Was the Emotional Needs Questionnaire difficult? Did your answers surprise you?
Let’s take a look at the first thing she can’t do without- Affection: Affection Is the Cement of a Relationship:
To most women affection symbolizes security, protection, comfort and approval, vitally important commodities in their eyes. When a husband shows his wife affection, he sends the following messages:
1. I’ll take care of you and protect you. You are important to me, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.
2. I’m concerned about the problems you face, and I am with you.
3. I think you’ve done a good job, and I’m so proud of you. –His Needs, Her Needs, Willard F. Harley, Jr.
If only our guys would get it! We need to hug. It is a wonderful display of affection. Women love to hug. I personally hug everybody, all the time. In fact, I can be down right annoying; my standard greeting is a hug.
Dr. Harley writes that many men grow up with little demonstrative affection from their families. This is especially true if the mother is reserved or absent from their lives. The truth is many men do not know how to display this affection that their wives desperately need.
The second issue here is: how does Dr. Harley describe it? “Many times a hug is a direct path to the bedroom which leaves a women feeling used.” The love bank is quickly depleted under these circumstances.
Read this example of a common couple from the book:
Bruce bristles with a bit of macho impatience and says, “You’ve know me for years. I’m not the affectionate type, and I’m not going to start now!”
Does this sound incredible or farfetched? I hear version of it regularly in my office. That Bruce fails to see the irony in wanting sex but refusing to give his wife affection would seem amusing if it weren’t so pathetic.
This leads to the first law of Marriage:
When it comes to sex and affection, you can’t have one without the other!
So what is a woman to do? I believe we have more influence than we think. Retraining or offering suggestions is possible. Dr. Harley tells us, any man can learn to be affectionate. GREAT NEWS!
This calls for an honest conversation with our spouses. Make a date night. Talk over these two primary needs. But wait, we need to cover a man’s need for sexual fulfillment to be prepared to understand his needs. (In an upcoming post)
I want to share a list in the next post of specifics you can print out and talk about over dinner with our spouse. The List will be posted next followed by The First Thing He Can’t do Without—Sexual Fulfillment.Be blessed, Lynn