False Security

On February 12th, something happened that seriously rocked my world. I’m not an overly brave person, I confess, but I stepped out of my comfort zone (way out) and agreed to drive cross-country from Florida to California because my daughter wanted to come back home.

It’s a trip we’ve done many times, but always with my husband. He’s a great driver, loves road trips and has always done the bulk of the driving. So, on a clear and sunny Friday, my daughter and I headed out with the intent to make our country trip in five days—a trip my husband and I have normally done in four days. I wanted to be safe and reasonable.

I wanted to be brave for my daughter and husband and do this thing. I wanted to prove to myself too that I could handle such a trip without the comfort and security of my husband.

We were doing fine for the most part, my daughter and I, swapping turns driving. Day one brought us out of Florida to Alabama without incident except for an engine light. Okay, not part of the plan but we could handle it. We lost a couple hours the next day but left the service garage with the security of knowing all was well with the engine.

Security. I like security. I like knowing what’s ahead of me, what to expect, how to prepare and be ready.

But what happened on our third day wasn’t expected. Wasn’t at all something I could have prepared for. Inclement weather we thought would clear up left a patch of ice on an overpass and in a matter of seconds, the most terrifying thing I could imagine happened.

Why? I’d prayed, asked God for protection, to bring us home safely. But it still happened. The car that had so faithfully brought us halfway across the country now sat in a center median, mangled and in despair of ever cruising a road again.

Thankfully (and praise God) my daughter and I were okay. But for this person who’d done her best to brave a new adventure, my deepest fear had materilized. We were banged up, had no car, and were out in the middle of nowhere in Texas, far from the comfort of home. Details had to be dealt with and worked out when all I really wanted to do was curl up in a ball and hide.

Where was God? I needed help. I could accept that He had a plan in all this, but I needed tangible evidence He was there helping me deal with the situation. I muddled through, we worked out arrangements, then my husband decided to come get us. I was relieved...so relieved. I didn’t have the strength to be brave anymore.

God helped me face a truth: I have a fearful spirit.

God has shown me this in the days since our accident. I’d built my security in my world based upon controllable circumstances. The minute those circumstances changed and moved completely (and I mean totally and completely) out of my control, my false security crumbled. I couldn’t do anything but look to God and wait for Him to show me the way out of this mess of mangled emotions and broken perceptions.

The more I cried out, the more I realized I was now on another journey. One that meant rebuilding and repairing certain areas of my faith. I’m on that journey now, still waiting for God to reveal more of what this is all about. What more does He want me to allow the tow truck to haul away and allow Him access to replace and rebuild?

I only know I don’t want to live in this place of fear, nor does God. It’s not going to be a pleasant process to let go of my false securities. Sometimes the thing we fear most is the very thing we need most. Doesn’t make sense but I’m starting to understand its truth.

The best cure for a fearful spirit is trusting God. That is true security because it requires relinquishing our expectations, weaknesses and fears into God’s control. Completely.

For now I’m clinging to Psalm 34:4:

I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

God brought me to this verse and it’s my prayer and comfort right now. I’m learning that even in the worst-case scenarios—the ones we never expected and wonder how we’ll walk out of with any semblance of wholeness and strength—God is really there. We may not feel like He is at times, but we can KNOW and BELIEVE it.

Lord, we seek you with our fearful spirits, ready to trust You in new ways. Hear us and deliver us from all our fears. Though the future looks so insecure at times, dry our tears with the comfort and security of your constant presence and that You are in complete and total control, working for our good—always. We cling to your Son who is our hope and proof of these truths—and our greatest security of all. Amen.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Courage and the Winners Are...

Hello Everyone,

I hope you found the Courage series inspiring and that something in the past two weeks moved you to fight the battles for Christ.

 

I find it interesting in that as Dineen and I wrote about this very subject, God wanted us to "live" it first hand. Earlier in the week I posted on our Facebook page that Dineen and been in a car accident in Texas. Let me tell you that it was scary but they are all fine and now headed home to California. Woo Hoo.

For me it was last Monday. My husband and I shared a significant exchange about faith and marriage. My friends, I had to face some fears and I did. But the outcome of facing those fears was oh so worth it, as my husband stepped into a new place in our marriage.

Now I'm still waiting and praying to see where all of this is leading. I'm asking God to show me my part or what I think is actually NOT my part (I need to get out of the way) and when this adventure is mature the Lord will allow me to share it with you.

Let me just say this, my husband stepped way out of his comfort zone to show me love. NEVER, I mean never, in our 20 years of marriage has this change happened which I have greatly desired. Okay, that's enough for now but I'm so glad I mustered the courage to ask.

And now for the winners of our drawing:

The Resolution for Women:

Karen Friestrom
Heather Passuello

The Resolution for Men:

Denise
Robert Allen Young

The movie Courageous:

Teresa t

Comments where chosen by the Randomizer number thingy. Please email me your address and I will get them in the mail.

A few days back a reader left us a comment. I was deeply moved by her questions and plan to work through some of them on Monday.

Stop in again tomorrow for another giveaway. Tomorrow is a BIG day and we want to celebrate.

We love all of you who are living to honor Jesus and praying for your unbelieving spouse. We count it a great privilege to walk this road with you toward heaven.

Audacious hugs, Lynn

Defeat vs. Courage

Living out of God’s courage, what holds us back? And how do we escape the two traps of the devil.

On Valentine’s Day we will give away a DVD of the movie Courageous, several books and also we will give away two framed, The Resolution for men and 2 framed, The Resolution for Women. To win, leave a comment in any post over the next two weeks.

Before I reveal some highly effective strategies in our spiritual warfare I first have a question for you to consider.

Do you think God wants courageous followers?

And why might it matter to God if we have courage?

I often think as believers, our natural tendency is to gravitate to the attributes of God which are most appealing; love, grace, forgiveness, kindness, provision, protection. Those spring to my mind and I will admit that I’m drawn in and want to focus most of my prayers and learning on these qualities of our Lord.

If you are like me and dwell in these qualities, like me you may tent to dismiss the fullness of God and His other facets which include justice, judgment, and warfare. These are far less appealing and quite frankly…… can be scary.

However, let me be forthright. We would do well to study these aspects of His character and how the relate in our lives because whether we like it or not or even know it or not, we are living smack in the middle of a war.

And the players, the VITAL players in this war are…… us, the believers.

Now I don’t pretend to have all of this spiritual warfare business figured out but I have learned a few things over the years. Many of you have read my account of battling over my husband (click here). What I have learned is how believers are easily defeated by the enemy and I have also learned how to use the weapons we have to thwart him and his minions.

How does this relate to courage?

Well, it takes courage to acknowledge the truth about the spiritual realm, its existence all around us, the part we play and the consequences of unrestrained evil. It takes courage to step up to the battle field and deal fight with real evil. But, my friends, an ounce of courage and the hand of Jesus can render an army of evil in shambles.

What might you surmise are the greatest weapons the devil uses to defeat God’s people?

Fear and lies.

Fear is born of lies. It’s a wicked web than ensnares so many believers. How do we begin to replace lies with truth? When we learn to do that our fear disappears and prayer warriors emerge.

Let me share something from the early years of my marriage. My husband travels for business. Out on a plane on Monday home on Friday. I spent many nights alone with my two small kids in a large city. I found myself fearful at night alone in the darkness. I couldn’t sleep. My imagination ran wild. Okay, you get the picture.

I needed to escape this night time fear. So, I turned to God’s Word. I looked up scripture verses about fear. I wrote them down on 3x5 cards and began to memorize them. 2 Timothy 1 :7 comes to my mind even now:

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. (NLT)

When I would wake up in the middle of the night, with my heart pounding, I would sit straight up and I would repeat this scripture OUT LOUD, over and over again. Until whatever was disturbing in the spiritual realm would leave. I would tell the darkness, “God did NOT give me a spirit of fear. I will not be afraid because my spirit is not of fear but my spirit is of power, great love and self-control.” Man you say that a few times at night with great passion and conviction and you will we ready to take on the world. I would then settle down and go right to sleep and rise the next morning ready to kick butt and take names.

This process of replacing lies (fear) with God’s truth (scripture) transformed my life. This IS the renewing of the mind and taking every thought captive to Christ.

Now, as for those accusatory thoughts and untruths that pop into our mind which we know are not of God, I challenge you to say this to yourself out loud, “That is a lie from the pit of hell. I reject that lie and I take it captive to Christ.” Then follow that up with a scripture of truth. “God’s Words says this about me…… I am chosen, I am loved, I am a His child.” Quote a scripture verse.

My friends, it may seem silly but speaking the truth, especially speaking scripture out loud is part of our arsenal in our spiritual battles. Remember the Word always was and will always be. It was the WORD of God that created the heavens and the earth. Now that is a powerful word. The Word is the final truth and it can set us free.

SO SPEAK it out loud.

Was it weird to speak it out loud around my unbelieving spouse? Yes, it still is. But I can walk around my house when he’s at work and speak scripture and pray for protection. I can wake at night and speak scripture into the darkness and I can pray with my kids in the car out loud to cover them with protection. Over time my husband has stumbled upon me praying out loud, singing scripture out loud and all manner of scripture verses posted around my office and the house. He’s grown used to it. It takes time and in small doses.

We utterly defeat satan by rejecting his lies, replacing them with truth, speaking truth into the spiritual realm around us and then standing on that truth.

THAT is the recipe for courage.

God expects his people to be courageous just like Joshua.

We, the spiritually mismatched, are on the front lines of the battlefield sometimes we are the only one fighting through our prayers for our kids, our home, our marriage, our spouse. It’s not always easy but as a woman who has fought many times with only Jesus at my side, I have gained the victories, I have slayed the dragon, I have saved my family from calamity because I chose to reject the lies, speak the truth, pray like crazy and live for Jesus.

If I can do this, you can too.

Okay, what scripture verses have helped you to reject the lies and defeat fear? I can’t wait to read how you have been doing on the frontlines in your home. Audacious and brave hugs, Lynn

Our Place of Influence (Part 2): What does that look like?

Last week I wrote about our place of influence in our marriage. How do we get there and what does it look like? Let’s start where I ended last week.

1. Pray for wisdom and guidance. It starts right here. Without God’s wisdom and guidance, none of this is possible. It’s like groping in the dark for a light switch. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him (James 1:5). First and foremost, we need to be cultivating a relationship with God. If you do just this one thing, the rest of the steps below will fall into place.

2. Pray for change in you. As I shared last week, we are often the heart of our families. That means we are also a catalyst for change. Ask God to help you be the wife and mother HE (not your husband or family) needs you to be. This means you’re asking God to use you to be this person of influence and change in the lives of your husband and children. This means asking God to help you see your husband as a blessing, not a burden. We are not martyrs in our own homes, but we can be missionaries.

3. Pray for your husband. This is most likely your highest calling. Pray for his protection, for his mind and heart to know and accept Jesus, and pray for him as the leader of your family. He may not be the spiritual leader of your family right now, but he is still the leader of you and your family in general. Allow him to lead! This is where you will find your greatest calling and challenge as a wife—to stand by your husband, to affirm him as a man, as a husband, as a father. In doing this we serve him and we serve God. The amazing thing is, when we take this place, we discover what God truly means by, “and the two will become one.” This is a beautiful place of partnership where we work together as a team, as a “we” and not two “I”s working against each other. Our greatest gift to our husband is to help him reach his God-given potential, even in the midst of his unbelief or lagging faith. Remember, God is working there too.

4. Pray for your children. This is your legacy. This is your influence on future generations. This is your mark on eternity. As I said before, we often set the tone and pattern in our family. Nothing has been more rewarding than to see my oldest daughter choose a relationship with a godly man and desire to have a marriage based upon God’s design. Even in their engagement I see these two taking their God-given and ordained places in their relationship. It is truly a thing of beauty. All the years that I’ve poured into my marriage and into my family are bearing fruit in her. That is so humbling and so rewarding. I’ve already received some of my treasure in the here and now.

5. Pray for and encourage other women in mismatched marriages. Lynn and I are walking and talking testimonies to this. If you look at 2 Cor. 1:3-7, you’ll see that God never intends for us to keep what we know about and learn from Him to ourselves. Those areas of victory will be used to help others. That right there is another blessing we can receive in this lifetime. I can think of no better way to serve God than to share His hope—to share Him—with others so that they too can know love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control in their lives and their marriages. This is the example we have in Titus 2 as well.

6. Be still and know God is God. Quit trying to fix your husband, your kids, your life...youself. If you look at the Lord’s prayer, the end affirms that God’s kingdom, power and glory are forever. Pray these prayers and then trust that God is already in action. He probably was even before you said a word. The hardest part is waiting on God’s timing. I waited 16 years for my husband to accept my faith, to accept this is who I am and I’m not going to change. It’s a small step forward and worth the wait. Ten years ago I was impatient and anxious for my husband to know Jesus NOW! Today I am content and thankful that he now accepts my faith, understands this is who I am, and chooses to love me and walk the road of marriage together.

My friends, I write these things from my heart and from my experience. And with this comes the full understanding that we cannot do this, fill this place of influence without constantly seeking God for strength, wisdom and courage. Do not let your husband’s unbelief and the lies of the enemy tell you that you can’t be this kind of wife to your husband. You can and God will give you everything you need to do so.

Just trust Him. Trust Him to equip you. The most amazing part of this journey, for me, is finding myself and my life in Christ. This is the part that’s hard to put in words other than to say that there is nothing more peaceful and empowering than walking in obedience to God. Had I clung to what I wanted instead of allowing God to be the one in control, I would not have the marriage I have now. I wouldn’t have the life of joy I’m experiencing now! This is what Jesus meant when he said we must lose our life to get it back and that his burden is light. Though our lives will always have conflicts, challenges and trials, His way is the best way to live a life of joy and peace in the midst of it all.

In walking this path as a mismatched wife I have found purpose, joy and amazing faith. This is God’s doing, not mine. And we have so much more waiting for us in heaven. That’s when we will see the full picture of what our place of influence truly accomplished for God.

Amen?

Lynn shared that we’ll be giving away two copies of the Resolution for Women. I feel led to buy one for myself, sign it and put it in a card for my husband as a Valentine’s Day present. To be honest, the idea scares me—what will my husband think of it? How will he react? I’m choosing to step out in courage and follow what I believe to be God asking me to testify openly to my husband what my place in our marriage means to me. I’m praying for God’s courage and for my husband’s heart to receive my gift.

Is God calling you to have courage and take a step of faith in your marriage?

Praying and believing,
Dineen

The Most Courageous

On Valentine’s Day we will give away a DVD of the movie Courageous, several books and also we will give away two framed, The Resolution for men and 2 framed, The Resolution for Women. To win, leave a comment in any post over the next week. That's six different winners.

Out of the Old Testament comes a facinating story. Read it now and allow the Lord to show you something you haven't perceived before. (Numbers 13 and Joshua 1) 

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Joshua and Caleb, believed the Lord could deliver Canaan to the Israelites. The Israelites listened to the negative report of the ten who did not believe. The people turned against God and God was so angry with the people that he wanted to destroy them all. Moses plead with God to save the people and God relented. However God decreed that the Israelites would not enter Canaan until the unbelieving generation had died. The only members of that generation to survive were Joshua and Caleb. They were ready to claim their inheritance but were delayed for 40 years!

In the end Joshua led the people of Israel to the Promised Land and Caleb, at 85, saw the Promised Land and was given Hebron. (Joshua 14: 6-15)

Those two great men prepared a generation to take the Promised Land. They didn’t lose faith, they didn’t leave the people but somehow helped guide a faithful generation.

Joshua and Caleb were faithful to God but because of the unbelief of others they waited 40 years to see the Promised Land. The observation is that sometimes those who love God “suffer” because God’s grace is so bountiful; God persists in offering grace even to those who just don’t seem to get it or want it.

Perhaps God’s grace costs those that love Him. Caleb and Joshua model the best way to behave: they didn’t leave God or reject those who rejected Him. They stayed, created a new generation and saw the Promised Land. Perhaps they understood if God loves sinners they must too.

Something to think about.

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Thoughts? 

Thank you Carolyn who emailed this story to me last week.

Looking forward to your comments and conversation in the comments today. Audatious and brave hugs, Lynn

Weekend Devo — Be Strong and Courageous

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” — Joshua 1:9

 

The mother of a friend gave me this verse when my husband told me he’d decided he was an atheist. This verse would come back to me time again over the years.

Almost seventeen years later I can testify that it is true. God has been with me where ever I went. From the US to Europe and back again, from places of discouragement and despair back to courage and hope, from life threatening illness to health, God has kept His Word—His promises—to me.

God is with us, always. Believe this truth and walk in it and you won’t feel alone. And even when you do, remember this truth so that you know in your heart that God is ALWAYS with you.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Interrupting Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

I'm interrupting our scheduled series on courage, well sorta. Today I want to introduce you to a woman who stepped out in great courage, Heidi.

I've know Heidi for a number of years and she has overcome so much through the transofrming power and love of Jesus. I was priviledged to interview Heidi last fall. And today I bring you her amazing story.

This is a story to encourage all women, join me at Laced With Grace today for:

Triumph After Childhood Sexual Abuse.

 

Our Place of Influence: Where do we choose to stand?

When I try to explain to someone the role of influence we hold in our husband’s lives, it’s almost too difficult to put into words what I sense so deeply in my heart. I will say it is something I feel very passionate about.

As women, we hold a very important place in the lives of our family. In many ways, as wives and mothers, we are the heart of our family. We influence the mood, the routines and the relationships of everyone in our home.

We have a wonderful biblical example in the story of Esther. Did you know she was unequally yoked? She was a Jewess married to a Persian King—a pagan. Talk about finding yourself in a mismatched marriage and a unique situation, right?

Yet if you follow the story, Esther finds herself suddenly in a position to influence her husband for the sake of her people. Yes, hers is a life and death situation but we can glean so much from her story.

At first she is afraid of the risk. If she approaches her husband and stands for her beliefs, she’ll ripple the waters. Yet her Uncle and mentor, Mordecai, reminds her that even in her place as Queen, she will not escape the fate of her people. He gently yet firmly shows her that this is most likely her time to stand strong in her faith—that it’s no accident she is where she is.

What I find so fascinating in this story is that God isn’t even mentioned verbally, yet He is very much present. Nor does Esther try to convert the King to her beliefs. Through fasting and prayer, Esther receives the strength and guidance she needs to help save her people. She influences her husband through her gentle spirit, her confidence in God and actions that garner her husband’s favor and trust. She puts aside her fear and concern for herself to achieve a greater goal than her own comfort.

As wives of faith, we stand on the front lines for our husbands. And like Mordecai asked Esther, “who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:13), and as Paul asks, “How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him” (1 Cor. 7:16-17), where are we choosing to stand?

For me, I’m in this place by marriage and by calling. I feel called to stand by my husband to support him, to pray for him, to encourage him and affirm him. I want to be a reflection of Christ in his life. No, I don't go before an earthly king, but I stand before our heavenly King, petitioning for the soul of my loved ones. For me, this is a place of honor and one I want to do well—finish well. One day I will stand before Jesus, and I so want to hear him say, “well done!”

Walking in a spiritually mismatched marriage means leaving our places of fear and walking in courage and confidence that God has placed us in our marriages for a higher calling than our own happiness. I know that can seem overwhelming at times, almost as if it’s too much responsibility, but the beauty of it is, we are not called to function in this place of influence within the parameters of our own definition and strength. As I’ve said before, God never places us somewhere without equipping us. (And please understand that I’m not saying we must stay in abusive marriages—that is a very different situation.)

Finally, I want to tell you that in this place of service, which I consider to be so very noble, God meets our needs. Every one of them. This is the part I find difficult to put into the words. The lonely places, the disappointments, the heartache, the struggles—God has met me in every one of these places and has met my need, healed my heart and taught me how to walk the path of a mismatched wife.

All this still within the parameters of a mismatched marriage. Not after my husband came to faith. Now. This frees me to love my husband just as he is and allows me to enjoy our marriage. My focus isn’t on our differences, which often causes us to see our spouse as an enemy. My focus is on seeing my husband as my partner and friend. And I know if I’m feeling this freedom, he is too. That’s how I’m influencing him.

Next week I will talk more about this place of influence in our mismatched marriages and talk about what that looks like. In the meantime, start praying and asking God what place He’s calling you to in your marriage.

Dear Lord, I ask that you help me to understand my place of influence in my husband’s life. Let my heart be knitted to his as a conduit of your love and mine so that he may know who You are. In Christ’s name, amen.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

COURAGE

 

It was a week ago Saturday night. Dineen and I sat in our jammies on the family room couch after our morning together at Sandals Church. We avoided the greasy popcorn and pulled the box of Kleenex close then hit the play button on the remote.

COURAGEOUS

The movie rolled for the next two hours. We wept. And at the same time we were filled with hope.

I don't know about you but watching this movie and the movie Fireproof which was also produced by the same people, is difficult and I think especially so for all of us who are spiritually mismatched. Watching Fireproof reduced me to a puddle of blubbers and that doesn't happen too often to this gal.

That yearning for our unbelieving spouse to one day know Jesus and to stand up and lead our home is always hidden right under the surface.

I shut off the television. I hugged Dineen goodnight and shuffled off to my room.  As I laid in bed  thinking about the movie what impressed me the most was the main character’s decision and motivation which leads to the The Resolution. Now I don't want to give up too much for those of you who haven't watched it yet, however, the main character in the film decides to be courageous and to truly live his life based upon the principles of the Bible.

What truly spoke to me was this man “decided” to be brave regardless of what anyone else thought or said. He was determined to live the truth out in his life in front of his wife, his friends, coworkers, and church.

So, as I mulled this over in the quiet of the night a thought occurred to me. Why must I wait for my spouse to come to Christ for this to happen in my life? Why can’t I take courage and resolve to live these beliefs out loud in front of my unbelieving spouse?

The next morning as I drove Dineen to the airport we chatted about this very thing and agreed, we need some courage. We both felt called to share God’s perspective of living without fear, out of His courage, and to step into a new place in His truth.

Beginning today we are on a two week journey to Courageous Living. We have several posts coming up about living out of God’s courage and what holds us back as well as how to escape the two traps of the devil.

On Valentine’s Day we will give away a DVD of the movie Courageous, several books and also we will give away two framed, The Resolution for men and 2 framed, The Resolution for Women. To win, leave a comment in any post over the next two weeks.

I should tell you that my own story of stepping up my courage began today (Sunday). I went out for an early morning run before church and as I was listening to my Ishuffle I heard God whisper to me, “Lynn, you step out and be brave for me. You do one thing that scares you today.”

Whoa. I hate it when God says stuff like that. Can anyone relate?

Well within a couple of hours I knew the moment when God was calling me to put my courage up for a test. And, wow, it was completely unexpected……

*Okay my friends don't be mad but this post has already gone long. Find me here again Friday as I tell you what happened at church. I’ll give you a peak. My husband went with me. First time since September.

What area in your life do you want God to build your courage? Leave your answer in the comments. My friends, God has started something with this whole Courageous thing. Let’s join Him.

Audacious hugs, Lynn

 

Alcohol, Pornography, Rage

The big three.

Alcohol addiction, pornography addiction, and rage. These three are the destructive sins in marriage that I see women deal with the most.

I share some experience and some insights. I pray this article will encourage one woman out there who is dealing with one or more of the "Big Three."

Lynn