Weekends we re-post from our archives, articles which remain relevant for the spiritually mismatched marriage.
Unequally Yoked and the Atheist Blogs
A few months ago I was emailing back and forth to a friend of mine whose husband is a reader of atheist blogs. She was in such pain and in a quandary as to how to cope. Now I don’t pretend to have all the answers for each individual situation. I can only share what has worked in my life and marriage.
Let me say that I love this young mom and wife. She is in the midst of fiery battles daily and is yet living for Jesus under tremendous persecution from her own spouse. And to add to the dynamics of her situation is how she is hard-wired, she hates confrontation. Many of us would go to great lengths to avoid confronting anyone let alone our spouse who holds a great deal of power to hurt us.
I shared with my friend that there comes a time when we must say to our spouse that we are partners in marriage. That what our spouse believes does not diminish what we hold true. It’s appropriate to call them out and ask for our due respect as a spouse and a partner in the relationship. We must stand up and tell them that the words they speak against our faith are disrespectful and truly not what builds a marriage relationship. I know I advised her to tell her husband that she expected him to refrain from speaking about her faith and promise him that she would do the same about his atheist beliefs.
Okay, that’s one take. For me, my moment of truth came unexpectedly. It was many years ago and I remember it clearly still today.
My husband was angry. He was so riled up about my growing faith that he was constantly throwing arguments up for me to discount or contradict. He told me that I was foolish and that my faith embarrassed him. He was absolutely mystified that I, an intelligent woman, would ever even consider believing in a god.
He was adamant and determined to “prove” to me God did not exist.
At this point in our marriage, we had been down all these roads. You know, the paths of trying to defend my faith from a science point of view. Defending the truth of the Bible. Discussing intelligent design. Debates about the fossil record. The discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls. Etc. etc. etc.
My friends, I’ve had every conceivable conversation so if you feel like you are all alone in this, I know exactly how you feel.
Okay, after years and years of debate, conflicts and arguments with each of us trying to convince the other of the error in their thinking, I finally gave up.
Whew! What a relief.
What follows is the simple conversation that seemed to finally help my husband accept my faith. Here we go.
Me: Honey, why does it matter so much to you that I believe in God? My faith doesn’t make me stupid.
Him: I does too matter. (He states in great anger and frustration I might add.)
Me: But why? Why does it matter?
Him: Because you are living a lie.
Me: But how do you KNOW that I am wrong? You don’t know for sure. And let’s say that at the end of it all, we die and nothing happens. No heaven. No hell. We just cease to exist like you presume.
What I know is that I lived a life that was morally strong. I lived a life filled with joy. I have many friends who I love and who love me. I have given of myself to this world to make it a better place.
Honey, my faith makes me happy.
Now there is likely more to this conversation but I just don’t remember what happened after that. However, the dynamics in our marriage relationship changed upon that conversation.
Honey, my faith makes me happy…….
The key to this kind of conversation is waiting until they are truly ready to hear it. He was ready that day.
Pray that the Lord will give you several things to equip you to walk this journey.
- First, that He and YOU seal your mind, heart and soul in the truth of your identity. Know who you are in Christ.
- Second, pray for courage, Joshua courage to step up to the task of confronting immature behavior and words toward your faith.
- Three, pray for discernment and wisdom and for an opening to have a conversation with your spouse. God loves to honor those prayers.
and an open door.
And this very day, I also give you dominion over your delete key. Decide today that you will not allow your husband to be used by the enemy to create doubt. Reject the fiery darts of the enemy. Live in joy. As Beth Moore says, “JOY, is our birthright in Christ.”
Live victoriously and let the enemy quake with fear and the atheist blogs go wild, because we are children of the Most High God and NO ONE CAN TOUCH THAT.
Be blessed, Lynn