The Judgment of Others

I spoke with a friend at church Sunday who is also unequally yoked, and she brought up an issue I think we all run into at one point or another. As unequally yoked spouses, what can we do to cross the faith barrier to connect with our unbelieving spouses? And in so doing, how do we handle the judgments we sometimes receive from other believers.

We’ve talked in the past about how our actions speak louder than words. Sometimes the actions God call us to can look questionable in the eyes of others. I’ve recently joined my husband in playing an online video game that some would consider the “wrong influence.” Is it my first choice of activities? No, but it’s something my husband enjoys and joining him sends the message that I want to spend time with him, and I’m willing to do it on his terms (without sinning, of course) to show my love and acceptance of him.

I knew going into this that other Christians I know would not approve, but I moved this direction out of obedience. This was something God put on my heart to do. Let me cover some key points here:

1. God gave me the freedom to do this in order to connect to my husband. Had I not had this clarity and reassurance, I would not have gone this direction. I made sure God approved first.

2. This isn’t something addictive in my husband’s life, nor potentially addictive to me. Therefore, I wasn’t sinning against God. I believe things like this, whether they are a sin for an individual, must also be determined on an individual basis. What may be a sin for me isn’t a sin for you. And vice versa. For example, I know I struggle with the sin of gluttony, so for me to overindulge in an oversized piece of cheesecake is a sin. For you, this may be a rare treat that you’ve chosen to enjoy, but you could get up and walk away at any time. The point here is, the motivation and whether that force holds you in bondage.

3. Sometimes what we know is the right course of action may displease others. As Paul says, we can’t please others and still please God. Our job/joy is to be obedient to God, not the whims and opinions of others who may or may not understand our situations.

Sometimes these situations can bring unfair judgments upon us by other Christians. I ran into this when I didn’t force my teenagers to go to church. For a believing couple who is united in going to church, this works for them. They’re modeling the importance of church in the lives of a believer. But in an unequally yoked marriage, this sends an entirely different message to the unbeliever. The dynamics are completely different.

In this situation I had to completely trust God to move in my daughters’ lives and be the best Godly influence to them on a daily basis. Not only did I honor God in this but I also honored an agreement I’d made with my husband years back. When our girls were small, he agreed to let me take the girls to church if I agreed that in the end, our girls would make their own choice.

Did God come through? You bet he did! My oldest daughter attends her own church and even told her dad recently that she couldn’t miss church Sunday because she’d missed the Sunday before. What a testimony she had that day! And my youngest daughter is very strong in her belief in God and Jesus, and even witnesses to her online friends about God’s love. So you see, sometimes we will receive judgment, but we must remain true to God in our obedience. I promise you, God won’t let you down.

“There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?” — James 4:12(NIV)

Let me close with one final thought. When we are in a situation where a fellow Christian wrongly judges us, be very careful not to fall under the same sin. We can easily judge them for their offense and then we are just as guilty.

This takes us back to point three, that we are to please God, not others. We can leave the judgment of others to God for correction, and believe me, he will see and handle it. Trust him to do so, and move forward in obedience to him.

Amazingly, God will use our active obedience to not only witness to our spouses, but to inspire and encourage those on the sidelines watching as well.

Going forth boldly!
Dineen

Photo by Zoran Ozetsky
http://www.dezignia.com

Comments

[E Fordham]

Thanks for sharing. I think the thing I've learned in my walk with the Lord is that we have the written word of God (logos) and the rhema (holy spirit inspired) word of God. The Lord is very aware of the unique situations we find ourselves in. The word of God is not intended to be applied in a cookie cutter manner for all but with wisdom and discretion. It really takes the leading of the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit revealing the Rhema word of God for one to understand what is appropriate in your unique situation. I always try to remember the scripture which says, those that are led by the Spirit of God are the sons of God. We are not to be led by public opinion or well meaning Christians, but the Holy Spirit, because he has complete knowledge and understanding of our personal lives. I agree, it is a bit annoying to be judged unfairly, but you basically have to brush it off and know that this self appointed judge has not been called to judge or critique your actions because the word of God requires that we as Christians to judge ourselves. We also have the convicting power of the Holy Spirit to realign us if we are indeed in error. Be encouraged.... Be Led by the Spirit of God, because you are his child and you are complete in Christ.

[Rosheeda]

How true. Every.last.word.

[Heather Diane Tipton]

"we will receive judgment, but we must remain true to God in our obedience."

so there. so there.

[Noreen]

Great post Dineen, so often we are all so quick to judge when we don't walk in another's shoes. Even the choices we make, in the end we need to depend upon the Lord for direction and obediently follow Him regardless of what the world thinks. I experienced this when my hubby told me(when our girls were young)that I couldn't take them to church. The world&christian church told me to ignore this but I didn't and was blessed in my obedience.
Be blessed today.

[Sallye]

Dineen,

I am sorry that you are having to explain your actions. I apologize for those who have judged you on this, and ask that you forgive them. Which I know you have. God gave you the thumbs up on this and that is all the approval that you are required to obtain. Thank you for your kindness in explaining this, and the testimonies that are already coming out of this. Go spend time with your man. You are being a Titus 2 woman.

Sallye

[Lynn]

Dineen,

I thank you for this post. The struggles of being unequally yoked are often not understood by others. I have received these judgements from others and I feel the pain.

Just recently I felt the verbal stab from someone who wanted to come straigh out and say... I thought you were a Christian... They do not understand that we cannot always make every decison in our lives and childrens lives. I am so glad we have each other. It helps to know we are not alone traveling this challenging, yet very rewarding, path. Hugs~

[Stacy]

I loved this post! You shared some real pearls of wisdom. Next week, I will be posting a devotion in regards to the whole judging thing, and how Christians often get it so wrong when they make judgments. (I'll try to post it Monday in case you'd like to stop by and see it.)

[Tamara]

bravo Dineen, you have expressed so many of our decisions and reactions from fellow christian brothers/sisters. I know they dont mean it hurtful but it still can hurt - that is why a forum like this is so important - I do want to say: judging and saying or admonishing in love to one another are two pairs of shoes - I do apprecitate it when my friends tell me: hmm watch out - this could be a dangerous path and I then do ask God one more time, sometimes I do need to change courses again. I so wish you and Mike Gods great Hand and Blessing in your marriage, in Christs love, Tamara

[Stacy]

I told you last week that I would post my "judging" devotion this week. Here is the link:
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/proverbsmama/569297/?#c1116934