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22 entries from May 2007

Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday at Spiritually Unequal Marriage is an opportunity to give thanks to the King for our spouses. Today I give thanks to the King for my husband who was brave enough to raise the tent! Please join me at Christian Women Online where I share our recent tent-raising experience. ....I looked across the tent and I saw my husband, a gift from God. I saw a man who has made me a better woman.... Be Blessed, Lynn For more Thankful Thursdays, visit Iris at Sting My Heart. Thank you Iris for this wonderful ministry of thanks. Also up next: How do I handle my hurt when my spouse ridicules my faith? Read more →

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What Bible is your Spouse Reading?

Today, I want you to consider the concept of being perhaps the only Bible your husband will ever read. If that is the case, what is he reading? Does your life reflect scripture? Not always? Don’t lose heart. We are only human. We will fail. Often times I fail not only daily, but hourly. Ugh! When I fall short because I was short-tempered, snappy, or just plane rude, I turn to Jesus for forgiveness and grace. Again and again I receive forgiveness. Christ’s forgiveness empowers me to forgive. That is the Bible our spouses need to read! Next Post: How do I handle my hurt when my spouse ridicules my faith? Be blessed, Lynn Read more →

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Remember

"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down his life for his friends." ~John 15:13~ In the United States, Memorial Day is on the last Monday in May and commemorates men and women who gave their lives for their country in wars. Pray with me. Lord, today we remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our liberties. Let us remember Lord those who served and those today who put their lives on the line for our country. Father, I pray for this nation. Let us be a nation under the hand of you our mighty, God. Amen Read more →

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I am married, so why do I feel so alone? Part VIII

While preparing for this series of articles about loneliness in marriage, I found an interesting piece of advice from a Christian marriage counselor. His advice resonates in me and I believe it truly is helpful. Get regular physical exercise! May I suggest a half hour a day walking or running? If you can’t walk or run, perhaps swim or at lease move around outside. Years ago I began to walk every morning. I would read my Bible, pray in my prayer journal, and then go for a walk-and-talk with Jesus. Walking and talking with Jesus is often the highlight of my day. I share my thoughts with him. I worship Him as I see how beautiful the natural world is. It is on these walks that God sends little love notes to me. The melody of a bird song elates my soul; I delight to watch a bunny cross my... Read more →

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Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday at Spiritually Unequal Marriage is an opportunity to give thanks to the King for our spouses. I am grateful to the Lord because we share Thankful Thursdays. Making one day a week a day to thank our God for our blessings is humbling. I thank God today for my husband once again. Taking time once a week to thank God for my Spiritually Mismatch spouse has caused me to see my husband in loving eyes. Today I see his sacrifice as he boards a plane twice a week to provide for his family. Giving thanks to my Savior for my husband removes my gripes, my frustrations and replaces those harsh and selfish feelings with love, acceptance and real appreciation. Thank you Lord, for my husband. He truly is a gift from You. For more Thankful Thursdays, visit Iris at Sting My Heart. Thank you Iris for this profound... Read more →

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I am married, so why do I feel so alone? Part VII

If you want to change your marriage, you must move from apathy to commitment. Begin by practicing thankfulness. Make a list of your blessings. Specifically thank God for your spouse and the specific things you appreciate about him or her. Thanksgiving breaks down entitlement attitudes that breed discontentment. Self-talk such as I deserve a better marriage than this. Or, I deserve someone who can meet my needs, will never bring you to healing. What we deserve is death and God owes us nothing. Through His grace and love, however, we have everything. We have His power to turn around our destructive self-talk. Two suggestions to begin these changes: First: Read the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This book can help you to love your spouse in the language which will create the best response for your efforts. Second: Help others. Giving to others in service can change the heart... Read more →

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Marriage Monday

Wow! I love the Marriage Monday post at Fruit In Season. Christine addresses children and the changes they bring to a marriage relationship. One thing Christine points out is the importance of presenting a united front to children. This is sound advice, however, extremely difficult in a spiritually mismatched marriage. Often core values and beliefs are at odds or even at war. The best advice it exactly as Christine says, “So we choose, almost without fail, to support each other in front of the kids and save our disagreements for another time.” Even when the disagreements are monumental, you can agree with your spouse to talk about them behind closed doors and not to argue in front of your children. Trust me from a woman who has made this mistake. Arguing in front of your kids stresses your kids out more than you can imagine. Talk with your spouse in... Read more →

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A cup of Java

I am having a great laugh over my wacky life over at Jehovah Java. Stop over for a hot cup of coffee and a smile to lighten up your busy day. Be blessed, Lynn Read more →

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Emergency!

When I face uncertainty or insurmountable odds or just raw need.... Find out what I do. I hope you do it to. Be Blessed, Lynn Read more →

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I am married, so why do I feel so alone? Part VI

This next post may hurt a bit. Some people never grow up. And, by-the-way, that IS NOT A GOOD THING! If you are married to an immature person, it can be utterly wearisome. No matter what you do, you cannot make someone grow up but you certainly don’t need to enable them in their irresponsibility. Immaturity can be a result of childhood experiences. How we form our adult thoughts and beliefs, how we learn to love others is a direct result of our childhood learning, as we discussed in an earlier post. Some people simply are stuck in their immaturity and never grow up. Dealing with an immature spouse sometimes is like dealing with a teenager. There must be rational approaches and consequences. As adult and mature married people, we should be able to give and receive affection, through handholding, kissing, hugging, conversation, and sexual relations that are comfortable for... Read more →

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Thankful Thursday

Last weekend, I spent time with family members I have not spent time with in a long while. We laughed and laughed and laughed. I didn’t realize until now that I am truly filled with laughter, delight, and Godly joy. Today I give thanks to the King for genuine, authentic joy. I am thankful for the fruit of the Spirit, Joy. It is present in my heart. I stand amazed at the work of God’s hand upon my life. Thanks to Iris at Sting My Heart for hosting Thankful Thursday. Thank you Jesus! Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control.... Be Blessed, Lynn Read more →

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I am married, so why do I feel so alone? Part V

After twenty years of marriage, George and Cyndi (fictitious names), are living in the same house, sharing the same table but feel alone and stuck in a marriage desperate for affection. George has turned to pornography and Cyndi to food. Their desperate hunger has forced them to grab at anything that will feed their need for love. Some of the inappropriate ways people try to feed their marriages: Threatening divorce Withholding love Playing sexual games Having an affair Diving into pornography Alcohol or drugs Workaholism Gambling addiction Entertainment If you are desperately lonely and in need of affection, you may even be tempted to go too far in trying to get it from your spouse. Groveling, begging, or demanding will not work. Marriage counselors would tell you that what attracts a person is self-respect and confidence. Finding ourselves as a child of God, created in His image, provides the self-worth... Read more →

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I am married, so why do I feel so alone? Part IV

It’s time to take your pulse. All of God’s children are born with personality, traits, and abilities which are unique. However, attitudes and perceptions are what we develop in our childhood. Attitudes and perceptions we can change as an adult. Think about your family of origin and your family of today. Was your family: Supportive or aloof Encouraging or discouraging Warm or cold Close or Distant Real or Phony Helpful or Critical Open or Closed Unified or Divided Affectionate or Unaffectionate Do you see any patterns here? Patterns in your family of origin or of today? Do you like your family of today? Okay here is the hard part. How brave are you? If you dare to do it, your children are old enough to understand, and you are mature enough to handle their answers, try talking about their perceptions of what it’s like in your family. You may be... Read more →

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Road of Life

Mother's Day Tribute As I have walked the road of life, I have learned so many things, And in learning I remember, And remembering, pleasure brings. I have learned that in the world, The lessons taught by living, About the ones who love you, Who is the most forgiving. The one who binds up all the wounds. Eases pain that can't be seen. Tells you that you're wonderful, When the world is cruel and mean. I have learned there is no other, Who wipes away the tears, And stays your friend and confident, Despite of age and years. I speak of God's rich gift, We should prize above all others. The one who rights our footsteps, Our guides, our hope, our mothers. She will be your greatest asset, As you battle all your wars, She will kiss away each tear, And try to mend the scars. We should give with... Read more →

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I am married, so why do I feel so alone? Part III

In some of my research materials, Christian Counselors indicate people do not know how to love one another. We will learn about this in future posts. But today we need to learn about ourselves. To learn how to love another person, specifically our spouse, first we must learn who we are. My life forever changed when I realized my spouse was unable to mee all my needs. I guess like everyone, I am really needy. The task to love me the way “I wanted” to be loved was daunting. I want to share one of my original posts with you here. Many of you may have read it before but the truth in this post is life changing: For many years I placed my husband in the impossible roll of satisfying all the desires I had for love, acceptance, and identity. I set him up and myself up for disappointment.... Read more →

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Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday at Spiritually Unequal Marriage is an opportunity to give thanks to the King for our spouses. You know what I find amazing? I started this blog for unequally yoked spouses a year ago in May. At that time I asked my husband his thoughts about sharing our life with others. How would he feel about it? Would he be offended if I shared personal struggles? Could he be supportive of my efforts? Would he read my posts about him to make sure they were accurate? Would he be embarrassed? From the get-go, he has been 100% supportive. He has often read my articles and offered his opinion. He has allowed me to interview him and post his thoughts. Still one year later he is enthusiastically supportive. He says, “Honey, if you think our life can help some other person out there then go for it.” Today I can... Read more →

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I am married, so why do I feel so alone? Part II

Marriage does not unravel in an instant or without cause. Over time, unintentional carelessness creeps in. A cutting remark strikes the heart. A mean gesture or a cruel look will begin the process of wall building. As the hurts are delivered, regardless of their intention, we build, feverishly raising the walls of self-preservation. Do you recognize the symptoms? • Frustration – You desire affection, but you find little satisfaction. • Sexual issues – Sex with your spouse leaves you empty and ungratified. • Wandering thoughts – You’re starting to look for love in the wrong places. • Emotional numbness – Feelings for your spouse are vanishing fast or are already gone. • Anger – You easily become exasperated, even infuriated, at your partner. • Loneliness – Your spouse is never truly with you. • Compulsive behavior – You often us food, drugs (prescription and/or illicit) or alcohol to kill your... Read more →

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I am married, so why do I feel so alone? Part I

So how do we arrive in marriage feeling alone? We hear others tell us how their spouse is their best friend. Hearing this statement rips our heart out of our chest. We can’t begin to imagine a kind relationship with our spouse let alone a deep friendship. How did we end up in this crazy place? Loneliness in marriage is not just a symptom of Spiritual mismatch. Over the past six or seven months I have talked with so many women who are struggling, alone in their marriage. I am convinced aloneness in marriage is reaching epidemic proportions. Men AND women and starving for affection and attention within their union. I can attest, living this way is not biblical. It is NOT what God wants for you and He can change your situation. We are going to explore, through Christian counselors, how to make progress from loneliness to fulfillment. So,... Read more →

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The Spoils of Victory

I am preparing for the up coming series on marriage and loneliness. I hope to have the first article posted as soon as I can. Today, I am so happy to have one of our regular guest writers offer a great article of encouragement. Thank you Dineen Miller for these encouraging words. I am asking God favor upon you this week and His blessing upon your marriage. Lynn Donovan ___ This last week brought me to the end of my latest Bible study. I’d waited two years to do Beth Moore’s Breaking Free. I knew in my heart this study would be pivotal in breaking a stronghold in my life, and I wasn’t disappointed. What surprised me however, came at the very last chapter. Beth (I call her by her first name because she makes you feel like you’ve been friends for years!) had us examine a time of captivity... Read more →

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Keep Your Brain Intact!

Well on this particular day, I was following a non-descript car. Although I don’t remember the car or the driver I do remember the bumper sticker. It was fantastic: ....... Find me over at Laced With Grace today and find out how a bumper sticker can keep your brain intact. Read more →

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Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday at Spiritually Unequal Marriage is an opportunity to give thanks to the King for our spouses. While away this weekend for a women’s retreat, my husband spent time just hanging out with our daughter. He played endless rounds of board games, talked (or more likely listened) with my daughter, and loved on her. Thank you for making specific efforts and for being a great father! Lord, Thank you for my husband. He is a great father. Lord, bless him and continue to reach out to him. In Jesus name, Amen. Be blessed, Lynn To read more praises, check over at Sting My Heart! Read more →

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I am married, so why do I feel so alone?

Today we begin a journey to explore loneliness in marriage. it is my prayer God will open our hearts, minds and spirit to receive His teaching and His will for our marriages. I am praying many of us will find a path to restoration. I am praying that lost time and hurts are redeemed. I am asking our God to be present in the every word of every post. It is my hope that this series of articles will shine light on how we arrive at a lonely place and how to depart from it. I am asking God for deliverance from the enemy and for lives to be changed. Pray along with me. Lord, Abba, Father, Place your hand upon this study. Let Your words be present here as we seek to uncover truths about loneliness and marriage. Reveal to us Your thoughts and desires for marriage. Lord, I... Read more →

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