Several months ago, I told you that God was working some new things in my husband, in us. At the time, the Lord impressed upon me to hide these things in my heart until they were settled out.
Today, all these months later, the changes that began in January and February have reached a stall and I have learned a few things. I think it’s time to share with you what I’ve learned.
I remember the moment distinctly. I sat in my office, frozen, fearful to say, “Yes.”
What ensued leading up to this moment was weird filled with conflict and hurt feelings and stress. Our 20th wedding anniversary was approaching and I remember saying something to my husband that went something like this:
“We’ve been married now for 20 years. Honey, I “get it” that you don’t embrace my faith. I really understand. But, after 20 years can you see that it is who I am. I’m not going to change. There comes a point when as a married couple you do things for the other because it’s just the right thing to do for the relationship.”
“I believe it’s time to accept that my faith, going to church, is simply part of who I am. So perhaps, we are at a place where you join me at church because you love ME. Perhaps, it’s what you give to me to show me your love.”
“And think about the places and the things I do for you, just because I love YOU. I choose to be part of your life and interests not because it’s what I really want for me but because I love you and it’s just what married people do. They give of themselves to bring happiness to the other and to show them love.”
Understand this part of the conversation was still a little heated and for the life of me, I can’t remember what the issue was that started it.
My husband turned and left me in my office. I sat staring at my computer screen, actually feeling a bit peaceful about sharing this with my husband and a bit apprehensive at the same time. I turned back to my work and like many of our conversations, I believed we would not discuss it again.
However, to my complete surprise, an hour later my man walked back into my office, which is really just a cubby hole in the hallway. So he walked down the hall and stood by my desk. I looked up. Hesitantly he asked me a question, “Do you want me to go with you to the marriage workshops at church that start this week?”
Let me tell you that for all of my married life I have wanted my husband to attend any kind of marriage workshop with me. Never, I mean never, ever, has he been willing to do so. So to say I was surprised, is the understatement of the century.
What is bizarre in all this is what happened inside of me. FEAR.
After twenty years of asking for his willingness to attend a marriage class and receiving his rejection, I was terrified to say…… YES……
I literally didn’t answer him because I was overwhelmed by all the fears and feelings of rejection that ran over me as I sat dumbfounded in my chair. Let me share some of the thoughts that raced through my head in the few seconds that followed.
If I say yes and he changes his mind, it will crush me.
I should just let him off the hook; after all, he really doesn’t want to go.
I’m not sure I want to go.
Can I handle taking my unbelieving husband to church where many judgmental Christians might make him feel embarrassed?
Will I be embarrassed if he says or does the wrong thing?
Sheesh and GOOD GRIEF!!
What a mess.
My friends, even as I type this I feel my anxiety rise. And, there is a lot more to tell in this story but as usual, I’ve gone way too long. Find me Friday as I share with you what happened next and then what happened after that. Oh and one more thing then happened later.
It’s never boring at the Donovan house and it’s absolutely an epic adventure living the believers life.
Have a great week. Humor me and let me know what you think happened. Be blessed, Lynn