I have a confession. I had a problem, a big problem. This problem was masqueraded by me being responsible and wise. I didn’t trust God. I trusted myself, my ability to budget and plan. I trusted in financial security. I trusted in money.
I was blinded by this truth through college and through the first nine years of my marriage. But God awakened me. God has greatly used this journey of being unequally yoked to teach me how to trust and believe HIM. HIM alone.
This story is unique to me. But maybe there’s a parallel to you. God allowed whatever it took to show me HIS faithfulness. My husband and I went from being debt free (everything but the house) with a cushion in savings to barely making it paycheck-to-paycheck with accumulated credit card debt. Oh the whirlwind!! It was hard. So hard! But in the midst of all the pain, lack of control, confusion, fighting against my flesh – GOD was faithful.
The very things God was using to break this stronghold of my trust in money, He most certainly used to pursue my husband. It was in the beginning of this journey that I felt God speaking to my heart, saying, “I need you to trust ME and I need you to trust your husband.”
And that’s the truth. I didn’t trust my husband. I didn’t trust his decisions. I wanted to control him, especially with our finances. Me not trusting my husband was keeping him down, holding him back. Not letting him lead. And, it was killing our marriage. When I shifted this budgeting and doing everything by the book burden over to God and my husband, I had peace. Overwhelming peace. The fruit of the Spirit – peace.
God had work to do in me. He showed me that I was the older brother in Luke 15. I was a Pharisee craving a black and white faith. I longed for control to figure it all out, instead of clinging to, and trusting in the God of the universe.
This was a radical change for me, and an unfamiliar road. There were rocks and many unknowns. And the u-turns frequently called me back to my place of comfort and control. But I knew TRUSTING GOD was the most excellent way. His Word spoke this truth to me over and over.
In 1 Timothy 6:10, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” (NKJV) Oh how I knew the first part of this verse, but the second part pierced my heart with truth. I was in the middle of feeling the sorrows. There’s no way I wanted any more.
In Mark 10:23-34, “Then Jesus looked around and said to His disciples, “How hard it is for those who have riches to enter the kingdom of God!” 24 And the disciples were astonished at His words. But Jesus answered again and said to them, “Children, how hard it is for those who trust in riches to enter the kingdom of God!” (NKJV) Oh how I knew this verse was for me. I was without a doubt, trusting in riches.
Oh and Psalm 52:7 “Here now is the man who did not make God his stronghold but trusted in his great wealth and grew strong by destroying others!” Ouch. I was greedy. I was couponing to save. I cringed if someone needed new shoes. The old me had the money.. but held onto it tight.
And 1 Timothy 6:17 “ Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.” (NIV) What had I been doing?! One bad accident and everything we had could be gone. The striving, controlling and my trust in money had to stop. God had to be my source, my supplier, my everything.
Oh to the glory of God, He did not leave me there to perish with many sorrows. He gently led me through His Word to freedom. And oh the freedom in Christ! IF you don’t know it.. seek it hard!! I highly recommend Beth Moore’s Breaking Free.
Proverbs 2:4-5 "if you seek it like silver and search for it like hidden treasure then you will understand the fear of the Lord and discover the knowledge of God."
So this radical change. This hard road of restoring my soul fully to Him has led to an amazing place. And with such joy I share. As God changed me, HE has saved my husband. I proclaim, Jesus has pursued my earthly man. This time the door of my husband's heart has swung open wide. Welcoming a needed Savior. Brad gave his life to Christ in February and is set for baptism this Sunday! Raise to life with Christ our Savior. Oh glorious day! I cannot contain the tears of joy. Of all the ways I’ve dreamed of this joyous time, God’s way FAR EXCEEDS them all. HE IS FAITHFUL.
Please celebrate with me. Please don’t stop praying for your husbands. Thank you for all of your heart felt prayers. This community is ALIVE with the love of God and I thank HIM – for each of you.
Please, I must share the biggest and most amazing lesson in all of this has been grace.
GRACE – BIG GOD SIZED GRACE.
GRACE to my husband at all hours of the day, when his blinded selfishness caused such pain.
GRACE to myself when my have not’s wanted to breed into bitter resentment and snide remarks.
GRACE to my friends when they just didn’t understand.
The tears we shed, He catches.
The hurt we feel, He has felt.
The love we know in Him, HE CREATED.
How could anyone else come close?
TRUST HIM with your husbands.
With so much love and faith in HIM to each of you,
Romans 2:4 “Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?” (KJV)
Thank you Mandy. This is such a glorious testimony to our King.
Finally SUM Family. For those who have been a part of our community for a number of years, please remember with me Rosheeda Lee. Two years ago today she went home to Jesus. Rosheeda was such an amazing part of our community. She named us SUMites & SUMers. She started our community and lead us each year in our annual community week-long fast in January. She prayed for hundreds of you and was a voice of hope, always. I adore her and miss her. I can't wait to see her again and I know we will spend thousands of years together in glory.
She loved Jesus with a full heart. To read her story visit the Rosheeda Legacy Page link in our sidebar. She was amazing.
Happy Easter. TODAY IS WHY WE HAVE SO MUCH HOPE. Thank you Lord, Jesus for the cross, for your love, your examples, teaching and for the resurrection. We are looking forward to the greatest moment of all eternity the Great Wedding of the Bride and Prince Jesus. Amen.