Special Guest Today! Please Welcome Suzie Eller!

My precious friends, today I want to introduce you to Susanne (Suzie) Eller. She's been a great support to the SUM ministry and now we get to share her with you! Suzie's message of forgiveness in her book, The Unburdened Heart is desperately needed today and by so many. I hope you find answers and comfort in her words below. 

Feel free to leave comments and pray for each other. This is a tough topic. And we'll do a random drawing from the comments for a book winner, who will receive a copy of her book.

Love you all dearly and know you are in my heart and prayers!
Hugs!
Dineen

Suzanne (Suzie) Eller is a Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker and author. She’s written six books, hundreds of articles, and writes devos with Encouragement for Today that reaches over 500,000 women. Suzie is a radio co-host with Luann Prater at Encouragement Cafe Joy FM. She encourages women through two Facebook communities reaching over 20,000 five days a week. She’s been featured on TV and radio such as Focus on the Family, Aspiring Women, 100 Huntley Street, KLOVE, MidDay Connection, The Harvest Show, and many others. Most importantly, she is a wife, mom, and “Gaga” to four beautiful grandbabies. Connect with Suzie at www.tsuzanneeller.com. 

 

Suzie, you’ve been listening to many stories from women who struggle to forgive. How many women struggle with forgiveness in their marriages?

 

Nearly 50% of the women who share their stories on my blog, or in person, say that their biggest struggle to forgive is in their marriage.

 

For many, it’s when a spouse is continually unkind, or says words that diminish her.

 

In this instance, many women bear their soul and are told either to get out, to seek counsel, or to submit.

 

The first leaves a woman who desires to stay and work things out because she loves her husband and wants her marriage to succeed, with a heavier burden. 

 

In the second, seeking counsel is wise advice, as long as it’s counsel that is skilled in helping a couple, with God’s help, find new ground in their marriage. Many times “counsel” can be someone who do not have those skills.

 

The third, to submit, is often shared without proper context. The word “submit” is thrown out without the beautiful framework of instructing husbands to love their wives as “Christ loved the church”. This is why wise counsel is key. Submission is respect, it’s great love, it’s working through the harder spots.

 

So, how do you begin to forgive in this instance?

 

It’s a blend of truth, grace, and confidence.

 

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that abuse is allowed to continue. However, he’s not yours to fix, and that’s where we often spend our energies.

 

What can you do then? You can speak the truth. Truth is shared, perhaps in the setting of a counselor’s office, or perhaps in a moment where it’s not heated, after prayer and with love, and with the intent of working toward a healthier relationship. Truth is coated with grace, knowing that we all fall short. It’s shared with wisdom and without accusation. And in some instances, it’s shared with healthy boundaries, not to punish, but to work toward the healthiest relationship possible. (A great book on boundaries that is both healthy and filled with wisdom is Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend.)

 

What about unfaithfulness?

 

A percentage of that 50% wrote in that they struggled to forgive because of unfaithfulness. I shared Carlie’s story, a woman whose husband left her after 29 years of marriage. In this case, the word forgive meant that God moved into the broken and raw places of His daughter. He knew her. He knew her heart. She intentionally walked into a relationship with God during that painful time so that He could fill up her “temple”, residing in Her, healing her, moving in her in those moments when she wanted nothing more than to take revenge, or lash out. In Carlie’s case, her husband went on with his new life, but she also had new life that filled her up in the harder months ahead. She was redefined in so many ways – single mom, single woman. But her role as God’s daughter was made that much more clear and concrete.

 

For those whose spouse asked for forgiveness and who desired to change, forgiving is key as you rebuild trust. But give yourself permission to be honest with your heavenly father, with the understanding that there is nothing in scripture that condones unfaithfulness. It’s not in God’s plan or His character. If He grieves over the fallen sparrow (Matt. 10:29), then He grieves over your marriage. He is big enough to handle your honesty while leading you to a new level of spiritual intimacy with Him and even tender vulnerability in your relationship with Him as you work through this harder aspect of forgiving. At this moment, it may seem impossible to forgive on your own, but are you willing? That’s the only question that you need to answer. God is a Healer, and my prayer is that your marriage goes to a new place, but also that you sense God’s hand over you as you work through this difficult place, and that one day you look back and see His tender touch over you and your marriage.

 

Read chapter one of Suzie's book.

Listen to Suzie share her journey to forgiveness.

 

Conflict In Marriage - I Bet You Didn't Know THIS

I heard the most astonishing story this past week. And as I’ve thought about it, I’m compelled to share it with you. I was engaged in a discussion with a few people about marriage. You can imagine this particular subject will come up often because I’m so fascinated by God’s design for marriage.

The gist of the story was about conflict in marriage. What was fascinating is what one woman said about conflict with her husband. I’m going to share the story but I don’t remember it word-for-word so here is my adaptation.

A husband and wife were in the middle of an argument. (In the Donovan house, this would be called a fight. A heated verbal exchange would be accurate around here.) Well as this exchange began to elevate between this woman and her spouse, the husband and the wife became completely at odds and couldn’t understand one another’s perspective. The yelling heightened and then…..  all of a sudden the wife could see something, like a vision in front of her.

As she looked at her husband who was angered and speaking strongly to her, the vision opened up and she saw in front of her husband a demon who was grabbing and twisting the words of her husband as they came out of his mouth. These twisted words then landed on her ears. It was at that moment she realized she was hearing something entirely different than what her husband was intending.

I stood there listening to this story and it was as if I could see this happening in my own life. It was like a slow-motion replay. Mike talking at me. Evil twisting his words as they left his mouth and then the words landing on my ears twisted and angry, carrying along with them evil intentions.

Can I just say, “YIKES.”

My friend went on to say that she stopped the conversation with her husband and said, “I think I’m hearing you say…..”

“No, that’s not at all what I meant by that..” he replied.

That was the day they realized how the enemy can deeply entwine itself in the conflicts of marriage. That was also the day the couple agreed that in a time of conflict they would begin to ask each other for clarification. They would say something like this, “I’m hearing you say….. I think you are telling me….. I didn’t understand you exactly can you tell me again….”

Wow, imagine if we stopped and thought about what is happening around us in the supernatural realm during conflict. I hope this story changes how you have an argument with your pre-believer in the future.

On Monday, I will share with you another thing we discussed. And it’s something that has happened to me in the past. Now that I see it for what it is…. It ticks me off to know I was manipulated in marital conflict. Stay tuned.

So tell me… What do you think about this story and do you think this has ever happened to you in your marriage? See you in the comments. Live in love my friends because the devil is clueless to fight against you. BIG hugs, Lynn

I Cried For You, Sunridge

So, this is a difficult post for me to write. However, I’m following the Lord’s lead as there must be one other person, in addition to me, who needs this word. 

My home church where I have served and worshiped for 12 years is teetering on the precipice of a split. And I am grieved deeply in my spirit over this. The thoughts of people whom I love possibly now hating another person in our church stabs my heart in searing pain. 

Grief has sat heavily on me now for several days as I have prayed and ponder over the people of God. So this morning as I left for an early walk in the frosty wilderness, I was contemplating our church. I was carrying the heartbreak on my soul. 

I began walking and noticed the geese feeding in the field. Such beauty. And as I turned to head down a different road, that is when all of it hit me. The full spectrum of grief I’ve been carrying over this split came upon me with such a force that I started to bawl. I full on cried, out loud, while walking by the horse pasture. Big heaving sobs complete with snot bubbles and tears dropping from my cheeks. 

As I cried, I prayed, “O Lord, I am so sorry. I am so sorry this is happening to your people. I am so sorry.” 

I walked a little further, gathering myself down to sniffles and nose wipes and it was at that point, in that moment, I thought of Paul and how he grieved over the people of Israel. And I said to God the same thing Paul said and in that moment and I was genuinely sincere, “Lord, I would die to save the unity of these people.” 

And out of the blue I heard God immediately respond, “Lynn, My Son already died to save their unity.” 

Full on bawling again. 

“O, Lord, I am so sorry. Jesus died for our unity.” At this point, it’s complete blubbering. 

Through my tears God said to me, “Unity in my people is vastly important. It is in this corporate environment that my power is amplified. Miracles, healings, restoration happens. Remember the scripture, where two or more are gather, there I am also? Well, it’s in the united hearts and souls which brings my Kingdom power to earth and hinders the devil. That is why the enemy works so hard to destroy believers who unite to serve Me. 

Then I felt the Lord calm my spirit and speak directly to me again, “Lynn, you keep your eyes on me. You are to stay so intensely focused on me that you can’t be distracted by the dialogs and discontent happening around you.” And God went on, “Lynn, don’t you ever lose perspective that any ministry given to an individual to lead, including a church, has been given by Me. 

“You must hold your own ministry very loosely. There will come a day, possibly even as early as tomorrow that I will demand the surrender of your ministry. This ministry that you started is not your empire. This ministry is and always has been Mine. There will be a day when a younger woman will come along and she will take the reins and you must step away. You may lose the leadership of your ministry through deception or it could even be stolen from you. But, you are not to fight but to depart with all the dignity and honor of which I have bestowed to you.” 

“Lynn, and if you never serve Me again in any public manner, then you MUST KNOW that I AM all you need.” 

“I Am the Great I Am. I will always take care of you.” 

I finished my walk today with understanding and yet still with a broken heart.

However, I am firm in my commitment to hold this ministry in which the Lord allows me to serve with a very lose grip.

And one thing I know that is for certain. Dineen and I WILL ALWAYS BE all about what we are “FOR” in this ministry and not what we are against. And what is it that we are “for” you ask? The two things that matter the most to God. 

We love God.
We love People. 

Thank you for allowing Dineen and I to serve you. We love you more than mere humble words can say. And for those of you who live with unbelieving husbands or wives, a church split is devastating to their salvation. It affirms every lie they been told about church, faith and God. So armor up my friends because the enemy is prowling and the wounded and bleeding are falling everywhere. 

But, we serve THE GREAT I AM. 

So enemy, you are hereby put on notice.......   Expect some serious butt kickin’. 

We are going to step into the realms of the Spiritual battles in January. I hope you plan to be part of it because we are literally going to terrorize the devil. Love you so much, Lynn

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It's a Weird Journey That We Are Traveling

Hi Everyone, 

So, it’s kinda weird for me to listen to myself talk on radio. 

But it’s even weirder to listen to myself talk on the radio with my husband standing right next to me. Sheesh! But, my guy did listen to the portion of the broadcast where Dennis spoke to him over the airwaves. 

Dennis said something like, “Hi Mike. It’s pretty cool that you are not threatened by your wife’s faith.” 

Then Dennis followed up with a few more statements. As I watched my husband’s face while Dennis was speaking, I felt strange. So, I stopped the recording and asked, “So what do you think about what Dennis said that there is a book titled Winning Him Without Words and that “him” is you?” 

Well my low-key husband replies, “Well it certainly is much better than badgering me.” 

Vintage Mike Donovan, folks!!!! 

I just had to laugh. I then pressed a bit further and asked him about where he is on his faith journey. THAT is always scary and I rarely ask. And as you might imagine I received a non-committal shrug. 

Ugh!!!!! 

This journey of the unequally yoked is sure an emotional one. Some days I’m convinced it’s only a matter of hours and then some days, his salvation is way, way off in the distance. 

It’s a back and forth between convinced hopefulness and disappointment. 

And I’m finding I’m not alone in all this.… There are those who have emailed me recently who are so discouraged by the victories they read about in other’s marriages. Then there are those who have emailed me recently who are discouraged because they are not reading about many victories in other’s marriages. 

I understand both and I want to hug every one of you. I think at SUM we must be real enough about the real struggles and yet we MUST continue to focus on the victories. We need people who are finding power and authority in Christ to lead us forward. In this place we will always have some at both ends of the spectrum. 

For example, a few weeks ago Dineen shared a wonderful story about her family Thanksgiving. For her it was as if she was able to catch a glimpse, a reward, for all of the hard years of pouring into her children. She experienced a new level of peace and love with her husband. Well, honestly, that was difficult for me to read. And you know why, because after my son left on Wednesday, Thanksgiving Day dawned and my husband and I launched into a fight, complete with me screaming and lots of tears. Sheesh! 

I have to say that it’s been a long, long time since we have struggled in that kind of a conflict. It surprised me. It hurt. It was awful. Thankfully, we’ve moved forward. 

Anyhow, all this to say that there is a place here for all of us. Dineen and I are far from perfected. We still struggle with our marriages, with raising our kids to faith, even in our own faith journeys at times. But, it does get easier. The pain doesn’t last as long. Mistakes are forgiven more quickly and more than anything we learn to love better, deeper through the power of Jesus Christ. 

So, today I want you to receive this special encouragement. I want you to own it. To KNOW it. To let it live inside of you with such truth and passion that the fiery darts of the enemy just bounce off because of it. 

Say this with me now:

I am treasured by God.

I am beautiful to God.

I am loved by God, His son, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

God always has His best for me. I will lack nothing. I will rise above all things and soar on wings like eagles. I will taste of the good life just because I am His. I will live in victory, love, peace and will fulfill my purpose and His plans. I will be happy and will proclaim the gospel is the living hope of the world. 

My friends, we are so loved by our Lord. And I’m convinced that we must truly KNOW this in our bones. So, for the next few weeks we are going to be talking about love. It is a power that can conquer all things and we have it within us. 

Come back Monday because it’s time to talk about an area so many of us struggle with. How do we love ourselves? Ooooooh, it’s going to be good. Because when we figure this out, our husband’s unbelief loses all power and authority over us. 

And then stay tuned for January because we are going to be on the F.B.I. watch list…. *grin* More to come on that. You will love it. 

I love you my warrior friends. Choose love this day and tell someone you love them. Hugs, Lynn

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God's Unexpected Healing, Part 2

My friends, last week I shared the first part of my unexpected healing at Bethel Church and God’s gift of truth from a dear woman named Helen. Now for the rest of the story. Or rather, the results of this dramatic healing in my life that keeps playing out on a daily basis. Wow!

I really didn’t understand everything at the time that it happened. The full reality didn’t unfold immediately. With this kind of internal healing, it’s like a walk of discovery. Only as you move forward do you see the changes.

I remember when I worked as a youth minister, I loved the verse Galatians 5:1, “It is for freedom that Christ set us free.” I craved that verse, wanted it to be true in my life more than anything but after a while I doubted it was possible. Seemed like my faith walk and life was an emotional roller coaster ride most of the time.

But over the years, as I submitted more and more of my heart to God, He has entered and healed as much as I allowed Him. Go back and read that sentence and see if that’s true for you. Do you limit what God has access to in your heart? Why? Keep reading and see if your answer is the same as mine was.

The conference at Bethel was the near completion (I say near because I believe we are constantly being perfected in our faith, and I in no way want to assume God is done in this area of my life) of a process that started in 2002 to free me of a past full of hurts and rejections that I’d allowed the enemy to use to hold me in bondage.

As I submitted more and asked for more freedom in my life, God was and is faithful. The process is ongoing! I am so radically changed! Sometimes we think we’ve completely submitted to God but He shows us more that He wants access to in order to show us who He created us to be through Jesus Christ, who we always were, are and are meant to be in our identity in Jesus. And very often to restore what the enemy has taken away.

My immediate proof was in the security and peace I felt. Then I noticed that I could look people straight in the eye. I didn’t dart my glance away out of shyness. I WANTED to look at them and I didn’t fear them looking back at me.

Then came our evening worship. I stood, anxious to worship God. My heart was so full of gratitude for what He’d done in me, even though I didn’t fully understand it yet, I knew He’d freed me. The music started and I can only describe it as if my spirit were dancing inside of me. I literally wanted to twirl like a little girl! Where I once used to hesitate out of fear of what others might think, I had not a care of what I looked like. It didn’t matter to me anymore.

At one point I shed the thin black jacket that I wore. Lynn was standing in the aisle a couple rows behind and says it was like witnessing my freedom come to life as I shed a mantle of darkness for God’s freedom. (I’ll let her tell that story if God leads her to.) I only know that I felt like I was dancing before God. I even remember the way I felt as a girl taking ballet lessons and losing myself in the joy of the movement. And now it was again like that elegant dance but this time, all to worship God. More proof of God’s unexpected healing.

And more kept coming. When I returned home and back to my office, all those things I’d been striving for didn’t matter anymore. And I don’t mean that they weren’t important—they are and they have their place in what God is calling me to do. They just didn’t define me anymore. My work for God no longer defined me. My relationship with Him and who He says I am now does. The rest is extra for Him and I to share together and my chance to give to others what He has so generously given me.

My entire world has changed. I used to structure my day by first starting with God, my quiet time of course, and then the rest of my day was about my work. My agenda. Now God is my agenda. I can’t figure out a better way to say it. All the work stuff—what matters gets done. But whatever God has planned for the day comes first.

I used to dread interruptions because they took me away from what I needed to get done. My agenda was priority. I truly wanted to be available to God but didn’t want it to be inconvenient. Now, as I walk through my days, I look for those interruptions! They are sweet times to see God at work in OUR lives (Not just mine. Yours too!) in a very real and tangible way and to be a part of that. To co-labor (love that word!) with God to reach the broken hearts He sets in our path at the most unexpected times.

And I will share one other place in my life that is radically changed. My fear is gone! Yes, that is the most radical area of my healing. Was your answer the same? Does your fear of what God might do or ask you to do limit Him? I know mine did.

My prayer life is very different now as well. I didn’t realize how big of a hold fear had in my life. The enemy had worked layer upon layer of fear in my life since I was a child. And that fear is what kept me from praying boldly and from understanding my authority in Jesus Christ.

Now I am learning to pray boldly in the Holy Spirit and I am seeing breakthroughs and answers to prayers. Areas of conflict in my life in which I normally would avoid rather than face, I now confront confidently and insist it be dealt with. This is an HUGE area for me!

My friends, let me emphasize that I did NONE of this! This is all God. He did this and is doing all this in me. I didn’t work at it, make a plan of action, set up a prayer regiment, or anything like that. I had been praying for God to make me bolder, like Paul. I wanted to be confident in Him and not afraid to step forward or to take a risk. I told God I was tired of being insecure and lacking confidence. What I didn’t realize is that was also part of God’s process in exposing what He wanted to heal in my life.

Please understand, this is about complete submission. My biggest prayer had been for more of God. I wanted more of Him in my life. I wanted Him to BE my life. The amazing thing is, God WANTS to do this in us and give Himself to us.

So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him! — Luke 11:7

The emphasis in this verse is mine because this truth just stood out to me this week. We miss this last line thinking we get what Jesus is saying, that we are to ask God for what we need. But hear me right how, Jesus is saying the Father wants to give us something better.

Himself.

God wants to give us HIS HOLY SPIRIT. Not just to indwell us as part of our salvation, Christ living in us. But his very presence!

Because He is all we truly need. The rest will come, just trust Him for it. And I promise you, that may seem like an impossible thing to do, but when we want God’s presence more than anything in our lives—I mean truly crave it—the rest just isn’t as important anymore or you are confident in God’s provision and care.

Let that truth sink in deep, my precious friends. I will have to finish this blog post next week as it seems God had so much more for me to share than I realized. And I dare say next week will have more revelations—one in particular, the mystery of God’s love.

Join me next week and I will tell you what fear and love have in common. The answer just might surprise you. I know it did me.

Know that I love you with the heart of Jesus!
Dineen

A Day in the Life of a S.U.M.

Hello, my dear friends! How I missed you this past week. I shared in my last post that my hubby and I were off to a get-away to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary and have some R&R. Our destination?

Kauai, Hawaii.

Yes, truly and for real. This was our first time to visit this tropical paradise. We loved every bit of our time there to reconnect, relax and recharge. Okay, so that’s three “R”s instead of just R&R. But we are talking about Hawaii here.

This not so brave girl did things like Stand Up Paddle Surfing (SUP), kayaking, hiking in the rainforest to a waterfall, swimming in aforementioned waterfall, and traipsing around a chocolate farm (I know, such a hardship to taste new-to-me fruits and chocolate, but I managed to plug through...)

We packed a lot in our 5 days there. Even managed to coerce my hubby to take one afternoon to sit in a lounge chair by the beach and read his Kindle. (i.e. let your wife catch her breath.)

Mike and I standing on lava...

But there’s one day I want to share with you because it so closely captures what we walk on a daily basis in our mismatched marriages and how God can take our difficult moments and turn them into blessings.

On our first day out I made the mistake (can I call it that lightly?) of bringing up God and creation. I think I was just so enamored with Kauai and the sweet gift of a Zebra Dove God sent in my quiet time to coo and spread his tail feathers at me. Right at my feet! Okay, that’s a story for another day.

So here we are in our Jeep rental with the top down and the Hawaiian breezes blowing through our hair and the vibrant colors of tropical flowers tickling our senses—how could I not think of God, right?

I start sharing because I’m thinking this is an opportunity for me to move toward him. To show him I’m willing to keep an open mind about God’s creation and how it all came about. I’m expecting that we’ll have this amiable conversation that will draw us closer, which is the whole point of our trip.

Unfortunately, that’s not what happened. He politely shut me down, saying he doesn’t want to have an argument.

What just happened? That’s not what I expected. My feelings are now hurt because my effort to meet him part way has been met with a roadblock. I really and truly thought this would turn out so much better. I withdraw and try to explain why I brought it up and he now feels horrible for upsetting me.

Have you been there? Or is a better question, how often have you been there?

Perhaps my efforts were also about defending my faith, which I sometimes still feel I need to do, even though I don’t. Or more likely, was I trying to defend God as Lynn talked about in yesterday’s post?

These are tough moments in our mismatched marriages. They’re places we can get stuck and ruminate in our hurt and feel misunderstood. It’s not easy to move past them, but I was determined to not let this ruin our day or even our trip.

Because here is what happened later that day. My husband and I headed to the northern part of the island in Princeville and found new wedding bands. My husband wanted do what we’d done on our 10th anniversary—we replaced our gold bands for silver and turquoise to commemorate our trip to Arizona.

We now have new bands that are tungsten with a center band made of Koa wood, which stands for boldness, strength and fearlessness. We exchanged rings on the beach the next morning in front of a gorgeous sunrise.

What’s my point? In just a matter of hours, my marriage picture shifted from one extreme to another. The best way I can describe this is to think of these moments as pictures in a scrapbook filled with images and memories. The idea is to move among these pictures that are held in a book that binds it all together. Not one specific picture is the entire book, nor does it likely define the entire album. And those blurry and not so great pictures? I know I don’t include the ones that are out of focus, have a finger hanging in them, or my eyes are shut. I want to leave room for the best pictures. The ones that capture the heart and meaning of the moment.

When we focus on just one picture, one aspect of our marriage like our spouse’s unbelief or difference in belief or whatever that may be for you, we miss the moments of blessings that God so desperately wants to bring to us, to bless us, to bless our spouse, to bless our marriage.

This album—the binding and the pages—is God’s presence and spirit weaving in and around, bringing everything in our lives together in this collection of memories, experiences, spiritual growth, and everything that defines and builds our lives and marriages. He is the one who holds it all together, whether our prebelievers know it or not!

Doesn’t that just blow you away? Our loved one’s choice to not follow or trust God right now doesn’t diminish or preclude God’s power or presence in our lives and marriages. Let that truth sink in deep into your heart, my precious friends. I want so much to pour that hope into you more than anything.

A moment in my hands and control ended in grief, but God brought it full circle and turned it into what I’d hoped for—a moment of connection and meaning. It just didn’t need to be focused on our faith differences. One of the greatest gifts you can give to your prebeliever is to not define your marriage by your faith disparity. And in keeping your focus on God instead, you give Him the gift of trust, which is another way to worship Him. There’s even a gift in there for us—living in peace and even joy because we know who’s really in control and we’re not worrying about our spouse’s state of belief.

God is there. God is BIG! And God is working. Believe it! Trust it. Even when you don’t see it. Rest in the truth of God and His love for us. Nothing is bigger or stronger than that.

Like 1 Corinthians 13:13 says, “But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

God’s love always prevails. Always. And it’s always, always, always about His love. Jesus is our greatest testimony to that.

Amen?

Praying & believing, Dineen

Was Jesus a Democrat or Republican?

Yep, it’s that time again. Every four years the Presidential politics rise up around our nation and especially around the Donovan house. 

How about you? 

I’m daring to talk about politics today because if your house is anything like mine, politics is a deep chasm of which my husband and I stand on opposite sides. I’m not sure if you will agree with what I have to say but if you disagree, that’s okay, just do so with love. 

You will understand the significance of this story if I set a tiny bit of background before you. Most of you know I’ve been married twenty years. I grew up in a conservative place, Salt Lake City and was raised in an Evangelical home. My husband, well he did not. He grew up in a home without any kind of faith training and where “religion” was often mocked. He attended the University of California, Berkeley. 

Need I say more? 

Truly we are the ultimate odd couple. And our differences in our beliefs come bellowing to the front and center every four years when it’s time to elect a president. Now that I’ve walked this unequally yoked marriage for many years I have gained some perspective when it comes to politics in our mismatched home. 

What I find fascinating is how passionate I am about my beliefs. 

What I find fascinating is how passionate my husband is about his beliefs. 

Isn’t it curious that in order for candidates to obtain votes they need to be “right.” And when a candidate is “right about something” that makes the other guy automatically wrong. Hmmmmm, and in this paradigm, argument develops in the political theater and also at home. Which so bugs me. Perhaps neither guy is right or wrong. But it seems to me this effort makes for a lot of disagreeing on the airwaves, in the papers, and in our house. 

But this year something happened to change all that within the Donovan Clan. I’ve realized a few things and I want to share them with you. It is my hope that someone, even just one person, will read this today and save themselves years of frustration and quarrelling with your spouse. 

Firstly, I just stopped. I’ve learned over 20 years of marriage that becoming a talking head and spewing every kind of argument at my husband to convince him of his error in thinking (grin)….. DOES NOT WORK. It’s the biggest waste of time. So I just stopped talking. 

What does that look like? Well our arguments always erupt over the national news broadcast. One of us (me) would offer free commentary during a political story or a controversial social issue – )read  gay marriage, abortion, striking prayer from football games, the Ten Commandments, etc.) My observations always required a return volley of words and in the early years those words hit my heart like bullets. Ouch! 

What is astonishing to me is this year, all this political stuff just ceased to matter to me. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the political process and we should vote. But, I’ve stopped watching all the news stories covering the candidates. I’ve read enough to allow me to cast an informed and prayerful vote. But, what a wonderful fall season I have enjoyed because I simply choose to miss the first half of the news broadcast. 

What peace, what joy. And now what is truly funny to me is that when I’m unable to watch the news because of another commitment, my husband will record the news for me. AND he only saves the personal interest stories at the end of the broadcast. He will even tell me, “There is a great story you will want to see tonight.” And he has the recording queued up for my viewing where he has skipped all the political stories and we start watching together the rest of the news. 

I LOVE it!!! 

Now, I’m just peeved I didn’t stop watching all those talking heads a long time ago. 

Secondly, I recognized a couple of things about politics. Down deep inside what was really going on in me was that I was defending God, His Holy Word and actually I was defending my self-worth. 

What has truly been profound in this political season is that finally this blonde-brained, girl recognizes just how truly powerful, Omniscient, and how utterly BIG is our God. He transcends the mundane political process and likely grieves that the world wastes so much time and money on all of it. 

Jesus does not need my defense; He is completely capable of defending Himself, thank you very much. 

Politics cease to matter when you look fully into the face of Christ. When you release your need to be validated, to be seen and heard and stand fully in the identity of Christ, politics are meaningless.

 

Jesus would likely be neither a Republican nor Democrat. He IS the Savior of the World. So what would Jesus want from me in this political season? The same thing He always wants. 

I think He would say something like this, “Reveal me to others. Show them my love by providing for their needs, one person at a time. Reach out and tell someone there is real hope. Show the world your love for me through your radical obedience. Be my advocate.” 

Be His advocate. Serving people out of the love for Jesus absolutely dumbfounds unbelievers. Caring for the physical needs of people opens up hearts and souls to hear the Gospel. Love, forgiveness, grace and empathy command more power and influence than the office of the President. 

Our Kingdom is not of this world. 

It’s the crazy, unexplainable, supernatural love within us that confounds the skeptics and brings great honor and glory to our Lord. 

So relax, God’s got this. He already knows who wins in November. So, let the talking heads roar and the political machine grind but you, my friends, YOU, the beloved of the Most High God can truly make an impact on this world…. 

Be His advocate. 

Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Lynn

It's a Dog Gone World

Let’s finish this tale (pun intended). To read Part I of the Hound from Hell, visit here. 

Is He a Nice Doggy? 

As he approached the last barrier I was a little nervous but because this was the main fence separating the property from the road, I wasn’t yet in full panic in that’s where most dogs out in this area are contained. I do know my heart was pounding likely from the brisk walking as my pace hastened to get past this dog and also from the increase in my blood pressure watching him break through barrier after barrier. 

I watched this pitbull come straight at me toward the last remaining barrier. At this precise moment is when God started to talk to me again. Say what? 

“Lynn, this dog has broken through all of the barriers in place to protect you. It’s the same in your walk with me. My barriers such as angels, the family, the home, your church, all of these things are what help to protect you from the evil one.” 

At this point I’m truly in sheer panic as I watch the dog meet the fence and then to my horror, yep, there was another hole under the last barrier. It was as if my life went into ultra-slow motion. I watched the dog start to dive down under the fence and I knew instantly what was about to happen. 

FEAR gripped me. I was breathing hard, my heart pounded in my ears. I was burning from exertion and panic. The dog skinnied up from the fence on my side and still seeing all of this in slow motion, I reached for the spray on my belt. 

I let go of a long spray in the direction of the dog who was about 20 feet away and coming directly at me. I missed the dog and obviously the spray did not deter him. In my utter panic. I screamed, 

“STOP!” 

He slowed down. 

God spoke.

I shouted stop again and then once more at the barking beast. 

God said, “You allowed this sin in Lynn. The evil one will use every advantage and weakness to break through the protections placed around you.” 

“O Lord.” 

“STOP.” 

Good grief. 

The dog paused in his approach on the edge of the dirt road a mere five feet from me, still barking but he stayed away. 

God again, “It was your words that stopped that dog Lynn. Your prayers are what finally stopped the enemy. But you didn’t need to go through this if only you had chosen to keep what you already knew was bad for you from your life.” 

Then silence. (except the barking dog and my panicked breathing.) 

I rushed to the top of the hill. The pitbull stayed behind sniffing at the repellant spray. And once my breathing calmed. I cried. 

Lord in Heaven, forgive me. And thank you for saving me. Again. And Again. 

I walked home. Then I grabbed this - no longer Grey area, trashy novel- from the drawer and tossed it in the trash. ~Apropos don't you think?

The very next morning as I was reading my Bible, I kid you NOT this was the verse from Proverbs: 

A wise person hungers for the truth, a fool feeds on trash. Proverbs 15:14 (NIV)

Gulp and shame. 

But from this shame came a lesson I will NEVER, EVER forget. Also, a deep lesson about God’s protections and a realization at the sheer numbers of barriers He builds around me and how it was me who allowed the enemy access. And finally, my shame is forgiven. For me personally, this trashy novel was sin. I’ve confessed the images it brought and the distraction that came into my mind. I’ve allow God to teach me that the best thing for me is to never allow the temptation a chance. And finally grace. 

The expanding, take your breath away, overwhelming grace of God still rests on me, even in my failure. How do I begin to understand a love like that? 

It will take ten thousand upon then thousand years to even grasp an inkling of the facets of God’s love for me…… and for you. But I’m looking forward to the years with great anticipation. 

My friends what is difficult to admit is that I have walked many years with God and I KNEW this book was bad news for me but I picked it up anyway. Darn it. But, this lesson is not lost on this blonde brain. I know my limits. They are there to protect me not to restrict me. 

Oh what freedom we have when we understand His ways. 

What is your pitbull, your weed in the garden? Can you confess it today and allow God to restore His barriers of protection,  grace and love. 

Your healing awaits! 

From a sweaty, (from walking) humble, thankful servant of the Most High God. I love you. Have a wonderful weekend and get out and walk. Hugs, Lynn

PS. Go hug a dog *grin.*

 

Peanut... Nice doggy!!!!

 

Chronicles of the Donovan Clan - Fear

What is bizarre in all this is what happened inside of me. FEAR. 

After twenty years of asking for his willingness to attend a marriage class and receiving his rejection, I was terrified to say…… YES…… 

I literally didn’t answer him because I was overwhelmed by all the fears and feelings of rejection that ran over me as I sat dumbfounded in my chair. Let me share some of the thoughts that raced through my head in the few seconds that followed. 

If I say yes and he changes his mind, it will crush me.
I should just let him off the hook; after all, he really doesn’t want to go.
I’m not sure I want to go.
Can I handle taking my unbelieving husband to church where many judgmental Christians might make him feel embarrassed?
Will I be embarrassed if he says or does the wrong thing? 

Sheesh and GOOD GRIEF!! 

What a mess.

Continued….. 

So, I sat at my desk, fear flashing across my face, thoughts screaming, hesitation gipping my heart, my hope. I looked up at my husband. And can I tell you, my friends, on his face was an expression of pure vulnerability. He was filled with uncertainty and hesitancy as well. 

Looking at him in that moment, I felt the urging ever so softly by the Holy Spirit, to just say, “Yes.” 

“Yes.” I spoke directly into his face. “Yes, I really want you to go with me.” 

There. I said it. He agreed. Hello, what is happening around here? The Apocalypse surely must be at hand because I was convinced that I would NEVER see the day my husband willingly went to a marriage class, especially a class that was faith based. I felt light headed. He smiled slightly and disappeared to his office. I think we both were in need of processing. 

My friends, get this, I still can’t believe it. I ALMOST SAID NO. Please learn from me. If your husband is willing to go to a marriage class, say yes, don’t let fear keep you bound in chains. 

Well, the day of the first class arrives. Weird. I felt uncomfortable, so did he, I can imagine for all kinds of different reasons. However, we sat down at the table together, with might I add, four other couples and one couple with which we are friends. Weird again. How can you be authentic in this kind of scenario? I wasn’t sure what was about to happen. Let me tell you, I was praying under my breath, “O God, please just help us to get through this. Help me to keep my expectations out of this evening. Help Jesus, help. Amen.” 

The speaker took the lectern and spoke about marital conflict. Oh boy, nothing like jumping right into the real “stuff” we deal with. It was fascinating content. Our homes of origin, how we grew up, and how our family handled conflict, plays an enormous role in how we navigate conflict in our marriage. Duh! But, I hadn’t though specifically in these terms. 

You can likely guess that Mike and I handle conflict vastly differently. Duh! I did know this. In fact, as we sat through the evening, it started to hit me, I already knew this about him. I already know he’s wired like that. I know I’m wild and crazy and he’s reserved. I already knew this. I knew that. I really do KNOW this man and he knows me. We aren’t such a mystery to each other after all. So why have I believed that for so long? Whoa. 

We aren’t really struggling as I presumed. In fact, as I sat there listening over several weeks, I came to several conclusions. We are in a better place in our relationship than many the other two-believing couples in that room. We are mostly past many of our conflicts and differences and we truly in love and we are a happy. 

Enlightening. 

I still don’t really know how to process all that was revealed by attending this class. It wasn’t really the material of the class that changed my perspective, it was the realization I already have what I thought I didn’t. 

Now don’t get me wrong. My husband remains an unbeliever. We are still very much mismatched about many things. But, overall, on many levels and issues, we are resolved, at peace and truly happy. 

Who knew?

Okay, I have more to tell you about this and the original conversation that started all of this. However, I'm sorry, but it's going to have to wait for a week because beginning Monday, we have a special guest joining us.

You won't want to miss our mystery guest.

As I leave you today. Can I ask you this question? Could you perhaps be like me, you already have a better marriage than you think? Can you ask God about this. Ask Him to show you what you truly have and don't be a blonde-brain, such as me, and wait nearly 20 years to have God hit you upside the head and show you. Thoughts?

Love you, Lynn

Unequally Yoked and the Atheist Blogs

Part III

A few months ago I was emailing back and forth to a friend of mine whose husband is a reader of atheist blogs. She was in such pain and in a quandary as to how to cope. Now I don’t pretend to have all the answers for each individual situation. I can only share what has worked in my life and marriage. 

Let me say that I love this young mom and wife. She is in the midst of fiery battles daily and is yet living for Jesus under tremendous persecution from her own spouse. And to add to the dynamics of her situation is how she is hard-wired, she hates confrontation. Many of us would go to great lengths to avoid confronting anyone let alone our spouse who holds a great deal of power to hurt us. 

I shared with my friend that there comes a time when we must say to our spouse that we are partners in marriage. That what our spouse believes does not diminish what we hold true. It’s appropriate to call them out and ask for our due respect as a spouse and a partner in the relationship. We must stand up and tell them that the words they speak against our faith are disrespectful and truly not what builds a marriage relationship. I know I advised her to tell her husband that she expected him to refrain from speaking about her faith and promise him that she would do the same about his atheist beliefs. 

Okay, that’s one take. For me, my moment of truth came unexpectedly. It was many years ago and I remember it clearly still today. 

My husband was angry. He was so riled up about my growing faith that he was constantly throwing arguments up for me to discount or contradict. He told me that I was foolish and that my faith embarrassed him. He was absolutely mystified that I, an intelligent woman, would ever even consider believing in a god. 

He was adamant and determined to “prove” to me God did not exist. 

At this point in our marriage, we had been down all these roads. You know, the paths of trying to defend my faith from a science point of view. Defending the truth of the Bible. Discussing intelligent design. Debates about the fossil record. The discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls. Etc. etc. etc. 

My friends, I’ve had every conceivable conversation so if you feel like you are all alone in this, I know exactly how you feel. 

Okay, after years and years of debate, conflicts and arguments with each of us trying to convince the other of the error in their thinking, I finally gave up. 

Whew! What a relief. 

What follows is the simple conversation that seemed to finally help my husband accept my faith. Here we go. 

Me: Honey, why does it matter so much to you that I believe in God? My faith doesn’t make me stupid.

Him: I does too matter. (He states in great anger and frustration I might add.)

Me: But why? Why does it matter?

Him: Because you are living a lie.

Me: But how do you KNOW that I am wrong? You don’t know for sure. And let’s say that at the end of it all, we die and nothing happens. No heaven. No hell. We just cease to exist like you presume.

What I know is that I lived a life that was morally strong. I lived a life filled with joy. I have many friends who I love and who love me. I have given of myself to this world to make it a better place. 

Honey, my faith makes me happy. 

Him: (silence) 

Now there is likely more to this conversation but I just don’t remember what happened after that. However, the dynamics in our marriage relationship changed upon that conversation. 

Honey, my faith makes me happy……. 

The key to this kind of conversation is waiting until they are truly ready to hear it. He was ready that day. 

Pray that the Lord will give you several things to equip you to walk this journey. 

• First, that He and YOU seal your mind, heart and soul in the truth of your identity. Know who you are in Christ. 

• Second, pray for courage, Joshua courage to step up to the task of confronting immature behavior and words toward your faith. 

• Three, pray for discernment and wisdom and for an opening to have a conversation with your spouse. God loves to honor those prayers. 

Identity
Courage
and an open door. 

And this very day, I also give you dominion over your delete key. Decide today that you will not allow your husband to be used by the enemy to create doubt. Reject the fiery darts of the enemy. Live in joy. As Beth Moore says, “JOY, is our birthright in Christ.” 

Live victoriously and let the enemy quake with fear and the atheist blogs go wild, because we are children of the Most High God and NO ONE CAN TOUCH THAT. 

Be blessed, Lynn