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13 entries from February 2007

His Need: Recreational Compatitility - II

Why do men find recreational compatibility enormously important? Among the five basic male needs, spending recreational time with his wife is second only to sex for the typical husband. ---Dr. Willard Harley, His Needs, Her Needs This interest is difficult to navigate. Before marriage, both partners show interest and participation in the recreation choices of the other. After marriage, it is critical to find common spheres of interest. Dr. Harley discusses how easily someone can engage in recreational activities with someone other than their spouse and love bank deposits are made in that person’s bank. Having fun and playing with your spouse is crucial. Common interests also build on the communication needs in marriage. Dr. Harley’s fourth law of Marriage: The couple that plays together stays together. A mature agreement by both partners to meet each other’s needs is always the best solution. So talk to your spouse. What fun... Read more →

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His Need: Recreational Compatitility

The weekend is upon us, a perfect time to visit the Love Bank. How can we store up more deposits in our husbands love bank? The second need for men in Dr. Harley’s book, His Needs, Her Needs is Recreational Companionship. It is not uncommon for women, when they are single, to join men in pursuing their interests. Women find themselves hunting, fishing, playing football, and watching movies they would never have chosen on their own. After marriage, wives often try to interest their husbands in activities more to their own likening. If their attempts fail, they may encourage their husbands to continue their recreational activities without them. I consider that option very dangerous to a marriage. –Dr. Harley, His Needs, Her Needs. This is an interesting perspective Dr. Harley puts forth. Why do men find recreational compatibility enormously important? Next Post: The Answer. Be blessed, Lynn Read more →

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Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday at Spiritually Unequal Marriage is an opportunity to give thanks to the King for our spouses. Ugh! There is a job around here that is loathsome, icky, and revolting... Yes, I hate to scoop the poop. I have two pooches that can fill our yard in a single day. My hubby knows how I detest this job. He willingly takes on the title of Pooper Scooper and spares me. My hero!!! Thanks Sweetie!! How does your guy spare you? Be blessed this day and give your guy a hug! Lynn Read more →

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Your Deliverance Is At Hand!

I am compelled to interrupt our current series to discuss something the Holy Spirit is impressing on me today, actually all weekend. I know that I often project a very positive attitude about my marriage. I share with you the hope I have found in Christ to face the special challenges and issues spiritually mismatched marriage brings. I want to tell you I do have real hope and optimism for my marriage and my husband’s salvation. Sometimes, however, I feel defeated. I experience what many of you experience. This week specifically appears to be a very trying week for many of us who are unequally yoked. This weekend my husband and I engaged in a “loud discussion." Religion or faith always enters the fray. Why does this happen??? I am perplexed. *frown* This week I am not alone. Many are in a dark, seemingly hopeless place. It is time to... Read more →

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She Needs Conversation

A woman uses about 20,000 words per day while a man uses about 7,000. The female brain is a lean, mean communicating machine, according to Dr. Louann Brizendine, clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco. Of course, the statistics vary but what is undisputed is women need to talk. In our series discovering the needs of men and women, today we are looking at the second need for women in marriage, the need for conversation. Women have a deep need for conversation about her day, people she may have encountered and ---most of all—how she feels about them. She wants verbal attention. She wants to be with someone who—in her perception---cares deeply about her and for her. When she perceives this kind of caring, she feels close to the person with whom she talks. In the female psyche, conversation blends with affection to help the woman... Read more →

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Sex - What She needs to Know

I want to share an interesting conversation I had with the Psychologist who works with me here at Spiritually Unequal Marriage. We were talking about how women can spice up their husband's sex life in marriage. Sexual relationships can become shipwrecked in many ways. Today I want to point out a common problem. Women, we have forgotten how to be feminine. Yes, our guys really do like feminine women. How can we attain physical intimacy? TAKE BACK YOUR POWER OF FEMININITY! 1. Be the woman that your husband would want to make love to. Ephesians 4:29 (New International Version) Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Men feel torn down by their own wives. Constant nagging, complaining, haranguing over and over wears down a man’s spirit.... Read more →

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Sex

As we continue our series these are the common difficulties in meeting the needs of your spouse: 1. Men are in touch with their sexuality because of their basic male drive. He often lacks skill in lovemaking and therefore more or less use his wife. Because his technique is unaffectionate, she becomes more and more infuriated. 2. Women don’t usually understand their sexuality therefore don’t know how to meet their husbands driving need for sex. In order to satisfy her husband sexually a wife must also feel satisfied. Men and women should commit themselves to learning to enjoy the sex relationship. ---Dr. Harley, His Needs, Her Needs (Paraphrased) ------- This is where I believe many married couples go wrong. We choose NOT to learn. We are embarrassed or feel shame in talking about sex. Women tend to be ultra sensitive dealing with this subject. May I offer some simple advice?... Read more →

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His Need: Sexual Fulfillment

In this series, we have looked at the first thing a woman needs in a marriage relationship, affection. Today we are going to begin to look at a man’s primary need in a marriage relationship, sexual fulfillment. Dr. Harley writes: The typical wife doesn’t understand her husband’s deep need for sex any more than the typical husband understands his wife’s deep need for affection. If both sides want to listen and change, a couple may solve this without much difficulty. Remember, affection is the environment of the marriage, sex is the special event. – LD: Women cannot conceive what it is like for a man to have testosterone surging through his body. Many men tell Dr. Harley they wish their sex drive weren’t so strong. But they just can’t help it. They need to make love. Dr. Harley goes on to explain that the disparity is further exacerbated in that... Read more →

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Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday at Spiritually Unequal Marriage is an opportunity to give thanks to the King for our spouses. Today as we approach Valentine's Day I am reminded of faithful and genuine love my husband has for me. I love his smile, his laugh, his touch, his smell, his voice and his commitment to family, and...and...and..... What character traits do you love about your mate? Read more →

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Affection List for Women

The List: 1. Hug and kiss your wife every morning, while you are still in bed. 2. Tell her that you love her, while you’re having breakfast together. 3. Kiss her before you leave for work. 4. Call her during the day, to see how she is doing. 5. Bring her flowers once in a while as a surprise (be sure to include a card that expresses your love for her). 6. Gifts for special occasions (birthday, anniversary, Christmas, Mother’s Day, and Valentine’s Day) should be sentimental, not practical. Learn how to shop for a woman. 7. After work, call her before you leave for home, so that she can know when to expect you. 8. When you arrive home from work, give her a hug and a kiss and spend a few minutes talking to her about how Her day went. 9. Help with the dishes, after dinner. 10.... Read more →

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She Needs Affection

Was the Emotional Needs Questionnaire difficult? Did your answers surprise you? Let’s take a look at the first thing she can’t do without- Affection: Affection Is the Cement of a Relationship: To most women affection symbolizes security, protection, comfort and approval, vitally important commodities in their eyes. When a husband shows his wife affection, he sends the following messages: 1. I’ll take care of you and protect you. You are important to me, and I don’t want anything to happen to you. 2. I’m concerned about the problems you face, and I am with you. 3. I think you’ve done a good job, and I’m so proud of you. –His Needs, Her Needs, Willard F. Harley, Jr. *warm sigh* If only our guys would get it! We need to hug. It is a wonderful display of affection. Women love to hug. I personally hug everybody, all the time. In fact,... Read more →

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Christian Women Online

Christian Women Online published my story (testimony) in the February edition of the Ezine. I am deeply grateful and humble that Darlene asked me to share my story with the CWO audience. The story is a real and true account of the miracle and change in our marriage. If God can change me, a bull-headed and prideful woman, and my husband, God can change anyone. I hope you have a minute to pop over for a read. I am praying God will encourage you through this story and all the awesome articles at Christian Women Online! Story: My Best Friend.... Be blessed, Lynn Read more →

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Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday at Spiritually Unequal Marriage is an opportunity to give thanks to the King for our spouses. My spouse, although a nonbeliever, encourages me to write about our life experiences with the hope it will help someone who is struggling with the unique issues of a spiritual mismatch. He often reads my posts before they are final to offer his perspective, writing critique and his encouragement. Today I am humble and grateful because my spouse supports and encourages me in this ministry for spiritually mismatched couples. Thank you Sweetie!What amazing thing does your spouse do to bring you surprise and joy?Be Blessed, Lynn Read more →

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