At the beginning of this study, I asked a few questions.
Q: Do you wonder why you still struggle so much in your faith? Are there moments when you are filled with doubt? And yet you have prayed and prayed to remove all doubt. Do you fight continuing battles with anxiety and overwhelming fear? You experience triumph and then days later, fear overwhelms your mind again. Why does this happen?
Frankly, for years I was baffled as to why we still struggle so much with our vices, addictions, failures and doubts. Really. I mean, come on. After all, I live in an intimate relationship with God our Father, Jesus, and the Spirit. I have sat with the Word for years. It dwells within. I’ve learned to walk in spiritual gifts and I’ve walked the daunting road of forgiveness.
I’ve really worked hard in the classroom of sanctification. So, why, WHY am I still struggling with eating poorly. Why do I make huge progress with temptation and in a single day, completely implode and fall all the way back down. Why do I move from the mountains of faith to the valleys of despair and doubt?
I truly didn’t understand why this happened to me and so many other believers that I love.
Here is an overlooked, possible answer to those questions:
We struggle because we have an unhealed wound. A soul wound.
Let me describe what I think this looks like. When I was a teenager, my sister and I were in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. Somehow, we managed to spill an almost full pot of spaghetti sauce onto the kitchen floor. It was like a bomb went off. Red sauce spun in every direction. Across the floor, all over the both of us, on the cabinets, the refrigerator. It was a disaster. It was loud.
In came my parents. Now Please, hear me, I love my parents and I honor them but I feel as though I need to give a real, living example. Please don’t judge them. They were broken and needful people. (Disclaimer finished.)
I can’t remember many of the details about this next few moments, but my father freaked out. There was a lot of yelling, possibly a few swats on the back of the legs but what left a soul wound, was when we were ordered upstairs, told to strip to our underwear, come back down and clean up the mess.
I was wounded by shame. A wounding in my soul occurred that day.
Why that was so hurtful, I can’t fully understand or explain. I just know I have held that wounding in my soul, my heart, for decades.
So, this is what I believe happens, current day. I’m moving along, really well, in my daily life, my faith is in a good place, I’m close to Jesus. The demonic world can see this and some insidious demon waits for just the right moment to tap that wound. One tap will set me back. I will experience shame all over again. This tap is strategic to derail my progress or to stir up hatred toward my father. The demon comes along and taps that wounded teenager, smack in the middle of the wound that can only be healed by Jesus. Current life events can trigger old woundings and many times we don’t even understand why we feel the way we are feeling.
When I consider just how sinister this tactic is, I surge with anger at the devil. I pray a million people will read this series so we can bring healing and freedom to them and stick it to satan.
What is interesting is that I have truly prayed through the hard work of authentic forgiveness of my parents. And by the way, we all need to forgive our parents, even if they were amazing. Children can be wounded by parents just because kids don’t always perceive things as intended. I can expand on that later.
Anyway, that unhealed soul-wound truly affected me. And even though I’ve prayed through forgiveness the demonic had permission to tap that wound and cause me pain because it bled slowly for years.
We all have wounds from years ago and we will be wounded by others in the future. I know for me, I’ve had to face wounding within my marriage. But, we are not going to stay wounded. We are going to walk through this process and be healed. Truly healed and we will know how to remain healed.
I also want to share that we can be healed emotionally through forgiveness and there are other avenues God uses to heal. Hallelujah. This series is intended to help us find healing for areas of our emotions that remain unhealed.
So, how are we doing SUMites. Are we on track? Are you staying with me? Do you have questions? What are your thoughts about childhood wounding? And if you can, share with me any specifics that you are think about that you would like me to cover that relate to this series. I know I will discuss, marriage and wounding, anxiety, mental illness and the church. So I have more. Stay tuned. And I wrote so much today that we will look at how the Holy Spirit heals on Tuesday. Love you. Lynn