On October 19, 2012, Karen Williams wrote: I Re-sign!
Dear Dineen and Lynn,
I appreciated your post on Monday. After reading it several times and understanding the seriousness of the commitment I prayed it out loud and mentally signed my name. I know I am ready for this as God has been leading me down a similar path this summer.
I had been praying and asking God to show me/teach me how to love my husband as He does, how to see Him as He does. He answered that prayer by explaining how He saw me and sees me today. Because He knows the beginning from the end He has always known what my potential is. He created me with a plan and purpose in mind and sees the end result from the very beginning. If I truly believe this for myself (which I now do) then I have to believe that this is the way He looks at my husband (and all my family members). He created Andrew (my husband) with a plan and purpose. And He is in relentless pursuit of my husband, always working to bring that plan to fruition. He sees my husband in the end result, knows what he is capable of (because He created him that way) and LONGS for my husband to become what He has in mind.
This really blew me away at the time because I had been so focused for so long on what my husband has been or is. Things like....narcissistic, catholic, workaholic. God showed me that these labels I had put on him were like putting him in a jail cell. Not only was he not free to change, I had been the one to lock him into that place. There was also some work God was doing on forgiveness with me so after time in prayer working on forgiving my husband for not being who I wanted him to be and asking God to forgive me for how I had sinned against my husband all these years He helped me to set him free from the jail cell. He planted His love in me in a new way that enables me to see my husband as He sees him and love him with the love of Christ.
I thought that that was an amazing experience but the best was yet to come! A few days after this time with the Lord was our 30th wedding anniversary. In the past these were pretty uneventful, often very disappointing, days for me. I really expected nothing different this time. My husband was scheduled to be traveling on our actual anniversary so we planned to eat out for dinner after he got back. Other than that I thought it would pass just like it was any other day. But God!
First, my husband came home with two dozen roses and a card...three days ahead of time! (Sometimes he would buy a card and forget to sign it and I'd find it later or you knew he stopped on the way home for work as a last minute thing). His cards up until then were always the funny type, never serious. Frequently with sexual overtones. But this time it was serious! The front said "Life isn't perfect but love doesn't care". That got me right there! It was as if God was speaking right to my heart...isn't this how He was asking me to live with my husband...to love him despite our differences? I took it as confirmation I had been hearing God correctly.
Then the inside said "Thanks for loving me through it all". You have to understand my husband rarely apologizes for anything and isn't too good at acknowledging others for their contributions so this was VERY big to me! Then he asked me for 30 more years! My husband blessed me and God blessed me with that card that day. He also surprised me with a very expensive piece of jewelry (also very uncharacteristic of him) so I was really blown away by it all.
There was a dynamic shift in our relationship. When God dealt with me and I changed my thoughts and ways...somehow in His economy....it freed my husband at the same time it freed me. I know that sounds weird but I think you will understand. I stopped looking at him as the Unbeliever and more as someone who just wasn't a believer yet. This was just about the time you all were seeing a similar revelation! God is so amazing and so wonderful! I just love that you are where you are and I am here but He helps us reach the same conclusion!
I prayed and fasted with you all back in January and the word God gave me was "expectant". I have been sitting on the edge of my seat ever since!! Something IS right around the corner. I felt it then and I still feel it now. As the year has gone by I have read and heard others saying the same thing...it is very exciting!
At this point I want nothing more than to be with Jesus. I long to see His face. Taking my eyes off of my husband, and my supposed lack, and keeping them on Him has eliminated the stress, the disappointment, the hardship. I have been set free, free to love my husband and he is free to love me back. Not sure he is aware there are any changes but I sure see them. God has brought me to a place where I know I need nothing more than Him, and Him alone. Everything after that is icing on the cake, the exceeding and abundant life He promises.
I look forward to the coming days and weeks as you both share what happened at Bethel. Won't lie, a little jealous, but I will continue to seek Him in my quiet time here and I know He will show up. Blessing to you both and thank you for all you have done and all you do! Sure wish we lived closer so we could talk in person and I could give you real hugs!
Love you sisters!