Pornography~ The Reality!

Lynn

I loved how you showed that even though a husband may try to draw his wife into it to "enrich" their sex life, it actually creates a vicious suction pool of addiction and despair. That is sooo true. Wives should not enter into it even one bit, or their own consciousness will begin to burn, their relationship with God will be burdened and their husbands will be in big trouble with God, I pray!

The only thing I wasn't as crazy about was the first question. She asked, "if it's not all about sex, then what is it about?" And I felt like you responded with an explanation of a man's sex drive. I felt like it was saying...it's about sex. He can't help it, this is what he likes to do, even though it doesn't please God. That's still just "sex." What I would say to a woman who is dealing with that with her husband is this:

"There are dozens of reasons why your man could be into porn. Of course, he might just plain like it. It's hot and sexy. Period. He's a guy. He might be getting great sex at home, or he might be deprived. Men with sex-loving wives can be into it, and men with frigid wives can be into it. Your husband might resent you. He might be angry at you. Using it to get back at you or control you. He might be stressed from work and needs a let down. He might be lonely. He might be bored. When he lets lonely, angry, bored, stressed, or tired, he may turn to porn because it is handy, provides quick, immediate relief and he has no better coping mechanisms. Relationships take energy, and he may not have the energy to wait the full hour it takes to use you, his wife, for his natural stress relief. He may be running from God. He knows he can get all he needs from Jesus, but chooses not to. He may love his wife, he may be sick of his wife...it may or may not have anything to do with his wife. Porn is easy, cheap, handy, fun. And he can rationalize it saying that "everybody is doing it." Even Christian guys get sucked into the idea that it's normal.

However. Afterwards, porn does leave guys feeling guilty, depressed, angrier at their wives, more discontent than ever, sneakier, wasting the family's finances, and eventually addicted, compulsively enslaved to it's drug-like effects. His relationship with God suffers as his heart grows colder and more numb to the Spirit of God. At this point the guy has to reach a "bottom-out" point before he will let God pull his white knuckles off the merry go round.

Wives do well to understand that it is not about them most of the time. Being prettier, bustier, wilder, riskier will not satisfy their husbands. It is like money...they will always want more. Women do well to pray for the Spirit of God to convict their husbands and open their eyes to the dangers. Because even if the marriage is in pretty good shape when the guy starts using porn, by the time it has run it's course it will damage his intimacy with his wife, no matter how understanding she is. She may not mind the porn, but she will might the secret internet accounts, the lies and the excuses. And she may begin to resent his lack of spiritual leadership even more as he falls further from the truth. Women must remember that the guys don't see porn stars as sleazy, needy, damaged, hurting, empty little girls like women do. Women are helpless to convince their husbands of anything. You can pray, fast, be sexually available, but don't let down your boundaries of what you are comfortable with. Be strong-minded and firm. Be understanding of their stress and remind them of other coping methods available...for example, be available for "quickies" after work, let him go running or golfing after work, find a constructive hobby, insist on more date nights, more guys' nights out. Be creative, but don't obsess about it. Realize above all that it is HIS responsibility to deal with it and with God and NOT YOURS. Or you will become more codependent and miserable, and lose your own identity and life in the process. Be sure that YOU are doing what you can to be on track with God, and doing your best in all your areas of responsibility and leisure.

You are loved and deeply empathized with by "zillions" of Christian/non-Christian women who are in your shoes. (Beware that if you talk about it with non-Christian friends, they may say they don't mind their husbands doing it because it's normal. But if you dig deeper, you may find that it did hurt them, but that they have given up because they have no paradigm for figuring out what is right and wrong in their life, and they can't get their husbands to stop either!)

Turn to Jesus. All husbands and wives hurt and disappoint each other. Jesus will never fail you or leave you alone. Climb up into HIS lap when it hurts to much to pray. God will do more than you can imagine through this painful process. He may grow you, make you stronger, more empathetic, more patient, more understanding, more compassionate, less judgmental, less rigid, less selfish, less arrogant. And he may take your husband on a journey of truly discovering forgiveness and salvation. God can work this for your and your husband's good as he promises.

Sincerely, One Who Knows

We Will continue this series Friday. Be Blessed, Lynn

A Divine Balloon? Weekend Devotion

Sunday my husband opened the back door to go outside to do some chores. As he opened the door, this is what he found lying on the doorstep.

Now look at little closer. Can you read the words?

Is reads: BAPTISM!

I think God is hilarious! The delivery from the sky of this particular balloon is irony taken to a supernatural level. God is funny. Really, He is. He knows how much I love to laugh so He sends a “Baptized” balloon to my unbeliever on a Sunday morning.

My husband brings the balloon in wearing a befuddled look on his face. He shows me and I can’t help but to bust out with knee-slapping merriment. I laugh so hard I actually snorted. How ironic. Can you believe God would send a special and private invitation to my man?

The arrival of this balloon was perfect. It prompted a pointed and genuine conversation about baptism. My husband knows enough about Jesus’ teaching to know baptism is a deciding step toward faith. He is familiar with Christ’s example.

Matthew 3: 13-17 (NIV)

The Baptism of Jesus
13Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John. 14But John tried to deter him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?”
15Jesus replied, “Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness.” Then John consented.

16As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. 17And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

Of course, I had to say something. I couldn’t let this divine moment slip away. “Honey, do you think this is your personal invitation to be baptized?” Usually I avoid these direct approaches because they tend to move into moments of tension between us. However, today, between my guwffaws I couldn’t help asking.

He kindly replied, “I am not ready.” *smile*

His response humbled and surprised me. I didn’t realize my man had actually contemplated baptism. Praise the Lord, he has!

It is unlike me to leave a story unfinished. I always like neat and tidy endings. However, today, I leave the ending of THIS story undone. I will wait for the Master Author to work this conclusion. And finish it He will. In spectacular fashion.

I can’t wait for the day when I can tell all of you who faithfully prayed for this man, he found his way to the foot of the cross. It will happen!

O Lord God, today I shout out the names of all of those whose salvation hangs in the balance. For my husband, for my neighbors, family, every person at my salon, gals in my Bible study, my online visitors who are searching. Lord, I shout their name out before your throne. Send them a balloon. Send them hope through the Bible, or a kind word, or some encouragement. Let them see Jesus in me and in every believer who stops in here today. In the life-changing name of Jesus I ask for their salvation, Amen.

Who is your hold out this day? Wont you shout out along with me? Be Blessed, Lynn

Originally posted September 2007 at Laced With Grace.... I am still praying. Can't wait to see what the Lord does next to get my mans' attention. It should be really great!

What's In Your Camp?

This scripture started it all:

Deuteronomy 23:14 For the LORD your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you. Your camp must be holy, so that he will not see among you anything indecent and turn away from you.

If you remember I began this journey back in April and we have looked at what is indecent in our camp and can those indecent items –attitudes- be a cause for the Lord to turn away from us.

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Idol story – Subtle Stealing
(Click to read previous posts)

A couple of posts back I told you we would explore something indecent which is prevalent today and has very easy access to our homes; pornography. I have been researching this subject and have asked the psychologist I work with here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage a few questions.

Interview with Rebecca Saville:

Lynn: I am thrilled to Welcome Rebecca to Spiritually Unequal Marriage today. Rebecca Saville has a Masters in Social Work and has been a counselor for 14 years. She is a deeply committed Christian and a mother of three. She has been married to a Navy Chaplain for 18 years.

Rebecca, here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage we have been taking a careful look at what is brought into our homes. This series of posts has led me to the subject of pornography. This is a difficult subject to be sure. However with the internet, viewing porn is now an epidemic: Here are just a few statistics taken from Familysafemedia.com.

Pornographic websites 4.2 million (12% of total websites)
Pornographic pages 420 million
Daily pornographic search engine requests 68 million (25% of total search engine requests)
Daily pornographic emails 2.5 billion (8% of total emails)
Internet users who view porn 42.7%
Received unwanted exposure to sexual material 34%
Average daily pornographic emails/user 4.5 per Internet user
Monthly Pornographic downloads (Peer-to-peer) 1.5 billion (35% of all downloads)
Daily Gnutella "child pornography" requests 116,000
Websites offering illegal child pornography 100,000
Sexual solicitations of youth made in chat rooms 89%
Youths who received sexual solicitation 1 in 7 (down from 2003 stat of 1 in 3)
Worldwide visitors to pornographic web sites 72 million visitors to pornography: Monthly
Internet Pornography Sales $4.9 billion

Lynn: Rebecca during our conversation, I believe you told me that pornography is not about sex. What is the allure? What is it about?

(Rebecca): Men are created different from women. Women are aroused by words, touch, and relationship. Men are aroused by what they see. They don’t have to talk to or interact with or have any relationship with another woman to be aroused. In fact, (Ladies, I know this is disappointing to hear) a picture can arouse a man as much as his wife can. Everywhere men look there are women with the latest tightest fashions. Even in church men are aroused by curves, legs, and breasts that are exposed. They are up against the battle of the age-old problem of the eyes. Being male brings a natural vulnerability to sexual sin. And marriage doesn’t usually cure sexual sin. Christian men and unbelievers alike face intense temptations.

Physiologically, men receive a chemical high from sexually-charged images. Epinephrine is secreted into the blood stream. Then there is a memory lock on the stimulus that is present when he is emotionally excited. The images in the mind are there and can be accessed at any time. It takes discipline not to fantasize about the images in everyday living that have gotten his engine revving.

Not only are all men susceptible to sexual immorality because of the way they are wired, some also have unresolved emotional issues that make them vulnerable to inappropriate sexual gratification: Insecurity, fear, low self-esteem, abandonment, etc. For example, take the issue of poor stress management. When stress overwhelms a man, he wants to stop feeling that way. The easiest way he knows to feel better is to masturbate to release the epinephrine, enjoy a physical and emotional high and sleep. That choice becomes a habit. Whereas others exercise, talk or problem-solve under stress, this individual chooses an ineffective way of handling stress. The problem is still there when he wakes up, and the toll on his marriage is greater.

Even nice guys look at all women. Subconsciously in the flesh they have this internal conversation with themselves: Would I? Could I? Should I? To shut that conversation down before it ever comes up takes a lot of training to suppress the human nature that God created them with, but it can be done with the Lord’s help.

Lynn: Many people view pornography as harmless entertainment. Is pornography a sin?

(Rebecca): Ephesians 5:3 sets God’s standard for sexual purity: “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity.”

I Thessalonians 4:3 states: “It is God’s will that you should be made holy; that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust”.

God requires obedience—to all his principles. We need men of honor and decency.

Wives, you can (1) pray for your husbands to remain sexually pure and to avert his eyes when someone may arouse him.

(2) Fulfill your husband sexually even though you don’t want to at times;

(3) Talk openly and honestly about the topic of being easily attracted visually recognizing most men are affected by sexual impurity;

(4) Understand that this is not your problem even if your man says it is.

Lynn: What are the consequences of bringing pornography into marriage?

(Rebecca): Many men are ignorant of the fact that pornography hurts their marriage and he needs to train his eyes and mind and heart to behave in an honorable way. The purpose of sex is to create oneness between two married people. Making love in marriage is a celebration of Christ’s love for his church.

Men invite their wives to watch pornography with them so they can “learn more” about how to please him, or experiment more. This does not work. The deviant sexual appetite left unchecked will not be satisfied. It has an addictive nature that wants more. Initially pornography makes men view women as objects of their sexual gratification and possessions. Viewing pornography entices to “forbidden love.” The choice starts with masturbation to a 2-dimensional picture, and the habit leads to ejaculation with a 3-dimensional person outside of marriage. Each growing step of the addiction is overstepping God’s boundaries a little more.

Matthew 5:28 states “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

An addiction to sex progresses through four steps:

1. preoccupation

(2. ritualization

3. compulsive sex behavior

4. despair

This Monday I have a follow up to this interview. A Christian woman who is living with pornography and has for years will share her perspective and the truth that will set you free! She has read this interview and makes some excellent points and first person observations. Don't miss this post. I promise, it is worth it!

Next Friday, we will continue this interview and learn more about the devastation of relationships and this epidemic. But more importantly we will discover the truth about hope and help for those who are affected by pornography.

I have found online resources to help you learn more. Check out:

Bebroken.com
Troubledwith.com

Lord, God, on our knees we ask you to stir, in the hearts of our men, a mighty character. Lord, give them strength when temptation arises. Stir within them a desire to be men of honor. In Jesus name, Amen.

Be Blessed, Lynn

Thankful Thursday - A New Baby?

Hi and welcome everyone to Thankful Thursday. Some of you have been participating in Thankful Thursday for quite some time. You may remember that in March I wrote a Thankful Thursday post about a new garden.

You might recall we changed our backyard landscape from grass to a vegetable garden on the left and a flower garden on the right side of the yard. So why is a garden significant? I left the Corporate world of banking a few years ago. Prior to that I was a driven, wanna be, yuppie. Never, in a million years, would I have thought of myself as a stay-at-home mom, planting a garden, ironing clothes, cooking, cleaning and enjoying it. No…. LOVING IT!

The Lord, my Father, has been so very kind to me. He showed me a life I didn’t know I could have.

To date, the tiny garden has produced a couple of zucchini and a single artichoke. But look what I found when I returned home following the She Speaks Conference.

This is Mega-Zucchini. I pulled it out of the garden and held it like it was a newborn baby. I felt as though I had birthed the thing through careful tending and TLC. I couldn’t help but to find a baby cap and draw the eyes. This is my daughter, Caitie, holding the newest addition.

Okay, y’all (can you tell I’ve been down south?) I am not obsessed over zucchini. I do plan to slice and dice and serve it with pasta.

I am so very thankful to enjoy this simple yet wonderful experience of growing and harvesting. I am thankful to the Lord above.

I have veggies commin’ out of my ears now. I wish y’all lived close because I would be brining you some today. In stead, please let me send you a hug (((((you))))) and know this. A slightly zany gardener and daughter of the Lord loves you just because you are His.

Count your blessings. Name them one-by-one! Count your many blessings see what God has done.

Be Blessed, Lynn

I need zucchini recipies! Please

For more Thankful Thursday blessings, visit Iris at Sting My Heart.

The Third Attitude of Waiting

The last two weeks I’ve talked about the significance of waiting in our spiritual lives. Click here to read part one. Click here to read part two. Today I’ll continue with the final attitude of waiting.

Waiting Expectantly.

We all inevitably have times of waiting for God to move. Through time and trial, we learn to wait patiently as we come to understand God’s faithfulness, and trusting God seems to be the heart and soul of just about any issue we face in our lives. But how much do we trust God? How far are we willing to trust him?

With each attitude of waiting, our trust muscle gets stretched more and more. We may be able to wait patiently, for the most part, but what about waiting expectantly? What exactly does that mean?

Waiting expectantly crosses a belief barrier. We can wait patiently, unsure of what God has in mind, yet trust that He will move in some way. We continue to pray for God’s intercession but we may not entirely believe God will act.

Waiting expectantly moves one step deeper. We not only trust God to do something, we eagerly await results. We KNOW without a doubt God is working in our circumstances. Our prayers even reflect this. They move from, “God, if you’re willing, would you…” to “God, thank you for what you are and will be doing in this situation.”

So how do we wait expectantly in our unequally yoked marriages? In Mark 9 the father of a demon possessed boy asks Jesus for help. “But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

“‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.”

Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

I know we can’t simply make things happen by believing they will. That isn’t what this verse is saying. Jesus is talking about believing in him, not circumstances which can easily mislead and disappoint us. It’s about shedding our doubts about what our God can do and believing he can do anything. Trusting he will do what is in our best interests, and then waiting for it (whatever it may be) to happen.

Ultimately, waiting expectantly confirms our faith in God.

Praying, believing…and waiting expectantly,
Dineen

Life-Changing!

I am attempting to gather my thoughts from my jet-lagged brain this morning. Amazing, fantastic, humbling, AWESOME…… These simple words are inadequate to describe this weekend at the She Speaks Conference.

What I know for sure. God changed me. I will never, ever be the same….. I saw the Lord a fresh. I grasped in some small measure how really BIG God is and just how small I am….. and it was so very good. (Photo: Angie Knight, The Knightly News, Joanne Kraft, Blessed, and Lynn Donovan, Spritually Unequal Marriage also contributors at Laced With Grace)

I can’t begin to thank you enough for the prayers of support. THANK YOU. You words spoken for little ole’ me were priceless gems in my life. Each breath, word you uttered for me, the Lord heard. My appointments with the publishers, for whom you prayed, went so well. Now I turn my project over to the Lord. And it can rest in His capable and miraculous hands.

I will write more about some of the life-changing words I heard later in the week. To follow are some pictures from the event. I wish I had taken more. Some of the pictures were taken by Angie. Thanks Angie!

Have a blessed day. Remember we serve the King. Fear not and trust Him with your day. Be Blessed, Lynn

Lysa TerKeurst. Proverbs 31 Ministries. I love Lysa. She is a humble servant of our Lord. Thank you Lysa for this profound ministry. The Lord sees you and He is well pleased indeed!!! Love you girl!

Lynn and Linda at 2nd Cup of Coffee

Boo Mama and Big Mama.

Proverbs 31 Team. What a hoot!

Jenny from Standing at the water's edge.

Angie, Joanne and me.

Angie and her sister, Amiee

My Roomie, Debbie Calvert

The amazing and talented gals in my Speaker Critique group. Thanks Charlene Kidd, our group leader, You Rock!

Weekend Devotion — Are You Esther?

For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
— Esther 4:14 (NIV)

Against opposing odds, Esther met the call set before her and risked her life to save her people. At first she baulked, but her cousin Mordecai pointed out that she had everything to lose and nothing to gain by remaining silent. Seeing the situation through his eyes helped Esther see beyond herself.

Often when we look at our spiritually mismatched marriages, we see a situation we have no control over and no hope of ever changing. We need God’s help to see beyond our own limited vision and perspective.

This is probably the most challenging part being unequally yoked, to keep our eyes on God and to remember we potentially serve a higher calling in our marriages. But this is the truth we need to cling to in the most difficult of times. By keeping our eyes on God, we can see our marriages through his eyes and keep our hope planted firmly in Him.

Perhaps we too are the Esthers in our marriages and have been put there for such a time as this. When we keep the view of our marriages limited to what we see and perceive, we run the hazard of losing our hope, and even our faith. We need the bigger picture. We need God’s perspective.

For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. — 2 Corinthians 2:14–16

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Thankful Thursday

If you are reading this on Thursday, June 19th, I am likely in an airplane headed from California to North Carolina. I am attending the She Speaks Conference hosted by Proverbs 31 Ministries.

This opportunity is only possible because of my Jehovah-Jireh ~ the Lord our Provider. My precious mother paid for my tuition. My adorable husband gave up one of his free first class tickets to fly me.

It cracks me up the way the Lord works. He works through my unbelieving spouse time and again. One day, after my husband’s confession that Jesus is Lord, my guy will know fully how God was working in his life and mine all along.

I love you my husband.
Mother, you are an amazing woman and I love you.
Jesus, you are my life. Thank you!

I praise you my Jehovah-Jireh. I give you thanks for the abundance in my life.

Luke 6:38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Be blessed, Lynn

For more Thankful Thursday blessings, visit Iris at Sting My Heart.

The Second Attitude of Waiting

Last week I talked about the significance of waiting in our spiritual lives. Click here if you’d like to read that post. This week I want to explore the next attitude of waiting.

Waiting Patiently.

Our natural tendency leans toward a continuous sense of movement. When we feel our progress stalling, we grow agitated and antsy. Think of traffic. You’re moving along, thinking you might actually get home, or wherever, in a decent amount of time. Then one after another, you see those taillights glow a bright red and you moan along with the hum of your breaks. So much for that idea. Now you’re stuck, creeping along with no idea what’s causing the hold up or how long a delay lies ahead.

You’ve just lost control of your agenda. And now you have to wait. You can bang on the steering wheel, curse at the delusional driver who just cut in front of you, and rant the next hour or so. Or you can open the sun roof and let the sun warm your face, turn on some good Christian tunes, or even better, catch up on those prayer requests you didn’t get to in your hurry that morning.

Our lives are much the same. We think we’re moving along okay, then life throws something totally unexpected our way. We can rant and rave, or we can take advantage of the time and benefit from it. Learn from it. Trust God in the middle of it.

One such character comes to mind. Abraham’s life is a true picture of waiting. The Bible even describes how he waited:

And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised. — Hebrews 6:15

When God first spoke to him (then Abram) about his future offspring, Abraham was seventy-five years old. He was 100 years old at Isaac’s birth. That's a lot of waiting!

Through his Word, God gives us further instructions on this attitude of waiting:

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him. — Psalm 37:7

But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. — Romans 8:25

I (David) waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. — Psalm 40:1

Waiting patiently is the next step in trusting God to be in control of our lives, especially when we can’t be. It’s all in the attitude, my friends, and that we always have control over.

Next week we’ll explore the third attitude of waiting. Waiting expectantly. Hope to see you here!

Praying, believing…and still waiting,
Dineen

Facing the Giants

Good Monday Everyone:

Over the weekend I told you the story about jogging, a rooster and a car. Scroll down if you missed it then come back.

I mentioned the movie, Facing the Giants. There is a sceen in this movie that can put tears in my eyes. It is powerful when you realize that the Lord our God, stands over us shouting these very words into our lives.

Your very best.

Don't give up.

You can do it.

I RARELY post a video because we are all so busy. It takes effort to quiet ourselves for more than five minutes and focus on a video. This one is worth it. Might I suggest you turn up your speakers to "loud." Let the full impact of the sceen affect your day today. Then stand back and see the power of God at work in your life. Be Blessed, Lynn