What's In Your Camp?

This scripture started it all:

Deuteronomy 23:14 For the LORD your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you. Your camp must be holy, so that he will not see among you anything indecent and turn away from you.

If you remember I began this journey back in April and we have looked at what is indecent in our camp and can those indecent items –attitudes- be a cause for the Lord to turn away from us.

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Idol story – Subtle Stealing
(Click to read previous posts)

A couple of posts back I told you we would explore something indecent which is prevalent today and has very easy access to our homes; pornography. I have been researching this subject and have asked the psychologist I work with here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage a few questions.

Interview with Rebecca Saville:

Lynn: I am thrilled to Welcome Rebecca to Spiritually Unequal Marriage today. Rebecca Saville has a Masters in Social Work and has been a counselor for 14 years. She is a deeply committed Christian and a mother of three. She has been married to a Navy Chaplain for 18 years.

Rebecca, here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage we have been taking a careful look at what is brought into our homes. This series of posts has led me to the subject of pornography. This is a difficult subject to be sure. However with the internet, viewing porn is now an epidemic: Here are just a few statistics taken from Familysafemedia.com.

Pornographic websites 4.2 million (12% of total websites)
Pornographic pages 420 million
Daily pornographic search engine requests 68 million (25% of total search engine requests)
Daily pornographic emails 2.5 billion (8% of total emails)
Internet users who view porn 42.7%
Received unwanted exposure to sexual material 34%
Average daily pornographic emails/user 4.5 per Internet user
Monthly Pornographic downloads (Peer-to-peer) 1.5 billion (35% of all downloads)
Daily Gnutella "child pornography" requests 116,000
Websites offering illegal child pornography 100,000
Sexual solicitations of youth made in chat rooms 89%
Youths who received sexual solicitation 1 in 7 (down from 2003 stat of 1 in 3)
Worldwide visitors to pornographic web sites 72 million visitors to pornography: Monthly
Internet Pornography Sales $4.9 billion

Lynn: Rebecca during our conversation, I believe you told me that pornography is not about sex. What is the allure? What is it about?

(Rebecca): Men are created different from women. Women are aroused by words, touch, and relationship. Men are aroused by what they see. They don’t have to talk to or interact with or have any relationship with another woman to be aroused. In fact, (Ladies, I know this is disappointing to hear) a picture can arouse a man as much as his wife can. Everywhere men look there are women with the latest tightest fashions. Even in church men are aroused by curves, legs, and breasts that are exposed. They are up against the battle of the age-old problem of the eyes. Being male brings a natural vulnerability to sexual sin. And marriage doesn’t usually cure sexual sin. Christian men and unbelievers alike face intense temptations.

Physiologically, men receive a chemical high from sexually-charged images. Epinephrine is secreted into the blood stream. Then there is a memory lock on the stimulus that is present when he is emotionally excited. The images in the mind are there and can be accessed at any time. It takes discipline not to fantasize about the images in everyday living that have gotten his engine revving.

Not only are all men susceptible to sexual immorality because of the way they are wired, some also have unresolved emotional issues that make them vulnerable to inappropriate sexual gratification: Insecurity, fear, low self-esteem, abandonment, etc. For example, take the issue of poor stress management. When stress overwhelms a man, he wants to stop feeling that way. The easiest way he knows to feel better is to masturbate to release the epinephrine, enjoy a physical and emotional high and sleep. That choice becomes a habit. Whereas others exercise, talk or problem-solve under stress, this individual chooses an ineffective way of handling stress. The problem is still there when he wakes up, and the toll on his marriage is greater.

Even nice guys look at all women. Subconsciously in the flesh they have this internal conversation with themselves: Would I? Could I? Should I? To shut that conversation down before it ever comes up takes a lot of training to suppress the human nature that God created them with, but it can be done with the Lord’s help.

Lynn: Many people view pornography as harmless entertainment. Is pornography a sin?

(Rebecca): Ephesians 5:3 sets God’s standard for sexual purity: “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity.”

I Thessalonians 4:3 states: “It is God’s will that you should be made holy; that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust”.

God requires obedience—to all his principles. We need men of honor and decency.

Wives, you can (1) pray for your husbands to remain sexually pure and to avert his eyes when someone may arouse him.

(2) Fulfill your husband sexually even though you don’t want to at times;

(3) Talk openly and honestly about the topic of being easily attracted visually recognizing most men are affected by sexual impurity;

(4) Understand that this is not your problem even if your man says it is.

Lynn: What are the consequences of bringing pornography into marriage?

(Rebecca): Many men are ignorant of the fact that pornography hurts their marriage and he needs to train his eyes and mind and heart to behave in an honorable way. The purpose of sex is to create oneness between two married people. Making love in marriage is a celebration of Christ’s love for his church.

Men invite their wives to watch pornography with them so they can “learn more” about how to please him, or experiment more. This does not work. The deviant sexual appetite left unchecked will not be satisfied. It has an addictive nature that wants more. Initially pornography makes men view women as objects of their sexual gratification and possessions. Viewing pornography entices to “forbidden love.” The choice starts with masturbation to a 2-dimensional picture, and the habit leads to ejaculation with a 3-dimensional person outside of marriage. Each growing step of the addiction is overstepping God’s boundaries a little more.

Matthew 5:28 states “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

An addiction to sex progresses through four steps:

1. preoccupation

(2. ritualization

3. compulsive sex behavior

4. despair

This Monday I have a follow up to this interview. A Christian woman who is living with pornography and has for years will share her perspective and the truth that will set you free! She has read this interview and makes some excellent points and first person observations. Don't miss this post. I promise, it is worth it!

Next Friday, we will continue this interview and learn more about the devastation of relationships and this epidemic. But more importantly we will discover the truth about hope and help for those who are affected by pornography.

I have found online resources to help you learn more. Check out:

Bebroken.com
Troubledwith.com

Lord, God, on our knees we ask you to stir, in the hearts of our men, a mighty character. Lord, give them strength when temptation arises. Stir within them a desire to be men of honor. In Jesus name, Amen.

Be Blessed, Lynn

Comments

[Tami Boesiger]

Lynn,
Your site is SO NEEDED! You are doing a tremendous work here. I am confident when I direct people here, they will good sound Biblical advice. Keep it up, girl.

And kudos to you for tackling a sensitive issue!

[Dineen Miller]

Awesome post, Lynn! Looking forward to Monday!

[Peggy]

Lynn...You never needed my resources! Look at the resources that you have on this indecent topic. Again, it is I who am benefiting. I checked out the enormous info on your two online resources. I was going to direct you to Focus on the Family.
Today, I was on OnePlace.com site and looking at what was available. Ended up on FOF Spanish site and the topic for today was not the same as English! Amazingly, it was "Mujeres contra la pornografia"(Women Against...you got it)Dr. Dobson with an
interview with Dee Jepsen. But looking at from where we have come since April on
"What's in OUR Camp?", I think it may be safe to say "what's around our camp affects what's in our camp!" Being in a regular marriage is difficult, being in a Christian marriage-it's even difficult, so being in our situation with one person not being or wanting to be Christian...makes what's in OUR camp...more difficult than all marriages. If we talk about our own camp, vs. the camp we share...it gives us a fighting chance. However, scripture clearly tells us to"take the log out of our own eye" (Matt.7)but what I see that as meaning beyond the clearness of this JUDGING, is we are to work on our own self first. Clean up our own act or whatever God is dealing with you on...for me, it's my mouth fueled by anger...for my spouse...it was the avenue we are discussing! This is idolatry also!
I remember well now your post on that also.
I will never justify the wrong of this industry and I am appalled by the billions of staistics, but already knew it was this rampant! The ? remains how to rid our camp?
I really feel that this will reach hurting people! Though this is difficult for me to go back into this part of my journey left behind...it was never dealt with...and I can see that the scars still need healing
even being out of that camp...Though I thought that I had overcome this and been set free by Christ, I just "ran away" from the problem...so I really look forward to your upcoming interview with the Truth that will set me free and as always I cling to any word that will bring me HOPE!Thank you
Lynn & Rebecca! God bless you both!

[Abby]

What an absolutely powerful interview. Thank you so much for covering such a sensitive topic - I can't wait for Monday.

Your prayer for our men brought me to tears - it is just what I needed at that moment as I think back over the last few years!!

Love you, girl!!

[Amy]

You know what I've found through others that I think is freaky? Pornography doesn't just happen to men, it also happens to us women. I keep well away from that sort of stuff, it's trouble with a capital T and only causes problems but there are many people out there in the world who don't know how to break away from their addiction to it.