Weekend Devo — A Godly Wife of Influence

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. — Proverbs 31:10-12

In the NASB version, that first part of verse 11 reads:

The heart of her husband trusts in her.

The Hebrew word for heart used here is leb and means inner man, mind, will, heart. Our actions play the dominant role in winning our husband's trust--to winning anyone's trust. Yes, our words come into play, but our actions will speak the loudest and will confirm what and when we do speak. If our actions don't back up our words, we lose credibility.

In today’s world, we often hear things about winning the trust of others but it’s usually to gain something for the person, company, or organization set upon this quest to bring results.

But Proverbs 31 shows we, as godly wives, have a higher motivation. Verse 10 describes us as a wife of noble character. Our motivation is not for ourselves but to serve God and our husband.

Personally, I know I can't fulfill this calling as a wife without God's strength, wisdom, and a whole lot of grace. The longer I've walked this path as a spiritually mismatched wife, the more I've learned how little I'm capable of on my own and how much more I can accomplish when I follow God's lead.

Speaking of following His lead, I'm still planning to give my hubby a signed copy of The Resolution for Women for Valentine's Day. I'm still nervous but I'm stepping out in courage and faith that when God leads us to a specific action, He'll take care of the rest as I do my part. God has me stepping out a lot right now. I'll fill you in when I get back from an unexpected road trip from Florida to California. I'm on the road right now actually...more stories to come!

Praying, believing and DRIVING!
Dineen 

Our Place of Influence (Part 2): What does that look like?

Last week I wrote about our place of influence in our marriage. How do we get there and what does it look like? Let’s start where I ended last week.

1. Pray for wisdom and guidance. It starts right here. Without God’s wisdom and guidance, none of this is possible. It’s like groping in the dark for a light switch. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him (James 1:5). First and foremost, we need to be cultivating a relationship with God. If you do just this one thing, the rest of the steps below will fall into place.

2. Pray for change in you. As I shared last week, we are often the heart of our families. That means we are also a catalyst for change. Ask God to help you be the wife and mother HE (not your husband or family) needs you to be. This means you’re asking God to use you to be this person of influence and change in the lives of your husband and children. This means asking God to help you see your husband as a blessing, not a burden. We are not martyrs in our own homes, but we can be missionaries.

3. Pray for your husband. This is most likely your highest calling. Pray for his protection, for his mind and heart to know and accept Jesus, and pray for him as the leader of your family. He may not be the spiritual leader of your family right now, but he is still the leader of you and your family in general. Allow him to lead! This is where you will find your greatest calling and challenge as a wife—to stand by your husband, to affirm him as a man, as a husband, as a father. In doing this we serve him and we serve God. The amazing thing is, when we take this place, we discover what God truly means by, “and the two will become one.” This is a beautiful place of partnership where we work together as a team, as a “we” and not two “I”s working against each other. Our greatest gift to our husband is to help him reach his God-given potential, even in the midst of his unbelief or lagging faith. Remember, God is working there too.

4. Pray for your children. This is your legacy. This is your influence on future generations. This is your mark on eternity. As I said before, we often set the tone and pattern in our family. Nothing has been more rewarding than to see my oldest daughter choose a relationship with a godly man and desire to have a marriage based upon God’s design. Even in their engagement I see these two taking their God-given and ordained places in their relationship. It is truly a thing of beauty. All the years that I’ve poured into my marriage and into my family are bearing fruit in her. That is so humbling and so rewarding. I’ve already received some of my treasure in the here and now.

5. Pray for and encourage other women in mismatched marriages. Lynn and I are walking and talking testimonies to this. If you look at 2 Cor. 1:3-7, you’ll see that God never intends for us to keep what we know about and learn from Him to ourselves. Those areas of victory will be used to help others. That right there is another blessing we can receive in this lifetime. I can think of no better way to serve God than to share His hope—to share Him—with others so that they too can know love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control in their lives and their marriages. This is the example we have in Titus 2 as well.

6. Be still and know God is God. Quit trying to fix your husband, your kids, your life...youself. If you look at the Lord’s prayer, the end affirms that God’s kingdom, power and glory are forever. Pray these prayers and then trust that God is already in action. He probably was even before you said a word. The hardest part is waiting on God’s timing. I waited 16 years for my husband to accept my faith, to accept this is who I am and I’m not going to change. It’s a small step forward and worth the wait. Ten years ago I was impatient and anxious for my husband to know Jesus NOW! Today I am content and thankful that he now accepts my faith, understands this is who I am, and chooses to love me and walk the road of marriage together.

My friends, I write these things from my heart and from my experience. And with this comes the full understanding that we cannot do this, fill this place of influence without constantly seeking God for strength, wisdom and courage. Do not let your husband’s unbelief and the lies of the enemy tell you that you can’t be this kind of wife to your husband. You can and God will give you everything you need to do so.

Just trust Him. Trust Him to equip you. The most amazing part of this journey, for me, is finding myself and my life in Christ. This is the part that’s hard to put in words other than to say that there is nothing more peaceful and empowering than walking in obedience to God. Had I clung to what I wanted instead of allowing God to be the one in control, I would not have the marriage I have now. I wouldn’t have the life of joy I’m experiencing now! This is what Jesus meant when he said we must lose our life to get it back and that his burden is light. Though our lives will always have conflicts, challenges and trials, His way is the best way to live a life of joy and peace in the midst of it all.

In walking this path as a mismatched wife I have found purpose, joy and amazing faith. This is God’s doing, not mine. And we have so much more waiting for us in heaven. That’s when we will see the full picture of what our place of influence truly accomplished for God.

Amen?

Lynn shared that we’ll be giving away two copies of the Resolution for Women. I feel led to buy one for myself, sign it and put it in a card for my husband as a Valentine’s Day present. To be honest, the idea scares me—what will my husband think of it? How will he react? I’m choosing to step out in courage and follow what I believe to be God asking me to testify openly to my husband what my place in our marriage means to me. I’m praying for God’s courage and for my husband’s heart to receive my gift.

Is God calling you to have courage and take a step of faith in your marriage?

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Weekend Devo — Be Strong and Courageous

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” — Joshua 1:9

 

The mother of a friend gave me this verse when my husband told me he’d decided he was an atheist. This verse would come back to me time again over the years.

Almost seventeen years later I can testify that it is true. God has been with me where ever I went. From the US to Europe and back again, from places of discouragement and despair back to courage and hope, from life threatening illness to health, God has kept His Word—His promises—to me.

God is with us, always. Believe this truth and walk in it and you won’t feel alone. And even when you do, remember this truth so that you know in your heart that God is ALWAYS with you.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Our Place of Influence: Where do we choose to stand?

When I try to explain to someone the role of influence we hold in our husband’s lives, it’s almost too difficult to put into words what I sense so deeply in my heart. I will say it is something I feel very passionate about.

As women, we hold a very important place in the lives of our family. In many ways, as wives and mothers, we are the heart of our family. We influence the mood, the routines and the relationships of everyone in our home.

We have a wonderful biblical example in the story of Esther. Did you know she was unequally yoked? She was a Jewess married to a Persian King—a pagan. Talk about finding yourself in a mismatched marriage and a unique situation, right?

Yet if you follow the story, Esther finds herself suddenly in a position to influence her husband for the sake of her people. Yes, hers is a life and death situation but we can glean so much from her story.

At first she is afraid of the risk. If she approaches her husband and stands for her beliefs, she’ll ripple the waters. Yet her Uncle and mentor, Mordecai, reminds her that even in her place as Queen, she will not escape the fate of her people. He gently yet firmly shows her that this is most likely her time to stand strong in her faith—that it’s no accident she is where she is.

What I find so fascinating in this story is that God isn’t even mentioned verbally, yet He is very much present. Nor does Esther try to convert the King to her beliefs. Through fasting and prayer, Esther receives the strength and guidance she needs to help save her people. She influences her husband through her gentle spirit, her confidence in God and actions that garner her husband’s favor and trust. She puts aside her fear and concern for herself to achieve a greater goal than her own comfort.

As wives of faith, we stand on the front lines for our husbands. And like Mordecai asked Esther, “who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:13), and as Paul asks, “How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him” (1 Cor. 7:16-17), where are we choosing to stand?

For me, I’m in this place by marriage and by calling. I feel called to stand by my husband to support him, to pray for him, to encourage him and affirm him. I want to be a reflection of Christ in his life. No, I don't go before an earthly king, but I stand before our heavenly King, petitioning for the soul of my loved ones. For me, this is a place of honor and one I want to do well—finish well. One day I will stand before Jesus, and I so want to hear him say, “well done!”

Walking in a spiritually mismatched marriage means leaving our places of fear and walking in courage and confidence that God has placed us in our marriages for a higher calling than our own happiness. I know that can seem overwhelming at times, almost as if it’s too much responsibility, but the beauty of it is, we are not called to function in this place of influence within the parameters of our own definition and strength. As I’ve said before, God never places us somewhere without equipping us. (And please understand that I’m not saying we must stay in abusive marriages—that is a very different situation.)

Finally, I want to tell you that in this place of service, which I consider to be so very noble, God meets our needs. Every one of them. This is the part I find difficult to put into the words. The lonely places, the disappointments, the heartache, the struggles—God has met me in every one of these places and has met my need, healed my heart and taught me how to walk the path of a mismatched wife.

All this still within the parameters of a mismatched marriage. Not after my husband came to faith. Now. This frees me to love my husband just as he is and allows me to enjoy our marriage. My focus isn’t on our differences, which often causes us to see our spouse as an enemy. My focus is on seeing my husband as my partner and friend. And I know if I’m feeling this freedom, he is too. That’s how I’m influencing him.

Next week I will talk more about this place of influence in our mismatched marriages and talk about what that looks like. In the meantime, start praying and asking God what place He’s calling you to in your marriage.

Dear Lord, I ask that you help me to understand my place of influence in my husband’s life. Let my heart be knitted to his as a conduit of your love and mine so that he may know who You are. In Christ’s name, amen.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Weekend Devo — The Gift of God’s Word

“When he takes the throne of his kingdom, he is to write for himself on a scroll a copy of this law, taken from that of the priests, who are Levites. It is to be with him, and he is to read it all the days of his life so that he may learn to revere the LORD his God and follow carefully all the words of this law and these decrees...” — Deuteronomy 17:18-19  NIV

Starting in the Old Testament, God set a pattern of instruction and expectation for His people to read His Words on a daily basis. It wasn’t about rituals or fulfilling duties. It was about learning who God is and respecting Him. It was about a king learning from his true King how to be a leader to the people of Israel.

God carried that message into the New Testament. Paul explains to Timothy in his letter that Scripture is vital to equipping us for our lives:

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” — 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Even James has something to say about what we do with God’s Word:

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” — James 1:22 NIV

God spoke the world into being with His Words. First John 1 describes the deity of Christ as the Word, which was with God from the very beginning. God’s Word is a gift, just like his Son. So not reading the Bible is like having a gift from God that you never opened.

Don’t miss out on what God has waiting for you right in the words of the Bible. It’s the greatest adventure you’ll ever take because the Holy Spirit is the one who opens the meaning of every page and word. Ask for His help to delve into God’s Word with an unquenchable hunger. I know from experience that is one prayer He will answer with gusto!

Praying and believing,
Dineen

The Bigger Picture

One of the greatest challenge is a spiritually mismatched marriage is seeing hope when we see none. I think this is true of any difficult and ongoing situation for us as believers AND as human beings. How do we keep going when everything within us says walking away would be the easier choice?

Truth is, it may be the easier choice, but is it the right one? Probably not. Those trials and challenges in our life are there for a reason. God has a plan for all of it—for us and everyone involved. And I’ve never known God to be interested in the easy solution. On the contrary, He’s more interested in helping us become more like Christ and building our character than making our lives easy.

And marriage is one of those training grounds. It’s not about us. It’s not even completely about our spouse. This is about eternity—ours, our spouse’s and our children’s. Even on our roughest days, it’s vital that we step back and view our challenges in the light of two truths:

1. This is just one small view of a giant picture God is building every second of our lives. Our feelings change moment to moment, day to day, even year to year, as do our circumstances. The picture you’re looking at may be completely different next year, next week, or even in the next hour. Sometimes our biggest issue in these times is fear. We’re so afraid of what might be that we forget who’s in control. There’s a reason Jesus said not to worry about tomorrow. When you worry about what could happen (or not happen), you’ve not only stopped trusting God, you’ve completely tinged your viewpoint, your mood and your hope for what could be a turn around you never imagined possible.

2. The bigger picture—what are we working toward? I know some days just seem more about survival and there are times when God asks for no more than that. But He loves us too much to allow us to stay there. We can choose to walk the trials of life and marriage with the goal to learn and become more closely a reflection of who God created us to be—a design that will come to completion when we are reunited with Him in heaven. Or we can choose to stay in a place of stubbornness because we’re more interested in getting what we want now. That impatience is so destructive to our lives from the smallest of places to the largest. You have to ask yourself if you’re willing to do whatever God asks because you love him more than you love yourself.

If you look at every challenge as an opportunity to serve God and make Him proud, then you have eternity in your sights and you’ve centered your hope squarely on God. That’s when we discover victory in our hearts and lives even when nothing around us seems to have changed. We have changed though. Dramatically. This is also where we find that peace that surpasses understanding that Paul talks about and we are operating in God’s strength, not our own. And it’s the hope God has for us every millisecond of our lives.

Then you will know that I am the LORD; those who hope in me will not be disappointed. — Isaiah 49:23 (NIV)

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Weekend Devo — The Promise

“Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ.”

When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?”

Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.”

—Acts 2:36-39

I emphasized that last line because of the truth it holds. The Truth. It holds the promise of Jesus Christ. And right here, Peter tells us that this promise is for us and our spouses and our children and grandchildren and so on.

All who are far off...

Amazing! No matter how far off our unbelieving loved ones might be today, this promise is for them. Jesus is for them and He's calling them. We can trust in that promise.

Praying and believing,
Dineen 

More Than Able

Each year in January, the Internet is glutted with articles and posts about resolutions and goals. I find it humorous that this year I’ve seen more about why resolutions don’t work and end in failure for most people.

I gave up on resolutions a long time ago. I know my limitations and I also know that I can’t change on my own. There is this little human being inside of me that just insists on being in control and doing it all on her own. We seem to be our own worst enemy at times, don’t we?

Thankfully, God is slowly turning her around—me around to understand that I can’t do anything on my own but can do everything through Him.

Now that truth can rattle around in our brains a lot. We can even say Philippians 4:13 from memory. But speaking from experience, understanding how to live on a daily basis in the parameters of God’s strength and not our own is a challenge!

And just when we figure it out in one area of our lives, we have to learn how to do it in other areas. Can anyone out there relate?

Living in a spiritually mismatched marriage is one of those areas that we just can’t do it on our own. We might go along pretty well for a while but inevitably our strength will run out. We need God to provide what we need to be in this place He’s called us to be on a daily basis.

So much of this journey is about letting go and allowing God to be in control. To trust Him with every aspect of our lives with the understanding that He’s always working for our good and for the good of our family.

Not easy, I know. We ALL walk this path and in many different areas of our lives. It’s part of the refining and perfecting of our faith. Part of learning to live with the will of our God who is more than able.

More than able. More. Able.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. — Ephesians 3:20-21

I think I’ll rest in that truth for a little while.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Weekend Devo — The Marriage Puzzle

We walk into our marriages as two young people enamored with love and barely comfortable with who we are as individuals. We are called not to walk as two but as one. Like two random pieces of a puzzle we try to fit together, turning different edges to one another trying to find or make a fit.

Sometimes we manage to find a partial fit that seems to work for a while. Then the table shakes or the mysterious hands of chaos rip the pieces apart. The one has become two again and time is either their friend or enemy.

The two pieces try again, though perhaps one is more determined than the other. Again the dance to find a fit becomes either the struggle of egos or the adventure of discovery. Days grow into months, which grow into years. The two pieces find that as they become more yielding in their shape, the two stay as one better and longer. As one yields the other follows suit.

Comfort is found in the simple knowledge that they are a part of the other. Until one day the two pieces suddenly find they are the perfect fit. They've grown so close that their individual shapes are still discernible but no longer paramount.

And because they no longer see only themselves but the other first, they notice the third piece of the puzzle—a stronger, bigger piece—has been there all along, helping the two pieces to fit as much as they would allow him and holding them together when they desired it least.

In his presence the two pieces find their best fit because they are connected through him, the one designed to hold all of us together in a perfect picture of his greater love.

Praying, believing and puzzling,
Dineen

No More Marriage?

Jesus replied, “You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. — Matthew 22: 29-30

I don’t know about you but this verse has always made me stop and wonder. What does it mean? Why will marriage cease to exist?

Bear with me here, because I had a sudden light bulb moment recently. I won’t claim it to be biblical or swear it came from God, but to me, it makes sense.

Marriage is probably the closest representation we have here as to our relationship with God. It’s a covenant He created and provides a safe “place” for us to connect with another person in intimacy—physically for reproduction and to know each other, mentally to fulfill certain emotional needs and to create unity, and spiritually to grow together in our connection to God and understanding His place in our lives.

Along with life, marriage is a training ground to make us more Christ-like and to prepare us for eternity.

So, let’s talk about eternity. Once there we will be complete in Christ.

In the physical sense: We will know and be known even as we are known (1 Cor. 13:12). Thus the separation created by sin is eliminated and we will know intimacy with God as He intended it to be (think of Garden of Eden before the Fall but even better!). And we certainly won’t need to reproduce!

In the mental/emotional sense: I can imagine all our needs will be perfectly met, if we even have any. Unity will be our natural state because we will truly experience our presence in the body of Christ and what that connection means. The barriers that so often hinder relationship will also be gone, like envy, jealousy, insecurity, etc.

In the spiritual sense: In heaven we step into the fulfillment of our spirituality because we are with God. Sin is gone, thus nothing separates us or hinders our closeness to God.

In this light, it makes perfect sense to me that there would be no more marriage, nor will there be issues as far as those who have married more than once. In heaven we are all united as one in God’s family. We are all His and He is ours—equally.

I don’t know about you but the beauty and perfection of it blows me away and is almost incomprehensible.

Now step back and think of your marriage in these terms. How’s it look now?

Praying and believing,
Dineen