Focus on Your Mission

In last week's post I talked about making the choice to love our spouses. And as I said before, this is the first step to loving our unbelieving spouses unconditionally. Many of you have shared that it's difficult to love your spouse because of his behavior, which is completely understandable. But please also understand that allowing those situations to determine whether you love your spouse or not is conditional love, which is based upon performance and circumstances.

Conditional love is human and is fraught with disappointment and failure. We need God's love, wisdom, and guidance to move beyond this limited commitment in order to understand God's covenant of marriage and complete commitment.

In our spiritually mismatched marriages, we seem to face more difficult situations and more than our fair share (if there is such a thing) of spiritual warfare. Opposition is just a part of this kind of marriage. Perhaps knowing and accepting that can help us to move beyond ourselves to answer the calling God has put on our lives.

"And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace. — Acts 20:22-24

Yesterday I read these verses, which immediately spoke to me regarding our “mission” as unequally yoked spouses. We do not know what the future holds, but we do know God has called us to this path for a most noble and great reason. When we can see this, I believe it is then that our burden becomes lighter and we are willing to commit and fight for our cause--our spouse's salvation.

Now I will confess I can only speak to this from my own perspective. I’m not married to a very difficult or hurtful man. He’s quite the opposite, so forgive me if my perspective is limited, which it may very well be.

But like Paul, God has used his Spirit to forewarn me of difficult times spanning a year before my husband is spiritually healed. This warning came nine years ago. I refused to turn away then and I still do. In the meantime I will continue to do what God told me then, to continue to march around my husband in prayer, like Joshua did with Jericho.

So, here I will finally come to my point. The second step in loving our spouses unconditionally is to keep our focus in the right place. To understand that this is much greater than ourselves. In fact, it’s not about us at all. It’s about a soul who’s at risk of perishing. Some of us will be asked to sacrifice a little. Some of you are sacrificing so much, it makes my heart ache and brings me to tears before God, praying for your strength and perseverance.

But I know without a doubt God is working in those very situations to bring our unbelieving loved ones to faith. In the end, it’s still their decision. And they can still choose to say no. However, no matter what the outcome, let’s run the race as God has called us to so that when we meet Jesus face to face, when we fall to our knees in front of Him weeping in awe, gratitude, and relief, and when He gently lifts us to our feet and wipes away our tears, we can hear those most coveted words,

“Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Choose to Love

On the weekend devo I wrote about loving our spouse unconditionally. Let’s talk some more about how to do that. Sometimes giving examples helps too, so if you have one you’d like to share, please do so in the comments section.

Let me travel a tangent here to say that Lynn and I value your comments and sharing so much. This is a tough but vital ministry. Lynn and I talk, pray, cry, and rejoice over so many of you. It’s about hope, so if you feel led to leave a comment, do so! You never know how much your words may encourage another reader to keep going.

And that’s what it’s about a lot of times, perseverance. How do we keep going? How do we keep hoping? How do we love our spouses unconditionally?

I want to share some Scriptures to encourage you. Claim one, some, or all of these in your heart and know that God is faithful, whatever path He calls us to walk. And please read to the end. I saved the best for last.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. — Romans 5:1-5

These verses start with our justification through faith. Then it speaks of the peace we have through Jesus, who we gained access to by that faith. This faith allows us to stand firm in Christ. Every bit of this screams Christ is the center of it all.

These Scriptures also help us understand that sufferings are and will be a part of our lives, but that we can rejoice in them. Why? Because we have a God who loves us and brings purpose to every part of our lives, even our trials and sufferings. Through them we learn perseverance, character, and most importantly, HOPE! How do we do this? What’s the key? Jesus is the key. We can persevere and have hope as we stand firm in Him.

We have confidence in the Lord that you are doing and will continue to do the things we command. 5May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance. — 2 Thessalonians 3:4-6

Here we have an example that tells us that our hearts are to be defined by God’s love. Who we are, how we see others and ourselves, and how we love is all supposed to work within the confines of God’s amazing and unending love. That’s huge shift in perspective! That means we don’t have to love our spouses through our own capacity. God knows we can’t and He’s provided his Son to help us persevere. Again, all through Him!

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. — James 1:2-4

These are some of my favorite Scriptures because they speak of God’s preparation in our lives. He doesn’t abandon us. I know sometimes it feels that way, but crying out to God in your times of despair is also an act of faith. And I know sometimes it can feel like God asks so much of us, asks us to sacrifice a lot for our unbelieving spouses, but remember that a soul is at stake. We have a high calling and God will equip us every step of the way.

So what’s my point in all this? Hang on, we’re almost there.

God is present. We are not alone. He is our strength and prepares us for whatever comes, for our good! And for the good of those He’s calling us to love unto Him. This never changes. What does change is our perspective. Are we operating only within our own strength and ability with our eyes focused on the problem? Or do we have our eyes turned upward as we stand firm in Christ with the understanding that God is our strength and our hope?

I’m a firm believer in the power of decision. We can be like the waves James speaks of that are blown and tossed by the wind because of their doubt. I believe this happens when we are indecisive as well.

What’s the first step to loving your spouse unconditionally? Choose to love. Don’t worry about the feelings. Those will come later. Make the choice to love your spouse and do whatever God asks you to do. Use the above Scriptures as reminders that God will strengthen and equip you for what’s ahead. Make the first step, then watch what God does.

This quote below from Goethe says it beautifully.

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness, concerning all acts of initiative (and creation). There is one elementary truth in ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Praying and believing,
Dineen

More Adventures and a New Motto...

Like Lynn and her Chronicles of the Donovan Clan, the Miller Adventures are taking some interesting turns. The latest is a new business venture on my hubby’s part. He’s left the conglomeration of the tech industry to venture out on his own. Yes, a bit risky in today’s economy, but it’s something he’s always wanted to do.

My sweet hubby is looking for the fulfillment he was no longer getting at his job, despite it being an awesome place to work. He would be the first to tell you that. He loved the company, just didn’t want to do that kind of work anymore. After 27 years of doing very similar work, he’s burned out. He wants to be more creative.

This discontent is so reminiscent of what I felt in my own life years ago before I recommitted my life to Christ. I’d even started the process of getting my next degree at art college. But God had other plans for me. The rest is history.

So the next year will be a new adventure. As I’m already self-employed, we both will now be working from home, spending more time together, and venturing out into new territories both professional and relationally. (Our offices are just feet away from each other.)

I believe this is part of what God is doing in my husband’s life. In our lives. What the future hold, I have no idea. What I do know is that I’m excited to see where all this goes. I trust God to carry us through whatever comes, good or bad. He’s already proven His faithfulness over and over again to my family over the last few years of intense trials.

One thing I find most interesting is that God is calling me to pray for my husband as if her were a believer. I am amazed at how that strengthens my own faith and belief that God can do anything.

God is in control and I am content. And my hubby isn’t the only one God is working on. I believe the way I am able to love my husband right now is Christ working directly in and through me during this critical time in my husband’s journey. I know it’s not me. I’m not capable of that kind of love.

With God we can do anything He calls us to do. He is our strength and our courage. Through us, God can accomplish great things, and He let’s us be a part of the adventure!

So what’s my new motto? NO FEAR!

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Chronicles Part Deux

As you read this I am likely on my way to Salt Lake City. I grew up there. My daughter and I are attending an anniversary party. We plan to visit our childhood friends and celebrate their parent’s 50th wedding anniversary. We will laugh our heads off sharing the many stories of our crazy childhood antics. 

Most of you know I LOVE stories. There will be tales of when I started a fire in my backyard. My daughter loves this one. “Mom, I can’t even believe you did that.” 

To me, I still don’t understand why my mom became so upset. My logic was perfect to my nine-year-old mind. I had a hotdog and needed to cook it. Besides I planned to share it with the ten other kids watching. Perfect sense to me. 

Ahem, yep, I think I was in a bit of trouble over that one. 

We floated down the ditch behind our home, played hide-in-seek in the cherry orchard, and ate so many cherries we threw up pink later that night. We caught toads, competed against each other in hopscotch like it was an Olympic event and captured and jarred every peculiar and ghastly looking insect within a three mile radius of the house and I am a girl….. We also played Barbies for hours on end walked on home-made stilts up and down the street from morning to night. 

If you hear hilarity and all manner of belly laughing off in the distance this weekend, you can bet it’s me having the time of my life reminiscing with the family friends whom I love dearly. 

So I have a question for you. Can you hear the joy in my words? 

My joy has returned and it’s not because of the weekend I’m anticipating. 

The joy of the Lord is my strength. 

I have known this passage since I was a child. I would sing these words in Sunday School but here I am at age 50 and am experiencing the truth of these words in a very real way for the first time. 

I want to be transparent and say that the setback with my marriage and my husband’s faith journey knocked my faith around. (read the story here) 

So many of you wrote to me and prayed and wrote some more. THANK YOU. That is what I have done for you when you were weak and I will continue to do as long as I have breath. But, I have now passed through that valley and this is what the Lord has asked of me. 

Surrender everything. 

He means “everything.” My journey with God is about surrender. 

A year ago, I surrendered many things during our prolonged unemployment. When God spoke to me and said, “Lynn if I call you to surrender all your ministry work and return to the corporate world, would you do it?” 

I absolutely pitched a fit. I went into the church office where I work and whined to my friend, Pam, every day for two weeks. Poor Dineen, I whined to her also. But, after that I said, “Lord, I surrender.” I meant it and was planning to start to look for work. 

Shortly after that my husband gained full-time employment. But, the Lord wanted to know that I was WILLING to give up the ministry He gave me. 

This past month has been about surrender of a dream of my husband becoming an enthusiastic partner in faith. 

I gave it to Jesus. 

I won’t stop praying for his salvation as God has not called me to cease but I have accepted that it’s a possibility that I will walk my faith walk alone for the rest of my life. 

Looking at this future, the Lord has given me peace. He has returned my joy. His strength is my joy. I am living this passage for the first time. 

And, no one is more surprised than I am. 

The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. Psalm 126.3 

AMEN! 

Have a blessed weekend. I hope to share some stories and photos and all manner of silliness on Monday. Be blessed, Lynn

Pursuing Salvation

The other night I sat with a friend in a coffee shop as we swapped the latest details of our lives. I shared with her about my father’s funeral, which led to me telling her about a conversation I recently had with my husband.

I asked him this question years ago, but since my father’s death, the need to ask again had suddenly presented itself. Did he still believe when he died, that was it? He just ceased to exist. He said yes. Then I asked what if at the end, he finds out he’s wrong?

His answer continues to make me fearful for him. He said he’d deal with it. I expressed my concern over this and what it really means. And I shared my heart. I didn’t want to think about him not being in heaven. I told him I wanted him there with me.

But for him this is foolishness. God doesn’t exist, therefore, worrying over something nonexistent makes no sense to him.

I shared this with my friend, and she brought up the Scriptures below and her suspicion that there might be a clue to be found. I took up her challenge.

^15-16But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

¹⁷Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. — 1Cor. 7:16-17

All through the Psalms, the writers call out to God to save them. The Hebrew form of the word “save” predominantly used is yasha` which means to be delivered, to be saved (in battle), be victorious, and even is used in terms of saving from moral troubles.

In the New Testament, when the disciples and others call to Christ to save them, the Greek word used for save is sōzō and means to save, keep safe and sound, to rescue from danger or destruction. When used in reference to a person it goes further to mean to save from suffering (from perishing), from disease, to make well, heal, and restore health. The technical biblical sense of the word tenders upon the penalties of Messianic judgment and “to save from the evils which obstruct the reception of the Messianic deliverance.”*

The one used in 1Cor. 7:15-17 is sōzō. As I read its meanings, a thought crossed my mind. We know we can’t save our unbelieving spouses. We don’t hold that power, nor the authority. We are called to pray for them according to God’s will. But what if our roll as Christ’s representatives played a deeper role than we’ve considered. What if we were to view ourselves as an element of healing in our spouses’ spiritual lives and this is our calling?

Take a look at these verses as translated in The Message:

^15-16On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you've got to let him or her go. You don't have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God.

¹⁷And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. (my emphasis) Don't think I'm being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches.

The line I emphasized says it all, doesn’t it? What is God calling you to do in your marriage?

Praying and believing,
Dineen

*Greek and Hebrew definitions researched at www.blueletterbible.org.

Here I Go Again..... Where DO We Draw the Line?

I’m in a quandary. 

I have shared with you in past months how comparing our spouse to another spouse is a toxic occupation. For example we try not to notice but can’t help to observe how “Cindy’s” husband (not her real name) is amazingly considerate of her. We watch her husband with the kids and think, "Wow, what a great Dad.”. He opens the door for Cindy after parking the car and they walk toward the worship center holding hands. We know this man stops for flowers every Friday on his way home from work. Etc., etc. etc….. 

And to top it off, the man prays with his wife. 

Boy howdy, that green buzzard of envy takes up residence in our hearts at times. It’s not that we want THAT guy but we sure wish our forgetful and less considerate spouse would take a lesson or two. 

So, here is what’s bugging me. 

Without comparing our marriage to others we wouldn’t know when we are in a dangerous or seriously harmful relationship. Without comparisons, would we know when behaviors are outside the boundaries of a healthy marriage relationship? On the flip side, we need good examples. We need to view other marriages to understand the Biblical model and learn to emulate a Godly marriage. 

However, at what point do we go too far. Where is the danger in comparisons and where is the benefit? Where do we draw the line? Is the line a moving target? 

I ask this question because I don’t know. So, I’m asking you. Where is the balance? Do we dare compare? 

Okay, let me hear your thoughts. This is going to be a great conversation and I will tell you as I hit the publish button, I prayed over this conversation that the Lord would lead us to His truth. 

Be blessed, Lynn PS. 

Will be checking in and joining the conversation.

What’s Your Tone?

In his book Blink, Malcolm Gladwell uses many examples of the ways we make split decisions. Early on in the book he makes reference to Dr. John Gottman’s “Four Horsemen:” defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt. Gottman says the most important of these and the most destructive is contempt.

As a writer, I’m very much aware of people’s body language. When I write fiction, I like to use these aspects of our communication to bring across a character’s emotional state. Body language says a lot. Most interestingly, I had a chance recently to observe both of these aspects right in a grocery store and the subject of my observation was a married couple.

I walked down an aisle in search of my favorite cereal and passed a couple with a young child in the front of their shopping cart. At first I didn’t pay much attention, but what caught my notice first was the tone in which the wife was speaking to her husband.

Contempt.

Though I couldn’t tell you the subject of their conversation, I cued in quickly on the contempt that defined her tone of communication. We’ve talked a lot here about how important respect is in relationship and another word for contempt is disrespect.

I will tell you I was surprised at the level that I witnessed. I lingered in the aisle, curious to observe this couple for just a moment longer. When I glanced at the husband, I immediately noticed he stood with his hands in his pockets, back slumped and his head down. He didn’t say much either. Often he wasn’t able to because the wife was quick to counter his answer. Again, with contempt.

Sadly, I can say this was me in the early years of my marriage. And I will share that it takes a lot of time to rebuild a relationship from this point and allow the husband to trust his place in the marriage. What I have now is a marriage that is growing and flourishing, a true partnership. Not one trying to impose over the other.

The heart of this attitude is pride I think. That may sting to hear, but I do think it comes from a place where we think we are better than another person. And we know that’s not biblical.

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. — Romans 12:3

None of us receive God’s contempt but his grace instead. Truly something to think about.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Is Divorce Really the Answer? — Part 2

In last week’s post, I shared a list of lies and false beliefs from Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ book, Lies Women Believe. The second part of her book title is, “And the Truth That Sets Them Free.” Today I want to share the list of truths she counters those lies with.

• There is no marriage God cannot heal.
• The primary purpose of marriage is not to be happy, but to glorify God and reflect His redeeming, covenant love.
• God uses the rough edges of each partner in a marriage to conform the other to the image of Christ. Your mate’s weaknesses can become a tool in God’s hand to make you into the woman He created you to be.
• True love—God’s love—is unconditional and never fails. We cannot love another human being perfectly on our own. But God can love anyone through us, if we are willing to let Him. Love in not a feeling; it is a commitment to act in the best interests of another. By God’s grace, we can choose to love anyone, even if we do not have warm feelings toward that person.
• Marriage is a covenant. God is a covenant-keeping God. He kept His promises to the nation of Israel, even when they were spiritually adulterous and pursued other lovers (see Jeremiah 11:10; Ezekiel 20:16; Hosea 2:13). The Lord Jesus keeps His promises to His bride—the church—even when we are unfaithful to Him. Because He is faithful to keep His promises, it is never right for us to break the marriage covenant that was intended to be a picture of the redemptive relationship between God and His people.
• God has commanded us to forgive without limit.
• Your faithfulness and willingness to extend sacrificial love to your mate may be the means of his spiritual healing, even as Christ’s suffering was the means by which we were healed (1Peter 2:24-25; 1Corninthians 7:12-14).
• You don’t solve your problems by putting on another pair of shoes under the bed. (Statistically, second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages.)
• God’s grace is sufficient to enable you to be faithful to your mate and to love and forgive without limit.
• God will never forsake you. Regardless of what you must endure, He will be there to carry you through.
• The rewards of faithfulness in this life may not be fully experienced until eternity. But faithfulness will be rewarded and it will be worth the wait!*

I know some of this may be hard to swallow, but Lynn and I can tell you from experience that these are the truths that allow us to thrive in our mismatched marriages.

You might be thinking that if you do all this, you’ll have nothing left for you. I know I did for a long time. Let me tell you that’s also a lie. You can’t out give God. When you choose to love your spouse sacrificially, you will be amazed at what can happen. Of how God does reward you in this lifetime.

For years I never felt my husband would be there for me in a time of crisis or difficulty. I was envious of women who called their husbands their best friend or their hero. I wanted to have that kind of relationship with my husband. I wanted to know I could rely on him to be there in a crunch.

But God called me first to love my husband as He loved him. To love him as if he were a Christian and no differently. That was the beginning of great change. Next, God wanted me to get out of the way. To trust Him in letting my husband lead our family. More change. Instead of asking God to change my husband, I began to ask Him to change my attitude. Then God called me to love my husband above myself, to be there for him in whatever way God asked me too. Even when it seemed risky. Again, more change came.

I can stand before you today a completely different wife than I was 15 years ago. The amazing thing is that my husband is not the same husband he was even just five years ago. My change became the catalyst to his change, and these last few weeks have been the proof. In the midst of loss, my husband has come along side me is ways I never imagined him capable. I am in awe and give God all the glory for this miracle.

Now I can say I am married to my best friend and he’s my hero. I adore this guy and am so thankful for him.

You can have this too! Remember, you’re not doing the changing. God is changing you! You just have to let Him. Decide to love your spouse, whether or not your feelings of love are there. I promise you, the feelings will follow. You will fall in love with your spouse all over again.

The greatest truth we can learn is that love is a choice, not a feeling. Just as Christ chose to love us in our sin and die for us. He made a choice based on truth.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

*Excerpts taken from Lies Women Believe and the Truths That Set Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, pages 159-160.

Is Divorce Really the Answer?

“No sooner does a couple say, “I do,” than the Serpent rears his ugly head and sets out to destroy that marriage. He knows every divorce is an attack on the character of God and on the earthly picture of divine redemption. Before the wedding reception is over, Satan is looking for opportunities to plant seeds of deception in the hearts of the newlyweds.” —Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Lies Women Believe (p. 156)

That’s a sobering statement, isn’t it? We’ve been doing a lot of chatting on the 1Peter3Living loop on the aspects of spiritual warfare specifically in a spiritually mismatched marriage. As Nancy Leigh DeMoss says, marriage is under constant attack. I believe it’s even more so in a spiritual mismatch because we are a constant godly influence to an unbeliever.

This specific chapter that I’m quoting from Lies Women Believe is the chapter about divorce. Specifically how sometimes we are deceived into believing our situation is hopeless and divorce is the best solution.

DeMoss gives a very realistic picture of the progression of lies and deceptions cleverly placed in our paths of marriage that strategically conquer and destroy (sound familiar) our marriages.

Look at these examples she gives:

• Forgets an anniversary
• Shows up an hour late for a date and forgets to call
• Agrees for the two of you to work on a project without talking to you first
• Tells his parents you’ll be there for Christmas, when you were hoping to spend Christmas with your parents
• Or any one of a thousand “offenses”

She goes on to say, “To nurse the offense, rather than choosing to forgive and release it, is to become vulnerable to deception that grows bigger and stronger with the passing of time.”

• He’s always inconsiderate.
• He doesn’t care that he hurt me.
• He’s impossible to live with.
• He’ll never be any different.
• _____________ (insert name of other man) is so much more thoughtful and considerate. He doesn’t treat his wife that way.
• There’s no way this marriage can work.
• I’d be happier if I were married to the _____________ (the “other” man).
• If my husband doesn’t love and respect me, I have the right to leave him.
• Sometimes two people just can’t make a marriage work—apparently, we weren’t meant for each other.
• I’m better off getting a divorce than staying in a miserable marriage.
• I don’t have any alternative. There’s just no way I can stay married to him.*

See how it progresses? Barring any situations of abuse or addiction, the wife in this scenario has totally convinced herself her husband is the problem, and her focus is completely on herself—her happiness and her hurts. She’s decided the situation (the marriage) is hopeless.

But we know better, don’t we? What situation is hopeless in God’s eyes? We serve a huge God who can do anything, including save a seemingly hopeless marriage.

Over at our Facebook page, I’ve invited people to share their testimonies on how God has worked or is working in their marriages. I hope you’ll go read some of those testimonies. They’re awesome. Or feel free to leave yours here in the comments.

And if you’re in this place of hopelessness, please let us know how we can pray for you. Then come back next week as I continue sharing some wonderful truths to counter these lies the enemy has deceived us all with. We can fight and win this battle because our God is bigger, greater, and stronger than any lie the enemy thinks he can use to deceive us.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

 

*Excerpts taken from Lies Women Believe and the Truths That Set Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, pages 156-158.

A New Phenomenon

Lynn is taking a much needed vacation this week to spend time with her mom. So I get to pop in a post on something off topic (we'll go back to our series about friendship with God tomorrow). But it's something I think we need to start talking about here at S.U.M.

Numerous times past week I've come across references to how the church is failing men. We have it down pat (for the most part) for women and establishing the need for encouragement, but our men are more quickly told how they are failing and not supported. I wonder if this is the reason for why statistically men who come to faith later in life wind up falling away. A high percentage do this.

Are we emasculating our men? I know early on in my marriage I think I did this especially after our first daughter was born. I was more concerned with things being done my way than letting him be a dad his way. Then I complained that he didn't do enough to help. Now I understand that was my doing. I never gave him the freedom to try and not worry about messing up.

Now God is moving this wonderful man in my life into the role of leader and big changes that will require me to trust him and God like I never have before. But I'm finding I'm glad to do this, to come along side my husband and offer him the support and freedom to spread his wings without the fear of judgment.

I know we ache and yearn so much for our spouses to be saved but sometimes the best thing we can do for them is just get out of the way. I know right now God is calling me to stand by my man in quiet strength and support. Not in front of him, not behind him. Right next to him, to walk as a friend, an encourager, as his helper.

I know some days won't be easy and the enemy will try to sabotage me. I know others will think what we're about to do is crazy considering the economy. But what I KNOW more is that this is where God wants me.

Something new is definitely happening in the Miller household. The discontent I've watched grow in my husband's life seems to be reaching full bloom. And I must believe God is at the center of it, answering years of prayer. How can I believe otherwise and profess to believe God can do anything? 

And how can I offer my husband anything less than the freedom to become what God created him to be?

Praying and believing,
Dineen