***** Written by SUMite: Anja
I have one more testimony to add to all of those our amazing God did in this community.
I was looking forward to the fast for some time because I knew I just had to do it. I was so desperate for a break through.
2017 was a year where I and my marriage just continued to break apart. In September (something always changes in September ;-)) it got so bad I had to seek out psychological assistance because I started to show physical symptoms to the situations surrounding me. It would be a story too long to write here but let me just say, my marriage was/ is at a point where we no longer communicate apart from things concerning our son because we cannot see eye to eye on anything. Too many discussions have happened, too many hurting words said and no change in attitude for more than one year. Luckily, we are both very stubborn people and as I am holding on to this marriage because I trust in our God. My Husband is holding on, so he is not the one to walk away. As a result, to this breakdown in September, I let go of a lot of things and have been working on focusing on what is most important: The Lord and my relationship to him. Immediately, I was better and by now psychological assistance is not needed any longer. What would be needed is a couple’s therapy…but my hubby is not one for that.
So, forward to the fast. I knew God wanted me to do this fast. I prayed a lot in the last few months but somehow, I could reach no breakthrough. A lot of teachings happened, but no breakthrough. I craved to feel God physically and I have asked him sooo many times to reveal himself to me and to reveal things to me.
I started this fast with a very sick 2-year-old, myself not in great health and a lot of stuff coming at me at work. I fasted from sunup to sundown only eating dinner and yes finishing up all the cake from my 30th birthday on the 7th (I wanted to fast from sweets as well, but I knew God didn’t want all that food go to the trash so…). It went quite well but every time I wanted to sit down for my quiet time the fever of my son flared up or he was suddenly waking up from his nap much too early etc. I could sense this to be the devil’s doing and I didn’t give up finding a little time here and there to read the word or pray. Then on Thursday morning (sleep deprived, hungry, and irritated) my husband picked a fight on the way to work and I just couldn’t control myself any longer (yes, I was rather nasty there). I was so sad after that and even though I asked God and my hubby for forgiveness (which he didn’t accept) I just felt as if I was never going to have a breakthrough in this fast. I had a long prayer time in the afternoon with a sick boy on my lap. There the first miracle happened: His fever finally broke in the evening. Glory to God. I kept on going and on Friday after lunch time I sat down for communion and told the Lord “It’s now or never. I’m dying inside, I need you now”. I read your post about three times until I understood everything. It was such a revelation! I read the passage in John 6 and meditated on the verses and then prayed while taking communion and claiming the transforming power of Jesus on my life. Then I asked God to meet me physically, I wanted to feel him.
Lynn, I’m still blown away, HE showed up big time! First like a ball that is being passed from one hand to the other then this ball moved towards me until I felt His heavy presence (it’s like a weight resting on you, but it’s not heavy at all) in my chest. It stayed there for a whole afternoon. Then God started speaking to me. Let me say here, I think he always spoke to me, but I have always doubted if it was his voice because I always thought this was my overactive imagination and my wishful thinking. Now it was him so clearly and his message is so powerful. Let me give you some excerpts from this:
He started with: Love, you are fine!
Then he led my eyes the verse 63 in John 6. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life!
He said: The words are the bible but also what I, the Lord, very personally tell you. That’s why you need Me to speak to you. I will fill you with a song (I’m a worshipper and have craved to write a song for the Lord for all my life). I will fill you with myself. I am in you. I love you. I will guide you. Listen to me!
You are chosen for greater things. I will overcome because I love you. I need you to know Me. I need you to strengthen yourself in Me. You are love because you love Me.
I’ll transfer my love into you so that you may overflow. It’s a year of REVELATION (note I have always prayed for a year of restoration, but I never thought I would get revelations!). Be patient!
Then there was silence and I asked the Lord if he would change something in my marriage because I find the situation unbearable. Before I finished voicing this he answered: Yes, I will change something in your marriage so that it will become more bearable.
Be aware! …..(I do not recall this part) soon.
You are free!
Then he pointed out verse 65: this is why I told you that no-one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him.
The Lord said: I have enabled you to hear My voice more freely now. The quietness has been broken!
Then I asked why my marriage is so bad and here comes the real truth. He said: I needed to take away the intimacy with your husband so that you can experience intimacy with Me!
Gosh, that hurt! And yes, it’s true, I always was guilty of putting my husband first. With God’s help never to happen again.
Then God moved on to telling me that I should start by memorizing His prayer and always start the day off like this and in the same time surrender to Him.
Then my questions moved back to my marriage and how to behave in the confrontations I’m having with my hubby. I’m so sick of being hurt and hurting back!
And God said: Let me do the talking. In quarrels, be still and trust Me. I’ll build your trust in Me. Leave your man to Me. He’s mine. I’ll handle him. I’ll protect you. You’ll always quarrel as long as Your husband is not in Me but you’ll teach him love. I’ll guide you. I’ll restore your relationship and all the others too. Let me work and watch!
This was everything I needed to hear. For me this made my day, but God was not finished yet. He showered me with a gift so amazing it still moves me to tears. He became very personal:
You are my daughter! I mean you ARE my daughter. You come from ME! I’m your father. I’m very personal and My love for you is amazing! It shields you and teaches you. It holds you dear. You are from My blood and my flesh! I have made you fearfully and perfectly. I will multiply in you in strength. You have begun something. Your days of suffering are over.
Wow, at this point I had to ask the Lord to stop because I couldn’t take it anymore. He stayed with me for the rest of the day. Right there, in this wonderful heaviness in my chest. In the evening I went to worship practice and we had moments of free worship that were amazing. I was even asked what changed because people noticed my voice to be in their words “angelic". So yes! I had a breakthrough! And what kind of breakthrough! God now shows up with his presence about 1-2 times a day when I ask Him to. It’s amazing. I’m free, I’m happy, I’m hopeful. Even my hubby looks at me with puzzled eyes. When I look in the mirror I don’t see a change. But obviously there is one.
Lynn, I’m so grateful to you for your ministry to the SUM. Without all your encouragement, and the testimonies I read from other SUM, I would not be at this point today. I’m so looking forward to this year! I know it will be a very important one for us SUM.
Be amazingly blessed
Anja (30) I’m first and foremost daughter of our great King, wife to my beautiful pre-believer and mummy to our little sweetheart boy. I live in beautiful Switzerland working part-time in our watchmaking family business and for the rest of my time loving on my Swiss-Italian family. I have been given the wonderful gift of music and worship and I love serving on the worship team at our local church.