Ask God to help you be the wife and mother HE (not your husband or family) needs you to be. This means you’re asking God to use you to be this person of influence and change in the lives of your husband and children. This means asking God to help you see your husband as a blessing, not a burden. We are not martyrs in our own homes, but we can be missionaries.

3. Pray for your husband. This is most likely your highest calling. Pray for his protection, for his mind and heart to know and accept Jesus, and pray for him as the leader of your family. He may not be the spiritual leader of your family right now, but he is still the leader of you and your family in general. Allow him to lead! This is where you will find your greatest calling and challenge as a wife—to stand by your husband, to affirm him as a man, as a husband, as a father. In doing this we serve him and we serve God. The amazing thing is, when we take this place, we discover what God truly means by, “and the two will become one.” This is a beautiful place of partnership where we work together as a team, as a “we” and not two “I”s working against each other. Our greatest gift to our husband is to help him reach his God-given potential, even in the midst of his unbelief or lagging faith. Remember, God is working there too.

4. Pray for your children. This is your legacy. This is your influence on future generations. This is your mark on eternity. As I said before, we often set the tone and pattern in our family. Nothing has been more rewarding than to see my oldest daughter choose a relationship with a godly man and desire to have a marriage based upon God’s design. Even in their engagement I see these two taking their God-given and ordained places in their relationship. It is truly a thing of beauty. All the years that I’ve poured into my marriage and into my family are bearing fruit in her. That is so humbling and so rewarding. I’ve already received some of my treasure in the here and now.

5. Pray for and encourage other women in mismatched marriages. Lynn and I are walking and talking testimonies to this. If you look at 2 Cor. 1:3-7, you’ll see that God never intends for us to keep what we know about and learn from Him to ourselves. Those areas of victory will be used to help others. That right there is another blessing we can receive in this lifetime. I can think of no better way to serve God than to share His hope—to share Him—with others so that they too can know love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control in their lives and their marriages. This is the example we have in Titus 2 as well.

6. Be still and know God is God. Quit trying to fix your husband, your kids, your life...youself. If you look at the Lord’s prayer, the end affirms that God’s kingdom, power and glory are forever. Pray these prayers and then trust that God is already in action. He probably was even before you said a word. The hardest part is waiting on God’s timing. I waited 16 years for my husband to accept my faith, to accept this is who I am and I’m not going to change. It’s a small step forward and worth the wait. Ten years ago I was impatient and anxious for my husband to know Jesus NOW! Today I am content and thankful that he now accepts my faith, understands this is who I am, and chooses to love me and walk the road of marriage together.

My friends, I write these things from my heart and from my experience. And with this comes the full understanding that we cannot do this, fill this place of influence without constantly seeking God for strength, wisdom and courage. Do not let your husband’s unbelief and the lies of the enemy tell you that you can’t be this kind of wife to your husband. You can and God will give you everything you need to do so.

Just trust Him. Trust Him to equip you. The most amazing part of this journey, for me, is finding myself and my life in Christ. This is the part that’s hard to put in words other than to say that there is nothing more peaceful and empowering than walking in obedience to God. Had I clung to what I wanted instead of allowing God to be the one in control, I would not have the marriage I have now. I wouldn’t have the life of joy I’m experiencing now! This is what Jesus meant when he said we must lose our life to get it back and that his burden is light. Though our lives will always have conflicts, challenges and trials, His way is the best way to live a life of joy and peace in the midst of it all.

In walking this path as a mismatched wife I have found purpose, joy and amazing faith. This is God’s doing, not mine. And we have so much more waiting for us in heaven. That’s when we will see the full picture of what our place of influence truly accomplished for God.

Amen?

Lynn shared that we’ll be giving away two copies of the Resolution for Women. I feel led to buy one for myself, sign it and put it in a card for my husband as a Valentine’s Day present. To be honest, the idea scares me—what will my husband think of it? How will he react? I’m choosing to step out in courage and follow what I believe to be God asking me to testify openly to my husband what my place in our marriage means to me. I’m praying for God’s courage and for my husband’s heart to receive my gift.

Is God calling you to have courage and take a step of faith in your marriage?

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Weekend Devo — Be Strong and Courageous

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” — Joshua 1:9

 

The mother of a friend gave me this verse when my husband told me he’d decided he was an atheist. This verse would come back to me time again over the years.

Almost seventeen years later I can testify that it is true. God has been with me where ever I went. From the US to Europe and back again, from places of discouragement and despair back to courage and hope, from life threatening illness to health, God has kept His Word—His promises—to me.

God is with us, always. Believe this truth and walk in it and you won’t feel alone. And even when you do, remember this truth so that you know in your heart that God is ALWAYS with you.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Interrupting Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

I'm interrupting our scheduled series on courage, well sorta. Today I want to introduce you to a woman who stepped out in great courage, Heidi.

I've know Heidi for a number of years and she has overcome so much through the transofrming power and love of Jesus. I was priviledged to interview Heidi last fall. And today I bring you her amazing story.

This is a story to encourage all women, join me at Laced With Grace today for:

Triumph After Childhood Sexual Abuse.

 

Our Place of Influence: Where do we choose to stand?

When I try to explain to someone the role of influence we hold in our husband’s lives, it’s almost too difficult to put into words what I sense so deeply in my heart. I will say it is something I feel very passionate about.

As women, we hold a very important place in the lives of our family. In many ways, as wives and mothers, we are the heart of our family. We influence the mood, the routines and the relationships of everyone in our home.

We have a wonderful biblical example in the story of Esther. Did you know she was unequally yoked? She was a Jewess married to a Persian King—a pagan. Talk about finding yourself in a mismatched marriage and a unique situation, right?

Yet if you follow the story, Esther finds herself suddenly in a position to influence her husband for the sake of her people. Yes, hers is a life and death situation but we can glean so much from her story.

At first she is afraid of the risk. If she approaches her husband and stands for her beliefs, she’ll ripple the waters. Yet her Uncle and mentor, Mordecai, reminds her that even in her place as Queen, she will not escape the fate of her people. He gently yet firmly shows her that this is most likely her time to stand strong in her faith—that it’s no accident she is where she is.

What I find so fascinating in this story is that God isn’t even mentioned verbally, yet He is very much present. Nor does Esther try to convert the King to her beliefs. Through fasting and prayer, Esther receives the strength and guidance she needs to help save her people. She influences her husband through her gentle spirit, her confidence in God and actions that garner her husband’s favor and trust. She puts aside her fear and concern for herself to achieve a greater goal than her own comfort.

As wives of faith, we stand on the front lines for our husbands. And like Mordecai asked Esther, “who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:13), and as Paul asks, “How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him” (1 Cor. 7:16-17), where are we choosing to stand?

For me, I’m in this place by marriage and by calling. I feel called to stand by my husband to support him, to pray for him, to encourage him and affirm him. I want to be a reflection of Christ in his life. No, I don't go before an earthly king, but I stand before our heavenly King, petitioning for the soul of my loved ones. For me, this is a place of honor and one I want to do well—finish well. One day I will stand before Jesus, and I so want to hear him say, “well done!”

Walking in a spiritually mismatched marriage means leaving our places of fear and walking in courage and confidence that God has placed us in our marriages for a higher calling than our own happiness. I know that can seem overwhelming at times, almost as if it’s too much responsibility, but the beauty of it is, we are not called to function in this place of influence within the parameters of our own definition and strength. As I’ve said before, God never places us somewhere without equipping us. (And please understand that I’m not saying we must stay in abusive marriages—that is a very different situation.)

Finally, I want to tell you that in this place of service, which I consider to be so very noble, God meets our needs. Every one of them. This is the part I find difficult to put into the words. The lonely places, the disappointments, the heartache, the struggles—God has met me in every one of these places and has met my need, healed my heart and taught me how to walk the path of a mismatched wife.

All this still within the parameters of a mismatched marriage. Not after my husband came to faith. Now. This frees me to love my husband just as he is and allows me to enjoy our marriage. My focus isn’t on our differences, which often causes us to see our spouse as an enemy. My focus is on seeing my husband as my partner and friend. And I know if I’m feeling this freedom, he is too. That’s how I’m influencing him.

Next week I will talk more about this place of influence in our mismatched marriages and talk about what that looks like. In the meantime, start praying and asking God what place He’s calling you to in your marriage.

Dear Lord, I ask that you help me to understand my place of influence in my husband’s life. Let my heart be knitted to his as a conduit of your love and mine so that he may know who You are. In Christ’s name, amen.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Weekend Devo — The Gift of God’s Word

“When he takes the throne of his kingdom, he is to write for himself on a scroll a copy of this law, taken from that of the priests, who are Levites. It is to be with him, and he is to read it all the days of his life so that he may learn to revere the LORD his God and follow carefully all the words of this law and these decrees...” — Deuteronomy 17:18-19  NIV

Starting in the Old Testament, God set a pattern of instruction and expectation for His people to read His Words on a daily basis. It wasn’t about rituals or fulfilling duties. It was about learning who God is and respecting Him. It was about a king learning from his true King how to be a leader to the people of Israel.

God carried that message into the New Testament. Paul explains to Timothy in his letter that Scripture is vital to equipping us for our lives:

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” — 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Even James has something to say about what we do with God’s Word:

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” — James 1:22 NIV

God spoke the world into being with His Words. First John 1 describes the deity of Christ as the Word, which was with God from the very beginning. God’s Word is a gift, just like his Son. So not reading the Bible is like having a gift from God that you never opened.

Don’t miss out on what God has waiting for you right in the words of the Bible. It’s the greatest adventure you’ll ever take because the Holy Spirit is the one who opens the meaning of every page and word. Ask for His help to delve into God’s Word with an unquenchable hunger. I know from experience that is one prayer He will answer with gusto!

Praying and believing,
Dineen

The Bigger Picture

One of the greatest challenge is a spiritually mismatched marriage is seeing hope when we see none. I think this is true of any difficult and ongoing situation for us as believers AND as human beings. How do we keep going when everything within us says walking away would be the easier choice?

Truth is, it may be the easier choice, but is it the right one? Probably not. Those trials and challenges in our life are there for a reason. God has a plan for all of it—for us and everyone involved. And I’ve never known God to be interested in the easy solution. On the contrary, He’s more interested in helping us become more like Christ and building our character than making our lives easy.

And marriage is one of those training grounds. It’s not about us. It’s not even completely about our spouse. This is about eternity—ours, our spouse’s and our children’s. Even on our roughest days, it’s vital that we step back and view our challenges in the light of two truths:

1. This is just one small view of a giant picture God is building every second of our lives. Our feelings change moment to moment, day to day, even year to year, as do our circumstances. The picture you’re looking at may be completely different next year, next week, or even in the next hour. Sometimes our biggest issue in these times is fear. We’re so afraid of what might be that we forget who’s in control. There’s a reason Jesus said not to worry about tomorrow. When you worry about what could happen (or not happen), you’ve not only stopped trusting God, you’ve completely tinged your viewpoint, your mood and your hope for what could be a turn around you never imagined possible.

2. The bigger picture—what are we working toward? I know some days just seem more about survival and there are times when God asks for no more than that. But He loves us too much to allow us to stay there. We can choose to walk the trials of life and marriage with the goal to learn and become more closely a reflection of who God created us to be—a design that will come to completion when we are reunited with Him in heaven. Or we can choose to stay in a place of stubbornness because we’re more interested in getting what we want now. That impatience is so destructive to our lives from the smallest of places to the largest. You have to ask yourself if you’re willing to do whatever God asks because you love him more than you love yourself.

If you look at every challenge as an opportunity to serve God and make Him proud, then you have eternity in your sights and you’ve centered your hope squarely on God. That’s when we discover victory in our hearts and lives even when nothing around us seems to have changed. We have changed though. Dramatically. This is also where we find that peace that surpasses understanding that Paul talks about and we are operating in God’s strength, not our own. And it’s the hope God has for us every millisecond of our lives.

Then you will know that I am the LORD; those who hope in me will not be disappointed. — Isaiah 49:23 (NIV)

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Weekend Devo — The Promise

“Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ.”

When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?”

Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.”

—Acts 2:36-39

I emphasized that last line because of the truth it holds. The Truth. It holds the promise of Jesus Christ. And right here, Peter tells us that this promise is for us and our spouses and our children and grandchildren and so on.

All who are far off...

Amazing! No matter how far off our unbelieving loved ones might be today, this promise is for them. Jesus is for them and He's calling them. We can trust in that promise.

Praying and believing,
Dineen 

Your Kid's Faith - From the Chronicles of the Donovan Clan

It was the best of times……

        It was the worst of times…..

Last Saturday evening I sat in front of the television and watched the painful demise of my beloved Broncos as they were pounded by the Patriots in what can only be described as a massacre.

It was sad.

I sat around the family room with several of my friends and several of my daughter’s teenaged friends who showed up wearing Patriots Jerseys and waving blue and red Pat’s flags. Sheesh. No respect around here. *grin.*

In spite of my dashed hopes for a Superbowl birth, something fantastic was taking place that no one else knew about but me, my 16 year old daughter and God.

A decision point occurred.

Earlier that day, most of my daughter’s friends made plans to leave our house at half time. They were meeting up with other friends at a local theater to watch a play. My daughter was included in the plans. I didn’t think too much about this particular adventure because as you may know my daughter is very active in Theater Arts and she and I and her friends attend live plays frequently.

But, what I didn’t know is this particular play wasn’t a G rated production. In fact, the play included characters of moral question and some nudity. Yep, you heard me correctly.

Before the game started and friends began to arrive, my daughter stopped what she was doing in the kitchen. She was helping me prepare some snacks and was whipping up a light version of Con queso for later.

“Mom.”

“Hunh?”

“I don’t think I’m going to go to the play with everyone tonight.”

“Why not?”

“Mom, I just don’t feel comfortable about it. There is nudity and other things in that play that will bother me.”

“Oh Honey, I am so proud of you that you made this choice for yourself and not because it’s what I would have wanted."

I looked at this kid from across the kitchen in amazement. Would I have made the same choice under such peer-pressure at her age? I’m ashamed to say, likely no.

Will she always make choices like this? Likely no.

Later I overheard my daughter on the phone to one of the kids. She was responding to the obvious question, “Why aren’t’ you going with us to the play?”

“It just doesn’t sit right with my morals. So I’m not going.”

She was brave enough to be different and stand apart from her friends and face possible ridicule, mocking and be left out in the future. Wow, many adults don't have this kind of courage.

In this small moment, God allowed me to understand that all the years, tears and prayers I have poured into this child were now bringing forth fruit. My daughter is choosing for herself based upon her morals, values, and faith. She is grasping my faith and making it her own.

Even in the midst of an unequally yoked home.

To every mom and dad out there who worries over your kids, I share this story to encourage you. Don’t stop praying. Don’t stop grasping those teachable moments when they are younger. Live out your faith in front of your kids so when they are older they will know how to live their faith as well. Teach them how to pray. Help them to make choices and coach them how to talk to their friends. You be the out. Let them blame, “My bad-ole mother. She won’t let me go with you.” Give them every opportunity to choose right over wrong.

To choose Jesus.

Mostly you, mom or dad, love Jesus with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength. That is the best parenting advice anyone could ever receive.

Have a blessed day. Hug your kids today from Aunty Lynn

Matthew 12: 30-31 (NIV) (Jesus said) Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. ‘The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

More Than Able

Each year in January, the Internet is glutted with articles and posts about resolutions and goals. I find it humorous that this year I’ve seen more about why resolutions don’t work and end in failure for most people.

I gave up on resolutions a long time ago. I know my limitations and I also know that I can’t change on my own. There is this little human being inside of me that just insists on being in control and doing it all on her own. We seem to be our own worst enemy at times, don’t we?

Thankfully, God is slowly turning her around—me around to understand that I can’t do anything on my own but can do everything through Him.

Now that truth can rattle around in our brains a lot. We can even say Philippians 4:13 from memory. But speaking from experience, understanding how to live on a daily basis in the parameters of God’s strength and not our own is a challenge!

And just when we figure it out in one area of our lives, we have to learn how to do it in other areas. Can anyone out there relate?

Living in a spiritually mismatched marriage is one of those areas that we just can’t do it on our own. We might go along pretty well for a while but inevitably our strength will run out. We need God to provide what we need to be in this place He’s called us to be on a daily basis.

So much of this journey is about letting go and allowing God to be in control. To trust Him with every aspect of our lives with the understanding that He’s always working for our good and for the good of our family.

Not easy, I know. We ALL walk this path and in many different areas of our lives. It’s part of the refining and perfecting of our faith. Part of learning to live with the will of our God who is more than able.

More than able. More. Able.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. — Ephesians 3:20-21

I think I’ll rest in that truth for a little while.

Praying and believing,
Dineen